Broad City season 3 finale recap: Jews on a Plane

Imagine this: You’re on a plane when you realize, “Oh, s—, I just got my period… And I don’t have a tampon.” What do you do? The answer is probably, ask a woman nearby if she has an extra one handy. This is exactly what Abbi does when she realizes her period supplies are tucked away in her checked luggage mid-flight to Israel — but it’s harder to find a tampon than you would think, so she and Ilana set off on a mission to track down a way to deal with the monthly mess. This mission does not go well.

Ilana deals with it by fashioning a homemade tampon with a pita, yarmulke, and hair tie, while Abbi goes around asking female flyers if they have a store-bought one. Finally, they spot a package of tampons hiding in the first class kitchen. The plan: Abbi creates a diversion — she does this by singing a hilariously awful version of “Angels We Have Heard on High” — while Ilana rushes toward the kitchen and grabs the box. The only problem is, two flight attendants (played by the wonderful Tracee Ellis Ross and Tymberlee Hill) see the two plotting and assume they’re about to blow up the plane. Maybe Abbi should have been a little quieter when she said there’s going to be an “explosion and there’s going to be blood everywhere”?

As soon as Abbi and Ilana put their plan into action, the two flight attendants began chasing them down. Both Abbi and Ilana end up on the floor, and, eventually, in separate interrogation rooms with chain-smoking Israeli officials. Abbi is not very good at convincing them they’re innocent; Ilana is just… oblivious. “Terrorism?” she responds in shock once her interrogator brings up why they’re there. “I thought this was about the weed in my p—-!” Her response is ill-advised to say the least, but it is impressive that she’s kept the pot inside her all this time.

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So now Abbi and Ilana are without weed, without tampons, and without their Birthmark trip: They apparently get released and sent back to New York on a plane, where they’re stuck wearing handcuffs fashioned out of zipties. Instead of feeling bummed about their failed adventure though, they’re just happy to emerge from it relatively unscathed — and, more importantly, to be sitting together on their journey back. In the world of Broad City, all you need is love (although weed and tampons are nice to have around, too).

By the numbers:

Cameos: 4 (Adam Levine, Seth Green, Tracee Ellis Ross, and Tymberlee Hill)

Instances of, as Ilana calls it, airhead: 3

Rachel Hs on the plane: 2

Davids on the plane: 5

Dead guys on the plane: 1

Times Ilana says “mohel”: 7

Ways Ilana and Abbi describe the first day of a period: 4

Price of in-flight kosher snack pack for two: $38

People that deny their tampon requests: 3

Failed Tel Aviv jokes: 1

Improvised tampons: 1

Steps the flight attendant hits as soon as she tackles Abbi: 10,000

Best lines:

“Ab, Ab, let the guy rest in peace.” —Ilana referring to a guy who Abbi later discovers was actually dead

“What the f— are you talking about?” —Abbi after Ilana explains what a “mohel” is

“Literally Judaism.” —Ilana

“First day. That’s like putting your spoon into a molten lava cake.” —Ilana describing the first day of a period

“Oh, you’re serious? I thought these were like a joke that all women shared. I guess I’m just the monster with the humongous vagina over here. F— you, Lindsay.” —Abbi to Lindsay, who offers her a slender tampon

“This is so against the rules!” —Jared, the Birthmark trip leader Ilana hooks up with

“Well, I won’t Tel Aviv if you won’t.” —Ilana

“Wait a minute, you know Aviv?” —Jared

“It really is incredible. It withstood all those bulletholes.” —Ilana, referring to Abbi’s bag

“Yeah, Israelis really love their guns.” —Abbi

“Guns are so gross. I’m really relieved we’re going back home.” —Ilana

What did you think of the Broad City season 3 finale? Share your thoughts below.