Real Housewives of New York City recap: Rumble on the Runway

Fashion shows are the second most dangerous place for Housewives to visit aside from tropical vacations. It’s the equivalent of getting tanked in a slasher movie (visiting an island is the equivalent of having sex, obvs). And yet the ladies keep going back. And thank God for that because it makes for some damn good reality TV.

Tonight climaxed with the highly anticipated Sonja Morgan fashion show. But we had a few other moments before the nipple-filled runway.

Carole and Dorinda returned from London after last week’s emotional visit. Radzi and Heather have drinks and Carole explains that they were worried that her husband’s urn would be stopped by the TSA. Naturally, they put it in a bag with one of Dorinda’s crazy furs. They ended up getting stopped at security but it was for moisturizer. I appreciate that—everyone needs to moisturize as they get older. Right now, I’m sitting at my desk with Vaseline covering my face.

So Bethenny and Heather are invited to another meeting with Sonja’s bizarre branding team. I still have no idea the breakdown in job roles. For starters, they’re in some kind of rented conference room, which does not exactly inspire confidence in this “international fashion lifestyle brand.” Sonja’s team tries to explain that this is a “heritage line” which just confuses the hell outta everyone. Boiled down, it means that there are blouses and slacks and dresses… so clothes, basically.

Then, models start coming in and Sonja openly critiques them. Well, this annoys Heather, which, in turn, annoys Sonja. Bethenny gets kind of angry too. It’s all really uncomfortable and unclear what the “type” of model Sonja’s looking for.

After it appears that one model is chosen, Heather asks the brain trust of Sonja Morgan fashion execs where they hope to be sold in the stores and NO ONE can give a straight answer. It’s so bizarre and just makes you think that this is not a legit company. Like they can’t even give brand names as to who their competitors are. From what I’ve seen, I’m feeling like it rhymes with Jan Baylor Doft.

There’s a little lunch with Dorinda and Ramona where Singer hits on the waiter who I think is just looking for a big tip. My big takeaway is that it doesn’t appear that Ramona knows how to use a fork. She looks like she’s gonna miss her mouth a couple of times.

Finally, it’s time for Sonja’s fashion show which is held in what appears to be a renovated firehouse. For a brief moment, I thought it was the Real World Boston’s firehouse. For a brief moment, I was happy. But I digress. So, to no one’s surprise, it’s a big old s***show backstage and on the runway at the fashion show. Sonja yells at a bunch of interns. The person in charge of place cards didn’t do their job. What if the person in charge of place cards was actually Pickles? WHERE IS PICKLES?!?! When will this mystery be solved?

Sonja takes matters into her own hands and starts labeling stuff while in her fashion show jumpsuit. The only problem is her boobs are completely falling out. It’s either teeth or breasts falling out for this lady. Meanwhile, backstage, she’s upset that no one has a chignon or “updo” and that causes a big ol’ drama. It’s very unclear if there was any plan whatsoever. I’m guessing Sonja was at her veterinarian getting her tooth put back in during some of the creative meetings.

While all of this drama was happening behind the scenes, Bethenny and Ramona were having it out in the front row. Ramona has decided she’s throwing a “New Beginnings” party because apparently she looks better than ever (Remember when she got her haircut and thought she looked like a young Cameron Diaz?) and she’s single. Well, Bethenny is not having any of that. She doesn’t think Ramona has changed at all. (Let us never forget the Boogaloo disaster of 2015). Plus, she claims that Ramona was spreading rumors that Bethenny was unfaithful during her marriage. And she stole two dresses from Bethenny! I honestly thought Bethenny was going to telepathically set her on fire. It was not good.

But the show actually ended up nice. Or at least the women said they would wear a lot of the clothes shown. More importantly, Sonja found some double stick tape for her boobs.

NEXT WEEK IS THE SEASON FINALE! IF WE DON’T MENTION BOOGALOOS OR BEAUTIQUE, I WILL NOT BE HAPPY.