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The Orville: Twice in a Lifetime (2022)
Drivel.
The second that the timey-wimey machine re-appeared, I sensed we were in trouble. When its awesome new abilities were then used to send a sandwich back in time, I knew the episode was doomed, and it indeed proved so bad that I would rather that we had followed the adventures of the sandwich. Appalling dialogue, ST:Voyager-level paint-by-numbers plotting, this is just trite, trivial filler. Just about every single aspect of this episode stunk. Even if one grits one's teeth and accepts this piffle on its own ridiculous terms, how the hell does the Orville manage to make its escape from the attacking Kaylons when their "navigational array" has gone offline? With a magnetic compass?? Aarrgh. Just, NO. In a time where "The Expanse" bestrides the TV space sci fi genre like the colossus it is, nonsense like this cannot help but come off looking like just what it is -- silly, juvenile and trivial. The new series has been a major disappointment thus far, veering wildly between mawkish sentimentality and risible space opera clichés. The primary charm of the preceding seasons was that it never took itself too seriously, but if Season 3 continues in this vein, I'll be warping the hell out and re-watching "The Expanse".
Star Trek: Deep Space Nine: Children of Time (1997)
Stupid and pointless
Nearly every time, after "City at the Edge of Forever", that ST has gone "timey-wimey", it just turns into a big, dumb, embarrassing mess. Nothing in this episode makes the slightest sense, and it does nothing to advance the main story in any way. I couldn't wait for all the people on this planet of idiot space hippies to cease to exist. I only wish that this entire episode had ceased to exist as well. Compared to even the relative lightness of the preceding episode, which was terrifically funny (I'd watch Jeffrey Combs read the phone book aloud) this is just a complete waste of time. It epitomizes everything that was wrong with DS9 -- silly, preachy, puerile, sentimental, illogical, pointless, zero emotional consquence, and utterly irrelevant to the main story arc. Remember how The Dominion is about to invade and take over the whole Alpha Quadrant? Well, that puts you several steps ahead of the writers of this nonsense. 0/10. Fail.
Dracula (1958)
Frankly, it sucks.
The chief virtue of this movie is Cushing, who is always great. A master of his craft, he commands every scene he is in. But that's about it, sadly. It baffles me why this film is still rated so highly. The biggest villain in this is Jimmy Sangster's terrible, terrible script, which butchers the story mercilessly. Key roles like Renfield are binned, characters are swapped ad hoc, major plot points like the ship voyage are jettisoned, simply to squeeze this silly little panto into less than 90 minutes. The mighty Christopher Lee does his best as the eponymous vamp, but he is given precious little screen time, and his performance is constantly undercut by the bright lighting, the appalling cheapness of the sets, the lacklustre music and the clunky performances of the supporting cast. Expect nothing like the spookiness, the sense of menace and dread, the sheer strangeness of Herzog's definitive take. You'll find more atmosphere on the Moon than in this cheesy cardboard crap. It's miserably low-budget, shamefully stagey, and the performances by the supporting cast are generally awful. The guy who plays Harker is as wooden as he is unappealing. The usually marvellous Michael Gough already had a dozen or more films under his belt, but the director did him no favours by placing him alongside Cushing in so many scenes, because all you can see is Gough's *Acting*, which creaks like an old door. The usually delightful Miles Malleson faffs about charmingly, but to zero purpose, and his little bit of dialogue is so far beyond redundant that I'm still wondering why he was there at all. Ditto the border official and his pathetic stage cough. Eeeuw. Bad, bad, bad. And then there's Gerda the servant ... just, wow. Set aside the risible concept that Gerda would still have a job the next day, after totally disobeying her orders and causing the death of her employers' daughter, and just watch the unfortunate actor gurning her way through the part. She's awful.
The fact that this incarnation of Dracula has such a revered place in the genre's history to me says everything about the power and charisma of Cushing and Lee, because there is almost nothing else in this film to recommend it. I've seen amateur stage productions that were better, and this doesn't hold a candle to Fisher's later and far superior Hammer outing, "The Gorgon". Watch it for interest's sake, but expect to laugh in the wrong places, for the wrong reasons. Really not very good at all.
Tron: Legacy (2010)
Preposterous twaddle.
The original Tron aimed high, but fell far short, and no amount of groundbreaking computer animation could cover up what a meritless mess of nonsensical nincompoopery it was. Sadly, this ill-advised sequel fares little better. The corn is as high as an elephants eye, and the biblical allegory is laid on as thick as fondant on a wedding cake. The effects are admittedly far better than the original and alongide the effective Daft Punk soundtrack, they are its only real virtues.
