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Reviews
August Underground's Mordum (2003)
I've been a bad movie fan for years. This is as bad as movies get.
I've seen pretty much every episode of MST3k, I used to own Manos The Hands of Fate on VHS. Go down the IMDB bottom 100 I've seen huge chunks. This movie is worse then all of them. A bunch of people hang out in front of a grainy camera and they show "shocking" acts and bad gore. At one point women are being tortured and the laugh in the middle of it. 77 minutes and it felt like 3 hours it was so tedious.
Dragonlance: Dragons of Autumn Twilight (2008)
Been a fan of Dragonlance for years, bad movie but was nice to see it
A quick introduction. I am 28. I first read the Dragonlance books when I was 11 years old. At the time they were my favorite books. In fact when I first got on the net in like 1994 I looked up more info about the original 6 books by Weis and Hickman.
Since then I have grown up and graduated college. I just found out about this movie recently; having not been a fan of fantasy books in years I had no idea this movie was even in development.
On the positve, Keifer Sutherland doing the voice acting.
The negative? Everything else.
I must admit the geek in me smiled when this movie started, but soon I couldn't stand watching it and had to resist the urge to fast forward.
Its understandable that they had to cut parts of the plot out but it was like watching the book in 3x fast-forward.
Due to the poor animation the characters, the emotions of the characters are reduced to long looks and short nods. The animation in this movie is worse than most 80s cartoons.
Like most Dragonlance fans Raistlin is my favorite character. In this movie he is elevated from not just a wizard but an all knowing seer-of-visions. In the books Raistlin is very very specific that he is NOT a seer, and doesn't trust their visions.
Overall, if you are a fan of the series, I recommend watching it just for laughs, but if you expect a good film you will be very disappointed.
Once Upon a Time in Mexico (2003)
Eh
My friend dragged me to this movie opening day, I thought Desperato was entertaining but it is not one of my favorite films, I was interested in this movie but not really anticipating its release.
This movie had one fatal flaw that I will get back too a little later after some brief commentary.
Depp is fantastic in this movie, his character is FAR more interesting then Antonio's character, I honestly was only looking forward to seeing what Depp did, he carried this whole movie.
I don't think I have ever seen another movie where a plot has so many layers, yet none of it seems to matter.
You could walk into this movie at the half, or even 3/4ths mark and I don't think you would be missing out on much, with 3 or more plot lines going on at once, and all of them resolving in violence at the same time, it just isn't that important, if you nod off, or want some popcorn, go buy it, you aren't missing much in the way of story. I cannot remember any of the names of most of the characters, it just wasn't that important.
The one thing that killed this movie for me, without spoiling to much, is Depp's character, through the whole movie the man manipulates every other character and you are looking forward to him tearing the other charactes apart at the end......it doesn't work out the way you think it would, it is VERY anti-climatic and it ruined the film for me.
I give it a 6/10 for attempting to weave multiple plot lines, and having some very unique camera work during the fight scenes, I don't it was worth 8$ though.
Freddy vs. Jason (2003)
AWESOME!
My friends dragged me to see S.W.A.T the night before so I made them watch this as I am a huge fan of cheesy slasher movies.
After it was over they all agreed that this was far better then S.W.A.T.
If you like slasher movies I cannot think of a better slasher flick, it was just awesome.
10/10
Gin gwai (2002)
Don't believe hype from Asian cinema fan boys, this movie is about as scary as the Power Rangers and even more low budget.
I am soooooo sick of Asian cinema fan boys that thing every grainy peice of asian film school dropout crap is 1000x times better then every peice of American cinema.
This film is completely inferior to Ringu, which actually was kind of creepy even if it was low budget. And Rinug was completely inferior to The Ring.
All these movies look the same, it looks like they used a camera from the 70's , none of the actors can act. Also I am not a person that needs CGI to be entertained but the special effects in these asian movies look like they were made by 10 year olds.
I CANNOT comprehend where people get off saying these movies are scary or even worth watching.
I think it is the "snob" effect. By watching asian cinema people feel sooooo much smarter and more "in the know" then people who watch American movies. The same effect happens with Japanese anime, most anime story lines are about as deep as saturday morning cartoons but anime fanboys will tell you they are soooo much better then American cinema.
