Change Your Image
Xavier_Stone
My ratings distribution is a bell curve.
Ratings
Most Recently Rated
Reviews
Longlegs (2024)
Mostly monotonous.
Every scene drags. Slowly opening boxes, slowly moving through the house. A trained FBI agent is hyperventilating loudly while clearing a house two different times.
The killer doesn't have enough background to be scary, creepy talking doesn't do it. The camera work is all from weird angles and I'm not surprised that writer/director Oz Perkins has limited experience and no films rated over 5/10.
I can't understand how anyone can think this movie is gripping or masterful. It's just plain creepy, not scary or a thiller/horror like other films in this genre.
I guess when you're all out of ideas after 20 minutes it's time to add jump scares and bang your head against the table, break it into chapters and add some gyrating music. Lame. 2/10 for Blair Underwood who was an amazing detective, nothing else worthwhile. Tons of reviews from new accounts giving high ratings.
Desperation Road (2023)
As expected with a novice director and writer
This is one of those movies where the staff is just trying out and experimenting to see what works. Much like a chef opening up his first restaurant after finishing school. There are going to be some good parts, some bad parts but mostly the whole thing is unpolished.
The scenes are stitched together along with a back story that keeps coming up now and then to explain connections. Mel has about 20 lines in the entire film and yet is given a prominent photo on the poster and previews.
Quite a few mistakes and inaccuracies from law enforcement and a few characters just don't make a whole lot of sense in the film. A few 7 star reviews likely saying ignore the haters, this is a good film and so on. I think most reviewers will realize that within the first 10 minutes whether this film is worth it to continue or not. It's predictable from the outset and a simple straight forward story.
No mystery or real drama, zero tension. 2/10. Only good to see what doesn't work for the writers/directors to improve their skills next time.
Twisters (2024)
Simple story, a young woman genius
This is nearly a carbon copy of the original film with a few little extra pieces. Glen Powell plays the same cocky character he always plays and I guess this is the limit of his range, just being himself.
Bill Paxton wanted to remake the movie but couldn't get it together, somehow I think he would have better instincts and would have made a superior film.
This is a story about a woman who basically a weather genius and meets a guy with similar interests and they are a match made in heaven.
Some major mistakes include having an RV as a storm chase vehicle, with no power, unstable and offers no protection. Another one is the main characters abandoning their storm chasing to help out people but are literally do nothing but get themselves to a safe place to hide.
Not much of a movie, but I wasn't expecting much from a movie remake with mostly novice writers and directors. 2/10. The ending is about a predictable as you'd expect from seeing the first 10 minutes.
Me (2024)
Written by teens, for teens
The writing is about as basic and bland as you would expect from a grade school project. Tons of exposition to move the plot along. Of course the opening scene and the mandatory 5 weeks earlier series start that Apple TV is known for.
There are 10 episodes of 30 minutes each, perfect for broadcasting and having tons of filler and little substance. The target audience is the 13-17 age group and anyone outside of that will be easily frustrated.
The writing is about as basic and bland as you would expect from a grade school project. Tons of exposition to move the plot along. Of course the opening scene and the mandatory 5 weeks earlier series start that Apple TV is known for.
There are 10 episodes of 30 minutes each, perfect for broadcasting and having tons of filler and little substance. The target audience is the 13-17 age group and anyone outside of that will be easily frustrated.
The Bikeriders (2023)
Where's the story? Why are you making a movie?
This feels almost like a documentary or a day in the life type of production. A female narration over mundane scenes doesn't add anything to overall film. In short, who cares? Get me a story, some crime, something.
Nope. Bikers at picnics. Biker speeding away from the cops and running out of gas. Biker trying to impress his lady. Yawn. Someone forgot to add some spice to the script.
Jell Nichols is the writer/director and with no real feature length films under his belt besides Mud. It'll be another 10 years before he gets another chance. This is abysmal. I'm sure there are home movies from actual biker parties that I could stitch together and it would be more interesting. Gawd this is low effort.
Horizon: An American Saga - Chapter 1 (2024)
Very dissapointing, nothing but character intros
I was hoping for a Clint Eastwood type of western since Kevin spent so much effort hyping this production up. However, it's very bottom of the barrel.
