June 19, 1886.]

289

A TEEEIBLE BLUNDEE !

We are a living in strange times,—I thinks I may posserbly have heard the
remark afore, but I gives myself the benefit of the dowt, and goes on,—and not
only strange times, but dangerous times, because we are a hinterfering with old
customs and old hinstitutions. "We have just had one serious instance of it,
and we are thretened with another. In this one instance, it is trew, the
greevous error was maid by a yuthful and comparaytifly hignerant hinstitu-
shun, and so there may be sum egscuse to be made for 'em. But the other
conserning witch the roomer is spreading, has no sitch egscuse, on the contrary,
it is, in these himportent matters, the hobserved of all hobservers, the mold of
fashun and the glass of form, as Shakspear says, and it amost draws tears from
my hold heyes, wen I only thinks of wot they is sed to contemplate. Praps it may
be as well before I goes no furder to explane what it is as I has in my eye.
"Well then it's this.

The Metropollyten Bored of "Works having got to hopen a new Bridge down
at Putney, witch they has bin ever so many years a bilding on, naterally
asked the good and Poplar Prince of "Whai.es. for to cum and hopen it for 'em,
and to ask his bootiful Princess for to cum with him, so as to make sure of one
brite sunbeam to light all the place lip. And with that remarkabel kindness as
so extinguishes 'em both, they both sed as how they'd cum. So far so good.
And there was lots of flags, and lots of Tents, and lots of flowers, and Bands,
and gards of honner, and setterer, and the usual speeches. So far so good. And
then there was a hawful paws, and ewerybody looked at hewerybody else, and
ewerybody else looked preshus cold and hungry, for there was a bitter North-
Easter a blowing, and then the hawful shock bust upon 'em all, that there wasn't
not no wittels. no not ewen a glass of wine to drink good elth to the new Bridge!
And so the Prince and Princess got into their carridge and drove away. And
all the rest of the Cumpany did .the same, all looking werry cold, and werry
hungry, and werry disappinted.

And this the pore Metropolitan Bored of "Works thinks is about the rite way
for to hopen a new Bridge, poor fellers. But as they 're ony about thirty years
old, there's of coarse ewery hegscuse for 'em, but they'll know better wen they
gets a little older, if they lives as long. "Well, if that was all, I don't think as
how I shood ha' cared to ha' trubbled myself about it.

But if that was a bad beginning, wuss, much wuss, remains behind. To be
sure it's ony a Roomer at present, but, as we all nose, Roomers as ain't contra-
dickted grows and grows 'till they becums Pax. But to my tail. The grand
old Copperashun, not to be outdone by any Bored of "Works, old or yung, is
about for to make a Bridge of their own at the Tower, and they too has
arsked the good Prince and the bootiful Princess to cum and lay the fust stone
of it. So far so good. They fust thought of asking 'em to drive the fust pile,
but won of the werry sharpest of the Thames Conserwatifs told 'em as they mite
jest as well, when a bilding of a Church, ask the Prince to drive the fust pole
of the scaffolding, as the piles woud all be pulled up agane, so they haltered
their hinwitashun accordingly. _ _

But having follered the lead of the Bored of Works were they was quite rite,
they are said to be agoing to foller their lead wen they was all as rong as rong
eou'd be and the Prince and the Princess, and the Lord Mare and the Sheryffs,
and all the Courts of Haldermen and Common Councilmen, and all the Colo-
nysts andthelndiens, and all the other thowsends of G-ests is to be sent away
without either wittles or drink! I wood, with all due respec,- wentnre to
surgest that anythink more hopposed to the trew interests of that nobel Hinsti-
tushun, it's hutterly himpossible to conceeve. "Wot has always shut the mouths
of their loudest and hungryest henemies ? Horspitality. And wot is the one
speshal hobject as their many Gests, male and female, gladly acceps their
inwitationfor? Horspitality. _ ,

No ! my nobel Paytrons, this won t do, not at no price! Erbolish if you will
the atendance of the City Feeld Martial in all his glory, and the Sword Barer,
and the Mace Barer in all theirn, don't hang out so many Banners on the houter
"Walls, silence one of the Bands, and ewen perwent the naybouring Tower Gruns
from firing a Royal and deffening Salute of kindly welcum, but do not in one
fatal day destroy that grand old charakter for true christian horspitality, as you
have been a bilding up for seven hundred years, since the time of Lord Mare
Allwine of blessed memory. Think, oh think, genelmen of the Committy, what
your feelings will be, wen, at the hend of His Royal Highnesses address, the
same hawful paws ensues as at the late Putney failure, and for the fust time in
your long and festiv career, the hominous whisper passes round, "there ain't
no wittels!" , , .. , , '.,'. ,.",' '' '.

There wall be assembled on that werry himportent, and should be festive
oeasion, gests, as I am told, from Urope, from Hasia, from Hafriky, and from
Hammerrykey, and this will be their fust chance of partakin of Copperashun
Horspitality; they will therefore, out of perliteness to there Hosts, naterally
cum hungry/and who nose what fatal conserquenees may not result to our future
relations from their bitter dishapointment!

My last apeal I makes, my Lord Mare, to you personally. Your great pre-
desesser, Allwine, commenced, as his name dicktated as he should do, the great
career of the grand old City as the promoters of " Horspitality," unlimited, your
honored name My Lord Mare, of Staples, likewise dicktates as that you should
continue to make it one of the City's " chief productions." Robert.

"Young men bulieve in nothing nowadays," said Mrs. Ramseotham, with
a deep sigh. "Why, there's my nephew, Tom, who was-brought up as a
Christian, and now he's an Acrostic.

vol. xc. c-°

SPORTIVE NOTES.

By D. Crambo, Junior.

Hot Favourites for the Cup. The Off Day.

A New Cut.—After the Government defeat, there was
a lull in political excitement for a couple of days. The
newspaper sellers in the streets found some difficulty in
getting off their latest editions. Parliament wasn't
sitting, so there was no "Scene in the House," to be
shouted out, and the journal-mongers' ingenuity in in-
venting cries, was well nigh exhausted, when one of
them, with the largest stock of papers on hand, was
struck by a brilliant idea, and stumped shrieking out in
his thorough gin-and-foggiest tones, " Great Panic in the

City. . . . Mr. Gladstone crushed by a Steam-roller! "_

off went his stock of papers at a penny a piece or no
change given—and off went the boy as fast as his legs
could carry him.

The Angel (op Islington) 's Whispee.—The Military
show is on again this week at the Agricultural Hall It
is always one of the best and most popular sights oi the
season. Captain Dann, the Hoarse Soldier on foot is the
centre of attraction in the arena. Crowds will g'o from
Belgravia, and Bayswater, to Dann. Major Tullt lineal
descendant of Tullt Maximtjs, known as Kikeko, is in
command. There is plenty given for the money, as the
Programme is uncommonly full. Major Tullt has bravely
tried to cut it down—but this is a feat which defies even
his skill—and he has been beaten utterly—or ut-tully.
It commenced successfully on Saturday last.

Social Arrows, by Lord Bkabazon, is to be illustrated
by drawings of the long bow.