'What are you doing here without Dorinda?' The must-have Housewives for the RHONY ex-stars spin-off

Jill Zarin

This Ghost of Housewives Past has been loudly haunting the Bravo studios (a chilling Hiiiiiiiii! is known to reverberate through the halls) since she was unceremoniously dismissed after four seasons, having been Eve Harrington'd by once best friend and protégé Bethenny Frankel. The two, however, tearfully made up at Bobby Zarin's funeral during season 9. Throughout her exile, Jill has remained a faithful mainstay on Cohen's Watch What Happens Live and sometime guest on RHONY, showing up to the throwing of a party or a champagne glass. Her desperation has been palpable and deserves to be rewarded.

Dorinda Medley

One of the best to ever do it, Dorinda soured on many a viewer during her final two seasons on the franchise. Her drunken antics — once endearing and the headspring of some of the 21st century's greatest bons monts ("I made it nice!" "How am I doing? Not well, bitch!" "Clip!") turned nasty and downright cruel when aimed at sad-sack socialite Tinsley Mortimer. Some time away from the hustle and boozy bustle of New York for the chaotic calm of "The Berserkshires" may have done this all-star some good. And since Medley is hosting the second season of Real Housewives: Ultimate Girls Trip, anyway, she's ripe for a return. No doubt Dorinda stan Sarah Paulson would approve.

Sonja Morgan

Where are we with Sonja's townhouse? Did she sell it or has she given up on that busted-pipe dream? Now that Century 21 has gone the way of Quibi and the dinosaurs, what will happen to her fashion line, Sonja Morgan New York? What happens if one were to touch the Morgan Letters? All these and other questions remain unanswered and, in some cases, unanswerable. Sonja Tremont Morgan Chase is one of the most compellingly watchable people on television and she was about the only bright spot in that rather abysmal 13th season. As someone who can be both tragic and triumphant, often in the same breath, she's come to define this franchise. It just doesn't feel like RHONY unless Sonja's slurring some vague threat at one of her dearest friends and then trying to make out with them. Again, in the same breath.

Tinsley Mortimer

What becomes a former "It" girl most? Certainly not weeping over frozen eggs in a wedding dress for the engagement you haven't even gotten yet. But that's what made Tinsley a great addition to the RHONY family. Rarely has anyone been so gorgeously, comically sad outside a dinner theater production of A Streetcar Named Desire. After forcing her fairy tale ending to "The Coupon King" and leaving in the middle of season 12, Tinsley once again found herself single. Never one to give up on love, what's to keep her from giving up on RHONY? Besides Dorinda, of course.

Luann de Lesseps

What a journey we've had with the erstwhile countess. From titled noble to cabaret star to ex-convict back to cabaret star, Lu's been nothing if not completely inconsistent. And that's her charm. Through it all, however, the gal has retained a sort of grand hauteur, even while prat-falling into a bush. And far be it from me to celebrate someone's lapse in sobriety, but the news of a drunken Luann being kicked out of a gay bar for refusing to give up a microphone (reportedly yelling "It's a hit!" about her decidedly non-hit "Money Can't Buy You Class") made me feel for the first time — in perhaps months — that things just might be okay. That kind of elegance really is learned. My friend.

Martini Mike

Talk about a scene-stealer. Move over, Viola Davis in Doubt, Martini Mike stole the show with nary a spoken word. While many of us would kill to be a background player during a RHONY fight scene, how many of us could be as impactful as this martini-sipping, sweater-as-scarf-wearing dandy who stood witness as the ladies descended into sheer madness at a Newport restaurant in season 12 — mouth agape when not whispering into that martini glass. Maybe he doesn't need to be a full-time Housewife but give us at least one gin-soaked appearance per season, hidden somewhere, Where's Waldo-style, in the crowd.

Leah McSweeney

Not gonna lie, I'm on the fence with Leah. Yes, she had perhaps the greatest first season of any Housewife ever as she hurled lit tiki torches across Ramona's backyard, but was it a fluke? Or was it the alcohol? This franchise isn't the best when it comes to encouraging sobriety. But Leah and Lu managed to find a bit of a support system in each other last season, and Leah's good with Tinsley and Eboni. Meanwhile, that could be a formidable (though questionably interesting) trio: Tinsley, Leah, and Eboni ... still on the fence.

Laurie Cooper and Dale Mercer

These two feisty broads could really whip the Housewives into shape. Laurie sent hearts aflutter when she made an appearance, hair piled to the heavens, as Dorinda's real estate agent in season 11. And Dale, Tinsley's mom, often easily outshines her daughter — sometimes on purpose — and that's the kind of energy we need from our Housewives.

And who we definitely don't need back:

Bethenny and Ramona

I know, I know. What's a RHONY all-stars show without these two? Well, hear me out: Ramona's the worst. She's run her course. Turtle Time is over. Season 13 was the death knell for this iteration of the franchise for good reason — and a majority of the blame lay with the Singer Stinger. And then her behavior on Ultimate Girls Trip just proved it's time to say goodbye to this OG. To paraphrase the lady herself, it's time to "sh-sh-shutitdown."

Meanwhile, Bethenny doesn't need us and we don't need her. Besides, she hasn't even been fun her last few seasons. Everything feels so forced with her: the fights, the jokes ... mostly the jokes. If we had to follow Bethenny to one of her stand-up gigs, I don't think I could ever watch another episode of RHONY again.