Lets start with the beginning, and most everyone knows this is a 3 hour movie, Chapter 1, with another 2 sequels already in the works. So I'm 13 minutes into this thing, and they've introduced at least 20 characters, all in 2-3 min scenes. Then they've killed off another 4 people that we spent time focusing on.
Show a little bit of something, then quickly skip to another scene and repeat. Jump cuts galore and you'll need a crib sheet to keep track of everyone. Terrible way to introduce a "saga" as no one is a central character. This is goulash, throw all the leftovers into the pot and hopefully something turns out alright.
This is a quote from another review which sums this up "
There is no arc to what happens, just the seemingly unending introduction of characters."
At $100million for the first two movies you'd think there would be some sort of story. There's 18 characters sharing 3 min screen time capsules, it gets very old when nothing happens. Kevin has already started filming Chapter 3 & 4. The arrogance. This film opened with $12 million. Soon to be another WaterWorld.
First Snow (2006)
Lol at the 7 and 8 star reviews
All of them saying what an incredible performance all the actors had and that this film is intriguing, mesmerizing.
This film should be a 10 min short film as that is all the substance there is. Cleverly filmed landscapes do not make for good cinema. There is a fortune teller who has 8 mins of screen time which is about the same as the girlfriend. Other than that Guy fills the screen with loads of self reflection.
This film is missing the basic elements of a story and there is not much character development so we don't care about any of them. Stitched together scenes spaced with landscape shots. The first rule of film school is to make it interesting to watch.
2/10 for what could have been. Even the climax ending that we are waiting for is teased out and passed, then happens off camera and revealed by a car radio. Utterly unforgivable.
This was Mark Fergus's first attempt in 2006 to write and direct and low and behold has not been given much rope since.
Rather (2023)
Please do a little research into Dan Rather before watching
And not just the glorified wikipedia page. Dan was involved in several scandals that exposed him to be nothing more than a charlatan.
I implore those giving 10 star reviews to actually do just the bare minimum of googling and perhaps you'll change your rating. This doc is nothing more than a publicity piece and is now only being released because people have forgotten how trashed his reputation is.
A person reading from a teleprompter is no more able to change public opinion on a subject more than the muppet show. It is all scripted and the reader has zero input and control despite what they might want you to believe.
Dan Rather in this doc wants you to believe that he has integrity and is trustworthy when the truth reveals the complete opposite. 1/10. Just spend 5 minutes of googling before watching and fanning over this poor mouthpiece attempting to restart a career.
Fight Inc: Inside the UFC (2024)
Basically UFC promotion material
I like the UFC and Dana is a unique CEO with all of his big talk and hating the media. The first episode is him behind the scenes with his crew and it's all spinning a good light on everybody.
It should come as no surprise that this is produced by the UFC, so there isn't any real depth or drama here that it going to surprise anyone. It's mostly three episodes of promotional material celebrating 30 years and how much Dana supports all of the employees.
Not a word on fighter pay or sponsorships though, as that would be bad press.
You can't label something as "Inside" and attempt to pass it off as a behind the scenes footage when it's clearly self produced. Fail. 2/10 for a few moments that were cool, but those could have been scripted.
Hotel Cocaine (2024)
Poor man's Scarface wannabe
Chris Brancato wrote the highly successful Narcos series and has had some other small hits and some misses. This is mostly like he watched the Scarface movie and thought he could expand on the subject. Perhaps the reintroduction of the Griselda doc gave the executives some confidence as that one was done so poorly and still got produced.
This is just not anything worth watching, very little substance here. Yul and Danny are capable actors and I like them in other productions but here it's such a low effort show that there is not much interesting.
I'm sure that you'll see lots of gun fights and drugs as the series goes on but I won't be around to watch. It's one and done for me, good luck to those who press forward hoping to see something interesting, it just falls flat for me.
2/10 for the idea and timeline but it's like eating a baked pie and the chef forgot to add the filling. It's just crust.
Presumed Innocent (2024)
Same story rehashed
I saw the first two episodes and was somewhat impressed with Jake's acting to start, then it seemed off after a while. Perhaps it was the many flashbacks of sex and kissing that seemed a bit too much.
The original movie with Harrison Ford is a hard act to follow, and I was hoping that Apple would add some twists and turns to this series, and all they did was add a few more characters. The wife and kids are mostly filler.
