DOI Heft:
January 24, 1885
DOI Seite / Zitierlink: https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.17758#0047
Januaby 24, 1885.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 37
the mahdi and his letter.
. The False Prophet was seated in his tent with his Grand Vizier,
mtiaUn? a friendly Sheikh, by name El Juggins, into the mysteries
ot the old Soudanese national sport, Teb-spoof. The Monarch and
his Vizier had succeeded in claiming the handsome sword, pistols,
yataghan, and jewelled turban worn by El Juggins, when a dis-
turbance without caused the Mahdi to hurl down the sheet of paper
on which he was engaged, and shout, ‘ ‘ Allah Bismillah, are the infidel
sons of dogs upon us already, Selim ? ”
ii PrE:L™ entered, and making a low obeisance to his master, said,
May it please the Ruler of the Earth, there has just arrived a
creature, who is proud to be called his slave, with important despatches
stolen from the English.”
. “ It is well,” answered the Mahdi. “Let the beast he brought
m, and send for my English Interpreter.”
Then there entered a grave and learned man, followed by a half-
starved, half-clothed wretch, who, from the folds of his scanty linen
clothing, produced a crumpled sheet of note-paper. The Mahdi,
through his Vizier, took this letter, and after a gallant hut ineffectual
attempt to read it upside down, handed it to his Interpreter, and
hade him translate.
In a slow and solemn voice the Interpreter began: —
“ Dear old Chappie.’’
“Tell the Minister of War to search the Dictionary of English
Soldiers and find out who Dearoldehappie is.”
The Minister of War studied the Army List, and confessed his
inability to find any officer of that name.
“Take the Minister of War outside,” yelled the justly irate
Monarch, “ and give him one hundred of the bastinado on the soles
of his feet.”
To the accompaniment of the Minister’s piteous shrieks for mercy
the Interpreter continued :—
“ Christmas is over and gone in every sense, for we have all been
half-seas over, and all our money is gone.”
“That means,” explained the Monarch, “ that England has sent
another fleet which is half-way across the ocean, and that she has
spent her last piastre in its equipment.”
“ Allah, but the Ruler of the Desert is like unto the unclean swine
which can see the wind,” murmured the Foreign Minister, in tones
of admiration so genuine, that his master immediately slipped a few
iPtjt ?oison . 0 sherbet, while the Interpreter continued:—
a ° yV-e Painted the time red, and no mistake.”
A religious ceremony of these infidel dogs,” explained the
Mahdi, at which the Minister of Religion, not knowing he was
observed, wmked with both eyes, and was forcibly removed to he
“V In£erPreter went on
d >lave sun™u>ned enough pluck to send you a line, old
and mu nJ to,have anV news■ & being four in the morning,
for this.” t hamng been to led for five nights, may, however, account
“ Takers, these white dogs,” interrupted the Mahdi.
thou the Other'nLu thff°u^ry, or broke in town. Dicky lost three
Thp Matt dt -DdC.
too, hut he^wo^0^^^’ as if ¥ u¥erstood i<:- The Tizier nodded
thoroughly asleep. When he had been set on fire, and
‘‘ And I r fkened> the reader continued :—
I seriously thiJ*0!? a justly Boxing Day at ICempton Park, that
“Miniate t¥ emigration.”
“ I Lave1w"duoation, tell me where Kempton Park is.”
Minister. 1 rem°test idea,” promptly replied the truthful
be disturbed °7 Education out—but so far, that I shall not
the best khonrff *lls„lnterruptions, and give him seventy dozen with
Then turning ,was the unan8WerabJe repartee of the Mahdi.
to he taken with e-iy t°wards the Foreign Minister, who seemed
tone,— ^ violent convulsions, he inquirtd in an irritable
“ May^i^nlpn ?'ore^11 Minister tying himself into knots for ? ”
dying.” v ease your Serene Highness, he says he thinks he is
side, i ¥d forgotten that poison. Well, take him out-
with him! Proceed^ ” to kave Mm dl’ing all over my tent. Out
shall have ^io^dn^t^ new‘ % haven’t seen any Pantomimes, as
Perry’s back at when my sister’s children come to town,
ever at the Pm, i • paiety; but Bessie Bell,wood is grander than
want that oldfboTthe M*hp9 ' What cheisr’ ’-Rl° We onlV
“ That ! ’’ shrieked the Mahdi.
