回答受付終了まであと5日

kek********

2025/1/4 13:01

22回答

英検2級ライティングの添削をしていただきたいですm(._.)m あと16点中何点もらえるかなど教えていただけると助かりますm(._.)m Topic

英検2級ライティングの添削をしていただきたいですm(._.)m あと16点中何点もらえるかなど教えていただけると助かりますm(._.)m Topic Today, many buildings collect rainwater and then use it in various ways, such as giving water to plants. Do you think such buildings will become more common in the future? Answer It is becoming a public concern that many buildings collect rainwater and then use it in various ways. I am also interested in it. In my opinion, I agree with the idea that they will do. I have two reasons for it. To begin with, they will be good low cost for people. For example, they will be able to use different things. Next, they will have high technology ability. For instance, they will have a good life. In conclusion, I think such buildings will become more common in the future because of their cost and technology. よろしくお願いします！

英語 | 資格・74閲覧

1人が共感しています

ログインして回答

回答（2件）

1052226061

2025/1/5 11:01

There is something wrong in the very first phase of your essay. Despite stating that it’s becoming a public concern in the first place you then argue that’s it’s a good idea to do so. I suggest you to have a consistent idea throughout the whole entire essay cuz otherwise you’ll probably miss the points there. I’ll make a revise for u with some grammar or nuance corrections below. Although there are some problems with utilizing rainwater, I believe the benefits outweigh the potential drawbacks. There are two main reasons to support my argument. Firstly, it would be quite beneficial for poorer communities, as rainwater is an affordable resource that everyone can access. Another reason is that the technology behind this idea can contribute to improving people's lives, leading to further advancements in society in the near future. Therefore, a growing number of such buildings is expected, as they demonstrate factors that positively impact humanity.

この回答はいかがでしたか？ リアクションしてみよう

放課後

カテゴリマスター

2025/1/4 14:18

It is becoming a public concern that many buildings collect rainwater and then use it in various ways. I am also interested in it. ・OK In my opinion, I agree with the idea that they will do. ・この問題はagree or disagree形式ではないのでagreeと言うのはおかしいです。「どう思いますか？」「賛成です」と言っている状態です ・do=become more common in the futureとしているのだと思いますが、自分の文の中で一度書いたことをdoとするのはいいですが、問題文のものをdoにするのはNGじゃないかな？ ・あとthey=buildingsかな？they will become more common in the futureはちょっと説明不足になるので、such buildingsみたいな主語にすべきです（ここまででマイナス2点） I have two reasons for it. ・OK To begin with, they will be good low cost for people. ・言いたいことは分かりますが、low costが前置詞もなく唐突に割り込んでいるので、元の文をなるべく残そうとしたらit will be good for people because of low cost.かな（マイナス1点） For example, they will be able to use different things. ・different thingsが何なのかわからないです（マイナス1点） Next, they will have high technology ability. ・abilityはなくて大丈夫です。逆に加えようと思ったらやはり句か節にする何かが必要になります。並列でtechnology and abilityで十分かな？（マイナス1点） For instance, they will have a good life. ・このtheyは何？buildings？あるは人々？lifeも主語によって物としての寿命か生活かが決まります（マイナス1点） In conclusion, I think such buildings will become more common in the future because of their cost and technology. ・OK 構成は大丈夫です。本当は減点方式じゃないのかもですが、16点中10点です。

放課後

2025/1/4 14:21

細かく言うとfor instance, ...will...はよくないかもです。for exampleの方が無難です。instanceには実在している例というニュアンスがあって、あんまりwillといっしょに使わないと思います。