How disappointing. The entire series is following the film like a train on train tracks. Zero new ideas from a film made in 1990.
Imagine a huge film studio, massive budgets and then just rehashing old films. The epitome of copy/paste.
Cold Meat (2023)
Novice writer/director first attempt
Sébastien Drouin is a visual effects man and here he gets a chance to try his hand at writing and directing. It's not all bad, but it is a low effort film. One would think that if a person ever got a breakout chance the would spend loads of time and effort reworking the script and developing characters.
As with most first time writer/directors the opportunity is wasted. This is a very low budget film with a good premise that soon turns into mostly nonsense. The actions of the characters get more and more silly until some monster appears out of nowhere.
I'm going to guess that it will be several long years before Sebastien gets another shot at writing or directing and will be back to creating shorts and visual effects which is his forte.
FYI, if you are a going to make a film in today's market as a newbie, it has to be different, interesting and entertaining. You can't just throw two people in a car in the dead of winter in a snow storm for more than half of your film and then end it with a silly jump scare and a monster for 20 seconds.
Incredibly poor. 2/10 for the initial setup. Nothing for the bulk of the film and a complete zero for the ending. Why are you making this film? Surely it's not to make money, to test theories or to improve any of your skills.
Hit Man (2023)
Average, predictable, a few jokes and a wrap up ending
This is one of those movies that thinks it's much better than it is. Always dropping scenes about personality and though processes with a professor as the main character. It goes over like a lead balloon.
Most of the hitman scenes are comical and it just gets worse over time, eventually becoming a full on rom-com from the 80's.
I expect more from a movie than retold situations that have been done over and over. Provide the audience with something new and interesting. And when the writer attempted that here it's not good and so awkward.
The wrap up ending and mostly silly overacting do not help Glen Powell attempt to replace Ben Stiller and all the critics are saying this is a 8-10 star film. That implies that there aren't any mistakes or that you'd watch it again. Highly doubtfull. 4/10, some average parts but mostly a retread movie dressed up.
Henry's Crime (2010)
Poorly written script. No actors could save this mess.
When the story is just about as bad as it can get no amount of actor charisma can save it. Even the several loud background music scenes to try and enhance the character's emotion just come across as annoying.
It's a very simple story and these well known actors are just handcuffed, with Keanu playing a simpleton and others are taking advantage of him and it's just difficult to watch.
The whole plot is just bizarre and comical, starting right off with the opening scene and his girlfriend interactions. This was a trial first run project by the writers and directors and there is a reason all the people involved in producing this have had limited work afterwards. This was made in 2010, and this failed attempt has scuttled their careers, and deservedly so.
Talent is easy to recognize and so it the complete lack of it.
Concordia (2024)
AI simple story
This is an AI story that is about as simple and basic as one could get. Creating a city and then covering it in cameras and then having people move in and something goes wrong.
It shouldn't be that hard to figure out who dun it, and that's the simple mystery. Lots and lots of video camera work that is added unnecessarily and super close ups are overall distracting.
It's not entirely bad, but it's not really good either, hence the middle of the road rating. I won't be watching more as it's fairly bland. I'm sure there will be some twists along the way but I don't find it that interesting. There's just going to be more and more videos shown of closed circuit cameras recording everything to creep everyone out. 5/10, some ok parts but mostly not interesting to continue.
Afterwards (2008)
Just not good enough to enjoy
The opening scene is fine and sets up a little history for later on. And for that we have to wait and wait and wait. Tons of long drawn out scenes that do nothing for the movie. Long drives, thunderstorms, walking in the woods and so on. For a film about death this is mostly expected but it's utterly aimless in direction.
The cover art has John and Evangeline on it which is weird as neither are the lead character in the film. And a gun, which no one uses in the film??? Evangeline might have 20 or 30 lines of dialogue and is a secondary character. The lead mumbles throughout and a strong french accent is difficult to discern.
By far the biggest problem with this film is that there is just not enough story to build on. Just some lines from John that are supposed to make us think about the end of life.
The ending it very poor, and doesn't do the rest of the build up justice. It just ends abruptly and it's very annoying after spending all this time and effort crafting wooden characters trying to get the feels to the audience.
