FacemeltingFilms
Joined May 2011
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FacemeltingFilms's rating
What do you get when a dominatrix, a psychotic killer, his Christian fundamentalist henchman and a kidnapped businessman spend the evening in their apartment together? One crazy movie. Spike of Love is deranged and retarded, but in a good way. This is the review for the VHS you will never find and the movie you will always want. The weird and wonderful world of some crazy Canadians coming to your brain live, from the either. This is Spike of Love.
When Donny and his brother Glen come home from chopping a guys head off over a parking space and find his girlfriend Jane raping a businessman things start to get weird. When they find out they have a few hours left before a gang leader comes to claim their lives, things get even weirder in this dark, dark comedy of horror.
From the creative mind of Steve DiMarco comes a journey into the wonderful world of a psychotic house of killers. We watch as these four run around the house arguing, fu--ing and causing general mayhem at the expense of each other. Glen is a hard core Christian who has sent away to become a pope. He calls blasphemy at every turn and is more than happy to chop up a body with his meat cleaver. Donny is an over all psychopath and metal head with a cartoon voice and a huge mouth. Lastly, Jane is a bored dominatrix who constantly changes into different outfits and harasses everyone in a five-mile radius. Welcome to the madhouse! The film consists mostly of these three along with some reoccurring characters like the businessman, the mother and some gang leaders fighting over who to kill and how to do it.
Surprisingly enough it's funny and well filmed. Although at times it might move a little slow, you never really know what's around the next corner and the adventure is something new every time. Donny, played by Tony Munch, really holds the film together. With his hilarious voice and happy go lucky psycho demeanor he keeps even the darkest moments fun. Although the film does not have as much gore as you'd expect (almost none) the movie is fun and well worth tracking down. This would be a great addition to a pizza and beer night any day of the week!
When Donny and his brother Glen come home from chopping a guys head off over a parking space and find his girlfriend Jane raping a businessman things start to get weird. When they find out they have a few hours left before a gang leader comes to claim their lives, things get even weirder in this dark, dark comedy of horror.
From the creative mind of Steve DiMarco comes a journey into the wonderful world of a psychotic house of killers. We watch as these four run around the house arguing, fu--ing and causing general mayhem at the expense of each other. Glen is a hard core Christian who has sent away to become a pope. He calls blasphemy at every turn and is more than happy to chop up a body with his meat cleaver. Donny is an over all psychopath and metal head with a cartoon voice and a huge mouth. Lastly, Jane is a bored dominatrix who constantly changes into different outfits and harasses everyone in a five-mile radius. Welcome to the madhouse! The film consists mostly of these three along with some reoccurring characters like the businessman, the mother and some gang leaders fighting over who to kill and how to do it.
Surprisingly enough it's funny and well filmed. Although at times it might move a little slow, you never really know what's around the next corner and the adventure is something new every time. Donny, played by Tony Munch, really holds the film together. With his hilarious voice and happy go lucky psycho demeanor he keeps even the darkest moments fun. Although the film does not have as much gore as you'd expect (almost none) the movie is fun and well worth tracking down. This would be a great addition to a pizza and beer night any day of the week!
One of my biggest pet peeves with movie lovers is when someone talks about a bad movie and says "that's got to be the worst movie ever made" because they have no fu--ing clue what they are talking about. I'm not saying Computer Beach Party is the worst movie ever made but I'm betting it makes the top 100. This movie will suck out your soul and s--t on it. This movie is so bad that from now on I am going to refer to it as Computer Beach S--tmovie. Do not watch this movie, in fact just stop reading this review. Please! Masochist huh? Well OK, but don't say I didn't warn you.
When Andy and Dennis find a gold coin they stumble upon a hunt for a buried treasure. Unfortunately the people hunting are planning on buying the now public beach and kicking everyone off. Andy and Dennis must rely on there computer beach skills to win a para sailing type race to stop the greedy locals from taking over! The first thing you'll notice when watching Computer Beach S--tmovie is every person is over dubbed and dubbed HORRIBLY. None of the voices match the people and at times it isn't even the same actor dubbing. Next you'll notice the killer of this "film": pacing. Every scene seems to have this strange pause, or moment where all the actors just kinda look at each other. I'm assuming this is because no one actually wrote a script and the actors are all making s--t up on the spot. Most of the things that happen in the film aren't funny and are totally meaningless. This film is so bad three naked girls didn't even help.
And in the end there is no buried treasure in Computer Beach Sh--movie, in fact their beach computers don't even end up helping anyone and one of the biggest dramatic scenes in the film isn't even shown (a message to the audience says it's "too violent"). It feels like all the people making the movie didn't speak English and I wouldn't be surprised if this was the case. I hope these people lost a lot of f--king money making this movie. I hope it made them homeless, no f--k that I hope someone died trying to make this sh--ty movie. Seriously. It's garbage. And next time someone tries to tell you Troll 2 is the worst movie ever made shove over your sh--ty copy of Computer Beach S--tmovie and tell them to watch and learn.