Jeff Bridges has little to do but look old, tired and as bored with his bargain-basement Obi-wan persona as I was. His uncanny-valley CGI alter-ego Clue is as disturbing to watch as it is dull and predictable, and this supposed evil overlord of the digital domain comes across as being about as threatening as relief teacher with a hangover. Also dull-as-diahwater is the alleged "star" Garrett Hedlund, who sleepwalks through the film, but given what he had to work with, who can blame him? Poor Bruce Boxleitner manfully makes the whole thing a tiny bit better by just being there and being decent at doing the tiny amount of stuff he is asked to do, but he and Olivia Wilde are totally wasted on this poppycock, as is the usually excellent James Frain, who was so fine in 'Orphan Black'.
Special mention must be made of an actor with a decidedly mixed reputation in my book - Michael Sheen. With a firm directorial hand and a good script, he can really excel, but when left to his own devices, Sheen can often veer off into being a shameless ham, and with only a first-time director and a script that any AI could write better in front of him, Sheen waits about for about five seconds into his scene before throws the switch to vaudeville, pretty much literally. He goes the full leg of Parma here, and his preposterous prancing and posturing only underscores the crass and corny nature of the whole enterprise. I'm baffled that the director and editor seemed to enjoy his cheesy capering, because 99% of what we see of Sheen in this film would have hit the bin if I had been doing either job. I dont know if Michael got a Golden Raspberry for his truly cringeworthy and painfully unfunny performance, but it really, really deserves one, and IMO only ranks below Eddie Redmayne's epically awful turn in the execrable 'Jupiter Rising' because, thankfully, Sheen's character is despatched within minutes, and good riddance, too.
Nothing makes any logical sense, either internally or externally, and for a 21st century audience the suspension of diabelief required to enjoy this guff would challenge any moderately intelligent 7yo. It is impossible to care about anyone or anything in neon-fringed slop bucket of paint-by-numbers plotting, aimless action and cardboard-cutout characterisation. Like its predecessor it tackles a potentially rich concept in the trite and tedious way that only Disney can, right down to the trademark "orphaned child" motif.
Central to this film's manifold problems is the question of why The Mouse Farm would have chosen anyone associated with the appalling 'Lost' to pen this tripe, but they did, and it shows. The action is inconsequential, the plot is meaningless, nothing is at stake, and whatever emotional engagement one might have would be wholly dictated by whether or not you liked the original (Me: "Haaated it!").
Inexplicably it made money at the box office, but given that it made about $400m against a budget of $170m it was hardly the runaway success Disney might have hoped for.
No amount of drugs can make this drivel watchable. The original has at least the naive charm of a bold first attempt to do something new and different in film, but for audiences now well used to eyepopping SFX from the likes of Avatar and The Mandalorian, this movie was doomed to disappoint from the outset, and the whole thing reeks of cheap cash-in.
Awful. Avoid at all costs.
I Believe in You (1952)
Surprisingly fine film
I just caught this relatively "minor" British postwar film on TV, and notwithstanding the slightly conservative and paternalistic attitudes noted by other reviwers, I found this an enjoyable and really charming experience, and there are some solid laughs to be had along the way.
Cecil Parker and Celia Johnson acquit themselves admirably as the two probation officers, but the real interest for me lies in the supporting cast. Most notable is the part of the delinquent teenage girl, Norma, played by future superstar Joan Collins in her first major credited screen role. She's not that great, let's be honest, but the camera loves her. Watch out for the beleaguered court sergeant, played by the legendary Sid James, making one of his first film appearances, two years before he became a household name on "Hancock's Half Hour".
A very young, rather chubby-faced, pre-fame Laurence Harvey features as a right bad'un, but the main male "juvenile" role is filled by the wonderful character actor Harry Fowler, a former London newspaper boy (and a direct contemporary of George Cole), who lucked into movies after being interviewed on radio about his experiences of working in London during WWII.
For film buffs, this movie is also really worth watching for several beautiful performances by the supporting cast. Perhaps the most notable among them is the great Ada Reeve, playing Mrs Crockett, an elderly former actress. Its a part that closely mirrored real life - Ada Reeve was in fact a major international stage and musical variety star in the Edwardian era, and there is one very poignant scene in which Mrs Crockett implores a reluctant Mr Phipps to look at her album, which turns out to contain real drawings and a vintage photo of Ada herself as a young star. Equally delightful is the wonderful cameo by the great Katie Johnson as the dotty Miss Macklin; like Ada Reeve, Katie was a veteran star of the British stage, who started out as a child actor in the late Victorian era. This is one of Johnson's relatively few film appearances; her best-known role came three years later with her luminous, BAFTA-winning star turn as sweet old landlady, Mrs Wilberforce, in the Ealing classic "The Ladykillers".
