Change Your Image
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RavenGlamDVDCollector
A request to IMDb: what about music videos? Okay,so some of the contemporary top stars do have sites for their music videos, but it is very selective, leaving the vast majority of them out in the cold. Many of them are junior movies in their own right, like Meat Loaf's I WOULD DO AYTHING FOR LOVE (BUT I WON'T DO THAT) which is one of my Hard-to-Find on DVD quests as well. And there is no sign of my favorite singer Eighties songstress Mandy Smith...
Check out my reviews to see which titles I'm searching for, which ones carry rewards, and also the titles I am proud to own and joyously watch. Hopefully all going well, I will be updating my entries as I go along, reflecting on my passions for individual titles.
Written on 19 April 2014, updated 17 December 2016
Please note that my e-mail address is all in one line. Some darned technical glitch sometimes cuts it in two. The last word is Collector.
Oh, and by the way, if I do not show any activity on IMDb, I am perhaps too busy with DVDs or downloading, but if it becomes a long time, perhaps my cell-phone is broken. I'm really trying to say that I am a frequent flyer on IMDb, so, if I'm still around, I'm here at my favorite site. If you ever notice a really long absence, kindly inform IMDb and they could hold a little memorial service for me.
Yes, and then it happened. The saddest story. On 4 June, my TV set blew, my huge beloved TV set, and in the ensuing drama, after a misunderstanding with the TV repair crew, I walked into the way of a car. I am now crippled. My TV set has, reportedly, been repaired, but convalescing in an old age home, I have no access to it.
Hopefully this is not farewell, but it might be.
Jamie Luner, Mischa Barton, Sarah Michelle Gellar, I loved you all. I'm gonna miss you all dearly.
This is RavenGlamDVDCollector signing out. Until further notice, if ever.
Thank you, IMDb, for more than 14 months of a really glorious time.
Addendum, 2015/07/28, 2:37:36 PM. I've been back on the scene for five days. Crippled, limping badly, but reunited with my Tedelex EC3407, and thankful for every second of watching again after seven hellish weeks. All offers still stand.
Notice: Experienced problems with my beloved touch-screen phone at the end of March, had to switch to another phone, it's not equipped with JavaScript, which is why I am now so silent on the Board Posts front. Also unable to do further Synopsis work, explaining the absence of my synopsis for MELROSE PLACE "Wilshire" aw, the irony, just as I was poised to do the final episode. I'm still on the Review scene, and Storylines, Quotes, and rectifying other people's mistakes, and if I can save this notice I'm writing now, Lists. 2016/05/03, 7:20:06 PM.
2016/05/19. Almost a week of absense. A miserable time. But I'm back. Touchscreen with JavaScript and all. Until the next disaster, I suppose. Let it be made known, if anything goes irrevocably wrong with my setup, if I'm still breathing, I'll come back as [email protected]. But here's hoping this holds.
New Year's message: Last year some guy assured me I am responsible for the most entertaining page on IMDb, this very one. Oh, well, better success with it then than with my (mostly unseen, I suppose) reviews, synopses and contributions. I'm still at it, successes here and there, especially with getting to see "an edited version" of FALL FROM GRACE again, thanks to Ralphus44, thanks guy! 2017/01/05, 12:36:28 PM
Currently finally doing the long-intended updating of UNHAPPILY EVER AFTER's episodes, the ones I had been able to download, anyway. It is going well, the first season anyway, that's where I am now. I fear it won't go so well further on, because there is a whole lot I do not have, 2017/01/25, 6:18:59 AM
Ratings
Most Recently Rated
Lists
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Entries are in buzz order. Buzz may change at any given moment as more information is obtained, or buzz of another may overtake, causing a shift in position.
{to clarify: RavenGlamDVDCollector's Acquisitions Chart (1) Hard-to-Find hasn't been posted in that form yet, as it has already appeared a long time ago as RavenGlamDVDCollector's Hard-to-Find List back when I was a fledgling member. As for the other numbers, none of them are online here on IMDb yet, but they might appear soon. They include the Research File and the Reject Bin. Not all of them can be uploaded, as one is for Vague Memories, titles lost in my memory, and another is for Phantoms, dealing with unreleased-on-DVD shows and music videos (and since most music videos aren't represented here...)} {the Research File has been started out after mid-September, and the Reject Bin was recently fully uploaded}
Items to be deleted soon after receipt of DVD. Then the titles are transferred to my Inventory lists, (1) for movies, (2) TV series, and (3) TV mini-series.
