“We Just Take Care of Each Other”: Navigating ‘Chosen Family’ in the Context of Health, Illness, and the Mutual Provision of Care amongst Queer and Transgender Young Adults
Abstract
:1. Introduction
2. Materials and Methods
3. Results
3.1. Navigating Medical Systems
3.1.1. Medical Trauma
I have avoided medical appointments because I have a lot of institutional trauma and experiences of institutional harm… to be honest, the mental health system is demonstrably an oppressive piece of shit [sic]… I received no value from that particular diagnostic schema, I challenge it—a lot. I don’t use that.
When I have top surgery, I will have to have somebody in the hospital with me pretty much at all times. Mostly just because people at [the local research hospital] aren’t necessarily the greatest about gendered care, aside from the people who work in the gender services department. And so, I’ve been told that it’s important that I have a person there, for—at least to be my advocate while I’m not feeling the greatest.
[Exasperated sigh]. Doctors can have…a hard time explaining what they’re doing before they do it, before they touch you. It can be very sudden and very bright and very loud and just overstimulating, overwhelming and…as somebody whose transgender I’ve had really negative experiences in the hospital in the past, that, um—[they] really didn’t understand my gender identity, [they] actually put me in a private room, handcuffed to a bed because they didn’t know where to put me, when I was around 19… so I just really don’t like hospitals. I try not to go.
He did the research, [and has] been through those kind of shitty experiences before me where it’s like—yes, they will do top surgery but they won’t respect your pronouns the whole time and they might fudge it up a little bit because they’re used to doing breast reductions [in contrast to top surgeries as part of medical transition].
I think that would actually be a really good idea [to bring an advocate]. I was actually going to do it by myself because usually I’m pretty uncomfortable with people just in general knowing any part of my medical stuff, but I trust him. And especially with—I have a hard time advocating for myself in [medical settings], so I think having someone there who would consistently correct pronouns, or—you know, someone who has no skin in the game…Because, for me, if I speak up they’re gonna not want to help me or whatever… There are doctors that are like that. Once they find out that [top surgery] is what it’s for, they won’t do it.
[The provider] was just like, ‘Oh, you were with this person in the last appointment. Cool.’ He was also very open, asking if I had other partners and things like that. I identify as monogamous, but it was really cool that he even knew to ask.
3.1.2. Emergency Contacts
There’s a lot of forms that I filled out in the past [where I didn’t] have an emergency contact and someone’s like, ‘You don’t have anyone?’ and I’m like, ‘No, I don’t. Can I put your name?’ [Laughs]. Like, I’ve literally asked that of managers before. They’re like, ‘Yeah, I guess, like, I’m not gonna say no.’ But, I do finally have someone that I can put as my emergency contact—my partner, I’m pretty sure I’m his, too.
That was a time in my life that I wasn’t talking to my mother and I realized it was kind of absurd to still be putting her as my emergency contact when I wasn’t actually talking with her, cause I was like ‘golly that would be an uncomfortable phone conversation or an uncomfortable interaction,’ if something did happen to me and all of a sudden my mother shows up.
I was like ‘Hey, this is a really weird question but, is it ok if I put you as my emergency contact? Cause you’re the person I think of when—if I’m sick and something goes wrong, you’re the one I would call. Is that ok?’ And she was like, ‘Yeah, absolutely, that’s totally fine!’ And—now she’s my emergency contact.
I think [crisis contact] is different than emergency contact. When I think of emergency contact, I’m thinking of, like, ‘I’m bleeding on ground!’ But I think crisis contact is something different. It’s like, ‘Oh my god, I’m having a horrible day.’ My [crisis contact] is going to be the one that I call. And, vice versa.
We talked about [being each other’s emergency contact], because when we were first filling out our [paperwork] at work it was like, ‘We literally don’t know anybody else out here.’ What are they gonna do, call his dad whose all the way [across the country]? He can’t do anything about it! We’re all from all over the place, so it’s like, yeah to some extent we all kinda do need to rely on each other [in an emergency].
