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tommy-prado
Reviews
The Last Days on Mars (2013)
How did this get the Green Light?
Where to begin....I hope Liev Schrieber and Elias Koteas got paid...or were they doing someone a favor as I cannot understand how their agents let them into this disaster...
First the story is painstakingly unoriginal and almost crosses the line into plagiarism and doing such in a very sophomoric fashion and feel....some of THE worst choppy editing I have seen even for a B grade release...even worst than a Troma effort...secondly the dialog when discernible consisted of a bunch of mumbling until some action takes place...these MarsOnauts seem to be perpetually on Ambien when not screaming at each other...then there is that cookie cutter cheesy music you have heard in just about EVERY movie made after oh 2005 or so....the drony sad piano...which just makes this an even worse watch...
Bottom line...an unoriginal effort where the science is hardly interesting...the acting is nonexistent despite the better cast members...the story is just a sleep inducer....I wouldn't even recommend watching this on a rainy or snowy night with the lights out and some popcorn...watching the popcorn would be more interesting...
Housebound (2014)
A total snoozefest....
Very confused at the high ratings...there is absolutely nothing original about the story and how its directed...it does painstakingly make attempts at humor that truly falls flat mainly because Morgana O'Reilly is just horrible in this mess...as for horror I am not sure what was horrific other than the standard bumps and creaks and noises and doors opening by themselves....
If you want to watch a nearly 30 year old Woman chain smoke, act like a 14 year old with a snotty attitude and dark snarky moods employing the F word when challenged....THIS is your movie...there is absolutely nothing interesting about the performances in this movie...there is indeed the odd witty retort coming from Kylie's very fastidious Mother but other than that...there is no real humor and using the last part of the show to get the gratuitous blood scenes in does not a horror movie make....the most interesting aspect of this movie are the rare glimpses of the Kiwi Countryside and I have to admit a New Zealand accent is interesting to listen to.....I watch a lot of classic horror and this is one the most boring and over-hyped I have ever seen...how Peter Jackson approved of this is beyond me...maybe he felt an obligation....
Jersey Boys (2014)
This is a Clint Eastwood directed Film???
Wow...knowing his wonderful work in the past this was a shock..first off I think this is a subject matter for Clint he should have stayed away from at his age...stick with Jazz Clint...secondly...the Four Seasons were good in their day however that doesn't translate into an interesting story...Clint seems to have taken a Goodfellas approach mixed in with a dash of Sopranos(a couple of their actors are in this mess)stick in the appropriate number and there you have it...
The story seems to revolve more around Tommy Devito played by Vincent Piazza in an outstandingly hammy Joe Pesci-like performance that by 10 minutes in is wearing VERY THIN...so clichéd and stereotypical...I can't believe Clint let that go...as for John Loyd Young who plays Mr. Valli...the best I can say about his performance is its stale and anemic and at times effeminate...his singing isn't even close to Valli's tone...its awful...the best part of the numbers was the instrumentation..I have to admit it sounded good at times...the vocals are horrible...
Vincent Piazza is just SO over the top and so unbelievable...the character makes no sense and Clint seems to spend an inordinate amount of time letting this character pontificate as opposed to seeing a supposed evolution of a band that supposedly meant a lot to many people of that generation...there literally is no story here....
The other issue that is glaring here is the overall look in terms of people during that time...for instance back in the 50's and early 60's Women HAD CURVES...I know..I was alive during the 60's...the hairstyles are all wrong..it looks like Clint found a gaggle of strippers and pole dancers and anorexic wannabes and threw the appropriate wardrobe on them and told them to get out there...and then there is Christopher Walken...wow...just a total worthless performance...he looks like RIp Van Winkle woke up and sputtered....the problem is this movie looks way too clean in terms of the sets..the cars are sparkling...the diner is spotless...it just seems so fake...the actors all look like models from the 2010's and stepped into a time machine...
Last thing...the brooding dark lensing I assume Clint thought would make this film look authentic actually gives it a look of a reverse anachronism...the makeup and hairstyles just glare like a neon sign..you can literally see how the makeup and hair were applied its that obvious..PEOPLE DID NOT LOOK LIKE THIS!!!....
Mr. Eastwood...this movie comes off like a made for video bargain bin special...I am beyond disappointed especially thinking about such work as Mystic River and Changeling which were brilliant and gorgeously filmed...Clint..you ARE a better story teller than this...
Terminator Salvation (2009)
Fire..Fire....Fire!!!...uhuhuhuhuhuhuh,,,,this RULZ!!
I have tried to watch this extra long MTV video at least 4 times and just can't get much past 30 minutes in....suffers from today's newer movie maker mentality...no real story or character development with butt loads of cartoonish CGI...the perfect movie for Beavis and Butthead but not one that knows real Sci Fi much or for that matter the first two exceptional parts of this now silly franchise...Christian Bale is a bore...Sam Worthington is DEAD...I am not sure what his attraction is however he has one mode of acting and its to stare at space and drone on....this isn't a Terminator movie...its the Road Warrior meets the Transformers directed by a 12 years old on Crank....you realize a few minutes in that Ahnold and Mel are missing because those two actually have charm to go with their superior skills to Bale and Worthington...however I bet Ahnuld and Mel would have laughed their asses off and nearly spit their cigars out reading this script....as others have stated..this plays out like a very long TV episode...as usual the movie is WAY TOO DARK with its hip lensing and lack of true color and shaky camera..by then these techniques had WELL PAST worn their welcome...when the cycles popped out of Gunner JumboBot it had THEN jumped the shark thus time to bale...er I mean "bail"...The only actor that really stands out is the great Michael Ironside who I hope got a decent payday out this dark and dreary mess...