List is currently Private for security reasons. Though no order reference numbers were entered, it is still felt to be a security risk 'tempting fate.' LIst might periodically be made available to the public. Be warned though that it might contain somewhat, er, rich prose at certain times. But it is merely my personal notebook, and would lack anything of real interest to outsiders, so IMDb members are advised to go to my other (often highly-opinionated) lists, as you'd have very little fun here. {list goes Public for now, 2016/10/05, 8:18:10 PM, comments welcomed at [email protected]} {gone Private, no sense tempting fate, orders getting big, 2016/10/28, 6:24:48 PM} {availability to public of list flactuates depending on the kind of information posted} {currently Public again, list is currently considered "just here in name only" and no longer carries confidential information, 2017/08/02, 5:27:32 PM}
This list is subject to "IMDb's editing function" being available on-line, which wasn't the case last night and this morning, 2016/11/23, 9:21:57 AM. When the yellow "pollen" doesn't appear, notes will revert to my Cellphone Memo Pad. Hopefully to be brought over later. {happened again this evening, and in the panic after a re-boot, notes weren't made on other cellphone, all now under control, just with belated entries, 2016/12/29, 8:31:23 PM} {this is a persistent, regular problem that affected all my listing these last days of January 2017}
{after yesterday's receipt, the list is now sadly depleted, the blooming flowers have been picked. Good thing! No doubt other blossoms will appear... 2016/09/15, 6:11:47 AM} {yeah! BITTEN, yesterday's big news, when a picture of the Third Season box cover was encountered, leading to the realization that many other titles are now, like, s-c-r-e-w-e-d, 2016/09/24, 9:22:29 PM} {huge delivery RDN-TR2-KY9 took 19 titles of this list, 2017/01/23, 6:48:27 PM} {the flowers are really, really sadly depleted... no, good thing, have them with me, whoo-hoo! another successful delivery today, 2017/08/02, 5:29:54 PM}
Updated Action List: (1) THAT NIGHT {on order} (2) SLAVE GIRLS FROM BEYOND INFINITY {on order} (3) THE CLIENT LIST (the original TVM) (4) AVENGERS GRIMM {on order} (5) THREE'S COMPANY (6) PRETTY LITTLE LIARS #5 (7) PRETTY LITTLE LIARS #6 (8) SWAMP GIRL (9) TEENAGE TRAMP
Casualty List:
- SWIMSUIT
At Raru:
- currently, NONE
- T.N.
- S.G.F.B.I.
- A.G.
(three awaited)
Shipping Notification(s) received: /none/
/35, 2016/10/05, 6:42:20 PM /38, 2017/01/23, 6:40:26 PM /36, 2017/02/05, 5:45:53 AM /45, 2017/03/06, 12:18:53 PM /46, 2017/03/10, 6:37:26 PM /49, but actually 50, HOGTIED has two, 2017/03/24 /55, 2017/04/08, 4:53:25 PM /56, 2017/04/18, 5:25:53 PM /43, 2017/05/17, 8:57:31 PM /39, 2017/06/09, 9:46:14 PM /37, 2017/07/04, 12:15:53 PM and doesn't include the three, maybe four, NOWs /33, 2017/08/07, 5:54:37 PM includes an U.S. NOW best of 2003 {on order}, but not U.S. NOW #2 /33, 2017/08/26, 6:34:22 AM /30, 2017/10/14, 12:11:46 PM
Notice: Tokkelos Command announces the intending closing of this time-consuming feature. It will have to move back to the standard memo-page entries. 17 March 2017, 5:55:55 PM {already being phased out, too cumbersome, 2017/05/02, 6:18:55 PM} {everything here is now done in abbreviated and unfiled form, due to time wastage}
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Okay, the real story behind this list is that I had the original on my cell phone, but it is unfortunately now lost forever due to a much-needed Factory Reset that saved my phone when it was very, very sick, but destroyed all my valuable notes. I do have some of it on a spare phone, so here I go, before that too gets lost.
Darn, I should have done this a long time ago!
If anybody else ever looks at this, these are notes meant for personal use, taken from Movies, TV and Music Videos. The symbols *__* remind that I do not own these items on DVD, while • means Unwatched As Yet. So, while the list will be shared with the public, it's reason for existence is simply as a personal reminder.
RavenGlamDVDCollector, 2016/05/23, 6:17:23 PM
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2016/07/08, 7:29:59 PM Unlike the preceding movie list which was uploaded in a week, this is the list where absolutely everything was lost, so this will be a Work In Progress for a long time to come. Tonight I'm simply entering a few names of which I have the boxsets. The research still has to be done, and will be entered in due course. 2016/07/13, 7:10:51 PM Going along fine, more to follow, stay tuned. 2016/09/15, 7:51:39 PM Sorely lacking still, the notable guest star entries. But it's coming along nicely on all other fronts. If only I didn't lose all that information... 2017/05/17, 7:39:39 PM Hopefully all items listed.
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My Hard-to-Find quests extend to singers as well. Music videos unfortunately get overlooked on IMDb. They are movies in their own right, like Meat Loaf I WOULD DO ANYTHING FOR LOVE, Paula Abdul OPPOSITES ATTRACT, Bananarama I HEARD A RUMOR, t.A.T.u ALL ABOUT US and Mandy Smith POSITIVE REACTION - yeah, I had to add Mandy, for there's no option for her on the whole of the mighty IMDb. Please, Amazon, let IMDb feature music videos as well.
I am not committing myself to a limit on this list. There are lots of goodies that were never released, and my battle continues. I myself have done my bit to actually succeed in getting two Mandy Smith music videos released locally by pleading her case (it helped that they were already interested in her), and doing some research to provide them with necessary outstanding information, but without e-mail addresses for these listed items, I am unable to pester the powers-that-be... Care to help out?
