'Divas Live' was VH1's most popular show ever

‘Divas Live’ was VH1’s most popular show ever

So now that VH1 has spent the last week relentlessly rerunning ”Divas Live,” no doubt we’ve all seen at least part of this Olympics of aural histrionics. (It was the most-watched VH1 show ever, after all.) So join me, won’t you, in pondering 10 mysteries that the overlong, overcrowded evening produced:

1) Cher, as cool as you may think you looked in your sparkly yarmulke-thingy, did you really think the ”Live” part of ”Divas Live” didn’t apply to you? Sure, your rep says you didn’t lip-synch to ”Believe,” but spokespeople get paid to lie.

2) Speaking of Cher, was her backup singer interpreting for the deaf or was that her idea of dancing?

3) Why don’t Molly Shannon, Ana Gasteyer and Cheri Oteri have their own sitcom? The ”SNL” trio’s impersonations of Shania Twain, Celine Dion and Mariah Carey were so viciously dead-on, I’d watch them every week for a half hour — even if all they did was try to order a pizza.

4) How much do you think Susan Lucci and Sarah Michelle Gellar — enemies since their tumultuous costarring days on ”All My Children” — hated being in the same audience?

5) Tina Turner’s exhilarating and exuberant set proved that she was the most talented and dynamic live performer in the room. So did it really make sense to put her on first? The producers could not possibly have come up with a better showstopping closer than her phenomenal rendition of ”Proud Mary.” Instead, they let Tina start the show with a bang — only to have the inferior Divas whimper along for another two hours.

6) Did Ashley Judd get her red frilly dress from the 1985 ”Barbie’s First Prom” collection?

7) Including Elton John as a male Diva was clever and cheeky, but why did VH1 allow the Rocket Man to spend a half hour plugging his upcoming musical, ”Aida” (with the aid of a helpless-looking LeAnn Rimes)? I have no problem with Elton being included in the Divas sisterhood; it just doesn’t seem fair that viewers should be punished with his middle-of-the-road Broadway Rock as a result.

8) Seeing that she has a better voice and more stage presence than Brandy and Faith Hill combined, didn’t Mary J. Blige deserve her own set?

9) Whitney Houston sounded great, looked fabulous, and once again made sure Chaka Khan got some much-deserved screen time. Just one question: Given that Ms. Houston is prone to sweating profusely during live performances, was a head-to-toe leather ensemble (perhaps the least breathable fabric in existence) really a good idea?

10) Hey, Claudia Schiffer, who told you straw was a fashion statement? ”Hee Haw”’s wardrobe department called — they want their outfit back.