Reviews

The Old Dark House follows US car salesman Tom Penderel who gets invited to the original home of his flat-mate Casper Femm for the weekend. However, once he gets there he finds that Casper has been murdered. The other residents of the house are welcoming, yet dangerous... and are suspicious of Tom's sudden arrival. Being unable to leave due to a heavy storm and with more family members turning up dead at an alarming rate, Tom must get to the bottom of what's going on here before he too meets his maker...

It wasn't until I read up on The Old Dark House that I realised it is a remake of the 1932 film of the same name, and whereas the original film is a straight-faced murder mystery affair, this newer version is a little bit more of a comedy. I have not seen the original (yet), so I will be basing my thoughts purely on its own merits - and despite it being a bit corney and clearly not taking itself seriously whatsoever, I found it quite enjoyable. The murder mystery aspect works quite well in this light-hearted approach, the characters are all unique and memorable, and the film does a good job of mis-direction with regards to who the killer actually is.

I may end up re-assessing this film after I watch the original (as apparantly the original is much better), but for now I'll say that The Old Dark House is a silly yet enjoyable mystery film that feels a bit like a Scooby Doo episode. In fact, this could serve as a starting point for getting younger viewers into murder mystery films...

Ghosts of Mars is set in the distant future of 2176, and follows a group of police officers as they are travelling to a mining facility on Mars to pick up a dangerous criminal and bring him to trial. However, when they get there the facility is abandoned save for the criminal and a few other prisoners who won't leave their cells. There are clues that something awful has happened here, and when the group get attacked by the deranged miners, they all have to work together to survive and find a way to escape.

You can just tell immediately from the off that this film is going to be pure b-movie silliness... I mean when your leads are Natasha Henstridge (who is taking this so seriously it's hilarious), Jason Statham and Ice Cube, you know exactly what to expect. And I have to say, despite this film being nowhere near the level John Carpenter's greats, it still has a certain undeniable charm.

The film gets off to a rocky start though, by doing that thing where it starts at the end, and then plays out the film as a flashback. Oh right ok, so we know immediately who survives this ordeal then! The characters are so stereotypical I think I audibly groaned, and everything has this early 2000's gloss that makes everything look like CGI even when it isn't. 20 mins in and I'm thinking this is going to be a dud...

Then the film gets better because the horror starts. The characters loosen up a bit and become significantly less annoying once they are under threat, and the film does this pretty cool branching plot idea, where you see characters split up and you follow one group... then it goes back and follows the other group, with bits crossing over etc. I've not seen movie narrative do that before (despite books doing it all the time), and even though this was a point of contention for some critics at the time, I actually liked this approach.

Ghosts of Mars is also an action film at times, and despite the action being cheesy it is still pretty entertaining with its over the top antagonists and graphic violence and gore. And to top it all off, the plot reveal as to why the miners went crazy is actually pretty unique and an interesting idea.

I have heard some people have stated that Ghosts of Mars is "the Doom (video game) movie that we should have got", and whereas I wouldn't particularly agree with that, I can see where these people are coming from. John Carpenter is a huge video game fan after all, and thinking about it this does feel very "video gamey" with regards to look, tone and action. You can certainly see the influences, that's for sure...

Overall, Ghosts of Mars is not a particularly great film, but it is definitely fun and entertaining.. and I suppose ultimately that's what matters. If you're a fan of John Carpenter (and you should be, as he's done some stellar work) then you can do worse than to give this one a go.

Scanners follows Cameron Vale, a man who has psychic and telekinetic powers that he doesn't understand and cannot control. After being recruited by a mysterious corporation called ComSec, he discovers that there are others like him, and they are referred to as 'Scanners'. After learning how to control and use his abilities to his advantage, he is dispatched by ComSec on a mission to take down a mysterious and extremely powerful scanner who has gone rogue and wants to use his powers for world domination.

Scanners is a renowned cult classic of the sci fi genre, but that being said I was expecting to like this film more than I actually did. Reading up on its production, it started filming before the script even existed, and spent its early days of production being a bunch of ideas that Cronenberg was trying to string together as they went... and that really does come across while watching it. The film has some excellent special effects, but despite some good performances the characters are largely forgettable outside of the protagonist and main antagonist. The story itself feels rushed, disjointed and more than a little cliche... and the final twist (if you can even call it that) was obvious and derivative - even by 1981 standards.