I was pretty nervous but pretty confident. Like, ‘I can vouch for this person. I can do it.’ That was when I was like ‘Oh, someone really considers me to be this responsible, okay…’
We shifted after I moved out because I was like ‘I don’t think I can sustain this if I’m not living with you or in close proximity of you’ … That was also a hard thing too because I felt like that was the last part of me shifting out of the lived-in part of the family, but it was also like, ‘Okay, thank you for letting me experience what that [level of responsibility] is like… you’ll always be a part of my life but just not as intensely anymore.’ It was a good space to grow in for sure.
3.2. Leaning on Each Other
3.2.1. Organizing around Health Needs
I had friends that created a spreadsheet with all the different things that I needed so I could send it to other chosen family members, so that I could get my needs met. And it was interesting to see who showed up. I think sometimes in those moments it becomes clear where that chosen family is. I do think it’s hard to find what the difference is between chosen family and good friends when you’re out dancing at a club, right? You know, those can look the same. But I don’t think they look the same when [it comes to…] dealing with the messy, icky stuff about living sometimes—when people [are] willing to step up without even having to necessarily ask.
3.2.2. Emotional Support
If I need emotional support about my gender identity or trans things, then I can sit and talk with my girlfriend [who is also trans] for a long time and lean on her for things. And if she’s not available then her wife is genderqueer, and so is their boyfriend’s partner.
I think that I don’t lean on my [biological] family very much for emotional support and part of that is with my chosen family, I don’t I need to go to through all the explaining of queerness, transness, all the other shit [sic] that is exhausting to try to define, right? Whereas that’s just already known that we can build off of [that].
I remember one person [in our chosen family] was struggling with withdrawal and we were trying to be there to support, and that was very emotionally taxing but we knew that it was going to be worth it so we just stuck on it anyway. There was a lot of blood, sweat and tears… But we didn’t give up on each other.
3.2.3. Eating Together
It was a little awkward because here we were having this great family dinner, but it wasn’t biological family [Laughs], but it looked like a family dinner and [the mom] was the outsider. There was definitely something that I think was jarring to her to see all of these LGBT [lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender] women—these queer women—acting like a family and having that closeness and connection, but her being the only one related by blood and not having that connection at all.
To me there’s a difference between [chosen family] and friends because friends are people that you enjoy being around, but chosen family is more … who comes to my house and eats with me? Who do I cook for, you know? I think ‘who do I cook for’ is a good easy way to tell if somebody’s part of my chosen family or just a friend.
When I’m really quite unwell, I do need people to step in to remind me to eat. Lots of people feed me because I do not feed myself very well when I’m not well. When I’m well I love cooking. But when I’m not well, I definitely don’t eat … so people bringing me food or—just being with me while we cook [is helpful].
The fact that every day that I come home from work, he’s cooking dinner—that’s incredible, because like, mental health and making sure you stay fed and that you have a good meal and home cooked meals every night, that is such a huge thing. If he wasn’t around, I’d probably be eating, you know, spaghetti every night—again. My mental health has definitely changed [as a result].
3.3. Mutual Aid
Sharing Material Resources
I still feel insecure sometimes… [but] I can probably name between five and ten people who would look after me, who would not see me go onto the street if I was sick or broken, you know? I do know that there would be people who would provide in those sorts of ways.
I ended up going over [to their house] and pulling the 200-pound thing into their basement and setting it all up for them. And then I think I ended up making them dinner afterwards and then just making sure that everything was set and good. That’s a particular way that I lend my help in the poly-fam. I’m a ‘fixit’ and a strong person, and that gets to be my area.