3/10. Mumbling characters have a hard time making a dent in a serious movie. Jumping from location to location, scene to scene with barely a plan does not make for an enjoyable movie. Mostly just bits stitched together and hoping it works. It doesn't.
Lovely, Dark, and Deep (2023)
Missing 4-1-um I forget the rest
This is a movie based on an idea and they forgot what they were writing about. Teresa Sutherland hasn't written anything but mediocre short films and here she proves that anything longer than 10 minutes is just too large a task for her.
This is entirely a 10 min film stretched out to 90 mins. Lots of long scenery shots, and the entire dialogue can be summed up in a few pages.
Another reviewer had is correctly, it takes 40 minutes to get going, and then runs out of gas and starts turning itself into an art film project.
The ending is about a bad as you can make it. There is no reason why this film was made. It's surely not developing any writing skills or bringing out the talents of any actor with the minimal lines written for everyone.
Zero effort deserves zero stars. 0/10 for dragging and extending a short film out so that you can say that you've completed a task.
Invasive (2024)
Good premise for the first 10 minutes, then gets silly
The entire premise of this movie has two young kids working as caterers to gain access to their wealthy client's homes. This doesn't work anymore since the invention of security cameras and alarm systems.
We are supposed to believe that this billionaire that owns the entire island doesn't have cameras. Ok, I guess maybe he's a bit paranoid. But then he also doesn't have an alarm system on his house. The house that is absolutely filled with expensive items, and also has a full on lab in the basement. Hmmmm.
But then it gets better. As he somehow doesn't have a home alarm, but also has a complete house lock down system activated on his phone.
The plot armor is heavy with the film. Extremely poor writing. Zero thinking needed.
Then having a teen girl somehow smash a glass sensor to free herself. Nevermind that it's underwater and smashing it bare handed would be impossible for her. Then she escapes the home by means of -- I kid you not -- knocking out a window air conditioning unit. I guess the multi million dollar home builders didn't think to add central air to all the rooms
And on and on it just gets sillier and sillier. Writer/Director Jem Garrard has not done anything but made a few episodes of tv shows and was most logically a substitute for when someone got sick.
It's called proof reading a script Jem. If you gave your script to any adult who has read more than 4 books they could have pointed out all of your mistakes and silly plot armor. Your whole movie is just this needs to happen cause our characters have to get from A-B-C.
2/10 for the intro 10 minutes which got me hooked, then it just collapses in on itself. Go back to creating shorts Jem, please.
Dark Matter: The Box (2024)
A filler episode? Already?
This episode is nearly all drama and people talking and showing life in the two different worlds. Nothing happens, no questions answered or any explanations.
Usually with a story this complex there is some foundation work to explain some things. Here we just have a mysterious box that nobody can figure out.
I can't watch this nonsense any further, it's just making things up as they go along, no thoughtful thinking and it just all falls apart.
This episode is nearly all drama and people talking and showing life in the two different worlds. Nothing happens, no questions answered or any explanations.
Usually with a story this complex there is some foundation work to explain some things. Here we just have a mysterious box that nobody can figure out.
I can't watch this nonsense any further, it's just making things up as they go along, no thoughtful thinking and it just all falls apart.
The Green Veil (2024)
Not much of anything here
Perhaps it's the 30 minute time format, but it feels empty for the most part. Once you reach the end of an episode there is no cliff hanger or reveal to keep the audience watching, or interested.
The actors are generally fine but it's the poor story that fails to generate any kind of interest. There are adductions and aliens and boot legging liquor in the trailer but these seem more like a bait and switch and aren't really given much screen time.
Writer/director/producer Aram Rappaport hasn't really had much previous success in the industry and this won't add anything to his resume. It just seems like a lot of ideas were generated and then he had to chop it down to a 30 minute show.
I watched the first 2 very slow shows, skipped ahead in the 3rd and then gave up. Adding more stuff to the story here when you haven't fleshed out anything is basically making soup with everything in the kitchen and hoping it turns out alright.
3/10 for effort. Might have been better with a 60 minute, but perhaps not. Story is all over the place trying to fill 30 different cups.
To the other reviewer on here who gave the 10/10 stars, user ksnje, an account holder for 17 years. You waited until May 14 2024 to write your first review ever, and it's this series???
