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The Challenge: USA eliminated player defends her decision: 'I'm not a villain, I'm just a mess'

"There's always a point in The Challenge where I start falling apart and this is it," [SPOILER] says.

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Published on October 6, 2023 03:33PM EDT

Warning: This article contains spoilers for The Challenge: USA 2 episode 12, "Revenge Amongst the Ruins."

Michele Fitzgerald tried to play both sides on The Challenge: USA. But when she finally chose a side, it led to her downfall.

The former Survivor winner spent all season openly working with the Challenge vets and the Survivor alums on the opposite side of the game. But her decision to not vote with the Survivor women against Tori Deal last week led to her getting thrown into the elimination this week and ultimately losing to Cassidy Clark.

"I was falling apart," Fitzgerald tells EW. "There's always a point in The Challenge where I start falling apart and this is it. I don't know if I could have recovered emotionally and mentally after this [episode]."

Below, Fitzgerald breaks down her decision to side with the vets, why she's side-eyeing the Survivor women who rooted against her, and more.

Michele Fitzgerald - THE CHALLENGE: USA — Michele Fitzgerald on 'The Challenge: USA'. Jonne Roriz, courtesy of Paramount

ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY: Michele, you were doing so well this season! What happened?

MICHELE FITZGERALD: [Laughs] I know. When s--- goes south, a lot of people can just brush it off and regroup. But for me, if I feel like I hurt people, I dig myself down deeper because I don't want to hurt anybody. I try to repair it and then it becomes this bigger thing, and I just fall apart every time.

So the "Micheltdown" nickname is here to stay.

Bananas came up with that when I was on his podcast last season because I had this situation with Laurel that came about and he's like, "You're Micheltdown," and then it just stuck. It definitely gained some traction in the house.

How do you feel about getting that nickname on The Challenge after you had a great run on Survivor?

Well, to be honest, I was kind of a meltdown on Survivor too. [Laughs] I feel like people forget, on Winners at War, I was on the outside of everything, I was calling people dingbats. My first season when I won, I was really, really young, I was so unfazed and unbothered by the whole thing, and in my second season I really was a mess. I just am that way. I play very emotionally and not much is different other than now there's more drama and I'm fed — that's the only difference. It's really not that different of a person if you compare the two.

How are you feeling about your exit now that you've watched it on TV?

It's honestly a shame that I've left in this way because I was really proud of the game that I played. I went into the first elimination, won that, every single person who voted for me I got out: Amanda, Luis, Jonna, I got them all out in a row. And then I didn't get a ball in the hopper after last episode. Yes, I was playing the middle, everybody knew that, the Survivors were okay with that, the vets were okay with that, it wasn't a secret by any means, but everybody was pushing me, "You need to pick a side," specifically when Wes was there. And I was like, why? Why do I need to pick a side? And obviously we see when the time comes to pick a side, it all blows up.

But every single guy that is still left in the game is on the vets side, so if any of them had won, I would've been protected. It just so happens that Chris won. I feel like I played a really good game, so it's just a shame that it fell apart in this way and that it comes down to me looking like an emotional mess.

That's true — Chris winning was worst case scenario for you.

Exactly. So that's what's really eating me — everybody's like, "What a dumb emotional decision." But realistically, if I had voted for Tori, I would've just been on Chris' good side, and I would've alienated all of those guys, and then I would find myself in the same exact situation if one of them had won. So it was just lose-lose. I had to hedge my bets and I hedged them wrong. Sometimes the people in the middle of the road get run over, and that's what happened to me.

Since your exit came about because of the conversations you were having in the last episode about maybe voting for Tori before you sided with the vets instead, do you regret having those conversations with the Survivor women and not picking a side sooner?

I don't regret not voting for Tori. What I could have done differently is that I should have told Chanelle and Desi that I was voting for Chris because they've made it very clear to me that they also would've voted for Chris if I just was transparent with them. Desi and Chanelle wouldn't have felt betrayed, Tori wouldn't have felt betrayed, the only person who would've been upset is Chris and it wouldn't have snowballed into that situation. And I love Chris, but Chris was the only person in that game that said my name, so he was the only person who I felt like I had a valid reason to vote for, so I don't regret voting Chris. I just regret the way I went about it.

How did it feel when the Survivor women were rooting against you in that elimination?