4. Discussion
5. Conclusions
Author Contributions
Funding
Acknowledgments
Conflicts of Interest
References
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Demographic Category (n = 11) | Responses | n | % |
---|---|---|---|
Gender Identity | |||
Woman | 4 | 36.30% | |
Woman AND Nonbinary | 1 | 9.10% | |
Transmasculine | 1 | 9.10% | |
Nonbinary | 2 | 18.20% | |
Transmasculine AND Nonbinary | 1 | 9.10% | |
Transmasculine AND Nonbinary AND Genderqueer | 1 | 9.10% | |
Transmasculine AND Agender | 1 | 9.10% | |
Sexual Orientation/Identity | |||
Bisexual | 5 | 45.50% | |
Pansexual | 1 | 9.10% | |
Bisexual AND Queer | 1 | 9.10% | |
Bisexual AND Queer AND Pansexual | 1 | 9.10% | |
Pansexual AND Asexual | 1 | 9.10% | |
Pansexual AND Demisexual | 1 | 9.10% | |
Pansexual AND Queer | 1 | 9.10% | |
Age Range | |||
18–25 | 3 | 27.30% | |
26–35 | 7 | 63.60% | |
36–45 | 1 | 9.10% | |
Race/Ethnicity | |||
Asian and/or Pacific Islander, Filipino, Chinese | 2 | 18.20% | |
Asian and/or Pacific Islander AND White | 1 | 9.10% | |
Middle Eastern, North African, and/or Chaldean AND White | 1 | 9.10% | |
American Indian, Native Alaskan and/or Native Hawaiian AND White | 1 | 9.10% | |
White | 6 | 54.50% | |
Income | |||
Below $20,000 | 5 | 45.50% | |
$20,001-$30,000 | 2 | 18.20% | |
$40,001-$60,000 | 3 | 27.30% | |
$60,001-$80,000 | 1 | 9.10% | |
Highest Level of Education | |||
General Educational Development | 1 | 9.10% | |
High School diploma | 1 | 9.10% | |
Bachelor’s degree | 2 | 18.20% | |
Master’s degree | 4 | 36.30% | |
Doctorate degree or Professional degree | 3 | 27.30% | |
Disability(ties) and/or illnesses | |||
Chronic pain, mental health, hard of hearing | 1 | 9.10% | |
Depression/anxiety, post-traumatic stress disorder | 1 | 9.10% | |
Mental health disability | 1 | 9.10% | |
Post-traumatic stress disorder, generalized anxiety disorder, premenstrual dysphoria disorder, depression | 1 | 9.10% | |
Severe mental illness, physical impairments | 1 | 9.10% | |
Autism spectrum, chronic illness, lupus | 1 | 9.10% | |
Depression | 1 | 9.10% | |
Epilepsy, autism, chronic anxiety | 1 | 9.10% | |
Mad/neurodiverse | 1 | 9.10% | |
Obsessive compulsive disorder, anxiety, depression | 1 | 9.10% | |
N/A | 1 | 9.10% |
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Jackson Levin, N.; Kattari, S.K.; Piellusch, E.K.; Watson, E. “We Just Take Care of Each Other”: Navigating ‘Chosen Family’ in the Context of Health, Illness, and the Mutual Provision of Care amongst Queer and Transgender Young Adults. Int. J. Environ. Res. Public Health 2020, 17, 7346. https://doi.org/10.3390/ijerph17197346
Jackson Levin N, Kattari SK, Piellusch EK, Watson E. “We Just Take Care of Each Other”: Navigating ‘Chosen Family’ in the Context of Health, Illness, and the Mutual Provision of Care amongst Queer and Transgender Young Adults. International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health. 2020; 17(19):7346. https://doi.org/10.3390/ijerph17197346
Chicago/Turabian StyleJackson Levin, Nina, Shanna K. Kattari, Emily K. Piellusch, and Erica Watson. 2020. "“We Just Take Care of Each Other”: Navigating ‘Chosen Family’ in the Context of Health, Illness, and the Mutual Provision of Care amongst Queer and Transgender Young Adults" International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health 17, no. 19: 7346. https://doi.org/10.3390/ijerph17197346