Still, despite its flaws Scanners still manages to be entertaining thanks to a great performance by Michael Ironside and some fun and crazy gore and action scenes. Its by no means essential viewing, but fans of 80's sci fi craziness will probably get a kick out of it...

The Castle is an Australian comedy that follows the Kerrigan family who live right next to the runway of Melbourne airport. However, when the airport decide to expand and try to force them out to make room, the family and their neighbours band together and do everything they can to defend their homes...

I wasn't sure what I was going to make of this as the film is deeply rooted in 90's Australian culture, and not being Australian I wondered if the humour would be somewhat lost on me. However, I found the gags to be the right kind of subtle and the characters being endearing and interesting certainly helped. It's a classic tale of working class versus the man, and you genuinely feel invested in this family taking on this seemingly futile battle. Oh, and check out a young Eric Bana as the son-in-law!

After decades of unfunny plastic US comedies, it was genuinely a breath of fresh air to actually watch something that genuinely made me laugh. Give it a go!

Returning to screens some 16 years after New Nightmare, this remake/reboot/reimagining of A Nightmare on Elm Street follows a group of teens who are stalked in their nightmares by the vengeful demonic soul of their old school caretaker, who was killed by their parents after they suspected him of abusing the kids. Oh, and of course if you die in your dreams, you die for real...

I wasn't entirely sure we needed a remake of A Nightmare on Elm Street... and after watching it I'm still not entirely sure it was needed. We have the same basic plot as the original film, but everything is much more gritty, grimey and disgusting. Visually the film is fine, but the problem is in the execution. None of the characters are particularly likable, and our female lead looks so disinterested in whats going on it completely kills any urgency the film tries to build. The rest of the cast are completely forgettable, and since Krueger himself has been written as a creepy molester, you just can't bring yourself to be entertained by him. This is a shame, as with a better script and screenplay I think Jackie Earl Haley could easily pull off a decent Freddy. Ah well...

I tried to have an open mind going into this, but I just could not find any reason to watch this instead of the original. The original has great characters, better atmosphere, brilliant practical effects... and of course the pure awesomeness that is Robert Englund as Freddy. This remake doesn't even come close...

Based on the novel of the same name, Clive Owen playes Theo - a civil servant in a violent, dystopian future where humanity has become infertile, and the youngest person on the planet is an adult. Tasked with helping an extremely important young refugee escape the chaos and take her to a sanctuary off the coast, he soon discovers why she needs protecting - she is secretly pregnant...

I have to say this film is amazing. I love how gritty everything is, and how hopelessly cruel and selfish it portrays a society that has no future. All the performances were top notch, and there are at least a couple of extended single-take action shots that completely blew me away. The detail and atmosphere of every scene is sublime, and there are some top tunes in here to round it all off.

An important lesson on how to treat each other and securing a future for ourselves, suffice to say Children of Men is essential viewing...

Timecrimes is a Spanish horror film that follows a couple - Hector and Clara, as they rennovate their new house in the countryside. When Clara decides to head into town for supplies, Hector takes a break and sits out in their garden. Scanning the nearby forest with some binoculars, he catches a glimpse of a young woman who looks like she may be in trouble. Heading over to assist, a strange man with bandages all over his head attacks Hector with a pair of scissors. Fleeing from the assailant, Hector stumbles into a restricted area that contains some shady looking laboratories and such. Hiding from the bandaged man in a bizarre contraption, Hector suddenly finds himself sent back in time about an hour... and now his nightmare truly begins...

I'm a big fan of time travel stories, particularly ones that introduce time loops, and I'm obviously a big fan of horror... so suffice to say that this film was ticking my boxes before I'd even got through the menu screens. And wow, I can honestly say that this film is incredible. It takes a relatively simple setup and minimal characters, but perfectly coils it around this mind bending plot that despite its complexity is never difficult to follow nor does it bog itself down with unnecessary fluff. Not a scene is wasted, the film is shot in a charming indie style but brimming with detail, and the performances by the 'everyman' cast were excellent. Just when you think you have it all figured out, the film throws in a few more ingredients that change everything brilliantly.

Don't let the fact that this is English subtitled only put you off, this is essential viewing. I really don't say this lightly, but this may... just may, be the best time travel film I have ever seen. Get it watched. An hour ago....