Well, I think it's interesting that they're trying to help Cass after tearing Cass down the whole season. I don't know how to feel about the Survivor girls because it's a little bit hypocritical in a lot of ways that they are villainizing me so drastically in this moment when they had an alliance with Tori that I wasn't in, and Michaela wanted to vote Tori in and then throw in a strong girl, meaning Desi or Chanelle, literally insinuating that one of them should actually have to go in. I never threw them in, you know what I mean? I just didn't vote the way that they wanted me to vote. Michaela wanting one of them to go in is a bigger betrayal. So why are they not mad at her?

It was a bit over the top to be mad at me, but everybody needs to justify the reason that they do things, and by villainizing somebody to an extreme, you then don't feel bad about throwing them in or whatever. You're mad at me for going against Tori, who was in an alliance that you created that I wasn't in? I'm sorry that you betrayed an alliance that I was no part of.

Why did you vote for Cory to go in against Josh?

I didn't want to vote for any of the guys left in the game. I had been working with all of them. I had asked Josh who he wanted and he really wouldn't give me an answer. I was actually going to vote Bananas because I thought that's what Josh wanted. But then I went to Bananas and I was like, "Bananas, I might have to vote you," and he was like, "Why might you have to vote me? I've had your back this whole game." It's going to be my night anyways, I knew I was going to go in and I was just like, I'll just toss a ball on Cory because I have a little bit less of a relationship with him than Bananas. I literally looked up at him and I was like, "I'm so sorry, Cory, but I'm probably going home anyways."

Cassidy Clark and Michele Fitzgerald. THE CHALLENGE: USA — Cassidy Clark and Michele Fitzgerald on 'The Challenge: USA'. Jonne Roriz, courtesy of Paramount

So you knew most of the house wanted it to be a girls' day?

I 1,000 percent knew it was going to be a me and I 1,000 percent knew it was going to be a girls' day. I've been working with Josh the whole season, so it's not like I wanted him to go in. And I also didn't want to pitch a girl's name like Cassidy or Chanelle because I also was working with them. You guys make whatever decision is best for you, I know I'm going in, and hopefully whatever skillset I have is enough to make me come back. But this is just the point of the game where I was just like, my hands are tied. I'm just going to have to do my best in elimination.

And that's the benefit of playing The Challenge rather than Survivor. In any other situation in Survivor, you get a vote, you know it's your time, and you don't have a chance to fight back. On The Challenge you have an opportunity to go in and earn your stripes in the sand and come back and regroup. Unfortunately, I didn't have the skillset to do that in this elimination, but at least you had the opportunity to fight for your life.

How did it feel competing against Cassidy in that elimination?

A lot of the people gave me Cassidy because they felt like that I had the highest probability of beating her. They were trying to do me a favor, but I didn't want to go against Cass, she's my friend. I felt really defeated going in, so I feel like my mindset probably wasn't in the best space. Especially when she started gaining momentum, I was kind of checked out, and you never want to be in an elimination feeling checked out. I was already envisioning being home with my dog as I was in the elimination. I was ready to go home.

I was exhausted from the game. I was on Team Red Flags, we lost a lot. I was only safe once, so I was tired. I was tired from having to play both sides, I was exhausted from trying to keep my name out of the hopper, I was worn down and ready to go, to be honest with you. And when it crumbles, it crumbles hard. I was keeping it together with duct tape and a dream, and once the duct tape ripped, all the cards fell.

This is the furthest you've ever made it on The Challenge, so what did you learn from this season?

Just playing more transparently and just be like, f--- the consequences, this is what I'm doing, and being open about the way that I'm playing. You can't play sneaky like you can in Survivor. It's tricky because what will get you far in this season is like a double-edged sword and is what could screw you over next season. I have a long list of enemies, I've played three seasons of this now and my enemy list continues to grow. I'm not even trying to do it, I swear! I'm not a villain, I'm just a mess. It's not intentional, I swear.

Hopefully you'll continue to do better and make the final next season?

[Laughs] You could see from the cast, I'm going to be in a similar situation. I have a lot of friends from Spies, Lies & Allies, I have friends from Ride or Dies, so it's going to be an interesting one to see how it plays out. I get myself into love and fights — just be prepared. A Zebra can't change her stripes that much. Plus I had about two weeks between this one and that one, so I was already coming in a bit emotionally damaged. Expect a little bit more of the same. It's a mess, but it's fun.

This interview has been edited and condensed for length and clarity.

The Challenge: USA season 2 airs Thursdays at 10 p.m. ET/PT on CBS and streaming on Paramount+.

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