May 2, 1885.]

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

205

WALES IN IRELAND.

(Concluding Adventures of our Extra-Special Correspondent.)

As I write, everything an’ everybody, includin’ the deck av cards
that was so useful to me, is packin’, and being packed up. I’m
busy revisin’ the List of Honours and Titles that we mane to scatter
about before we go home; and I’m bothered bekase of some half
dozen “Garters” bein’ missin’ out av me Dispatch Box, and the
dew Baronites an’ Dukes all gettin’ shuffled up just as I had sorted
thim. There is no more unraisonable wild-fowl than your brand-
ne,w Baronite. However, here goes to wind up this immortal Dairy.

Monday.—Home by “Limerick, the Beautiful, as everybody
hnows.” Loyalties and Disaffectionists mixed up at Station. Some
|jv the latter very much mixed. Small scraps av black calico
gutterin’ like the wings av dissipated Scarecrows, and sometimes
the howlin’s av Irish wolves,” as a poetical an’ play-actin’ ances-
tor av the Princess wanst called them, reach over eyes an’ ears,
however, we know that it’s only Mr. Wniiui O’Bitter-Brine,
ft-f•> playin’ his ugly tricks, and that his “wolves” are all
hirelings.”

Tuesday.—“ Castles.” Grand Review av Sunday Scholars an’
wuolaresses in the Park. Wet day, and so the wee ones looked like
5 °f pious pinkeens as they laid their drenched devotion at our
After piety, Punchestown, an’ after both, an’ indeed durin’
°th, the Deluge! Punchestown—a meetin’ founded originally in
"”.Ur °wn Honor’s honour—turns out all slop, slush, slithers and
Ev k’,aa’ 110 one> Bar a mermaid or a water-baby, could enjoy it.
TrVen bbe Equerry was sad, an’ I think it only right to tell you why.
a ® ®?ea me to tell him something to back for the Swiminghome Cup,

. B Save him a horse called Omadhaun, considerately layin’
wen t0, myself ’blige the Equerry. Fine start, an’ they all do
mi the first five fathoms, Omadhaun gettin’ off with a long
tb°W sIr°be, pullin’ a dozen to the minute ! I bid me friend observe
tj*e smemn majestic stride with no vulgar hurry about it, peculiar to
“e swain av all the Omadhaun breed. For all that the unraisonable
Q1 looks flustrated as they come round the first time with
WaoAatm apparently coverin’ their retreat! Ye might cover them
a table-cloth (if it had been about a quarter mile long). Now
Pint T-k ^0st Behind the hill. Ha! they come to the “ double.” See!
Thr j eyMently a slidin’ seat! Now they rise at it like trouts!
“Ca c“mTL- Three riderless steeds sailin’, out into the west!
chimm double and quits! ” sez the Illustrious, with a cheerful
Green' > tidin’! Pullin’! Featherin’ low! Flecked with foam!
an’ enM,UT ea°B other’s girths, each horse with a bit in his mouth,

straie-kf hockey with a bit in hand! Hooray ! they sweep into the
di<4Y7i -Li What’s this? The colours av t.ho T^onArrv’s fannv nrA

t4?SlofiVa8tWeSeeMm'

The colours av the Equerry’s fancy are
swingin’ along in stately fashion

illi'hf''t* he 3 nowller?’ Y i alto-

“m’ ^’s Baldly quite the-—-” ? « Look at him,

r ™ sugars

S&s it

Bril® ^ ev®r Irishman stepped to SAC? e^®n Dick Martin
WqY lt 'would have done your eyes good to have seen ^ -c b
andEnwinn Guinness footin’ it bravely with Royalties as Dec

Minuet, but when T did shake a leg and smt a soul-stirnn H •
ringin’ down the big^arn (for that’s what it was), theL,111^0^™
was just thremendous so it was as “ Hey, diddle, diddle . playea
H Mr- LrDDEL1,) and ^ the exalted party laughed to see such sport,

t»». ttat «*g!

to mthroduce me to Non vh IIeg arty. Norah was a soort av cousin
av mme, an’ I hadn’t se^nhersfflceshe was a bit av a cMd fw
she was grown up—an’ as I looked into her big, grey Irish eyes,. as
morni^’ y®Las soft as the colour av the Twe^e PiasA“-at
Tnt »viV^BBtened to the sweet music av the Bewitcfflmst brogue
affltnol\®r iMhusiv eddication hadn’t extracted fr0» her aye^
Wti k v6T llttle Band to lead her out for the last dance, an made
her laugh tellin’ her stories av the days when she was a ®lr8bee> x

for?ot,me duties, lost me Note-book, disremembered Aunt Penempe,
made the Equerry a present of his I. 0. U.-s, an’, m short, detarmined
that she was a kind av Cousin to be at “ wanst removed.