Also, watch out for a terrific cameo by Ursula Howell, playing the drunken, shoplifting society girl, "The Hon. Ursula". She's hilarious.
Despite the somewhat dated social content, this movie has a ton of charm, a good heart, and many lovely performances, both by younger actors on the cusp of future success, and some true veterans of the British stage. A surprisingly good movie.
Star Trek: The Motion Picture (1979)
The (e)Motion(less) Picture
40+ years down the track, ST:TMP still stands as a solid first step into feature films for the beloved TV franchise, and it's a decent enough film, though it remains something of a curate's egg, and given the stature of all involved, from Robert Wise down, it really should have been much, much better.
The core problem was, and remains, the plot. For a movie that had so much riding on it, it's even more noticeable now that Paramount and Roddenberry were evidently determined to play it very safe and not mess with the formula, so the decision was made to stay on familiar ground and "upcycle" a plot from The Original Series. This is not necessarily a bad thing, as Nicholas Meyer proved brilliantly with ST:TWOK, but Meyer made an action-packed adventure *sequel* that completely revitalised the canon, where TMP remains a slightly bland, if glossy remake whose prime directive was to reassure fans that the franchise was in safe hands.
Another problem is the tone, which is just too mushy and reverential - c.f. the almost sexually voyeuristic space dock sequence in which the refurbished Enterprise is revealed - and now that the contemporary fan excitement about getting the the old gang back together has long faded, it all seems curiously and lacking in any real sense of spark or danger or consequence. Sure, V'ger is threatening to deep-six all life in the galaxy, but there's never any real doubt that Jim and his crew will save the day.
Pace is a problem. It is too long by about half an hour, it really DRAGS in spots, and in the immortal words of Mister Plinkett, there's just TOO MUCH TALKING.
The aesthetic also doesn't stand up well. The remodeled Enterprise interiors are so beige they look like Woody Allen was art director, the uniforms are bland, stodgy and unflattering, and the muted colour scheme makes the crew resemble the staff of a run-down regional hospital rather than the elite crew of the flagship of the Federation. Whoever decided that fawn was the right colour for Uhura should be horsewhipped.
Cheesy plot holes abound - why is the Enterprise the only starship within range that can intercept V'ger? (too bad for Earth, apparently, if the Klingons or the Romulans had decided to mount a surprise attack that day). Why, after having three battlecruisers vaporised in minutes, did the Klingons not send a massed force to attempt to stop an intruder that was obviously traversing Klingon space and annihilating everything in its path? Why does V'ger just conveniently vanish? Why aren't the Klingons suspicious that V'ger was a Federation weapon, or that it was
somehow in league with the Federation, or (given that the Enterprise penetrated to the very heart of the alien ship) that the Federation might have privileged knowledge of the V'ger technology?
There's also a lot of redundant biznis. The transporter accident that kills Commander Sonak. Totally unnecessary, particularly since its already been telegraphed to us in block letters that Spock is on his way. The entire scene with the wormhole is a TOTAL waste of time and resources, and should have been cut at the first draft. It's a clumsy, over-long, painfully corny episode that serves only to elaborate on the (ultimately plot-pointless) Kirk v. Dekkard tension. The effects in this sequence are dull and dated, and it's just plain embarrassing to watch veteran actors still having to throw themselves around an obviously static set (STILL no seat belts??) and pretend to talk in slow motion. Just awful. The entire scene goes nowhere, does nothing to advance the plot, doesn't create any real tension or help develop any meaningful relationships. If a spanner in the works was needed, it would have been far better to have had the Enterprise dropping out of warp confronted with, say, a fleet of Klingon ships sent to chase V'ger and having to figure a way around them without starting a war.
The visual effects for V'ger are still pretty impressive, although many other FX shots show their age and should have been corrected digitally. Blue screen outlines are glaringly evident in many shots (e.g. as the Klingon ships are approaching V 'ger), the matte and optical work is not always great, and the VFX work for Vulcan in Spock's opening scene is just plain terrible.
On balance, it's a still worthwhile experience, though it inevitably suffers from the weight of expectation that saw it take the safest possible route instead of taking the big chances that Meyer was able to do in the sequel to such great effect. That being said, I'd still rather watch this every day til I die than ever see The Phantom Menace again, so don't take this as anything more than nitpicking. It's not the greatest Trek Movie, but it let Nick Meyer make that, so we should be grateful, and at its best, it's a finely crafted work that tries to grapple with some serious ideas, and presents scenes that still have the power to dazzle. And of course, there's the oh so fine Jerry Goldsmith score ...
Fatty's Plucky Pup (1915)
10/10, just because it exists.