Note: Am currently having trouble with reordering the list - should be Unhappily Ever After, Models Inc., the Playboy Video Centerfold, Fall from Grace, The Boss' Wife, Silk 2, Blood Games, V.I.P. #2 - #4, Savannah, Clueless TV Series, Desideria and the Dragon Ring, The Secret Circle, Stripper, Without Consent, Angel Falls, Total Exposure, She Spies, Rescue Me, Nightingales, Just the Ten of Us, A Girl to Kill For, A Vow to Kill, T.j. Hooker, P.S.I. Luv U, Fly by Night, Call Me, Time of Your Life, The Ravine, American Heiress, Torn Allegiance, Private Benjamin, or something along those lines, but I am doing this not with a computer, just a touch-screen BlackBerry Curve Model 9380, so bear with me!
{Formerly very sketchy original list currrently being revamped, so check in regularly to see updates! 24 Jan. 2015}
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No Reject will be an official ~REJECT~ without a proper cause duly given in a memorable way. SInce info was lost, all Rejects are granted to be re-evaluated. Some titles get a less damning indictment stamped across their entry here, depending on merit. For all placed on this list prior to November 2016, without any ~~ slash, movie is still being researched again.
take note: Filed under their IMDb title if I know them first and foremost by another name, e.g. your KILLER WORKOUT will always be AEROBICIDE to me.
Several movies couldn't be found for inclusion on this list: ABDUCTION OF AN AMERICAN PLAYGIRL, tt3385622, could not be added, the search function here couldn't find it, neither could its relation WINTER HEAT, tt0129623, be located here, so they get their blacklisting right here. THE BEAUTIFUL BEAST, tt3214448 is another, and something called COMIC COSPLAY THE MOVIE which I'm beginning to think is not a real movie at all.
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The progress reports from 2014 and 2015 are directly carried over from entries on my other cellphone.
Entries in alphabetical order. Filed under their popular names.
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Poor old RavenGlamDVDCollector, they don't give much of a damn about his reviews, 'cause he's harpering on about old forgotten titles in never-visited places? But they love my lists! Ever wondered what The Raven has in his vast collection?
Movies on DVD that I own. List doesn't include TV series, but does include TV movies. List represents what I have, an absent title might reflect on its unavailability to me, although there aren't that many movies I have been unable to obtain on DVD.
The sad history behind my Inventories is that I had nearly the complete thing on my beloved BlackBerry 9380, that is the Movies, TV and Music Videos... Came the dreaded moment when my cellphone acted up, professional helpers tried in vain, and it was left to a friend and computer wizard who uttered the dreaded words 'factory reset' so I scrambled and salvaged these info onto another cellphone, but never got to all the rest, and the TV bit is h-u-g-e and went into extra detail regarding numbers of episodes, guest stars, and more. Which is why you won't see the #2 in this series very soon. But the very fact that I am working here now is thanks to that factory reset which saved my cellphone at the loss of tons of info. Moral of the story: Don't mess about, use the storage facility so kindly provided by IMDb! Praise IMDb!
At this early stage, most of them have no comment. But I'm not done here yet. Truth is, of course, I've been at this for years and years, IMDb is new to me, I should have done this from the start, but, let's see what I am yet to come up with...
Boxsets are causing consternation, and movies registered on IMDb under different names throws my alphabetical approach into a jumble, as I have to stick to the DVD's title.
Just-received titles appear at the end of the list, throwing the neat alphabetical order in disarray, until eventually reordered. Which is quite a task on my BlackBerry 9380.
Images on IMDb are subject to change. Any referral to similarity between set and IMDb image may have been rendered void.
Movies I am thus far unable to file here:
- MODELS, INC. (1952) Coleen Gray
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“I am particularly proud of this list. It is my pet project, as it breaks new ground for IMDb to considerable extent, seeing that other contributors focus mainly on movies and actors. Your patronage is appreciated. Tell your friends about the passionately obsessed South African who wishes to have the status of individual music videos elevated to the same level as TV episodes, which were similarly not part of the IMdb menu when it started out. Keep traffic towards this list high, and speak about music videos in the Board Posts. Many of them are mini-movies in their own right, anyway, like I WOULD DO ANYTHING FOR LOVE (BUT I WON'T DO THAT) by Meat Loaf. So, with such a prime example, I'm sure you'll agree I have a worthy cause.” - RavenGlamDVDCollector's State of the Union IMDb Music Video Front address, 16 February 2015, 12:13:42 PM {”Merry the more”, just like Britney sang in 3. So y'all come back, y'hear? This list grows almost daily!}
As RavenGlamDVDCollector, I am obsessed with actresses, models and singers, but here at my favorite site, music videos, while little movies in their own right, are overlooked by IMDb, and so are starlets falling outside the acting fraternity. If you are a seriously demented hell-bent crazy collector like me, you go like, really really nuts if a sweet-voiced angel-eyed music video eludes you on DVD release, especially with those patently blatantly darkly offensive insidious rapper junk getting preferential treatment by the compilers and distributors.