Wanna see a ghost story that is creepy and won't give you permanate eye damage from watching the grainy film stock? Check out "The Others" or "The Ring"(NOT the japanese version).
After Ringu and now The Eye. I will NEVER watch another one of these wreched C movie peices of garbage.
I could have had a more signifigant emotional experience staring at a blank screen for an hour and a half. I have seen better film on teeth.
They (2002)
Why do people hate this movie so much?
I rented this movie last night with a friend of mine because I had heard it was sooooooo awful on this website and wanted a bad movie to laugh at.
I was suprised to find out it is actually a decent horror movie. People who say this is one of the worst movies ever must have only seen 5 movies in their whole lives and they all must have been in the top ten here at the imdb.
I do have a couple of problems with it.
1)The CGI monsters are very fake looking in a few scenes, this really detracts from suspense.
2)They show too much of the monsters too early on in the movie. They should have watched The Others where suspense was created by not showing The Others till the very end.
Other then that I thought this was a decent horror movie, what else do people expect out of a horror flick then this? It was kinda creepy and interesting to watch the people die, the plot was decent involving the whole psychology aspect. People who think this is one of the worst movies ever need to watch Fear Dot Com or any of the Freddy/Jason movies after number 3 or so.
7 / 10
Hitler: The Rise of Evil (2003)
Great first half, bland second, not 100% accurate but good. One glaring error.
I have read 4 different books on the rise of Hitler, since 99% of the material about Hitler almost always starts right after he gains power, I was always fascinated by how it could have happened in the first place.
This mini-series matches up very well with pretty much everything I have read, when the series would get to a point in which I hoped they wouldn't skip an important occurrence 9 out of 10 times it didn't disappoint.
The biggest flaw with this movie, despite its overall low budget and lack of polish has to be the scene where Hitler beats his dog in the trenches in WWI. Hitler was more fond of animals than people and he would NEVER beat a dog like that.
The first half was much better then the second, the first moved at a nice pace and was very interesting, I found the second to meander quite a bit, also it could have touched on a few more things but I don't want to give anyone a history lesson in an IMDb review so I recommend anyone that wants more depth to read Hitler: A study of Tyranny or any number of other books.
9/10 for the first half 6/10 for the 2nd.
Paperhouse (1988)
Blah
I picked this up hoping for an interesting horror flick that didn't follow the standard MO of horror films. While this movie is pretty unique it is also very, very boring. The main character is a bad actor, and overall it just doesn't hold your attention. In some of the shots you can see the start of what would later become Candyman but overall this isn't very scary or entertaining.
5 out of 10 for trying to do something different, but different does not equal better.
Legend (1985)
Good fantasy movie, but whats the big deal about the directors cut.....(very very minor spoilers)
After seeing LOTR2 I was in the mood to see another fantasy movie, I remember reading years ago that the studio that green lighted Legend made Ridley Scott cut it to peices including the soundtrack to make it have a wider appeal in theaters. I liked Legend a lot as a kid so I picked up the special edition dvd.
The original score does fit the movie better, MUCH better. Thats for sure, but as for the actual content of the movie......um whats really different? The pacing is slightly slower in the directors cut which I liked but its not different enough to feel like you are seeing another "side" to the movie or to give you a much altered perspective on things, it certainly wasn't "chopped to peices" for the theaters as I had read, color me disappointed. From 1-10 I think the DC deserves a maximum .5 higher score maximum rating over the theater version.
That said there were some changes in the DC, one of them I liked very much even if it was small.
Very Minor Spoilers Follow.
Anyway, in the theater version the two main characters make out while laying down in the very beginning,in the DC they don't, Princess Lily just kisses Jack on the head. I guess you could say that makes them more "innocent" in the DC but I don't think its that big of a deal.
There is an evil chair with eyes in the DC that talks to Darkness and watches Lily later on in the movie, Lily is asked to sit in the chair and talk to Darkness and she refuses, again, its not a big deal and doesn't really effect the movie.
