‘I have one bent elbow which is a very feminine thing’: Gulshan Devaiah opens up about struggles with masculinity and embracing his true self

He added, “Usually, women will have bent arms… so woh jab chalte hain toh haath thoda sa aise jaata hai… so I always struggled. I actually corrected my arm, I don’t walk like that anymore.”

Devaiah revealed that it took him until his 20s to become comfortable with who he truly is. “So my idea of masculinity and all of those things was being comfortable with who I am, which happened much later… I think in my mid-20s mein jaake main zyada comfortable hone laga. Like, I am a man… this is my manliness.”

 

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From the way men are expected to walk or talk to the restrictions placed on expressing emotions, societal norms often impose rigid definitions of masculinity. But these expectations can limit personal growth, emotional health, and self-expression.

How do societal expectations about masculinity shape boys’ and men’s self-image and emotional well-being?

Gurleen Baruah, existential psychotherapist at That Culture Thing, tells indianexpress.com, “Society often dictates that men need to be a certain way — strong, tough, stoic, and emotionally reserved. This ideal gets reinforced in so many ways, from body language cues that praise physical strength to language that labels emotional expression as weakness.”

For many boys growing up, any deviation from this stereotype — whether it’s showing vulnerability, embracing gentler traits, or simply being different — can lead to ridicule or bullying. Over time, this takes a toll on their mental and emotional well-being.

It strips them of the space to express their authentic selves, leaving them feeling disconnected or trapped in a narrow definition of what it means to be a “real man.” “This rigidity hurts not only those who don’t fit the mold but also those who try to conform at the cost of their inner world,” stresses Baruah. 

Real strength lies in embracing your full self, even if it deviates from the stereotypical image. (Source: Freepik)

Steps individuals can take to unlearn ingrained notions of masculinity and embrace their authentic selves

Unlearning ingrained notions of masculinity and embracing one’s authentic self can be challenging, Baruah notes, especially when society constantly imposes rigid ideas of what it means to “be a man.” However, it’s not impossible. “While it takes effort and self-awareness, there are ways to grow beyond these constraints and find confidence in one’s individuality,” she says. 

According to Baruah, a few steps to take in this journey include:

Self-awareness: Understand who you truly are beyond societal expectations. Reflect on your inherent worth and recognise that masculinity — or any identity — is not defined by rigid traits but by authenticity.

Question societal constructs: Remember that the idea of “being a man” is a social construct, shaped by culture, history, and tradition. It’s not absolute and can be reshaped to suit individual realities.

Redefine confidence: Real strength lies in embracing your full self, even if it deviates from the stereotypical image. True masculinity is about self-acceptance — owning who you are without feeling “less” for not fitting someone else’s definition.

Seek growth: Whether through therapy, introspection, or supportive communities, find tools and spaces that help you process and unlearn outdated beliefs. Growth is a journey, and it’s okay to take it one step at a time.