Sure, you *could* critique this the regular way ... but stop for a moment and think about how you're watching a film made OVER ONE HUNDRED YEARS AGO. Marvel at the amazing skill and intelligence of Luke The Dog. Watch a MASTER of film comedy inventing an entire industry as he works. Not one subtitle. Just pure, hilarious physical comedy at its best. Watch an entire art form being born. Priceless. Literally. Because only one print of this film survived.
The Mummy (1999)
What's not to like?
Seems like you either get it, or you don't. Just as with Sommers' followup, the wonderful, hugely entertaining and cruelly underrated 'Van Helsing', this movie seems so unfairly destined to be relegated to cult status, as does star Brendan Fraser, . Our family adored it and still do, and as a reimagining of a classic for the modern audience, alongside 'Flash Gordon', it's a virtually perfect vehicle, delivering solid thrills, laughs galore, marvellous scenery and effects, action aplenty, hearty romance and, yes, heart. The casting is simply perfect, highlighted by the glowing chemistry between the two irresistible leads, both so ably assisted by the truly terrific supporting cast, performing a smart, witty and sincere screenplay that strikes a beautiful balance between the various elements of comedy, horror, mystery/thriller, adventure, romance and good old-fashioned camp. It's a romp, it's genre, it's "derivative", sure, but it still has that extra something special, and it's a heartfelt and soidly rendered tribute that inscribes itself convincingly into the canon and, on reflection, proves itself to be a classic of its kind. It must be hard heart indeed that does not love this film and will not recognise how hard all concerned tried to make this the best filmtney could make, and how well they succeeded. Critics may carp, but it's boffo box office is the proof of the pudding and for anyone not terminally jaded, this is and will remain a classic.
Billable Hours (2006)
Solid gold, one of the best sitcoms ever made.
Ignore the naysayers. This series is one of THE great sitcoms. If you don't get it, you don't really like good comedy IMHO. Great cast, great scripts, this has it all. Office sitcoms are a dime a dozen but this is a rare bird, a sitcom set in a law firm, that is incredibly witty and funny and cauatic and graced with three really talented and charismatic leads that you cant help but love. It's a standard sitcom format, not a pseudo documentary like The Office, but there is no intrusive laugh track, the leads are terrific and the supporting cast are just wonderful, grrat music amd a killer theme. This is really one of the best Canadian series I have seen, and hands down one of the most underrated and overlooked TV comedies of the 2000s. It deserves to be much better known and holds its own against any sitcom. 10/10 for me. I want to be Clark Claxton III when I grow up.
Times Square (1980)
A lost opportunity, but definitely not a waste of time.
Times Square is rightly regarded as a cult item. It is one of those classic could-have-been movies... a potentially great, offbeat indie film with some terrific elements, which was sadly let down by some naff story/script elements and especially by the regrettable interference of producer Robert Stigwood, who was determined to make a punk version of Saturday Night Fever, but wouldn't let director Alan Moyle make it his way. Stigwood sacked him before the film was complete, cutting a number of scenes including those that e
presented a clear exposition what was intended to be a lesbian relationship between Nicky and Pammy, and shoehorning some howling duds (a Bee Gees track in a punk movie??) into the otherwise solid punl/New Wave soundtrack, just to pad it out to a double album.
Sure, not all of it works .... The DJ subplot is frankly woeful, poorly written and badly handled, and whilst Tim Curry does his best, it comes off as pretty cringeworthy today. But this film is definitely worth seeing just for the powerhouse punk performance of 15yo first-timer Robin Johnson, who was recruited straight off the street and proceeded to act everyone else in this movie right off the screen. She is *electrifying*, really magnetic, the camera loves her, and she gives everything to the part. That has to be admired, it shines through still, and it is an absolute tragedy that what should have been a big career never took off, through no fault of her own. Her performance of her own song, "Damned Dog", at the club, is terrific, and if the film had allowed more of that kind of action in, it really could have gone somewhere. Trini Alvarado too is admirable, as restrained as Johnson is out-there.
The film is of course also a marvellous visual time capsule of New York in all its seedy, decayimg late 1970s glory ... the Times Square porno pits, the grungy street life, the ruined piers ... sadly not the film it should have been, but when it works, you get tantalising glimpses of what a great little film this nearly was, and Robin Johnson deserves an honorary Oscar.
How to Get Away with Murder (2014)
The Comedy Hit of the Year!
The writers and producers of this show probably thought they were creating an edgy, glamorous and sexy, if somewhat fanciful, legal drama. They have in fact created the best unintentional comedy I've seen in a long time. I've watched some preposterous twaddle on TV in my time, but this was so outstandingly, hilariously stupid that it deserves its own drinking game.