Turns out 'The Final Nightmare' was not that at all, and here we have yet another entry in the Elm Street series. Or do we? New Nightmare is a meta horror film taking place in a universe somewhere between the Elm Street films and reality, and follows the cast of the original Nightmare on Elm Street as they are stalked and tormented by a demonic entity that takes the form of Freddy Krueger.

Now, this is more like it! Wes Craven returns to direct what is not only one of the best films in this franchise, but also what serves as a prototype of sorts to his next big film, Scream. We have the tormenting phonecalls, the disturbing dreams, and turns by Heather Langenkamp, John Saxon, Robert Englund and Wes Craven all playing themselves. Top it all off with a version of Freddy (well, sort of) that is actually scary and some pretty gruesome effects, and this is an excellent send-off to the franchise before passing the torch to Scream. Bravo...

Oh boy, this film's plot is all over the place, but I'll do my best. Basically we have an amnesiac teen who after being found aimlessly wandering the outskirts of Springwood gets sent to a youth centre where he encounters a psychologist who shares the same horrible dreams that he does. So obviously they decide to go back to Springwood to get some answers, while unbeknownst to them a bunch of other teens stow away in the van hoping to escape the youth centre. They all discover that not only is there no longer a single child at Springwood, but also that no matter how hard they try they cannot leave. So cue murders, 3D glasses for... whatever reason, dodgy 90s special effects and a plot with about as many surprises as a pack of playing cards.

I think its pretty well known that this film is the worst in this series. It has a stupid plot, terrible visuals and effects, awful unlikable characters and a stupid shoe-horned side-story of Freddy having an adopted daughter who is the only one who can defeat him. It's never a good sign when you are looking at the clock trying to work out how much more of this mess is left to endure. For those who want to marathon the whole franchise only...

A year after defeating Freddy Krueger, Alice is now in a relationship with Dan. However, Freddy finds a way to return (of course) and is attempting to be reborn via Alice and Dan's unborn child. With said child being alseep most of the time, this allows Freddy to attack Alice through him, even when she's awake - making him more dangerous than ever. With the odds stacked against her, Alice discovers an unlikely ally in Freddy Krueger's mother... who holds the key to defeating him once an for all and saving her unborn son...

I'm a bit on the fence with this one. Despite being significantly darker in tone compared to the previous two films (and having some pretty gruesome kills - that motorcycle death was horribly awesome), like with part 2 I feel it is drifting away from the core concept of what Freddy is too much, and I've never been a fan of the whole possession angle. That aside, the whole mother sub-plot stinks of running out of ideas, and at this point these films are just bleeding into one great bit long nightmare... with an ending that bears a striking resemblence to the ending of Labyrinth (1986).

Fans will almost certainly get a kick out of the gore and effects, but I feel this series either needs to shake things up drastically, or call it a day...

Set another year after the previous film and serving as a direct sequel to Dream Warriors, the survivors of part 3 have now been released and are trying to live normal lives. But when Freddy returns and finishes them all off bar Kristen, she realises that Freddy is wanting to use Kristen's dream power of summoning others into her dreams to bring him new victims. However, Kristen's best friend Alice has a special dream power of her own...

This follow up to the decent part 3 feels like a very similar film. Dream powers, slapstick Freddy and some pretty cool effects and kills are once again the order of the day, and there is even an awesome time loop section that caught me off guard but was pretty cool. In fact if it wasn't for the rather lacklustre ending this would have been as good as 3, but it's beginning to feel like a formula is developing. Hopefully the next one shakes things up a bit...

Set a year after the previous film, we pick up with a teenage girl called Kristen who ends up with slit wrists after dreaming about Freddy. Fearing she may be suicidal, her parents send her to a psychiatric hospital, where none other than Nancy Thompson herself is training. Nancy soon realises that these 'suicides' affecting the young patients are actually Freddy's doing, but none of her superiors will listen to her. However, Kristen has a gift - she can pull others into her dreams, and when the other kids realise they maintain some semblance of control while sleeping and can will themselves to have powers, Nancy hatches a plan for them all to band together in the dream world to take Freddy down once and for all...