The one thing I liked most in the DC was when Lily touches the unicorn in the beginning, the scene was longer and more suspenseful.
Also Lily seems to be slightly less innocent in dialog then Jack, I don't remember exact quotes but you get that feeling from what she says.
End Spoilers.
Visually this movie is beautiful, 2nd to only LOTR as far as fantasy goes, many frames from this movie would make a great picture for a computer desktop, great looking DVD.
It also hads interesting Directors Commentary.
If you want to see a good family safe fantasy flick then pick this up but if like me you just wanted to see the Directors Cut you will be let down.
Solaris (2002)
More then any recent movie this challenges the nature of human perception the most (NO or very minor spoilers).
I read the other comments here at the IMDB and several on other WebPages and people either seem to think this movie is horrible or it is fantastic, any real movie fan MUST watch movies like that :)
I think the biggest problem is most people like movies to make ONE BIG STATEMENT, as clear and concise as if it were typed in BIG BOLD LETTERS.
This movie makes a lot of statements, actually no it asks a lot of questions, and makes ONE statement.
I will have to post a more detailed review at a later date and include spoilers then but I just wanted to say quickly that this one of the "smartest" movies I have ever watched. Most people consider any plot twist movie "smart" but there is FAR more going on in this movie then a simple plot twist ending movie.
1) This IS being misadvertised as a "chic flick".
If you want to see something like Sleepless in Seattle or What Dreams May Come you were misled by the ads, sorry.
2) People say, "nothing happens" in this movie.
That is a total load of crap.
If you think "huge explosions and gunfights = something happening" then you are wasting your time reading my review.
This is the most visual movie I can think of off the top of my head that has come out recently, I can't think of any other that comes close. THIS MOVIE IS 100% WHAT YOU SEE! Even though there is a lot of talking I would say what you ACTUALLY SEE is equally as important as the little that is said.
You CANNOT go to the bathroom, talk to others, or go for more popcorn while watching this movie. Just deal and try not to blink too much.
I usually check my watch in movies; I didn't do that even once through this.
3)Some have said "This movie is FAKE cause it TRYS to be deep, you are being fooled by big name actors"
Yeah Yeah like its impossible for a studio flick to have anything meaningful to say. Sure the leading lady is good eye candy, I fail to see how that makes this movie bad or "fake". I don't buy that a movie has to be indie to be art.
4)"Only pretentious movie viewers would like this to prove how smart they are"(i.e. Emperors New Clothes)
WRONG Sorry, this is NOT "a bunch of pretty shots and no plot thrown together", this movie has a great plot and makes a great point....
5) You might ask "OK FINE, THEN WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT OF THIS MOVIE THEN!!!"(You may consider this a spoiler)
It makes several points;in fact rather early on we pretty much get the point of this movie but I won't quote it as not to spoil it. You can extend this out forever but what I will try and keep it simple. As I said it raises a lot of questions:
Ambiguity. We are the sum of our memories; all memories are distorted by our individual perception. None of us knows anything other then what our memory and perception tells us we know. That includes YOU in the audience.
Given that we are nothing but the sum of our memories is not MEMORY & PERCEPTION equal to and/or more important then the "real world"?
Are you a "real" person based on your human perception and memories? What if you have another persons memories?
Does the fact that a "dream" world created specifically for our individual perception & memories is artificial matter when to the individual you ARE your perception and memories?
The BIG BOLD statement I got from this movie: We are not ready for First Contact when we don't even understand our own minds & what an individual is.
Food for thought. Pay attention to this movie.
The Ring (2002)
One of the best horror movies I have ever watched.
I just got home from seeing The Ring. OMG This is one of the most unique and freaky movies I have ever watched, to talk about it in depth would give away the plot so I won't do that but this is one of the most enjoyable movie going experiences I have had in a long time.
No big name actors, no over the top gore, no predictable plot that has been done 100x before, I was 100% entertained. Fantastic. 10/10.
Rising Sun (1993)
I guess in the USA something is only racist if it insults black people.
I just finished watching this movie for the first time in a few years, from a pure entertainment standpoint it is a pretty good thriller.