“ Take this he Mahdi-”
self.” a&ger, which is poisoned, and stick it hard in your-
“I objected the Interpreter.
-„-•Ivow, do as you are bid.”
The Interpreter did so, and, after a low how, retired outside, not
without many spasmodic twitchings of his limbs, and lay on the
sand, where his last groans were as the baying of dogs at the
inoffensive moon.
“ Allah, but he made sweet music,” said the Mahdi. Row, dog,
when did you get this epistle ?”
“ Oh, most noble one, I stole it from a fair young man.
“ What general was he ? ”
“Guards’ Camel Corps.”
“ So be it. As a reward for your industry, courage, and integrity,
my guards will now take you outside and—let me see yes burn
you! ” _ .
Then the Mahdi lit his long pipe, and working out the various
problems which he had been, listening to, in his brain, fell into a
sound and prolonged slumber, and the next day the readers of the
London Daily Papers read—
THE SOUDAN.
(From Our Special Correspondent.)
The Mahdi is perfectly informed as to the exact state of European
Politics. It is certain that he derives his knowledge from stolen and
intercepted letters.
DREAMY DELIGHT!
“ Professor Stuaht concluded with an earnest denunciation of War, the
dreamy delight of the Conservative class. He also argued at length in favour
of the extension of the suffrage to Women.”
Let us cease to give money for navies and guns,
For torpedoes, and swords, and the like,
For the Man of the Future’s the fellow who runs
If t he enemy threatens to strike !
Should a foeman appear on your borders, invite
Him to enter, and give him a pass;
But resist him not! War is the dreamy delight
Of the pampered Conservative class!
There’s Russia wants India. Well, give her her way,—
What is India to you or to me ?
And there ’s Germany greedy for Holland, they say,
And extending her empire by sea;
And there’s France, that is spoiling, they guess, for a fight,
And our gains she would gladly amass.
Let us hear it,—for War is the dreamy delight
Of the pampered Conservative class!
When our Empire is gone, when our Trade is as dead
As proverbial nails in a door,
When the Working-man has not a mouthful of bread,
And when Capital’s fled from the shore,
When there is not one Landlord to plunder by might
(Which is right), for they ’ve run iu a mass,
We ’ll at least have got rid of the dreamy delight
Of the pampered Conservative class!
When the Dockyards are idle, the Foundries are cold,
When our Commerce is driven from the sea,
When the cottons of Manchester cannot be sold,
What a triumph, Professor, for thee !
When the cheek of an Englishman’s ashen and white
If a foreigner happens to pass,
Let’s rejoice, for we’ve shunted the dreamy delight
Of the pampered Conservative class!
But, alas, if to Ladies the Suffrage you give,
And permit them the use of the vote,
Then the “ dreamy delight” wilL he certain to live,
And the epaulettes, ay, and the coat ;
And the flag you detest like a meteor bright
It will wave, when you ’re under the grass :
For the Soldier and Sailor are still the delight
Of the Fair,—a Conservative class !
Me. W. Holland was very much annoyed on overhearing one of
the audience telling a child who found it a bit dull, “ Wait till the
Clowns roll by, Jinny.” The People’s Skaterer (so called from his
idea of starting a huge rink) remonstrated, and informed the young
man that there was nothing “jinny” about even a show of Hol-
land’s, and that the eighteen acrobatic jesters were aU temperance
men, only rather bigger than ordinary empty tumblers.