Going into this Elm Street marathon I was aware that this film was highly rated with the fans, and is considered by most to be the best film after the original. And while this is... certainly better than the second film, it doesn't quite reach the dizzying heights I was expecting. Some awesome kills aside, its all a bit silly and goofy... and Freddy himself is rapidly becoming a slapstick quip machine that makes him more humerous than frightening.

Still, it's certainly entertaining, and after watching all of the films in this series, I feel it is indeed the second best entry. However, don't be fooled as this is NOWHERE near as good as the original film. Cool theme song by Dokken though...

Following on 5 years after the events of the first film, a new family move into the house formerly belonging to the Thompsons. Before long the teenage son, Jesse begins dreaming about Freddy... but instead of killing him, Freddy wants to use Jessie as his puppet to kill in real life. Slowly being taken over by the vengeful demon and losing the will to regain control, can Jessie's love interest Lisa bring him back from the brink and give him the strength to fight back?

I'm not quite sure what to make of this film. On the one hand it makes sense for the film to not just serve as a retread of the original, but then again the possession angle doesn't quite sit right with what the original film was all about. The kills were quite good, but in other ways the film feels a bit silly and goofy... especially when Freddy breaks into the real world, and is running around attacking people who all tower over him. It all just gets a bit ridiculous.

One area of contention for this film was it's... thematic undertones that are about as subtle as an anvil to the face and pretty much ended the main star's career overnight. I'm not going into specifics, but the film is glaringly stereotypical towards certain groups that it... doesn't sit right in modern society, shall we say. If you know, you know what I mean.

Overall, I applaud this follow up trying to be different, but the execution is a bit all over the place. Worth a look for fans of the series, but for casual fans of horror the original is a far better film.

A Nightmare on Elm Street follows a bunch of teenage kids who keep having the same nightmare - about a burned guy with a fedora and a glove with knives for fingers. However, when one of them dies in their sleep, and others start getting injured by him for real while dreaming, they must work out who this guy is and stop him before he takes them all out. Thing is, you can't stay awake forever...

This series has legendary status among horror fans and with good reason, as Freddy Krueger is a genuinely awesome antagonist. Just assessing this original film on its own merits though, it was a really original concept for a slasher - featuring a killer who gets you when you sleep. This means there is no escape, as everyone NEEDS to sleep... and as the protagonists Nancy (Heather Langenkamp) and Glen (Johnny Depp, in his film debut) take coffee and pills to try and stay awake, their increasing paranoia and delerium just effortlessly raises the tension and stakes. It really is the perfect set-up. Adding in a phenomenal performance by Robert Englund as Freddy (who unlike a lot of later entries is genuinely frightening in this film) and John Saxon as Nancy's police chief (of course) father, sprinkle some awesome and inventive kills and this film ticks all the boxes.

By the mid 80's the slasher genre was rapidly becoming overcrowded, but thanks to an inventive set-up and memorable villain, A Nightmare on Elm Street really stood out among the crowd. It may have spawned some questionable sequels, but this original film is genuinely great, and if you only watch one film in this series, make it this one...

It! The Terror from Beyond Space picks up with a rescue ship that is heading to Mars after a previous expedition ran into... 'difficulties'. Finding just a single crew member and assuming he went mad and killed everyone, they set off home to bring him to trial, despite his pleas of innocence. He claims his crew were attacked by an unstoppable monster and only he survived. However, when the crew discover he was telling the truth and the monster has stowed away with them, the battle to survive begins. But how do you kill the unkillable?

Imagine if Alien had been made 20 years earlier - this would probably be the result. Despite some typical 50's sci-fi charm, the film is very much a product of its time, with square jawed heroes and buxom female crew members, alongside yet another creature that is very obviously a guy in a suit, flapping about like a cross between Frankenstein's monster and a mini King Kong.

I should imagine this was enjoyable at the time, but these days it has some glaring issues (using grenades aboard a tiny rocket ship? What?) that inevitably hamper the enjoyment. There are lots of similar story beats to Ridley Scott's masterpiece (that no doubt inspired it - a cramped air duct scene being an obvious one), but in a world where this almost exact story has been done infinitely better there's not much here outside of some old school charm and nostalgia for those who remember it.

