Home, Like Noplace Is There

I tried to keep a steady hand.
Tumble blocks
start again.
I held your side when you let go
and you came back well-rehearsed
in holding your own.
A broken seal/
a past self known.
Retrieve my heart from the Alamo.
I need it here
to touch your skin,
reconfigure, deconstruct, and begin.
The centers shrunk between your eyes.
Sharper corners/broader sides.
And I felt weak
in woman's wear.
Genderfucked, dilated,
stuck holding a stare.
You taught me how to guard my self.
To keep my heart
unscathed in health.
I think you got carried away.
Reached out your hand,
it carried you
away.
Well it's life in drag.
You wore and armor that covered your face.
It's life in drag.
I wore hands high to show truce and embracing.
It's life in drag.
Who taught you how to hate your self?
Who forced you to confide in spell?
Mistook 'pathetic'
for empathy.
Cast a stone at the foe
and the stone hit me.
I held your hand
in ritual
to show disarming.
While you were a weapon
inside your self
inside your body.
I can't pretend,
I can't conceal my apprehension.
When pressed against
the callous of your palm
I reconciled
because you couldn't feel me there.
You wore the binary like a badge of honor.
While I struggled dealing with the loss of yet another
life in drag.