The Bachelor recap: Kat gets greedy in Estonia

After a week in love lockdown, Zach emerged from his COVID bubble this week on The Bachelor. But tensions were high, as the ladies bickered with each other about proper "Can I steal you?" protocol — and one woman talked herself into the Reject SUV at the cocktail party — as Zach's "journey" took them to Estonia.

Let's recap!

"I feel like I'm in the movie Frozen," marvels Brooklyn. "Like, it's cold, and there's castles." Totally. In fact, that was almost Estonia's official tourism slogan: Come to Estonia. It's cold and there's castles!

If you were wondering how it's possible that Zach got COVID but none of the other women did… think again! During a pre-date coffee klatch with the Bachelor, Jesse Palmer informs him that Greer is "feeling a bit under the weather" and is "in the room quarantining." To be fair, Palmer doesn't specifically say that Greer has COVID, but you get the gist. (Poor Greer — she wanted Zach to give her a high tea date, and instead he gave her coronavirus.)

Once ensconced at the Swissotel in Tallinn, the women hear the fateful knock knock knock at the door. The first date of the week goes to… Charity! Because of course it does! Her London date was canceled, so everyone needs to just suck it up and be happy for her, okay?

Uh-oh — Kat didn't get the memo. When the Bachelor arrives to pick Charity up for their date, she intercepts him. "Zach, can you come with me before you go on your date?" she whispers. Like a dolt, he agrees — and soon the two of them are huddling in the hallway having a mini catch-up session.

The other women do NOT love it. "Wait, what?" asks Charity, as Zach leaves the room with Kat.

"I'm not sure that this was maybe the appropriate timing for a conversation," she says diplomatically. Out in the hallway, Kat's all, "I just missed you and I wanted to say hi to you before you left. Call it needy, but I don't care." They smooch a bit, which makes things extra awkward when Zach and Kat return to the hotel room. "It looked like he had lip gloss on his lips," notes Gabi, "which I don't think he applied himself." (Not that there's anything wrong with that!)

They all sit in polite but uncomfortable silence for a minute. Zach breaks the tension with a weak, "Estonia!" Nervous laughter. "Wanna go?" Oh yes, it's best you get out of here, Zach and Charity, because the women are about to pig pile on Kat for interrupting Charity's moment. "I know that if that would have happened before my date, it would have messed me up in the head," says Aly.

Kat's defense ("I missed him") doesn't sit well with Brooklyn. "I feel like that was kind of not the time for that," she tells Kat. "It was classless." At first, Kat tries to laugh it off, but then she accuses Brooklyn of "saying extremely offensive words" and being unfair to her. Brooklyn's all, Well, you're selfish!

Aaaaaand scene. Enough silliness. Let's see how Zach and Charity are doing on their date.

Awwww, a horse-drawn carriage ride through Tallinn. "I was pacing my room at 6:30 this morning," Zach tells her. "I was like, 'When's my date with Charity?'" They clip-clop through the gorgeous city for a bit before pulling up next to a naisekandmine competition — a.k.a. "wife-carrying." Do I even need to tell you that Zach and Charity immediately join in?

"I never thought I would be upside-down, my face in his ass," says Charity with a giggle. "I hated it, but I loved it at the same time." (Also, LOL at Palmer trying to blend in incognito in the crowd.)

Back at the hotel, Brooklyn is still stewing over Kat's spotlight-stealing antics — while Kat continues to think she's being unfairly "attacked." Ariel gently points out to her that no one kissed Zach before her one-on-one date, to which Kat replies that all the rules "shifted" once Zach got COVID. "I don't think respect ever shifts, though," counters Ariel. 1-800-HELL-YES, Ariel! Read her for filth in your calm, unwaveringly polite way!

Dinner takes place in a gorgeous ballroom-looking place in a mansion of some kind. Charity knows it's time to Open Up™, which she does, right on cue. "Who I am today is not who I would have been, like, years ago," says Charity. Her last relationship was "emotionally abusive," and not only that, but the dude also cheated on her a bunch of times. (Including with someone she knew!) "I never honestly felt what it feels like to be seen as a partner or to be seen as a girlfriend," continues Charity, who begins to cry as she reveals all this past pain to Zach. "It just became this vicious cycle of manipulation."

The relationship was so toxic, Charity hid it from her parents — and to this day she's dealing with the shame and regret of being put in that position. Still, Charity said that surviving that ordeal helped make her who she is today. Go Charity! Get what you deserve and even more! The Bachelor empathizes with her, admitting that he, too, has "lost" himself in a past relationship. "I only did what I thought someone else would want," he explains. "I just want you to know that I'm lucky to be sitting across from you at this table." Correct! Now, give her the rose.