A rare psychological horror anime, Perfect Blue follows popular pop star Mina who decides to jack in all this pop star nonsense and pursue her dream career - acting. After landing a part in a detective drama, the pressures of the role and career change alongside the seedy execs who are trying to explot her fame, and those 'fans' who lets say... didn't take kindly to her decision... begin to take it's toll. The band she was in suddenly make it big, and as a stalker begins turning up wherever she goes, and a mysterious website begins making stuff up about her, she starts to question whether she made the right call, and more importantly - who she can trust. But when her handlers and agents start turning up dead and all eyes begin pointing at her.... she has to ask herself... is she crazy???

I'm just going to cut to the chase - this film is incredible. I know there are people out there who will be put off by the fact that it's a Japanese anime, but seriously - give it a chance. In fact the animation allows some pretty surreal reality bending that would have been challenging if it were live action, especially around the time this was made in the 90s. The animation is typical of the time, but is still great.. and although subtitled the vocal performances still shine through despite me not understanding the language.

What really grabbed me with this though, was the tone. This film is DARK, with psychological and sexual trauma that is truly horrific, and when Mina becomes so engrossed in her role we are no longer sure if she's acting or if this is reality... wow, rarely can any film generate so much uncomfortable unease - never mind an anime from the 90s! You genuinely don't know if she is engineering her own destruction, and this all builds to a brilliant conclusion. If you are a fan of psychological horror and somehow haven't seen Perfect Blue yet, get it to the top of your watch list immediately!

Following the summer break, young naive Mandy Lane returns to school having... 'blossomed' shall we say, and suddenly every guy in the school is interested in her. Thing is, she still sticks with her outcast best friend, much to the annoyance of all the jocks and party boys. A stoner decides to host a party out in the middle of nowhere, and all the lads invited make it their mission to a) convince Mandy to go, and b) get with her. But when the weekend goes south and the kids start getting picked off one by one by a mysterious killer, sweet innocent Mandy turns out to be significantly tougher than anyone would guess...

I really wanted to like this film, the premise isn't half bad for a teen slasher, the setting has atmosphere despite being somewhat cliche, Amber Heard's performance is half decent and the ending was genuinely great. The problem is it's all wrapped up with rubbish, irritating characters, grating dialogue and a predictable plot (sans ending). If it was just tightened up a bit and the characters made more likable it could have been great. As it is it's an average slasher with an interesting reveal....

Rubber is a very bizarre somewhat meta film where a bunch of people come together in the middle of nowhere to watch a sentient tyre kill some hapless victims in a nearby town. Its almost as if they a watching a film, except it's not on a screen.... and they are also part of the film. It makes sense when you watch it... actually... no, no it doesn't make any sense at all...

I usually quite like it when films do the whole meta, fourth wall breaking thing, but this was a bit too out there, even for me. Some of the actors know they are in a film and others don't, someone else knowingly and willingly poisons himself for... reasons... and the tyre itself - how do you think it kills people? That's right - telepathy. Because obviously.

When it was over I wasn't sure what to make of it, it made no sense and had no purpose or message... which the film actually states itself at the beginning. It certainly is an odd one, and fans of strange films may get something out of it, but personally I found it a bit too random for the sake of being random...

The Howling follows news anchor Karen White, who is being stalked by a person the police believe to be a local serial killer called Eddie Quist. Participating in a scheme to trap him, things quickly go south, resulting in Eddie being shot and Karen suffering from amnesia. After being sent to a facility in the middle of nowhere to help her come to terms with what happened, both Karen and her husband realise that there is something very wrong with everyone else there...

Despite offering some excellent werewolf effects and some moody visuals, I struggled to get into The Howling. I wasn't a fan of Dee Wallace's lead character Karen, she was just annoying and did little to get me on board as the viewer. The rest of the cast weren't much better, playing largely forgettable characters with little screen time. The plot was utter nonsense, and despite an admittedly quite cool ending I was left mostly unimpressed...

I'm beginning to suspect that I may just not like werewolf movies. I also found An American Werewolf in London equally as unspectacular (although at least that has the stunning Jenny Agutter to make it more tolerable), and if these two films are considered the pinnacle of 80's lycanthropy, then I don't hold out much hope. Maybe I should see if Silver Bullet is better than these two...

Being one of the earliest examples of the slasher genre, Black Christmas follows a Sorority house called Pi Kappa Sigma, as they prepare for the Christmas holiday. Most of the students have gone home, and the handful that remain are all set to have parties and whatnot, despite constant obscene phone calls tainting their spirits. However, when one of the girls fails to meet up with her Dad and no-one can find her, the obscene phone calls increase, and reveal that whoever is doing it may know where this girl is...