I guess it was - shall we say, "inspired"? - by that '70s classic "The Paper Chase" ... hotshot law students vie to win the esteem of the brilliant but cranky law professor ... but now, instead of pudgy, white, jowly John Houseman, Professor Cranky-Pants is a feisty, ultra-glamorous African-American lady with Naomi Campbell makeup and a skin-tight red leather jerkin ...
This show has SO many things wrong with it that it must surely become a cult comedy hit among the legal fraternity. For example ... Prof. Cranky-Pants is also a practising attorney who alternates, apparently day-by-day, lecturing in law *and* defending high-profile criminal cases .. 'cos, like, you would *totally* have time to do that ... and, naturally, she lectures publicly, in precise detail, on the actual cases she'll be defending THE NEXT DAY ... and because she's so brilliant and mean, she pits her students against each other to come up with the best possible defence for the case she's running tomorrow - and she'll use theirs if its better .. what? come on, I bet that really happens!
And of course, in this liberated and uncensored era, we see all the modern hi-jinks that glamorous yuppie students and their teachers get up to in order to .. ahem ... "get ahead" in the law game ... like the cute male student who turns out to be gay, who manages to get vital info about the case by going to the gay bar frequented by the gay nerds from the IT Department of the company where the defendant worked ... he chats up the bookish (i.e. wears glasses) but cute gay Asian-American IT nerd, who of course looks shiftily at his feet as he admits that he's been instructed by the firm's legal dep't not to discuss the case. It (almost) goes without saying that IT Nerd's steely resolve melts instantly when Sexy Gay Law Student uses his secret weapon - he turns his attentions away from him for a moment and makes eyes at another guy ... seconds later, after the obligatory "Don't tell anyone I told you" disclaimer, they're ripping each other's shirts off and slamming onto the bed, while IT Nerd sings like a canary ...
... later we meet the equally sexy female student who "impresses" Prof. Cranky-Pants by telling her how she used false pretences to illegally obtain totally inadmissible evidence about a witness' medical condition ... instant Credit, of course!
... later, in the obligatory "feet of clay" interlude, we follow Model-cute African- American Underdog Student (actually played by an English kid who was in Harry Potter) as he drops over to Prof. Cranky-Pants' (totally unlocked) office, late at night, to ask a sticky legal question - as you do ... but something's amiss ... we hear some grunting sounds - so of course he barges into the inner office where - naturally - he stumbles onto Prof. Cranky-Pants giving a head-job to an enormous, heavily-muscled, shirtless black man ... what? I'm sure that happens at Harvard Law School all the time!
We decided to press "stop" at the point where the students meet the defendant ... but she doesn't come to the large, comfortable, well-equipped lecture hall - oh no ... that would be too easy, and not "legal" enough. No, the ENTIRE CLASS has to meet her in Prof. Cranky-Pants' sumptuous, wood-panelled, book-lined office, and they cram in there, in a not-at-all-stagey-and-awkward manner, lined up the staircase, and everything ... taking notes, on notepads - as you do in 2014 - nodding sagely, or looking at each other quizzically and shaking their heads, while cute, tearful, blonde Ms Defendant gives her sob-wracked account of the case.
I know TV is just a business, but it never ceases to amaze me how so many people are willing to be involved with such sloppily-conceived, cliché-infested, badly written, poorly acted CRAP, and how network execs seem endlessly willing to give huge amounts of money to keep producing crud like this ... and it's doubly galling when one considers the many well-written, well-acted, well-produced and brilliantly original programming, like 'Firefly', 'The Fades' and 'Outcasts', that get cancelled after one series.
Mellodrama (2008)
"It's a boy thing"
Don't get me wrong - I really liked it - but I have to admit that there's a quaint irony in the fact that while this very enjoyable, documentary was directed by a woman, every single person who appears on screen is male. I guess that just reflects the inherent gender bias of popular music ... and, let's be frank, the Mellotron is definitely one of the ultimate geek-tech devices of all time, and as it happens just about all of the best known "Tron" practitioners - Mike Pinder, Tony Banks, Rick Wakeman et al - are all men.
But don't be put off ... 'Mellodrama' is an affectionate and very informative history of two iconic musical instrument brands, the Mellotron, and its progenitor, the Chamberlin, that lovingly unravels their tangled history, explains how the incredible devices were created and how they operate (or sometimes don't, as so many Tron players can attest) and explores their combined impact on popular music.
Although it's a fairly low-budget affair, production values aren't really an issue - it's the info that's the interest, and 'Mellordrama' is both a good exploration of the subject for aficionados, and an engaging introduction for novices. The only minor drawback is that, understandably, the music soundtrack includes virtually none of the many famous musical works that feature the Chamberlin/Melltron - but I'm guessing that the licensing fees for using even a small snippet of something like "Strawberry Fields Forever" would probably have been more than the entire budget of the show.