Okay, as you'll notice from my list's original title, I am a dedicated fervent die-hard rabid Mandy Smith Liberation Front terrorist, and yet few of you ever heard of her, I know. To me, she is the Princess of the Dancefloor, the overlooked, often-ridiculed rank outsider who took the music world by storm (well, almost...) back in 1986, fueled by a bit of media-hyped notoriety, which initially skyrocketed her, but of course ultimately backfired, for an obvious talent got pigeonholed. In short, she could have been up there with Kylie and Tiffany, but could always easily be dragged down by her detractors due to her humble 'scandal girl' origin. Okay, this has now been completion of my mission: Mandy has, by way of this tiny effort, been included on IMDb. She serves as a perfect example of my predicament with Hard-to-Find Unreleased items on DVD: a great collection of music videos, from I JUST CAN'T WAIT, which I helped to get released locally on Awesome 80's Music Video Collection #8, to BOYS AND GIRLS, which I helped to get released locally on Awesome 80's Music Video Collection #7 (brag, brag, brag!), to POSITIVE REACTION (forever elusive!), VICTIM OF PLEASURE and that gem that perhaps never had a proper music video :( the absolutely wonderful STAY WITH ME TONIGHT... But no way to discuss them on IMDb (until now, that is, hee-hee!) in the absence of a link for 'Mandy Smith' (except similarly named person).
Besides being an agent for Our Mandy, this list also aims to promote music video awareness on IMDb. Noticed there are 'shorts' listed, whatever the hell they are :) I just don't know, but come on, be like Wikipedia, acknowledge Discography as well, give music videos the same status as movies & TV.
{it has since come to my attention that Britney Spears and Taylor Swift's music videos are represented here, Katy Perry and some of Kylie Minogue too, I am currently swooping down on those sites, giving my input, I do not know if it's only a few, but at least, THANK YOU, IMDb, for acknowledging music videos, even if only a selected few, for they are sometimes really, really worthwhile! 2016/08/11, 12:00:22 PM, 2016/08/14, 7:52:13 AM}
Check out the sketchy descriptions some of these extremely popular contemporary megastars have. C'mon, IMDb can really do with music video inclusion.
Detractors, please be advised that this is a work of love. List inclusion does have the prerequisite of beauty, so you'll probably all go 'It is the singer and not the song', but as I experience it, it's both of these. Admittedly, some of my entries are a little racy, this list is meant for mature viewing, please consider every statement in its proper context.
Obviously, in the absence of proper links, many Pretty Voices ® are going to be excluded, but I am going to try my best, pushing what is available to the limit, so here goes:
(listed stars appear in no particular order of preference)
Reviews
Hustlers (2019)
cheap horse
Stumbled across this. Wasn't on my viewing list. My contact had it. So, a freebie. But you get what you pay for.
Instead of going into this, I'm gonna give you a bit of advice. In my home language there is a saying "al dra 'n aap 'n goue ring, bly hy nog 'n lelike ding." That's Afrikaans, sort of South African Dutch, and translates to "even if an ape wears a golden ring, it stays an ugly thing."
This sorry excuse for a miscreant movie had a cast that reminded me of this. Aw, Lily excepted, aw of course.
I well remember the response SHOWGIRLS got. Now, if life was fair, this pig excrement would get the same kind of treatment. But I don't think it did, because in the name of political correctness, a cast like this can do no wrong. Maybe if SHOWGIRLS had an all dark cast, it woulda been fine... Nobody would have criticized.
Crap. Even GIGI was better than this. MAID IN MANHATTAN was better than this. Every single one of Jennifer's music videos was better than this.
This stinks! It reeks! It's junk! Two hours of ugly ugly ugly pretending they're not old hasbeens. Aw, not you, Lily. Course not.
Straw Dogs (1971)
much maligned classic
I have just one thing to say. No matter how this movie gets criticized, if you appreciate thrillers, and have the opportunity to view it, by all means, watch! Okay, the sexual content is high, it's an integral part of the story, so, if that keeps you away... But you just dont know what you are missing, and I do feel sorry for you.
Tension slowly but surely builds up towards a dramatic finale with a poignant ending. All puts to shame the average kind of conveyor-belt bulldroppings nowadays spewed out by Hollywood wannabe-moviemakers.
Susan George was unfortunately not really at her best, her performance is largely uneven, though at times, wow, what a leading lady! Full marks to everybody else. Great movie, superb classic, screen gem. Might now be 53 years old, but makes recent efforts in the era of technical wizardry look like child's handiwork.
Glad I can be of assistance. Thank me later, you lot following my advice.
Femme Fatale (2002)
perplexing European movie
I'm a fan of this largely for the scenes featuring Miss Rasmussen, who was a Victoria's Secret Angel at the time. I also got hooked on Rafael's Bolero because of this movie. It is the classiest music in a movie ever.
As for the movie itself, I try to understand. But it's like being a chameleon observing a rainbow, I get super confused. The ending brings everything so beautifully together, it's like it all gets tied up in a neat bow.
But there are oddly wooden performances, including that of the leading lady. The whole thing needed a Hollywood director with a much firmer grip on knowing what the American-type public wants, somebody who would yell over a megaphone "Emote! EMOTE!" cause largely these people are playing like wooden robots.