The Humanity Bureau (2017)
Director and Writer fail to create any semblence of a movie
Perhaps if all that your film industry resume has in it is short film and helping out on other productions you should be self aware of your skills. Or lack thereof.
There is an entire internet that is available for testing and teasing out ideas and seeing what works and what fails miserably like this film. This is not an if at first you don't succeed type of industry. You can't fake it til you make it. Put out quality films and get recognized, even if they are low budget.
This is just horrendously bad. It feels like the ideas were on a napkin during a lunch and never expanded. So many strange choices made by the writer.
It's a low effort film and perhaps your next one will not be granted so easily without oversight.
This also could be proof of money laundering as there is such a low effort to create a decent film here. Anyone's guess. 1/10, avoid.
The Last Stop in Yuma County (2023)
Incredibly poor character decisions = bad film
What is exactly the writer/director's point of making a film about dumb people making bad choices?
Are we supposed to learn from this somehow or is it just a low level form of entertainment?
Just a terrible low budget single setting film at a diner. It tries to be part Reservoir Dogs diner scene but it gets lost in actually creating a good story with believable characters.
Very frustrating to watch, can't recommend and by the end you'll be asking yourself what did I just watch. This could be trimmed down to a 10 min youtube short with the exact same story. There is a reason aspiring film makers go to film school, and that's to have their ideas on display and to figure out what works and what doesn't. This doesn't.
Get to a film school before making any more films. Clearly this is a self funded project as nobody would loan you money for a project like this. 2/10 for the poor attempt and spending $4000 on the explosion.
Kingdom of the Planet of the Apes (2024)
20 mins of story, 2 hrs of wandering, 5 min climax
This is a terrible movie, I don't know how anyone can say otherwise. The first 2 hours of this movie is just wandering around on an adventure to find some apes that were taken. That's it. Not exactly an edge of your seat action/adventure movie the previous editions had.
There are some interesting points but it gets extremely boring to watch the main ape characters speak in broken sentences for 2.5 hours.
Then we get to the climax and it's over in about 5 minutes with the simple task of going in through an air vent. Then their plan is to blow the wooden gates to flood the vault. Maybe closing the doors was over looked.
The directors and writers completely disregard simple physics and the audience is given that a 15' sea dam breaking is going to somehow flow upwards 200' and flood the entire vault. Sorry, nope.
Overall 2/10 for the simple CGI. Hopefully the director and writer are exposed for this mess and we can not have them work again for another few years. It takes real talent to get a large budget movie with an established history and junk it up this bad. Most 7/10 reviewers are embarrassed to admit they fell asleep watching.
Dark Matter (2024)
Counterpart ripoff on a budget
As another reviewer had said it is a copycat of the Counterpart show. Joel Edgerton is Decent enough and Jennifer is also ok but the big issue for me is the backstory.
Counterpart had loads of characters and a good foundation to build on, which is why it went multiple seasons. With this, well, we have a box. Not joking. That's it and there's little else besides the choices made and missed and regrets and so on.
Anyone looking for serious sci-fy or tense drama or brain puzzle conspiracies will be deeply disappointed. This is mostly just a clueless guy trying to get back to his old life. I'm sure as we get further along the original wife and son will start noticing something off with the new husband.
3/10. Apple seems to lacking any original ideas. Poaching the counterpart series and making a few changes, zero special effects or fancy sets. Basically the bare minimum effort here. Watched 2 episodes and will probably be done with it if it doesn't get any better.
FYI, if you are going to copy a show's main idea at least bring something new to the table.
The Fall Guy (2024)
2 hours of stunts mixed with a bit of romcom
This is overly long and the schtick gets old really fast. Most of the audience will tire of watching silly characters spewing childish dialogue over and over then popping in a stunt here and there to fill the voids.
Some of the stunts are good, but the overall movie is just a poor vision to highlight the stunt man job. It was frustrating to watch such silly characters even more when I like the actors.
Mostly a childish movie. 3/10 for the stunts, not much else.
This is overly long and the schtick gets old really fast. Most of the audience will tire of watching silly characters spewing childish dialogue over and over then popping in a stunt here and there to fill the voids.
Some of the stunts are good, but the overall movie is just a poor vision to highlight the stunt man job. It was frustrating to watch such silly characters even more when I like the actors.
Mostly a childish movie. 3/10 for the stunts, not much else.