In case you're not keeping track, of the remaining women — Gabi, Brooklyn, Kat, Ariel, Jess, Charity, Kaity, Greer, and Aly — only Jess and Greer haven't received a one-on-one date. But Greer has COVID, so when the group date card arrives, Jess can barely contain her anxiety. What do you want to bet her name is on the card, and that producers put it last for maximum suspense/humiliation/ psychological torture? And the group date goes to: Brooklyn, Kaity, Kat, Gabi, Aly… and Jess. "True love feels like magic," reads the date card. As for Jess, she feels like curling up in a ball and dying.

"Does being the last one say something?" she frets. Gabi tries to assure her that she isn't the last one to get a one-on-one, but it's cold comfort — because Greer isn't even able to have a date this week. As she buries her head in her knees and sobs, the other women try to comfort her, and they seem genuine in their concern. Jess' reaction (overreaction?) probably has something to do with jet lag — but it also has something to do with her being only 23 years old. Girl, you have plenty of time!

The mood isn't much lighter the next day as the women wait in their hotel room for the group date to begin. Charity fills them in on how her one-on-one went, and after she makes an oblique reference to the pre-date drama, Kat looks pissed.

"Yesterday was a lot, and I don't want have this conversation before we go into the group date…" begins Kat, in her best I'm going to put this subject to rest once and for all voice, but Brooklyn cuts her off. "Oh, my God — you don't want to ruin the group date?" she asks sarcastically. "You don't want to have it before it ruins your time, like Charity's?"

Brooklyn goes on to inform Kat that she has her "head up her ass," and scolds her for kissing Zach before Charity's one-on-one. "That's tacky!" Once again, Kat plays tries to play the victim, blaming Brooklyn for being too "aggressive" and reminding her that it's possible to disagree without hurting each other's feelings. Brooklyn's response doesn't make a ton of sense — "If the shoe fits, lace that bitch up!" — but I love it and will absolutely be working it into conversations in the future.

So… the group date. "Today, we are tapping into a little bit more of the unusual Estonian culture," explains Zach. To wit:

Meet Hailey, an Estonian "grand witch" who uses witchcraft for "healing." She invites the women to join hands in a circle around her cauldron. "Today, we will see who is ready to find love," she explains. Good vibes only! Zach sets about "cleansing" all his potential wives with smoke from a bundle of white sage. (It's not strong enough to cleanse the tension between Brooklyn and Kat, however.) From there, the women take turns looking through a candle flame into Zach's eyes. It's very "intimate" and "romantic" — but when it's Jess' turn, a gust of wind blows out the candle's flame.

"Oops!" says Hailey. Dang, I knew Bachelor producers were good, but I didn't know they were "make the wind blow at exactly the right moment" good. It definitely doesn't do much to help Jess' confidence. "I feel a lot of weight and pressure," Jess tells the other women before the after party. "I was having an anxiety attack, but I'm good now."

We interrupt this recap for some breaking news: Zach just stopped himself from saying "I'd like to make a cheers" (UGH) and used the correct phrase, "make a toast" instead! It's a Bachelor miracle!

The evening gets off to a pleasant start. Kaity kicks off the one-on-one chats, and her time with Zach is typically schmoopie. ("Where have you been all my life?" she murmurs.) Gabi's next, and Zach professes how much he likes her. "You are one of my strongest connections," he says. "I have these butterflies with you."

With that, it's Jess' turn. No pressure, girlie! When Zach asks her how she's feeling after the disappointment of last week, Jess' face says it all.

Oh dear. "I know what I signed up for," she says. "But I don't have that much confidence… I felt like in my perspective, I was waiting for, like, that one-on-one to, like, open up more." The Bachelor is dismayed to learn that Jess was waiting for a one-on-one date to Open Up™, and he assures her they will have time to get to know each other. (Narrator: They won't.) "I want you to see my frustration," continues Jess. "The clock is ticking, and what can I do that's organic and natural and not forced?"

Zach tries make her feel better by saying that there's no "rule" that you must wait for a one-on-one to be "vulnerable," but that's disingenuous. Surely, he understands that women who've spent all day and a good portion of the night with him were able to have more in-depth conversations than someone who just sees him in a group setting? I guess he doesn't, because when Jess continues pushing about the one-on-one, Zach starts to get frustrated. "You keep bringing up that it's about a one-on-one," he says. "I'm feeling so confident about us — and then, it's about a one-on-one? What am I missing?"