So, I will admit that I can't understand this thing even after repeated viewing through the years, since back in around 2007. But I want to like it. It's part genius and part failed big flop. Overall, of course, it's a monumental train wreck. But you can't take your eyes off it.
The Collective (2023)
embarrassingly bad pathetic junk... risible to the extreme
Hold on to your hats, fasten your seat belts, here we go with agent Sam, agent 0.0000 1/2. The milk beard boy on a mission!
Yeah, I had stumbled across this due to a search for the Kelly Overton movie "The Collective" and should just have discarded the results.
Have watched halfway to where the model became collateral damage. Hell, am I p****d off!
I have previously posted reviews in which I have ranted against the lame movies being churned out nowadays, i. E. the average content of Netflix (for sad losers!)
Motto of moviemakers nowadays: Have camera, some money, will make flick. Yeah, it's like writing a book. Anybody can write a book. It's writing a hit that's the problem. Anybody can think up an idea for a movie. Actually filming that movie in the proper way, that's another story.
In short, watching this, I think these chowder-heads should have their cameras confiscated, and get tarred and feathered and run out of town, disbarred from ever making another movie ever again.
Everybody keeping track of me on IMDb will notice that I watch fairly old movies Seventies, Eighties, Nineties, thereabouts. In the old days, the people knew how to make movies. Nowadays, nah! If the viewer feels nothing for the character, what's the point? Empty, empty, empty!
This movie stinks! It's really really rancid. A covert agent like this, a little girl can kick him in his nuts!
Where do we line up to tie a knot in the director's nose?
Pearl (2022)
well-filmed excrement
Doesn't matter how you look at it, this picture, although sumptuously filmed, only reflects the sick society in which we live in. That stuff like this can be allowed. Do any piece of film with a hint of sexual allure in it... public outcry! Ban it off our screens! But violence and gore... aw, that's just good-natured fun.
I suggest to anybody who doesn't have a cast-iron stomach to take along a barf bag.
Great marketing opportunity. Stand outside the theater, selling your product. "Getcha PEARL barf bag here! Getcha PEARL barf bag here!"
Believe me, you're gonna have satisfied customers. They're gonna thank you for having been there in their hour of need.
Rent yourself a good porn movie. One with plenty of XXX action. It's wholesome.
The Nine Lives of Chloe King (2011)
a message to ABC Family network
Okay, so this show isn't perfect. Far from it. But it held terrific promise. And ABC Family cancels it after the first season. The question is : Why?
More than a decade later, after not being able to find it on DVD, got it from the Net.
But here's the problem. There is no other way to watch it. There never was a DVD release. So, I'm stuck with watching it as I found it on the Net. A direct recording as it appeared on ABC Family. Which is a SISSY FAMILY SITE. People looking for a bit of adventure, don't go there Steer clear of ABC Family. Every two minutes, they throw an ad onto the screen advertising other shows. Never mind that you are trying to watch THE NINE LIVES OF CHLOE KING, they throw a reminder onto the screen, complete with moving pictures, that you are indeed watching The Nine Lives of Chloe King and then there appears a whole smorgasbord of their sissy shows as well, every fricking two minutes, over the action, over the drama... It's difficult to follow the story, there is this incessant nuisance.
And you AMERICANS stand for this bull!
Stop subscribing to stupid networks!
Demand better treatment!
How could THE NINE LIVES OF CHLOE KING have stood a fair chance? It's target audience surely wouldn't watch such a messy messy messy presentation!
It's ludicrous to have your viewing pleasure interrupted. Commercials are bad enough, but here you have your rights further infringed upon. I understand there are also weather reports and competitions thrown out onto your screens as well. It's pathetic!
Admittedly I haven't watched television in more than a decade, being a DVD nut. But I was dismayed to see how things are run in Big Land America. Yes, I am a South African, and in my country, everything sucks twelve times more, yes, but I'd have thought Americans had more sense! Stand up for your rights! Aren't you shelling out subscription fees?
As for this show, it could have been the BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER of the twenty-teens, but like it said, look where it got stuck.
Charlie's Angels (1976)
aw, so boring... what a yawn...
Unfortunately I have to agree with helpless_dancer, one of the other reviewers here. Yeah, of course this was way back then, but really, it was bad. I mean, this story is slow and ponderous and nothing exciting happens. Really, that it lifted off AT ALL after this... what a bummer of a TV movie. There was only one high point, right at the end, Farrah Fawcett-Majors cooing "be sure to call if you need us, you hear?" or something like that. The episode itself is way, way, way below later standard. And this criticism comes from The Raven, who usually goes all out to bestow compliments on pretty actresses.
This... bland. Argh. One and a half hours, gah!
Her Alibi (1989)
Pauline unfairly treated
It is disgraceful that Paulina was nearly voted Worst Actress of the Year for this. What did the people expect from her, a song and dance routine thrown in as well? I suppose there had been a whole lot of haters involved too, most likely wannabe Tom Selleck groupies doing their envious thing.
Back in the day, this movie was a big hit with me, and certainly not because of ol' Magnum star's whiny ninny about-turn.