Halloween (1978) gets a lot of credit for thrusting slasher horror films into the limelight, but this effort from 4 years earlier often gets unfairly overlooked. The film obviously looks its age in most ways, but that takes nothing away from it's creepy atmoshere and tone. John Saxon plays the cop trying to find the missing girl (just for a change) and all the performances are decent for the time. What I really like is how it keeps the identity of the killer a secret, showing all the kills as POV shots, and the ending was great and suitably creepy.

If you like slashers I'd recommend giving this a shot. It was ignored by most at the time, but better late than never!

Ich Seh, Ich Seh (translated literally as I See, I See and known in the west as Goodnight Mommy) is a Austrian psychological horror film that follows twin boys who live in a house in the middle of nowhere, as they await their mother's return from hospital. When she arrives, she is all bandaged up so the twins can't see her face, but something is not quite right. She doesn't act like their mother, and is borderline abusive... so the twins - suspecting this may not actually be their mother, take matters into their own hands...

Ich Seh, Ich Seh is a masterclass of psychological dread, played brilliantly through the eyes of twin kids. Trapped in their isolated mansion with a person who says she is their mother but they know better taps right into that deep rooted child fear of your parents being replaced by imposters. The atmosphere is imposing as they gradually uncover pieces of the puzzle, revealing more and more about what's going on, all while trying to keep away from their mother. However, this is one of those films that is all about the big reveal, and even though I did suspect where the actual plot was going, the reveal was still amazing and completely changes the dynamic of the entire film. Suffice to say, this is a film whrre the less you know going in, the better...

I thoroughly enjoyed Ich Seh, Ich Seh... and although it is perhaps a film you only need to see once, that first watch - wow! If you like pschological horrors then I highly recommend this. Just be sure to stay away from the 2022 remake of the same name...

Despicable Me 4 follows Gru and his family after they are put in witness protection following Gru's part in the arrest of notorious bad guy Maxime Le Mal. Thing is, their cover is soon blown, and when Maxime breaks out of jail Gru and the minions have to step up to protect the family...

As charming as this series is, I must admit I only bothered to see this because my daughter insisted on a cinema trip... and despite her enjoying it (mostly), personally I'm becoming tired of these films. They all have a similar plot, similar jokes, similar bad guys... and like I said during my Rise of Gru review, the minions stopped being funny over a decade ago. Kids will enjoy it no doubt, with it being just more of that thing they like - but I think this franchise is obviously running out of ideas, and they should probably call it a day.

Based on the popular video game series of the same name, Mortal Kombat follows 3 of Earth's best fighters as they defend our world against the evil forces of Outworld, whos leaders need to win an ancient fighting tournament 10 consecutive times to be allowed to invade Earth. They have won 9. So basically this serves as an excuse for humans and bizarre mutant freaks to engage in pretty much constant fight scenes for 90 minutes.

If this all seems like nonsensical rubbish, it is based on the story of a 90's fighting game after all, so it's to be expected. And to be honest, I actually quite like this film (although admittedly, nostalgia may be at play here). Visually the film looks very good, with its creepy temples and caves providing a suitably otherworldly backdrop. The CGI is admittedly a bit wonky and looks dated by todays standards, but thankfully the majority of the film is done practically (with a Goro puppet done by the same team who did Aliens). The fight scenes are pretty good for the most part, and the soundtrack is legitimately awesome. The performances are surprisingly decent for a video game movie, and Lindon Ashby absolutely steals the show as the wise-cracking Johnny Cage.

One aspect I remember this being criticized for back in the day was the lack of gore. The Mortal Kombat video games are notorious for being hyper violent, with buckets of blood and spines being ripped out etc, but the thing is looking back at it now - this film is obviously aimed at teens and young adults... and even aside from that, gore just would not fit with this film's tone. It has this cheeky awareness of its own stupidity, and if it were gory it just wouldn't have worked.

Admittedly, there's probably not that much here for non-fans, but considering the general quality of other video game tie in movies up until this point, this is far better than it has any right to be. I was a teenager when this film came out, and I loved it at the time... and even now it still brings a smile to my face!