They go around and around like this for a bit. "I don't know where your head's at," sighs Jess. "I'm confused." Though Zach literally just said he was feeling "so confident" about her, now he's telling a different story. Citing their "disconnect" over the one-on-one thing, the Bachelor informs Jess that he's "not feeling that confident" about their relationship anymore. Huh, okay. Jess knows that means she's on the outs, and she is grimly resigned to her fate. "I'm not going to beg for you," she says through her tears. "I'm not doing that." Cut to:

Well, that escalated quickly. "All I needed was quality time," says Jess, as the Reject SUV drives away. "And he wasn't processing that… For him to be shocked that I'm, like, hurt is crazy to me." Zach, too, is shocked by how abruptly his relationship with Jess went south. "I was not expecting that," he says, tearing up. "What the f---?"

The Bachelor tries to pull himself together before heading back to the holding pen where the other women are waiting. His voice is still quavering with emotion as he explains that he just sent Jess home. Oh, and one other thing: He's not handing out a date rose tonight. The women are bummed — less about the rose and more about the fact that it's down to just eight women, and shiz is starting to get real.

Um… have fun on your one-on-one date, Ariel! The Bachelor meets her in the Estonian countryside for a "relaxing spa day." A nice lady named Laura serves them some hot tea and then asks them to change into their robes. "We go in the sauna nude," adds Laura. Ariel and Zach, however, keep their bathing suits on as they prep for the steam bath.

Once Zach and Ariel are inside the sauna sharing a smooch, producers send in a naked, middle-aged Estonian couple to join them. Naturally, the couple begins sharing relationship advice, all of which is sound: Be honest, trust is everything, give each other space, etc. Thanks, naked couple! They end the spa day with a dip in the hot tub… and are soon joined once again by the naked Estonians.

Welcome back, Black Box of Shame!

Ahead of the evening portion of their date, Zach can't stop rhapsodizing about Ariel. Just as Sean Lowe came to realize later in his "journey" that Catherine was the one for him, Zach feels that Ariel "has been in front of me this whole time." What if she's The One?

We interrupt this recap to bring you some breaking news: Zach just made "a cheers" to Ariel — so alas, we're back to square one, rose lovers. Sigh.

Over drinks and untouched charcuterie, Zach and Ariel talk about the progression of their relationship. She reveals that she's been through "many heartbreaks" and that she tends to use humor "as a veil." All she wants — all any of us want, really — is a partner who loves her just the way she is. And Zach LOVES it. "This journey has carried a lot of surprises," he says. "You might be the best surprise yet."

"I've been so alone for so long that it's almost like a comfort," says Ariel, tearing up. "But this rose makes me feel a lot better about the fact that I just opened up so much." Congrats, girl.

Oh, wow — it's time for the final cocktail party of the week! Aly, who seems like a very nice person who is probably way too normal for this franchise, goes first. She and Zach have a very pleasant chat that ends with a kiss. Gabi and Zach Lady and the Tramp some Estonian pancakes (a nice callback to their peanut butter cup kiss in episode 2), and Brooklyn and Kaity also have some smoochy-smooch time with the Bachelor. "At this point, I do have a connection with all the women here," says Zach. "Tonight is going so well, and I'm very happy."

Dang it, Zach! Why'd you have to go and jinx it like that? The first rule of rose ceremony night is you never say how well rose ceremony night is going! Now we're guaranteed to have some drama.

Yep, Charity just pulled Kat aside to talk about the incident before her one-on-one date. "I stand by what I did because I wanted to show him that I care," says Kat. She's about to continue, but Brooklyn walks in and cuts her off: "Would you have done the same thing to Jess?"

Uh… okay. I'm pretty sure Kat never apologized to Charity, but Brooklyn didn't help matters by butting in. Kat is pretty flustered when it's her time to sit down with Zach — and she's thrown off even more when he asks her if something was "off" between them at the witch date. Oh man, is she going to blame Brooklyn? Don't do it, Kat. Snitches get stitches!

To her credit, Kat does not take this opportunity to tell Zach how "mean" Brooklyn has been to her. Miraculously, she stays in her own lane and attributes the weird vibe to her "navigating" a group date after not being on one for a long time. Was her explanation enough to keep her around another week? It's time to find out.

Rose ceremony roll call! Gabi, Kaity, Brooklyn, and Kat join Charity and Ariel in the Circle of Safety™. Oh man, that means it's time to say goodbye to Aly. Sweet, pleasant Aly, who definitely should not go to Paradise. You're too good for that crab-infested beach, woman!

Don't worry, Aly. This sucks, but you'll get through it. And your partner is out there somewhere.

We're down to just seven women. I can see hometowns on the horizon — and I'm sorry, did Zach just say that he will not be having sex with any of the women during Fantasy Suites week? The dude is maybe taking his Sean Lowe worship a little too far. Before you go, rose lovers, please indulge me with a few questions: Were you surprised by Zach and Jess' break-up? Was Kat in the wrong to grab Zach before Charity's date, or is everyone overreacting? And which candy bar do you love so much you'd like to scream its name into a witch's fire? Post your thoughts below!

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