Look at Paulina, and then look at today's stars. Jeesh, there are total trash parading as "starz"... tattoo taxis, junkyard-made. Hollywood is in a slump! This movie, it is of course way, way, way corny in many, many places BUT it carries a certain charm, a certain innocence, a beauty in it...
In the old days, I read about the Golden Age of Hollywood. Back then, it was really still the Golden Age. Nowadays, very few bright-spark romantic comedy movies like this one pops up.
Buffy the Vampire Slayer (1992)
Kristy's swansong
As a fan of Kristy Swanson, I saw this back in the day, and I must have been blind to how really bad it was... A long time later I became a big fan of BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER, the TV series. It's a very long time later now, watched this movie today... it's difficult to believe just how bad it really is. Kristy Swanson did a very, very poor job. Wonder if she ever, with hindsight, compared herself to Sarah Michelle Gellar? Oh, the shame!
Amazing what can be done with a doomed concept if you cast the right girl. The TV series is absolutely everything that the movie never was.
Don't waste your time watching this movie. Go for the seven seasons TV series.
Bolero (1984)
to all the prudes and holier-than-thou Mother Grundies
Okay, so you lot say it's such a horrible movie. I say you're just being facetious. The people who would walk out of a theater would gladly rent the movie to watch it at home in private. It's like saying "SHOWGIRLS? Yuck!" but in quiet, you run home with your copy, lock all the doors, down go the blinds, eleven o'clock tonight it is happy time!"
Objectively seen, BOLERO is a beautifully-filmed movie with a fantastically beautiful star. Add the scene-stealing Olivia d'Abo and you have, well, a joyous happy time.
If the story shocks you, don't judge by American standards this Western European approach to sexual morality. Who can say what is right and wrong? Being warmly human is what is important, instead of being all prudish and saintly and holy and FAKE for in your heart, you are a WOLF in pious clothing...
I think it's a beautiful movie. And yet, you say, the worst ever? I can name you scores of movies from that time that are totally junk. This one dares to be sexy and to you, ooh, CARDINAL SIN, ooh I'll go to hell for having watched and ooh I'll burn for all eternity for I so much enjoyed so OOH better pretend I hated it.
All you pious self-conscious Holy Joes, add your dislikes to my review. Bet there's a thousand before tomorrow.
Rick Astley: Whenever You Need Somebody (1987)
yellow bikini
It's kind of embarrassing to watch a Rick Ashley video. That nerdy redhead bloke from the Stock Aiken Waterman days. Ah, but those days were good. Much much much better.
But I digress. In Afrikaans, that's, uh, South African Dutch, there's a saying, "dis nie die hondjie nie, dis die halsbandjie." It's not the little dog that attracts the attention, it's the little collar. Okay, I just realized the apt English counterpart, "It's not the singer, it's the song" but in this case, as The Raven, it's neither the singer nor the song... it's the lovely beach bunny in the pink outfit stripped off to reveal the yellow bikini.
Aw, when I play it now, oddly enough, Ol' Rick ain't quite as irritating as I expected him to be, but super schmaltzy sweet. Argh. Okay, back in the Eighties, I always thought, well, there you have it. Film Archie, with Rick as Archie Andrews, Kylie Minogue as Betty Cooper.
Drop Dead Gorgeous (1999)
mean-spirited exercise in bad taste
All the glowing reviews here, shove 'em. I don't like this movie. It starts off promising and then became just like a slasher. And slashers are fodder for common people. Low-class common people. So your artsy reviews, they're just yuck to me.
The longer this movie went on, it just irritated me. Like the lead character says, "she did not deserve to die like that." As a bad girl, she was a very lightweight bad girl, and I found that plot development OFFENSIVE... and you know what, I am The Raven, I have very, very liberal tastes, but this... No!
Psychologically, why do people wanna watch something like this? Because they're haters! They're jealous of the prom queen type. And in this movie, here the prom queen gets fried. So they get their jollies out of that. Argh! You buncha vermin, you common swine...
Go ahead, dislike this. Let's see how many haters I can add up standing in line here.
Kesha: Rainbow (2017)
no gold at the end of the Rainbow
Sadly, one of her most fanatic fans bows out here. Jeez, what have we got here? The girl that once provided enthralled fans with the best music videos featuring Ke$ha's beauty and special brand of humor, that highly likable cheeky young girl... replaced by this... this... Aw, no. Aw, no. Aw, no. From Tik Tok and C'mon and Dying Young and Blow and Take It Off to this... Rainbow?
The opera isn't over until the fat lady sang. Well, the fat lady sang. It's over.
It doesn't deserve the One Star. It ranks a Big Fat Zero.
Observe the way this video ends. She's looking down, then looks up like a little puppy that made a mess. And no longer a cute puppy. She knows this offering ain't worth, uh, two specks of glitter.
Should have bowed out before this.
Ke$ha: Take It Off (2010)
the glitter-puff girl
The animal comes alive, looking for something wild... Ke$ha and her gang taking over a deserted building and having a ripsnorting bash. Litter on the floor? And glitter on her every pore!