Dexter (2006)
Should have been a masterpiece....boring and pretentious....
I wouldn't be arrogant as to state "how do people like this show??" as I wouldn't pretend to criticize anyone's viewing tastes....and I think I do understand the attraction of Dexter...the premise...Mr. Hall does have decent acting chops and knowing the premise its obviously alluring especially seemingly to today's younger generation the idea of an anti-hero serial killer vigilante hiding behind a badge with a "code" that is sickening however somehow seemingly honorable concerning the ends...we don't care about the means other than being fascinated by it...Mr. Hall does a good job showing us such....however... The problem is NOTHING about this show is believable....first of all the droning narration from Mr. Hall wears thin quickly...and you have to pretty much suspend belief that Dexter is adroitly working his double life under the barely suspecting Police Force that employs him...and because of such this just doesn't work as a series...maybe a well planned out 2 hour movie....and then there are the totally miscast support mainly Jennifer Carpenter who seems to be there to be a drama queen much less a cop....She is frustratingly annoying and when She is in the same scene with Dexter it becomes almost distracting...the plot holes are so big again you have to just go with the flow of Dexter being here...being there....always there...a slip up no problem as I can take ALL THE TIME IN THE WORLD from my job to fix it...AND have a relationship with kids at the same time...Julie Benz is a lovely woman however I am not sure what her character was really for....any extra scenes concerning her add little...this show with its premise should be FULL of suspense however there is little and actually I found myself groaning and even laughing at how silly the dialogue could be...the story arc of Season 1 halfway had me at at point of disbelief and I almost bailed....Season 2 it was turning into a Soap Opera as the Lila Character was not only silly but totally unbelievable...it was bad enough having to look at the over stretched face of actress Jaime Murray...at times She looked like Michael Jackson's ugly Cousin...how I made it through the arc in Season 2 is beyond me as by this time all credibility was lost...Jennifer Carpenter is TOTALLY annoying and unwatchable...and worst of all the premise was shrouded and almost negligible...and although the ending was interesting if it was a Bond type movie however its just almost inexplicable to think Dexter would find Lila in France and know exactly where She was to off her....I groaned....and bailed....
The Firm (1993)
This could have been a true Classic if it had followed the book...
I give it a three for how many times I felt ANY kind of suspense as I seem to remember the book was a very exciting read...giving this a watch as I couldn't find anything else and since I enjoyed the book..((sound familiar??))...first of all as much as I think Tom Cruise is about as one dimensional an actor for that time it probably was a good choice since he was certainly bankable in the early 90's..however he truly shows no acting charisma in this... shows all the same facial and hand expressions that you will see gone into overdrive by Jerry MacGuire which got him to major ham status... The movie is too plodding and edited with so many inconsequential scenes it just sucks the life out of the suspense...the best actors in the film are actually the supporting cast from Holly Hunter to Ed Harris..even the great and understated Steven Hill gives you more to think about than three quarters of this movie as Cruise and Tripplehorne give us NOTHING to really care about with mopey facial expressions and Cruise's trademark "hold on I am thinking while staring the other direction and pointing my fingers and then standing with a perplexed look to mug for the cam in a manner WE KNOW somethings about to go down"...and then there is the score....where do I begin...the jazzy piano added NOTHING to the supposed suspense the book has created..I firmly expected a dance number to come out of nowhere in the middle of this....totally inappropriate music for this....Gene Hackman is...is......GENE HACKMAN....nuff said......the ending is just ridiculous anti-climatic and makes you think "are you SERIOUS?....to sum this up the best way possible..my favorite scene in the whole movie involved Gary Busey...chew on that for a second or three....LOL
Riding the Bullet (2004)
The Horror in Riding the Bullet is Barbara Hershey's Face...
How these aging actors cannot see how silly they look....anyhoo...we yet get ANOTHER one of Stephen King's lame adaptations from a short story...a moral Tale of Death that is a fine premise however it plays out like Garris took a gaggle of Stephen King's short stories, wadded them up and pasted the pages together...it really is a mess...there are maybe a couple of interesting scares but thats it...the first problem with the movie is lead Jonathan Jackson who definitely represents the dark and brooding "suffering" effeminate male who speaks in an annoying drone that is quite common for the Male of the 2000's..Jackson is just awful as the lead and cannot garner any empathy or sympathy with his drony lackluster acting...I think this movie was probably aimed at the conflicted early 20 somethings...the generation who all got a trophy for existing...the best eye opening parts of this movie was the campy performance of art teacher Matt "Max Headroom" Frewer...very funny and I thought appropriate..and the GORGEOUS Catherine Devine just sitting there as a nude model...that was about the only two scenes that animated me other than snickering at Barbara Hershey-Stein's pie hole....
Law & Order: Mother's Day (2003)
Not a very interesting episode.....
By this time in the series it's 50-50 whether or not you are going to get an interesting storyline or a retread....this episode started off very promising but slowly but surely around the 10-15 minute mark it wasn't difficult to see it was going to deteriorate into an "is he or she crazy or not" episode concerning the accused...the Lawyer scamming the other Lawyer angle doesn't work well here and the class envy digs are just silly for a show of this magnitude....Elizabeth Rohm is a lovely and capable actress yet annoying to listen to as She mumbles her lines so many times I have go back and turn up the volume to actually get clarification on her often nasally way of speaking...adding Fred Thompson as a "conservative" foil was a good idea and he will steal a scene or two but not here...again a wonderful start that turned into a boring episode where none of the actors were really convincing made you care...