You suck
“In Soviet Russia, I suck!”
You suck. I mean really, really suck. You suck more than Calum Wilkinson sucks, and I mean he sucks a lot. Depending on his mood, He'll suck anything(noice). If you suck more than him, you flying. If hackneyed nature poetry was a bad metaphor for how much you sucked, you would be "The leaves rustle and crunch under my feet as I watch a butterfly drift through the mealudwigdow." You are the most turdtastic person who has ever besmirched the face of planet Earth. Every time you breathe, a puppy asplodes. You redefine the word "fagatinitard." Your face scares children, cracks mirrors, and bruises fruit. You seriously need to get a life. Thinking about you too hard makes people terminally ill. Your existence violates three separate parts of the Geneva Convention and four laws of physics. If you were any slower, you'd be running backwards. If you were any stupider, you'd start coming around the other side and become a genius. You're so stupid, you don't realise that this article is insulting you. You are the leading American cause of heart disease. Jehovah's Witnesses come to your door to beg you not to join their religion. When you try to have conversations with people, they sue you for mental anguish. You laugh at Family Circus. Your suckiness is matched in sorriness only by your pathetic manhood.
This is how I hope you die[edit | edit source]
I hope you get captured by kidnappers and flown to some sucky dirtball country like Nigeria and everyone hates you too much to pay ransom and the U.N. tells them to kill you or they'll put sanctions on the kidnappers and they knife you and throw you out into the desert and you get stampeded into the dirt by camels and they spit in your eyes and you become blind and stumble into a cactus which makes you trip and fall, Wile E. Coyote style, off of a cliff, making a comical dent in the ground, and at that very instant there is tectonic movement beneath you causing an earthquake which collapses the cliff on you and then a volcano erupts beneath you and blasts you into outer space where you asphyxiate and explode from the pressure and freeze from the cold and get found by malignant aliens who zap you with evil laser guns and clone you a million bajillion times and zap half of the clones with laser guns and take the other half into a chamber filled with horrible outer space gas which burns your clones' lungs to cinders and they take your clones' bodies and use them as decoration for their alien war fleet and load their galactic catapults with them and launch them back at Earth where they land in the ocean and turn into dust at the bottom and get formed over zillions of years into rock which gets irradiated when it settles too close to some pieces of uranium and is inadvertently scooped, with the uranium, into a nuclear bomb, which gets tested in the most horrible place you can imagine (West Virginia) and then you get reincarnated as yourself in the past and you get captured by kidnappers and flown to some sucky dirtball country like Nigeria and everyone hates you too much to pay ransom and the U.N. tells them to kill you or they'll put sanctions on the kidnappers and they knife you and throw you out into the desert and you get stampeded into the dirt by camels and they spit in your eyes and you become blind and stumble into a cactus which makes you trip and fall, Wile E. Coyote style, off of a cliff, making a comical dent in the ground, and at that very instant there is tectonic movement beneath you causing an earthquake which collapses the cliff on you and then a volcano erupts beneath you and blasts you into outer space where you asphyxiate and explode from the pressure and freeze from the cold and get found by malignant aliens who zap you with evil laser guns and clone you a million bajillion times and zap half of the clones with laser guns and take the other half into a chamber filled with horrible outer space gas which burns your clones' lungs to cinders and they take your clones' bodies and use them as decoration for their alien war fleet and load their galactic catapults with them and launch
them back at Earth where they land in the ocean and turn into dust at the bottom and get formed over zillions of years into rock which gets irradiated when it settles too close to some pieces of uranium and is inadvertently scooped, with the uranium, into a nuclear bomb, which gets tested in the most horrible place you can imagine (the biannual I Love Lucy-a-thon) and then you get reincarnated as yourself in the past and you get captured by kidnappers and flown to some sucky dirtball country like Nigeria and everyone hates you too much to pay ransom and the U.N. tells them to kill you or they'll put sanctions on the kidnappers and they knife you and throw you out into the desert and you get stampeded into the dirt by camels and they spit in your eyes and you become blind and stumble into a cactus which makes you trip and fall, Gerald Ford style, off of a cliff, making a comical dent in the ground, and at that very instant there is tectonic movement beneath you causing an earthquake which collapses the cliff on you and then a volcano erupts beneath you and blasts you into outer space where you asphyxiate and explode from the pressure and freeze from the cold and get found by malignant aliens who zap you with evil laser guns and clone you a million bajillion times and zap half of the clones with scorpions that shoot scorpions that when they sting you you turn into scorpions which shoot scorpions and take the other half into a chamber filled with horrible outer space gas which burns your clones' lungs to cinders and they take your clones' bodies and use them as decoration for their alien war fleet and load their galactic catapults with them and launch them back at Earth where they land in the ocean and turn into dust at the bottom and get formed over zillions of years into a bust of Oscar Wilde which gets irradiated when it settles too close to some pieces of uranium and is inadvertently scooped, with the uranium, into a nuclear bomb, which gets tested in the most horrible place you can imagine (the driver's wheel of a family road trip) and then you get reincarnated as the suckiest squirrel ever and then you get eaten by a cat which gets eaten by a bigger cat. Which then explodes from eating so much. Clearly you are the suckiest of the suck suck. Gross...