I wholeheartedly agree with calicodreaming, currently the only other reviewer here, that this is a perfect video for Ke$ha's song. It is now years and years later AND THEY JUST DON'T MAKE 'EM LIKE THIS ANYMORE! This one is absolutely fantastic, fun fun fun fun fun fun! Bursting with excitement! Glorious party lyrics. Wild and free! And what a beautiful girl!
Ke$ha is one of my toppermost favorites and all of her videos a feast!
The Pussycat Dolls Feat. Busta Rhymes: Don't Cha (2005)
pity about the no-talent thug ass-clown
You know what? This could have been a great. But it seems to have needed pimp mafia approval, include one of their rapper boy thugs or else we won't greenlight production of this. Really, why should real talent like Nicole Scherzinger require back-up by an ugly no-singing-talent dressed-like-a-pimp thug type? The song, and the flow of the video, the rhythm, everything, is broken by that big dork. Unfortunately his presence cannot be excised, he is like a big stain on what would otherwise have been very, very cute. High points for the girls, high points for the real song, minus points for the abomination ruining it all.
Answer me this: Would any female singer have been allowed to interrupt and INTRUDE UPON a black rapper?
How to Have Sex (2023)
how NOT to have fun for ninety minutes
I have seen some movies I loathe. This one takes the cake. It is the worst piece of drivel ever committed onto film I have sat through. I couldn't understand what these low-class people were saying. Such people generally would have very slack jaws from all that drinking and smoking, so it figures.
The Raven here is telling you STAY AWAY from this utter tripe. Watching paint dry now seems as exciting as a meteorite hitting Earth. Think of any fitting insult slung at a boring movie.
Like being savaged by a dead sheep.
So this one got a standing ovation eight minutes long at Cannes? Possibly because audience were so relieved DAMN THING WAS OVER.
Black Christmas (2019)
and with all modern-day technology, they still can't equal a 1974 film
Not a direct to video release? You mean, this ludicrous lame attempt actually played in theaters?
Complete utter waste of time.
Actually, my review stops here. Enough said. But the system (uselessly) demands more letters... to be wasted upon this unworthy trite. Okay, if it serves the purpose to deter one of you poor unsuspecting yokels out there...
I'd rather watch paint dry. Rather watch two dung beetles going at it.
The 1974 original is a classic. It's suspenseful. The 2006 version a hideous failure. This pathetic 2019 lame try, a bad trip encounter of mine here, comes from an error in downloading. I asked for the original, got it on the second try, but then gave this junk some playtime.
I did like the song, so I don't begrudge the one star I did give.
Might I suggest Camera Control in Hollywood No talent moviemakers shouldn't be allowed filming equipment ever again...
May she never work in Hollywood again!
Legally Blondes (2009)
better than Elle
While Reese Witherspoon's Elle comes across as irritatingly insipid, I find the Russo twins to be refreshingly charming. They have something that Reese just doesn't have (and not just because they come in stereo). I've actually watched all of these movies long ago on DVD, but have since switched to USB and am currently watching again. Years later, I'm much more critical. Storywise, the plot holes are there, but plot holes be damned, they're two very cute starlets, and I'd rather be watching them in a sequel as well (aw, never came to pass).
By the way, I play a little game while watching. Identify the twin on the screen. Besides the brighter pink / paler pink giveaway, Annie has a smaller sharper face, Izzy's is wider.
Mariah Carey Feat. O.D.B.: Fantasy (Remix Version) (1995)
what the hell, I thought Mariah was finicky? so why this?
As for Mariah in this video, a high rating Her looks, her sound, all worthy of a high score. But what the hell happened here? Look, a superstar like Mariah Carey doesn't need an obvious crack addict as a backup to sell their records. Tell me, who do you think benefited from this uhm er performance? He should go hide his head in an aardvark hole. Look, I know the guy's long gone dead. But do you think he benefitted from this? Did the record sales really benefit from this? And what's worse, let's say they did. What would that have said of our society, our musical tastes? This is not even blacksploitation, it is drunksploitation. It is shameful. Mariah Carey should give every dollar she earned out of this to rehabilitation centers. I'm not sure about how this happened, but in the very first place, a powerful diva and influencer should have vetoed this hare-brained idea from the word go and shot it out of the water.
It is disgusting to see a drunken barbarian near retching over the fine qualities of a glorious talent ×1000 his own. It is shameful and everybody involved should feel utterly disgraced to their cores. If Mariah had any say in this : Respect lost!
Yes, more than a quarter of a century too late to berate this effectively.
Siren: Showdown (2018)
kinda maybe figured it all out
Watching a USB download years later. I don't know what happens up ahead. I know it's all old news by now.
Up till now I've thought that Decker was really one of them too, just like Helen. I still think that might turn out to be the case.
But it came to light in here: Maddie's not really the Sheriff's daughter. He's her stepfather. And Maddie's mother is missing. She's gone on some sojourn.
So...
I haven't marked this as a SPOILER ALERT, because it's all conjecture on my part. But I'm quite sure I'm right, so don't read further if you're gonna blame me.
Maddie's mother was one of the mermaids as well. So this Sheriff married a mermaid. She has since left. Gone back. Sure to return. Big revelation at end of this season: Maddie's got mermaid blood. So, will Ben and Maddie end up having mermaid children?
