Looks good! A few suggestions:

• The second sentence ("It provides web servers...") is quite long and complex. I suggest simplifying it to a short list of things users might be interested in, in the simplest terms possible. Maybe just "web servers, data storage, and a job processing system"?
• See my feedback on T344628#9125281 about the phrasing of "provide support for collaborative management of software source code"
• In the third sentence (Toolforge makes it easier...), I think you could remove "running webservices" since it is covered by the previous sentence and isn't as much of a use case as the other three in the list. See my feedback on T344628#9125281. If you want to keep it, make sure it is consistently either one word or two across the two pages.
• Can "Create or deploy your own tools on Toolforge" be simplified? "Host tools on Toolforge"? "Create tools on Toolforge"?
• In "Info for administrators of the Toolforge platform itself.", I suggest expanding "info" to "information", and either making it a complete sentence or removing the period.
• I assume that you'll remove the Tracked in Phabricator template before publishing, but adding a note here that I don't think it's needed on the final page.