IN THE NEWS.

The Great Blando was in the news again, charged with attempting to smuggle a rhinoceros on a flight from Latrobe to Orlando. Mr. Blando told TSA agents that the animal was his emotional-support rhinoceros, which he had been instructed never to be without by his therapist, Dr. Emil von Wolfspitz. Dr. Wolfspitz was unavailable for comment, as he was in custody at Allegheny County Jail, charged with illegal procurement of a rhinoceros and unauthorized addition of the preposition “von” to his name.

THE BELA LUGOSI OF THE VEGETABLE KINGDOM.

Blue Cohosh

No explanation is necessary: the photographs, taken yesterday in a forest near Pittsburgh, are enough to make the point that Blue Cohosh (Caulophyllum thalictroides) is the Lugosiest of all our native plants.

Caulophyllum thalictroides
Blue Cohosh

IN SPORTS NEWS.

In their opening game of Artists League Baseball season, the Pittsburgh Warhols defeated the New England Rockwells by four identical runs in different combinations of garish colors.