Change of Occupation.—Bismaeck to be “Man in Possession”
vice “ Honest Broker ’’ resigned.
E
the mahdi and his letter.
. The False Prophet was seated in his tent with his Grand Vizier,
mtiaUn? a friendly Sheikh, by name El Juggins, into the mysteries
ot the old Soudanese national sport, Teb-spoof. The Monarch and
his Vizier had succeeded in claiming the handsome sword, pistols,
yataghan, and jewelled turban worn by El Juggins, when a dis-
turbance without caused the Mahdi to hurl down the sheet of paper
on which he was engaged, and shout, ‘ ‘ Allah Bismillah, are the infidel
sons of dogs upon us already, Selim ? ”
ii PrE:L™ entered, and making a low obeisance to his master, said,
May it please the Ruler of the Earth, there has just arrived a
creature, who is proud to be called his slave, with important despatches
stolen from the English.”
. “ It is well,” answered the Mahdi. “Let the beast he brought
m, and send for my English Interpreter.”
Then there entered a grave and learned man, followed by a half-
starved, half-clothed wretch, who, from the folds of his scanty linen
clothing, produced a crumpled sheet of note-paper. The Mahdi,
through his Vizier, took this letter, and after a gallant hut ineffectual
attempt to read it upside down, handed it to his Interpreter, and
hade him translate.
In a slow and solemn voice the Interpreter began: —
“ Dear old Chappie.’’
“Tell the Minister of War to search the Dictionary of English
Soldiers and find out who Dearoldehappie is.”
The Minister of War studied the Army List, and confessed his
inability to find any officer of that name.
“Take the Minister of War outside,” yelled the justly irate
Monarch, “ and give him one hundred of the bastinado on the soles
of his feet.”
To the accompaniment of the Minister’s piteous shrieks for mercy
the Interpreter continued :—
“ Christmas is over and gone in every sense, for we have all been
half-seas over, and all our money is gone.”
“That means,” explained the Monarch, “ that England has sent
another fleet which is half-way across the ocean, and that she has
spent her last piastre in its equipment.”
“ Allah, but the Ruler of the Desert is like unto the unclean swine
which can see the wind,” murmured the Foreign Minister, in tones
of admiration so genuine, that his master immediately slipped a few
iPtjt ?oison . 0 sherbet, while the Interpreter continued:—
a ° yV-e Painted the time red, and no mistake.”
A religious ceremony of these infidel dogs,” explained the
Mahdi, at which the Minister of Religion, not knowing he was
observed, wmked with both eyes, and was forcibly removed to he
“V In£erPreter went on
d >lave sun™u>ned enough pluck to send you a line, old
and mu nJ to,have anV news■ & being four in the morning,
for this.” t hamng been to led for five nights, may, however, account
“ Takers, these white dogs,” interrupted the Mahdi.
thou the Other'nLu thff°u^ry, or broke in town. Dicky lost three
Thp Matt dt -DdC.
too, hut he^wo^0^^^’ as if ¥ u¥erstood i<:- The Tizier nodded
thoroughly asleep. When he had been set on fire, and
‘‘ And I r fkened> the reader continued :—
I seriously thiJ*0!? a justly Boxing Day at ICempton Park, that
“Miniate t¥ emigration.”
“ I Lave1w"duoation, tell me where Kempton Park is.”
Minister. 1 rem°test idea,” promptly replied the truthful
be disturbed °7 Education out—but so far, that I shall not
the best khonrff *lls„lnterruptions, and give him seventy dozen with
Then turning ,was the unan8WerabJe repartee of the Mahdi.
to he taken with e-iy t°wards the Foreign Minister, who seemed
tone,— ^ violent convulsions, he inquirtd in an irritable
“ May^i^nlpn ?'ore^11 Minister tying himself into knots for ? ”
dying.” v ease your Serene Highness, he says he thinks he is
side, i ¥d forgotten that poison. Well, take him out-
with him! Proceed^ ” to kave Mm dl’ing all over my tent. Out
shall have ^io^dn^t^ new‘ % haven’t seen any Pantomimes, as
Perry’s back at when my sister’s children come to town,
ever at the Pm, i • paiety; but Bessie Bell,wood is grander than
want that oldfboTthe M*hp9 ' What cheisr’ ’-Rl° We onlV
“ That ! ’’ shrieked the Mahdi.