That being said, if you have any interest at all in behind-the-scenes stories about the history of technology and popular music or if, like me, you've had a lifelong fascination with the magical sounds and mysterious inner workings of these remarkable instruments, this is a must-see, and it definitely deserves full marks for giving the brilliant Harry Chamberlin the recognition he so greatly deserves.
Blandings (2013)
Capital!
I'm clearly much more easily pleased than some of my fellow reviewers, because I *love* this production. The cast is wonderful - Timothy Spall is toweringly magnificent as Lord Emsworth (though we did wonder why they tidied him up so much in Series 2?), Jennifer Saunders is very fine as the glowering Connie ("Im going .. to my room!"), the terrific Jack Farthing pretty nearly steals the show as the eternally daffy Freddie, Julian Rhind-Tutt is great as as the rakish Galahad, and Robert Bathurst provides sterling support as Emsworth's nemesis, "Stinker" Parsloe ... and of course, The Empress is gorgeous. I admit I haven't read the Blandings books yet, but I've seen many previous Wodehouse adaptations, and the tone of this series seems spot-on to me, without being slavishly intent on capturing every tiny nuance and detail of the original stories. And of course the sumptuous Irish locations are splendid. The only slight disappointment for me was the loss of the wonderful Mark Williams after Series One ... Tim Vine does a good job in Series Two, but Williams was so utterly *perfect* as the bibulous Beach that some slight disappointment is inevitable, and Tim perhaps played him a little too 'straight' ... but hey, it's a very minor quibble. I think you'd have to be an inflexible Wodehouse purist, or just a very hard-hearted viewer, not to find a great deal to enjoy in the delightful series - well-played, well-written, well-made. My family and I loved it unabashedly and wanted to watch it all over again as soon as it was finished. Pure delight.
Les revenants (2012)
As good as it gets ...
Don't waste a second on the mawkish, predictable American remake. "Les Revenants" is the real deal, and I have to rate this as the best supernatural thriller series ever made for TV. It bears some similarities to earlier efforts like Twin Peaks and Lost, but unlike its forebears it never disappoints, never veers off into the kind of silliness or pomposity that marred both of those otherwise fine programs. If the first episode, in which a young French girl inexplicably returns from the dead, doesn't grab you, then I don't know what will - intriguing, riveting and strange - and it just gets better from there. It builds from this low-key, mysterious beginning, getting weirder, more mysterious, more disturbing with each episode, and climaxes with a gripping, edge-of-the-seat cliffhanger. An unforgettable highlight for me was the scene in which we first see mystery-boy Victor emerging from the darkness behind the bus stop - no gore, no knives, no monsters, nothing overtly "thrilling" - yet it's one of the most profoundly scary TV moments I've ever witnessed. The series moves at a deliberate pace, and some (American?) viewers might find a little slower than they are used to, but I exhort you to just get into its strange, sombre mood and go with it - you will not be disappointed. The script and storyline are brilliant, and the revelations, as they unfold, leave you panting for more. The performances are uniformly excellent, and the younger actors are particularly fine. most notably the boy who plays Victor, who is is *amazing* - it's no wonder that (as I read on the internet last year) people ran away from him when they saw him on the street when he was on holiday in the south of France! Easily the best child performance in this genre since young Bill Mumy's iconic turn in 'The Twilight Zone'. The photography, design and the fantastic Mogwai score are all superb. The magnificent locations - the stunning mountains, the looming dam, the lake - are both stunning in themselves, and absolutely intrinsic to the story. I cannot recommend this highly enough. I realise that the fact that it's a subtitled French-language series it will inevitably dissuade some viewers and prevent it from gaining the wider recognition it deserves, but in my view this is absolutely one of the very best TV series I have ever seen. Do not miss it.
The Strain (2014)
Wait - what?
Gee, Guillermo, really? ...
The opening scenes show some promise ... freaky modern-day vampire takes over jet ... we meet the driven, hotshot CDC agent (with family complications) who teams up with his supermodel sidekick and they go the full Hazmat to investigate the plane full of inexplicably, suddenly-dead people, four of whom suddenly re-animate ... our hero also notices that 'something' only detectable under UV light has been smearing itself all over the cargo hold ...
Soon after, they stumble on a huge, scary-looking "coffin" covered in spooky medieval death carvings, which just been unloaded STRAIGHT FROM THE CARGO HOLD - which they already know is covered in scary mystery-goop from the unknown thing. So what do they do? Well, naturally, they open it right away. No Hazmat gear, no precautions, no procedure ... arrgh ...
No. Just NO.
Dude, Where's My Car? (2000)
The greatest story ever told?
I give this film 10./10, not because it's the best film ever made, or even the best comedy film ever made ... although I'd say it's close - but because it does exactly what it sets out to do, and does it perfectly - and hilariously.
