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willchristopherson-65681
Reviews
Exploding Kittens (2024)
Blecch. The Oatmeal it is NOT
If you came because The Oatmeal had a great sense of humor, and you enjoy Inman's sensibilities in his other endeavors, you're gonna be disappointed. It's not clever or cute, it's just bland and predictable. It feels like a cash grab on a popular brand, not made with care or love for what it is based on.
That's all it's worth putting into this review, so I'll fill the rest of my character requirement by hitting the autocomplete keys randomly: the point of the game in the US and I've been using it to a few days ago. I think I have a friend who is a bit of a mood and is a good job for me. Ahh well it's just a matter of time.
Unfrosted (2024)
Dreadful
Sure has a lot of famous people and funny famous people and is densely packed with jokes... You'd think it wouldn't be so incredibly unfunny. It's like the writers didn't do any editing, they just wrote a script and filled it with as many jokes possible but didn't bother to figure out if they were funny. It reminds me of old Mel Brooks movies in terms of jokes per minute, but in terms of times I laughed, it reminds me of my visit to the proctologist last year.
Hrm I've gotta say more to make the required characters? OK so Bill Burr was pretty good as JFK, and Amy Schumer is every bit as awful as ever.
Avoid. Just re-watch something else you've already seen.
Road House (2024)
Insultingly stupid. At least Jake is decent
Usually action movies get a pass for poor writing, but this movie's so-so action doesn't make up for how bloody stupid the whole movie is. Some of the lines are incredibly bad and out of place, and yet they're presented like they're meant to be clever or funny. Gyllenhaal does his job well - he looks good and fights decently well, but the only other draw card is McGregor and he acts like he's been bashed in the head too many times. The fights are fine-ish but not good enough to carry the story (and lots of VFX obvious for riskier shots.) The story is so bad, but maybe the writers assume every person watching has head trauma of an MMA fighter anyway so they thought it'd be ok?
Give it a pass.
Frogman (2023)
Could have been fun but ended up not
When the movie started, I was really enjoying it. My friend was talking and it bugged me because I found I wanted to be engaged - even if the concept was a bit silly or whatever, on the face. I thought the first reveal of the Frogman was fun, and was looking forward to the rest of it.
But found footage films are all about the thrill of immersion - feeling like this somehow could be real. If it's done right, it can make something average feel very impactful (see - Blair Witch Project). Unfortunately, Frogman suffers from some bad acting at times, but especially from 'film effects' that don't make sense. If we're watching 'found film' it doesn't make sense within the world of the movie to have glitches and flashbacks and psychological effects - so you get pulled out immediately. Unfortunately the end of the movie suffers a lot from this so I found the ending just a letdown because of it. It's too bad, cuz I wanted it to be good.
Guns Akimbo (2019)
Terrible
I don't mind a bit of a dumb action movie here and there. While this clearly wanted to hit the mind of maniac fun of Crank, the writing is so garbage it stops it from being fun. The movie expects you to be forgiving because of the premise but there's a seeming constant barrage of crap that doesn't make any sense to the characters or even normal people. Radcliffe and Weaving are fine, but the they can only do a crappy job so well. Miles (Radcliffe) is seemingly devoid of the ability to consider consequences of his actions (yelling at the cops that he needs help but somehow forgetting that they might be freaked out by the guns in his hands; not telling his ex what's going on when they meet up, but then being surprised when she freaks). It's just garbage writing. Couldn't make it past 30 mins. If you want a great gorey movie with Weaving, go watch Ready or Not instead. It's much more fun.
Samaritan (2022)
Bad. And dumb.
The only thing going for this movie is that it wasn't the worst movie I've ever seen. It's pretty dumb. A very predictable twist too (not that it makes any sense to the storyline, but the rest of the storyline doesn't hold up either so who cares.) I'm now just typing enough to submit the review, cuz it's really not worth any more effort. Type type type type - bored yet? Me too. But the credits are still rolling so I have time.
Crap. Still not enough.
Why did the kid get hired by Cyrus? Plot device.
How did Cyrus manage to get strong enough to fight Samaritan? The hammer was the only thing that could hurt the brothers, but it didn't give super strength.
Yecch.
Last Man Down (2021)
Only positive is it was free on Netflix
Godawful script and writing. The worst I've seen in a while. Even as an action movie the fighting is some of the worst I've seen in a while. It's like they tried to see how bad a movie they could make without anyone thinking it might have been tongue-in-cheek.
Army of the Dead (2021)
Why do they keep giving Snyder so much money to make such garbage movies?
Dumb. Not in a fun "this is a vegas heist movie with an army of zombies" way.
Why do all the zombies run like they got a parkour virus too?
Why does no one seem to really care about the nuke being an hour away?
How did Tig repair the blown-up helicopter engine with no tools or spare parts?
How did the zombie leader build a helmet out of bullet magnet steel?
How is a zombie action movie so damn boring and predictable?
When half the heist team has no job, don't they know they're there as zombie bait for the plot?
Why is the movie so poorly shot - with bad lighting, blurry effects, ridiculous lens flares and gun flares?
Who is it who thinks Dave Bautista is a leading man when his best scene in this movie is when he gets shot in the head?
Since when are black men immune to nuclear fallout?
Slaxx (2020)
Pretty bad, even for what it is
I love a good horror comedy. The idea of watching a movie about a pair of killer pants doesn't sound stupid to me at all.
This movie was pretty dumb. If you're going to make a movie about something clearly dumb, there's gotta be something else to hook the audience more than just "Wouldn't it be funny if pants killed people?" The pants had the most character of anyone in the movie, and that's saying something. Every character is an uninteresting, bland caricature of a trope., the plot is limp, and there's not a single line of comedy in the movie. Watch something else.