As I entered the kitchen, a smile spread across my face.Â
The countertops were glistening, the dishes had been cleared away and there wasn’t a crumb in sight.
My partner looked up at me with an excited expression.Â
He was eagerly awaiting a reward for his hard work, in the form of a well-deserved blowjob.
I licked my lips as I thought about what a wonderful man he is for pulling his weight at home.
What happened next, you ask? Nothing.Â
I’m used to sharing anecdotes in my columns, but I’m sorry to tell you that this sexy story is completely made up.Â
I have never given a man sexual favours as gratitude for doing chores and I never will.
The same, however, can not be said for Katy Perry.Â
The singer, who is married to actor Orlando Bloom, recently confessed on the Call Her Daddy podcast that her ‘love language’ involves household chores.Â
‘If I come downstairs and the kitchen is clean, and you’ve done it all, and you’ve done all the dishes, and you’ve closed all the pantry doors, you better be ready to get your d**k sucked,’ she said.
When I listened to Perry’s words, I wasn’t particularly shocked, mostly because I thought this throwaway comment was meant as a joke.
But considering it more, it was immensely frustrating to realise that this statement came from someone who just released a song called ‘Woman’s World’, which is supposedly about feminism.
And whether Katy Perry was serious or not, there are women out there who might take her seriously.
I know women personally who genuinely believe that their other half deserves a physical reward when they help out around the house.
To avoid ambiguity, let me make this perfectly clear: swapping sex for chores is a very bad idea, for several reasons.
Firstly, it creates unequal ground.
I am all for role play in bed or swapping dominant and submissive ‘roles’ in your sex life – but that is a fantasy scenario, not a way to organise your life.Â
When you involve something tangible, such as scrubbing the floors or doing the dishes – an everyday task that for most people has nothing to do with their sex life – you’re blurring the lines between fantasy and reality.Â
It creates a potentially dangerous power dynamic – and there are so many possible issues.Â
Imagine if you’re not in the mood to give your lover head after they’ve cleaned things and they start sulking, because you ‘made a deal’. What then?
Or perhaps they start ‘banking’ blowjobs by cleaning more regularly. Suddenly, you’ve gone from fun foreplay to strategic mind games.
Most importantly, from a feminist perspective – and I really can’t stress this enough – why do men deserve a reward for doing the bare minimum?
A recent study on gender differences presented shocking findings. Employed women spend 2.3 hours daily on housework, compared to just 1.6 hours for men.Â
So as well as the orgasm gap, we’ve got the chores gap.Â
Frankly I’d rather scrub my own kitchen than be with a partner who uses ‘gifts’ as a bargaining chip.
Ironically, I recently had an argument with my own boyfriend, who frequently stays over at my house, about tidying up more at the house.
He is a considerate but forgetful person, so now puts reminders in his calendar about cleaning so that we both do our part.
While I am grateful that he’s taken my feedback onboard – and I expressed as much to him – there is no chance in hell that I am getting down on my knees to show my appreciation for him doing something that we are both responsible for.
And he would never expect me to.
Every relationship has its own set of rules and I’m not here to chastise people who are genuinely turned on by watching their other half wash up or seeing them fold laundry.
If that gets your motor running, go forth and blow – but please, don’t swap sex for the chore.
Just have sex because you want to.
I love when celebrities open up about their sex lives because it can help start conversations and break down barriers – but only if they do so with care.
When they do so flippantly, it can have consequences.
It’s one thing for a couple to make a joke between them but it’s quite another for a high-profile celebrity to take to a public forum to suggest – even if they’re kidding – that men can expect oral sex for doing a basic task that they should already be doing.
Would you trade household chores for sexual favours?
-
Yes - they deserve it for helping out!
-
No, it creates an unhealthy power dynamic
I don’t believe Perry meant anything bad by what she said.Â
More Trending
Listening to the rest of the podcast, it actually appears as if she was trying to make a wider point about why you should choose a good partner.
Yet by adding her quip about kitchen blowjobs, the singer – perhaps unknowingly – undermined her own point.
But whether you’re a global megastar or not, remember this: when you use sex as a rewards system, everyone loses.
There are much better games to play in bed.
Do you have a story you’d like to share? Get in touch by emailing [email protected].Â
Share your views in the comments below.
MORE: The Harry Potter casting call confirmed my worst fears
MORE: Dave Grohl’s wife pictured without wedding ring weeks before his cheating announcement
MORE: He asked me to marry him and I said yes – then he told me about the baby