Reviews
Frankenfish (2004)
Tremors on the bayou with huge Snakehead fish
The makers of Frankenfish, the title being derived from an outlandish nickname that's been attributed to the Snakehead breed, made a smart move by not just making another Jaws wannabe. Well, to be honest, for about the first 35 minutes, that's exactly what Frankenfish is. For the most part though, Frankenfish is Tremors on the bayou with big, smart, genetically engineered man-eating Snakehead fish in place of the Graboids and with people trapped on backwater houseboats instead of creaky homes out in the desert. With a bit more budget and one more rewrite, it could have been just as entertaining as Tremors, too. It doesn't quite succeed to that degree; but as far as low budget, made-for-video monster movies that are forced to premiere on a channel that seems hell bent on giving its namesake as bad a reputation as humanly possible, this one is surprisingly fun.
This isn't to say that the film is a complete success. Clichés are still abound, characters are mostly one-dimensional albeit likable, and it still takes about a half-hour before the movie really kicks into gear. The biggest problem I had with the movie was the explanation behind the enormous Snakeheads and how they got into this Southern bayou. It's one of the worst explanations I've ever heard in a b-movie. It's so moronic that I almost wonder why they even bothered to offer one. Perhaps with a bit more follow-up it could have been somewhat palpable, but when you hear it you're probably going to be appalled by the lameness. Even worse, this explanation leads to the introduction of a couple new characters that figure prominently in the third act, which is based around several people trying to capture alive a 25-foot killer Snakehead with a tranquilizer gun and their bare hands. I don't think so. Also, if you've just witnessed a person getting devoured by something in the water, I don't think you'd go back to tell their loved ones and stick around to have a casual dinner with them before notifying the proper authorities that there's something big and hungry on the loose.
So what is it that makes Frankenfish entertaining despite relying on a lot of clichés and one-dimensional characters? For me, I just liked the Snakeheads and the way they went after their victims. For one thing, they didn't just use cheap CGI, as everyone else seems to do these days. Yeah, there are numerous scenes of CGI Snakeheads, but most of those scenes are brief or are seen in quick blurs of fast action. The filmmakers wisely made the decision to mix the CGI with animatronics, making the illusion of these huge Snakeheads more believable by being more tangible than just a computer effect. I don't know about you but I've had it with 100% CGI movie monsters that look like escapees from a Playstation 2 video game. The Snakehead effects may not be as realistic looking as the dinosaurs in Jurassic Park, but at least when they appear on-screen they won't appear so fake looking that you're inclined to roll your eyes or begin groaning.
You got heads being bitten off, people being bitten in half, faces being blown off, and my personal favorite, let's just say people and airboat fans don't mix. There's a lot of red viscous on display here and I have a hard time believing much of it will get past the channel's censors. I'm not much of a gorehound myself but I do admit that there are movies where blood and guts can help matters and this is one of those movies. So many of the recent slate of killer animal movies have been so tame in that department that seeing some of the gore is actually refreshing, assuming one could describe a body exploding in an airboat fan using the word refreshing.
Hey, if nothing else, Frankenfish is still better than Anacondas.
Lady Death (2004)
She-Ra, Princess of Power goes to Hell
There's really no way to beat around the bush in saying this, Lady Death: The Motion Picture just plain sucks. Aside from the fact that the main character is a well endowed blonde running around Hell in a leather bikini with occasional spurts of graphic violence, the movie seems to have been made with the mentality of a 1980's cartoon based on a line of action figures. The bad guy himself even talks like a Skeletor wannabe, has the obligatory inept henchman, and lives in a lair that looks to have been patterned after the domain of the villain from the old Saturday morning Blackstar cartoon. Just don't expect any humor other than the sometimes howlingly bad dialogue. At other times it feels like the kind of anime tale better suited to hentai, yet there is no sex, no tentacle rape (Thank goodness!) and very little sex appeal, this despite the physical appearance of the title character. There is simply no adult edge to this material, unless you count the half-naked heroine and bloody deaths. Essentially, what we have here is a feature length episode of She-Ra, Princess of Power, but with skimpier clothes and more gore.
Dinocroc (2004)
Fun throwback to the Creature Features of old
Roger Corman's DINOCROC is a true b-movie in the grand tradition of atomic age monster movies. And make no mistake about it; this is an old-fashioned creature feature and not a typical nature gone amok/killer animal movie. The Dinocroc may be a prehistoric Supercroc but gene manipulation has evolved it into a two-legged dinosaur-like creature that makes for a pretty cool movie monster. The film clocks in at a scant 82 minutes (plus almost another 4 minutes of needlessly long end credits to pad out the running time) zipping along at a breezy pace without getting too bogged down with lots of boring exposition, moralizing, etc. The movie doesn't give you much time to think about what's going on but then there isn't a whole lot to think about. Not to say that the movie is completely mindless but that it is simply a straightforward monster movie, nothing more, nothing less. Yes, the plot is flimsy and the characters are mostly one-dimensional yet it still has a likeability factor and sense of fun that helps you to overlook its shortcomings. Each of the primary characters has a purpose for being there and their chemistry playing off of one another helps gloss over the fact that they don't have much depth to them outside of the position they fill in the story. The fact that they didn't get on my nerves by being annoying as hell or by constantly doing incredibly stupid things as characters in so many horror movies of today tend to do, especially the low budget variety, is also a major plus. The movie also has one of the best kills I've seen in a movie in quite some time and it happens to a character that I didn't think was going to get it especially in such a brutal fashion. That scene alone was worth it. And kudos to whomever came up with the idea to use a score that sounds more appropriate to a supernatural horror movie than a rampaging reptile monster movie. It enhances the cheese quotient considerably.
What can I say about the Dinocroc itself other than it's a pretty spiffy looking monster? At times it seemed very reminiscent of the abomination that was the Tristar Godzilla but the Dinocroc is actually a much more fearsome looking beast what with teeth outside of and on top of its mouth and this constant mad dog gleam in its eyes. For a low budget monster movie the CGI was actually pretty darn good. Even at it's worst it isn't bad enough to completely take you out of the movie unless you're just a stickler for computer effects. Much of the CGI is actually on par with or better than that found in some movies with astronomically higher budgets like say THE MUMMY RETURNS and I suspect Dinocroc's budget was probably only slightly more than the amount spent on that film for Brendan Fraser's hair. I've read that Corman already has a sequel in the planning stages. If so, I hope they give it a bit higher budget and allow the Dinocroc a bit more interaction with the characters next time other than jumping out and going `Rahr!' every so often as it does for most of the movie. The biggest drawback to this movie's low budget was lack of screentime for the monster. I wanted more Dinocroc action.
With one more rewrite and a little more budget I think DINOCROC could have been a great monster movie but it will just have to settle for being a fun guilty pleasure and there's nothing wrong with that. There are far worse ways to spend 86 minutes. Heck, I'll take this over CARNOSAUR any day of the week.