Am I right?
Superbound: Celeste in Perverted Bondage Burglaries: A Housesitter's Woes, Part 1 (2018)
home alone
Yeah, the classic setup. Home Alone. But not with an irritating blonde boy. No, with a lovely teenage girl. Housesitting. Now, as luck would have it, no, let me rephrase that... as misfortune would have it, she is guarding the rather stately home of obviously very wealthy people, and wouldn't you just know it, the college stalker / neighborhood prowler / master cat burglar The Hooded Intruder comes a-calling.
He has her hands tied behind her back. Now, this implausible scenario: He leaves her sitting there while he goes off to rummage through the house searching jewels and cash. Now, this girl appears bright enough to fathom that she has this excellent chance of escaping by simply making her way to the kitchen and finding a knife by reversing up against the cutlery drawer, sure thing. Okay, she might hurt herself a bit, but surely any girl in her position would be desperately willing to risk a minor injury compared to what else may lie ahead. But, no, she just ambles about struggling against her bonds. Then finally aims for the front door. Which is locked.
Celeste is a really cute girl, makes for a delectable heroine. Nothing to complain about.
The Facts of Life: The Little Chill (1986)
the reunion
Sure was fun seeing the original cast again. For the life of me I cannot understand how the original stellar group got dropped. One moment they had been fledgling stars on the way up, then, just nothing. I'm not partial to Molly RIngwald, I never missed her, but these other three, they were totally deserving of their (apparent) careers.
So, okay, there you have it. After a particularly bad start to this season, even The Raven lightens up, and awards a soft-hearted 8. I zapped that first with a broadside of lower than low scores because of, ahem, two performers irritating me, I won't mention names (but initials CL and KF cannot be resisted) and that kick-off episode with 'the supposed Winnebago' was pa-pa-pa-pathetic! But what with Stacey Q and here, the reunion, my purchase of the DVD Is vindicated.
The Facts of Life: Off-Broadway Baby (1986)
Stacey Q, I love U
Yeah, people, why am I even watching Season 8? Up till now had a miserable time. I abhor Cloris, come back Mrs. G! And let me not even start on the child actress that is now a brick outhouse. Okay, a lifetime ago, I had seen Seasons 2 - 4 on South African TV, and decades later, collecting glam DVD, had the show way down on my list. Nancy McKeon, yeah. But doing research, took note of what the departed Joan Rivers called the show. Which was very unflattering. Google Joan Rivers Facts of Life to find out. Good thing I took her advice. The cast went to pot.
Being The Raven, somewhat known on the IMDb message boards during the good old days when we were all interconnected (big longing sigh), I am of course that guy so gaga about the drop dead gorgeous actresses /models /singers /whatever and Stacey Q was always, always, always very high on my list, so when I learned about her appearance on the show, wow, gotta have that. Awful news though. Need Season 8. So I had to buy it. Argh. I suspected I was in for a dismal time.
I was right. Actually, it is an abysmal time.
But this episode!!! Stacey Q, lovely, lovely, lovely. Two of Hearts. She is an angel. Angel Barbie, Mattel should have taken notice.
As for Kim, no chance, no chance. Good thing Tootie gave up that ticket here. Funny she mentioned the critics. Kim, you should fear them. This one has it IN for you. Liked Little Tootie. Big Tootie is another story. Big No Talent outed as such. Going through her lines like Arnie did back then.
On a much more lenient note, the only cast member that gets a pardon, Nancy McKeon.
As for Stacey Q, you're all I want for Christmas. :)
Superbound: Bella in Bondage Criminal Evaders: Hushed Up Hiding (2018)
Bella
Bella is just an incredibly beautiful girl, very exciting. One day, she opens her door for absolutely the wrong person. And in barges the hooded stalker. Who starts bossing her around. Suffice to say that things do not go very well for her. But I'm not here to talk about the story. I'm focusing on the actress. Who gives a spirited spunky performance. I've watched this one many, many times, and she's my Superbound choice. I can't help but notice that she could surely have made it in mainstream TV and movies. Her acting is better than many I have seen. The emotions she conveys, her voice, everything. She is also all natural and doesn't desecrate herself with tattoos. In short, wow! A joy to watch. Beauty, a convincing portrayal, a damsel in distress, and a rascal wearing a balaclava.
Superbound. Wow!
Magnum P.I. (2018)
Perdita Weeks action girl steals the entire show
Granted, I'm kind of an outsider judging this show on the basis of so far having seen only the first three episodes of Season 2 (which I got on the rebound when a South African importer miserably failed to land me my order and I had to take what they did have in stock, long complicated story) but from what I've seen so far Jay is a poor poor substitute for Tom Selleck. Even the Ferrari looks like a childish schoolboy imitation of the original classic. Back in those days, cars were real cars. Okay, forget that. Jay doesn't make the grade. He's good enough to play a sidekick, that's about it. But the cast does include a major star. Perdita Weeks as the unlikely character Juliet Higgins. Yeah, a novel idea. What really hits it off, is the performance of this lady. She should have had her own TV show. MAGNUM P. I. should have been entirely reinvented as a lady detective who doesn't need the jaywalker.