I place "Dude" alongside 'Lost in America', 'Office Space', 'Dodgeball', and 'Zoolander' as a pinnacle of modern American screen comedy. Why? These are films that create a goofy universe that works perfectly to house their stories and characters, everyone in them is uniformly hilarious, and they stand up under repeated viewing as enduringly uproarious comedies that are distinctive, engaging, and both funny as a whole, and filled with memorable, quotable moments that will stay with you forever - like the now-legendary "And then?" routine.
Even though the overt stoner elements were somewhat toned down from its original conception, it still works fine, and in fact probably better for general audiences, because it's not beating us over the head with obvious stoner schtick , and stays focused on the general hilarity Jesse and Chester's whacked-out odyssey.
The script is great, the direction is tight and pacy, Ashton and Sean William are perfectly, fantastically cute and dumb, and the supporting cast is just marvellous - from Hal Sparks' superb turn as the pompous Zoltan, to the wonderfully sassy police lady at the car-impound lot, to Chris "geek- in-cage-.com" Elliott. And I still rate Charlie O'Donnell's brilliant encounter with the super-hot aliens as probably the single funniest delivery of a line in the history of comedy: "We are not guys - we are hot chicks." ... "Yes, you *are*!"
I can see why some people might not like it, and when I was first shown the opening scenes this movie by a friend, I remember thinking "This looks diabolical." But, soon after, it was shown on TV late one night, so out of regard for my friend (who is rarely wrong, and also turned me on to 'Office Spaace') I watched it, and within a few minutes I was laughing so much that I'd woken my wife up. Our whole family are now dedicated fans to this film, and all I can say in conclusion is that if you haven't watched it, and you like a good screwball comedy, then this is a MUST-SEE. Hats off to all concerned. A classic of the genre.
The Last Minute (2001)
Black-magic realism
Mesmerising, witty, weird, disturbing, hallucinatory, nightmarish, compelling, visually and sonically dazzling ... this very original retelling of the Orpheus myth is a dark, funny, scathing, scary satire on the perils of fame in the 21st century. Although certainly not for the faint-hearted - there is some very confronting content - I have no hesitation in rating this as one of the best movies I've seen in a long time, and a must-see for any serious cinema fan.
I watched this for the first time last night and as you can tell, I was hugely impressed. I have long admired Norrington's fine work on 'Blade', and he undoubtedly transformed what might otherwise have been a real corn-fest into the keystone of a very successful franchise. I also recall being pleasantly surprised to enjoy his equally stylish League of Extraordinary Gentlemen as much as I did it (and, boy, would that have made a dream Saturday-arvo double feature with the wonderful 'Van Helsing' at my childhood local cinema!). I was sad to read that Norrington famously had such a bad time making LXG that he swore he'd never make another film, and to date he still hasn't - which is a terrible waste of a great talent. It's a real pity that such an obviously gifted writer-director has only been able to make four movies in 20 years - but I'm very glad he got to make this one!
I'm also sorry that other viewers didn't enjoy it as much as I did ... perhaps some were put off by its more extreme moments, and/or by its odd and distinctive style and approach. As mentioned, it is quite confronting in some parts and creates a powerful sense of unease, so I can understand why some won't appreciate its many virtues - but mega-kudos to Chris Blackwell and his colleagues for getting behind Norrington and letting him do this, because I have no doubt will come to be seen as his masterpiece, and I hope it will eventually be recognised a very fine and original film that deserved to reach a far wider audience.
I was hooked from the outset and love the dazzling, edgy, off-kilter way he handled the story, the characters, the images, the sound. I loved how he lets the audience go through so much of the film without showing what Billy actually makes/does - and the scene in which this is revealed is an absolute tour de force - Frank Harper as the ultimate cabbie from hell should get an Oscar - an astounding performance.
I love its cool and freaky visual style, the great music tracks, the wonderful locations, but I especially have to take my hat off to Norrington and his audio team for the soundtrack. I watched this late at night, and in order not to disturb my family, I wore headphones. I'm SO glad I did. It's not just the music that's great - the entire sound design on this film is just *superb* - there is so much happening on the audio track in every scene, so many subtle touches, that you really MUST watch it with headphones on and get fully immersed, or you'll miss a big part of what makes it so cool and so weird.
The performances were uniformly great but the underground kids are really amazing, Tom Bell is TERRIFYING, and Jason Isaacs is wonderful too - a big, juicy, scenery-chewing role if ever there was one, and he plays it to the hilt! His singing scenes are terrific and superbly weird.
I really think is is a very potent film - profound, funny, edgy and one that leaves a very powerful impression on the viewer. Well done to all concerned. This is an outstanding work, and one that should be far better known. 10/10.