“ Take this he Mahdi-”
self.” a&ger, which is poisoned, and stick it hard in your-
“I objected the Interpreter.
-„-•Ivow, do as you are bid.”
The Interpreter did so, and, after a low how, retired outside, not
without many spasmodic twitchings of his limbs, and lay on the
sand, where his last groans were as the baying of dogs at the
inoffensive moon.
“ Allah, but he made sweet music,” said the Mahdi. Row, dog,
when did you get this epistle ?”
“ Oh, most noble one, I stole it from a fair young man.
“ What general was he ? ”
“Guards’ Camel Corps.”
“ So be it. As a reward for your industry, courage, and integrity,
my guards will now take you outside and—let me see yes burn
you! ” _ .
Then the Mahdi lit his long pipe, and working out the various
problems which he had been, listening to, in his brain, fell into a
sound and prolonged slumber, and the next day the readers of the
London Daily Papers read—
THE SOUDAN.
(From Our Special Correspondent.)
The Mahdi is perfectly informed as to the exact state of European
Politics. It is certain that he derives his knowledge from stolen and
intercepted letters.
DREAMY DELIGHT!
“ Professor Stuaht concluded with an earnest denunciation of War, the
dreamy delight of the Conservative class. He also argued at length in favour
of the extension of the suffrage to Women.”
Let us cease to give money for navies and guns,
For torpedoes, and swords, and the like,
For the Man of the Future’s the fellow who runs
If t he enemy threatens to strike !
Should a foeman appear on your borders, invite
Him to enter, and give him a pass;
But resist him not! War is the dreamy delight
Of the pampered Conservative class!
There’s Russia wants India. Well, give her her way,—
What is India to you or to me ?
And there ’s Germany greedy for Holland, they say,
And extending her empire by sea;
And there’s France, that is spoiling, they guess, for a fight,
And our gains she would gladly amass.
Let us hear it,—for War is the dreamy delight
Of the pampered Conservative class!
When our Empire is gone, when our Trade is as dead
As proverbial nails in a door,
When the Working-man has not a mouthful of bread,
And when Capital’s fled from the shore,
When there is not one Landlord to plunder by might
(Which is right), for they ’ve run iu a mass,
We ’ll at least have got rid of the dreamy delight
Of the pampered Conservative class!
When the Dockyards are idle, the Foundries are cold,
When our Commerce is driven from the sea,
When the cottons of Manchester cannot be sold,
What a triumph, Professor, for thee !
When the cheek of an Englishman’s ashen and white
If a foreigner happens to pass,
Let’s rejoice, for we’ve shunted the dreamy delight
Of the pampered Conservative class!
But, alas, if to Ladies the Suffrage you give,
And permit them the use of the vote,
Then the “ dreamy delight” wilL he certain to live,
And the epaulettes, ay, and the coat ;
And the flag you detest like a meteor bright
It will wave, when you ’re under the grass :
For the Soldier and Sailor are still the delight
Of the Fair,—a Conservative class !
Me. W. Holland was very much annoyed on overhearing one of
the audience telling a child who found it a bit dull, “ Wait till the
Clowns roll by, Jinny.” The People’s Skaterer (so called from his
idea of starting a huge rink) remonstrated, and informed the young
man that there was nothing “jinny” about even a show of Hol-
land’s, and that the eighteen acrobatic jesters were aU temperance
men, only rather bigger than ordinary empty tumblers.
Change of Occupation.—Bismaeck to be “Man in Possession”
vice “ Honest Broker ’’ resigned.
E