Rock Shows 3 Boobies 3 Astronauts 1
When Andy and Dennis find a gold coin they stumble upon a hunt for a buried treasure. Unfortunately the people hunting are planning on buying the now public beach and kicking everyone off. Andy and Dennis must rely on there computer beach skills to win a para sailing type race to stop the greedy locals from taking over! The first thing you'll notice when watching Computer Beach S--tmovie is every person is over dubbed and dubbed HORRIBLY. None of the voices match the people and at times it isn't even the same actor dubbing. Next you'll notice the killer of this "film": pacing. Every scene seems to have this strange pause, or moment where all the actors just kinda look at each other. I'm assuming this is because no one actually wrote a script and the actors are all making s--t up on the spot. Most of the things that happen in the film aren't funny and are totally meaningless. This film is so bad three naked girls didn't even help.
And in the end there is no buried treasure in Computer Beach Sh--movie, in fact their beach computers don't even end up helping anyone and one of the biggest dramatic scenes in the film isn't even shown (a message to the audience says it's "too violent"). It feels like all the people making the movie didn't speak English and I wouldn't be surprised if this was the case. I hope these people lost a lot of f--king money making this movie. I hope it made them homeless, no f--k that I hope someone died trying to make this sh--ty movie. Seriously. It's garbage. And next time someone tries to tell you Troll 2 is the worst movie ever made shove over your sh--ty copy of Computer Beach S--tmovie and tell them to watch and learn.
Rock Shows 3 Boobies 3 Astronauts 1
Italian 80's horror movies always feel like sketchy territory. The actors are always too shiny, everything is lit like a porno and the Italians in the 80's couldn't act. Well, at least not the ones in this movie. Plankton starts off as a typical s--tty Italian horror movie but seems to make all the right choices. Out of nowhere you go from bored to enthralled. To this day I've never seen another film with homosexual fish sex. I think Plankton is the first.
Four teenagers decide it's a good idea to get into a motorboat and ride into the sunset (and into the middle of the ocean). Predictably they get lost and run out of gas. Soon they are lamely paddling their way through a stormy dark night, crying in the rain. On the verge of death they randomly bump into a huge metal ship floating in the middle of nowhere. Desperate, they climb aboard to seek shelter. They soon find that the ship is half laboratory and half 80's Italian bachelor pad complete with a stocked bar and sexy neon lights. They also find that the ship is strangely empty.
The film moves on with stumbling acting, horrible lighting and a basic disinterest in creating a well made film. There are strange unexplained things like a cartoon fish on the wall with a little girls voice that screams at everyone and a robot shower that wants to have sex with you and screams, "USE YOUR FINGERS!" over and over again. One of the more funny moments of the film happens early on when, as the girls are changing, one girl holds her boobies up to the camera and declares, "I think I need a new bra!" Then things start to get strange. They start hearing strange noises, one teenager will flip out and start screaming and crying and the next minute they will be fine again. The main character, Mike, starts snooping around and finds out that the ship was researching prehistoric piranha for a few years. The piranha are gay fish with unusually large genitals. For real. He actually says this out loud! Now here's the kicker: The scientists are all gay too and they have been fu--ing the fish for years! Apparently gay sex leads to mutations because all the scientists have either turned into huge gay fish or have been eaten by huge gay fish. Slowly the teenagers each fall to similar fates.
In the world of bizarre 80's Italian horror films this is right up their with Nightmare Beach and um . I guess those are the only two I know. So it's definitely in the top 10! But for director Massimiliano Cerchi this is old news. He went on to direct such classics as Satan Claus, Brainmaster, The Mummy Theme Park and Carnage Road. His IMDb page is so impressive Face Melting Films is thinking about building a guide for the guy. Plankton is something that has to be seen to be believed and even though I've seen it I still don't believe it!
Four teenagers decide it's a good idea to get into a motorboat and ride into the sunset (and into the middle of the ocean). Predictably they get lost and run out of gas. Soon they are lamely paddling their way through a stormy dark night, crying in the rain. On the verge of death they randomly bump into a huge metal ship floating in the middle of nowhere. Desperate, they climb aboard to seek shelter. They soon find that the ship is half laboratory and half 80's Italian bachelor pad complete with a stocked bar and sexy neon lights. They also find that the ship is strangely empty.
The film moves on with stumbling acting, horrible lighting and a basic disinterest in creating a well made film. There are strange unexplained things like a cartoon fish on the wall with a little girls voice that screams at everyone and a robot shower that wants to have sex with you and screams, "USE YOUR FINGERS!" over and over again. One of the more funny moments of the film happens early on when, as the girls are changing, one girl holds her boobies up to the camera and declares, "I think I need a new bra!" Then things start to get strange. They start hearing strange noises, one teenager will flip out and start screaming and crying and the next minute they will be fine again. The main character, Mike, starts snooping around and finds out that the ship was researching prehistoric piranha for a few years. The piranha are gay fish with unusually large genitals. For real. He actually says this out loud! Now here's the kicker: The scientists are all gay too and they have been fu--ing the fish for years! Apparently gay sex leads to mutations because all the scientists have either turned into huge gay fish or have been eaten by huge gay fish. Slowly the teenagers each fall to similar fates.
In the world of bizarre 80's Italian horror films this is right up their with Nightmare Beach and um . I guess those are the only two I know. So it's definitely in the top 10! But for director Massimiliano Cerchi this is old news. He went on to direct such classics as Satan Claus, Brainmaster, The Mummy Theme Park and Carnage Road. His IMDb page is so impressive Face Melting Films is thinking about building a guide for the guy. Plankton is something that has to be seen to be believed and even though I've seen it I still don't believe it!