The Omega Man (1971)
"Oh ... my ... god ..."
I watched this again today. What a terrible mistake. I recorded it from TV because I vaguely recalled seeing it back in the '70s, maybe at a drive-in, or perhaps on late-night TV. I also had a vague recollection of it being OK.
In hindsight, I think I must have been absolutely off my face at the time, because, oh, how my memory had deceived me ... I could not have been more wrong. It is not OK. It is mind-bogglingly terrible - without doubt, one of the cheapest, shoddiest pieces of pseudo-hip, plastic, cliché-ridden, overacted rip-off Seventies Z-grade Hollywood garbage ever foisted on an unsuspecting public. The only amusing aspect was that I had watched the superb "Shaun of the Dead" the night before, and this provided me with a gold-plated example of that old adage about 'chalk and cheese'.
And what a horrible, rancid, stinky, mouldy old piece of cheese it is. This frightening mutation of a movie has just everything wrong with it. You'd think you couldn't go far wrong with Matheson's fine original story, but oh no, they had to make it "hip" in that dreadful, stodgy, cringe-inducing Mod Squad way that only Hollywood in that era could. Everything about it screams 'cheap Seventies 'telemovie', from the script to the sets to the horrible, stagey performances. It looks like it was shot in three days, the 'sets' are SO obviously the Warner backlot, the script is appalling, and it features some of the most spectacularly bad acting in movie history. Chuck's trademark "Oh ... my ... god" line - uttered when he finds he body of the black kid he'd saved from the plague - is the absolute nadir in a zombie-like performance that rates as one of the very worst in an otherwise fairly distinguished career. The Big Cornpone never had a great range, but to call this a one-note performance is to insult notes.
The person I actually feel most sorry for is Rosalind Cash, who was obliged to strip off for no good reason, kiss Charlton Heston (erk!) and utter some of the most tooth-grindingly self-conscious blaxploitation lines ever committed to paper. But hey - no surprises there: a quick Google search for writers John and Joyce Corrington reveals a couple so blindingly white- bread that they make Anna Gasteyer and Will Ferrell's SNL school music teacher characters (Bobbi and Marty Culp) look like prime candidates for a Sly & the Family Stone reunion. Even less surprising is the fact that the Corrington's mostly earned their living penning daytime soaps and Z-grade movie schlock-fests like "Killer Bees". I should have guessed.
A special brickbat goes to TV veteran Anthony Zerbe, an actor every bit as corny as Chuck, and likewise one never known for avoiding a chance to chew the scenery, no matter how flimsy. Granted, he doesn't have much to work with but is just AWFUL - his wig is ridiculous and his acting is worse ... although I have to admit that, in a sterling display of racial equality, Lincoln Kilpatrick's portrayal of his sidekick Zachary is every bit as bad.
Also - if the mutants are so anti-technology, where did they get those neatly-tailored lurex cloaks and designer shades? (I know, I know ...)
But wait - there's one more dump I have to take on this film ... it's hard to single out the worst thing in a movie so spectacularly rich in bad points, but it leaps out at you from the opening shots - it is the awful, braying, corny score by Ron Grainer. Just ... TERRIBLE. This movie ought to be required viewing in every media course as a textbook example of how NOT to write music for films. It is loud, stupid, intrusive, almost entirely inappropriate/irrelevant to the action, and just plain BAD music in its own right. It beggars belief that such an experienced and otherwise accomplished screen composer could have turned in such a load of old crap ... but, on the other hand, it suits the movie perfectly, so maybe he got it right after all?
In my mind the ONLY reason to watch this film - other than to get wrecked and have a good laugh at its expense - is for the views of downtown Los Angeles ca. 1970, before they totally ruined the place. Apart from that, I can only quote Men on Film:
"HATED IT!"
The Young Person's Guide to Becoming a Rock Star (1998)
"Nice arse."
Sweet, lighthearted, punchy and pacy, this is a worthy and hugely enjoyable update on the "Rock Follies" concept that delivers plenty of laughs. I loved it the when it first came out, watched again recently, and I reckon it still stands up as fine, funny satire on the pleasures and pitfalls of the pursuit of pop success. The scripts are clever and witty, the cast is great, the photography, editing, direction and production design are distinctive and add greatly to the impact of the show - I especially love the montage of the band going hog-wild spending their record company advance, which is overlaid with a counter graphic that adds up how much money they're wasting. The original songs are pretty good, and of course there's the added attraction some very funny cameo appearances by real rock stars and music industry faces like Chrissie Hynde and Noel Gallagher. Some viewers might have a little trouble negotiating the Glasgow accents (myself, I could listen to them all night) but if that's not a problem for you then I reckon you're probably going to love this series. A wee gem.