I confess to a squeeze an’ a whisper, an’ I record me appreciation
?enel°M’s sympathetic slumbrocity. • • • • Th®
girl insisted on the whole party accompanying me to Belfast to wit-
ness the last journalistic duties I shall perform.

Thursday, an’ cetera ad fin. — Belfast pours forth its pent-up
loyalty. Takin’ me advice, the Prince turned, like the attractive
Magnate he is, to the North! an’ the result was, a rush an’ a flash
av Northern Lights, that blazed, on every hill, an’ in every sturdy
north country heart. More dancin’, and a power of beauty at all the
functions. I’ve seen an’ beard the “ Belles of Shandon,” disported
meself with the dainty damsels av Dublin, an’ laughed with the
Limerick lasses; but these Angels av Antrim are p’raps the finest
—(Be quiet, Nokah agra!)—any way, they have fairly reversed a
oertain Royal record of long ago. The Illustrious has had an Irish
cold, but is better—so have I, several “Irish colds,” an’ am much
better.

So it all ended. Me Illustrious friend gave me gracious congratu-
lations, an’ his cigarette-case, an’ a promise to lunch at Castle
Hegarty when he comes over next. In reply, I could only say that
he had behaved all through his visit like the Prince an’ gentleman
he is. The Equerry (who is now doin’ well with the rest av the
Suite, an’, like meself, “ gettin’ home ” rapidly) is to be the best
man. I mane to be a resident absentee for the future, and if you
Mr. Punch, and all kind friends over your side, will only wish us
well, and prepay those prisints, there won’t be a happier or loyaler
pair in Ireland than—(here I must remark that I have just heard
from Sir Barney Ulster Burke)—Sir Timothy an’ Lady O’Rooney
to command! “At Home ” every fifth Wednesday in Leap Year.
There’s Norah callin’ me to know if I think shamrocks will go well
with orange-blossoms ? Good-bye ! Bless you!

vot.

HOW TO UTILISE AN EXPLOSION.

The Morning Post having told us how a fair American Aotress
breakfasted with the Premier on the day of the “ Admiralty
Outrage,” and subsequently performed with great success at the
theatre, reports of a similar character are to hand by hundreds. We
reproduce a few that have already reached us :—

Mr. J. L. T-e was in the Booking-Office when he heard a loud

noise, which for a moment prevented him from continuing the calcu-
lations in which he was engaged. Almost immediately regaining
his composure, he returned to his labours, aDd found that every place
in his theatre had been taken for three months in advance.

Mr. H. I-g was conversing with Miss E-n T-Y in St.

James’s Park, on their road to the L-m, when the ground was

shaken under their feet. The fair artiste uttered an exclamation of

astonishment, when Mr. I-G, with great presence of mind, assured

her there was no cause for alarm, and finished the anecdote he was
narrating about the immense sums realised in America.

Mr. P-s, the well-known inventor of the celebrated Savon, was

washing his hands when the explosion occurred. The piece of soap
he was using was actually jerked out of his grasp by the force of the
concussion, but being from his own manufactory was of such admi-
rable quality that it suffered no damage.

A Gentleman walking under the Admiralty wall at the time of the
outrage was thrown to the ground with enormous force. Being
picked up by the bystanders, he smilingly explained that he “ was

all right, as the A-y braces he had in use were constructed to

bear any possible strain.” On examination it was found that his
confidence in the admirable article was not misplaced.

A Shoe-black stationed in Spring Gardens insists that he saw a
mysterious foreigner shortly before the explosion happened. He
distinctly remembers the exact time, as only a few minutes previously
he had been opening a packet of the celebrated N-n Blacking.

John Jones asserts that he heard the report as far away from
London as Battersea, where he sleeps at night, being employed

during the daytime at the celebrated G-e Dinner at the C-n,

Piccadilly, which is nightly crowded by the elite of Society, wishing
to enjoy an excellent table d'hote banquet and some capital part-
songs at the moderate charge of three shillings and sixpence a head.

Mr. G-Ti, the world-famous perfumer, asserts that the smell of

the gunpowder or dynamite, on the fateful Thursday, was so strong
ten miles from the scene of the explosion, that he was forced to scent
his handkerchief with his ‘ ‘ Fruit Bloom Bouquet,” which is renowned
as the strongest and best scent in the civilised world. The effect of
this course was magical, and for leagues round the inhabitants
believed, from the delightful fragrance surrounding them, that the
cherry trees had burst into blossom.

Lastly, our own Mr. Briepless, Junior, of Pumphandle Court
(whose contribution to our columns is, in consequence of the explo-
sion, held over till next week), was on the point of receiving a packet
of papers from an influential client when the outrage took place. On
his recovering, both client and papers were gone, and our learned
friend’s memory was so affected by the shock that he oonld not call to
mind the name of the client, although he had no doubt whatever that

the documents must have been manufactured by Messrs. P-e and

C-R, the long-established law and general stationers, whose stook

of fanoy artioles has reached an extraordinary degree of excellence.

Wxrvm.

T