That said.....The plot is driven 100% by racist paranoia and fear, sit down and watch it, EVERYTHING in the movie is designed to have you fear or dislike the Japanese.
I can't believe how this movie plays on such obvious racist paranoia. "OH NO THE EVIL JAPANESE ARE COMING!!!!!!" should be the tag line for this movie. Everything the Japanese do in this movie is given a horrible dark twist and a sense of evil to it.
Mr. Snipes character is supposed to be the "Average American Joe" in this flick and he is such a helpless fish out of water around the japanese - the same way the film wants US to feel about the horrible "invaders." Imagine if instead of being about Asians the business men in this movie were Jewish, black, whatever...all you would have to do is change a few lines in the script and it would fit perfectly since this movie is 100% about race and nothing else.
I guess this isn't "real" racism though, since it isn't directed against black people.
Kiss Me, Guido (1997)
Snooze fest
I rented this movie after watching the preview for it on another movie and finding the whole concept hilarious.
Ugh, this movie has a couple of really funny lines but after the first 30 minutes it falls totally flat, NOTHING happens at all.
The only possible reason I could see to watch this is if you have to see every single movie with a plot containing openly gay characters, its really, really boring.
2 out of 10
Eraserhead (1977)
The emperor is naked people, just because a movie is slow, boring, shot in black & white, and completely devoid of content that does not make it art
Eraserhead is not "great art" because of its content, but because you are supposed to think it is.
Its a David Lynch film, its in black and white, its weird, its slow & boring, the easiest way to dismiss someone who doesn't like this movie is to claim they have no attention span.
Actually "like" is the wrong word, you are supposed to "get" this movie, that should raise some flags for you.
If you want to see a slower movie with a good plot check out Seven Samurai or The Ninth Gate. If you want weird imagery, try Pi or The Cell.
If you want to prove you are "artsy", then sit through this and come here claiming its the best thing since sliced bread.
It the simplest terms, this movie SUCKS, I would rather watch an Adam Sandler movie(*shudder*) then this crap again.
Moulin Rouge! (2001)
Boring pretentious crap.
As soon as I saw the dancers singing Smells Like Teen Spirit I started laughing at this movie and couldn't stop till 30 minutes till then end, then it just bored me.
I can't believe this made it as high as it has on the IMDB top 100, if you want a real classic from the top 100 watch Seven Samurai, this movie is a waste of time.
La casa 3 (1988)
Ughhhh why do I keep renting these flicks that are obviously horrible?
This is not the worst movie I have ever seen, but its very bad, people track down a weird radio broadcast of someone yelling for help to an old house, there is a little girl with a doll that plays bad music in what I am guessing is an attempt to annoy people to death.
People die, badly, then the little girls grave is burned....the end.
Oh yeah, I forgot, at the end one of the characters says "She was just a normal little girl till her dad got her that doll."
WHAT? How could this guy possibly know this?
Awful.
Invasion from Inner Earth (1974)
I love bad cinema, and this is the worst film I have ever watched, nothing touches it.
I accomplished my goal for this semester, I have found a movie which is absolutely god awful compared to everything else I have ever seen.
Troll 2, Space Mutiny, Hobgoblins,The Eye Creatures, Night of the Demons, Bogus Witch Project, C.H.U.D 2, Sleepaway Camp, Ghoulies, The Prey, Ghost House, Plan 10....I have seen all of these films and more that I can't remember but NONE come even close to this level of pure trash cinema.
The cover gave it away, an oversized box with a bad drawing of a monster and no description of the movie on the back whatsoever. With a one word title to boot, They. It took me a while to find this movie here on the IMDB.
The film starts out with people talking about a disease that is killing everyone on the planet. You see footage of people running around, then it cuts to a man walking to a cabin, he talks to his sister blah blah. Then the group lands at an airport after someone warns them not too and disappears.
The next hour of the movie is these people sitting in a cabin talking with random images spliced in here and there. The characters look like a bunch of hippies that got bored and decided it would be fun to make a movie.
The "action" sequences are just a plane flying and a guy riding a snowmachine. When the guy rides the snowmachine the music track cuts out for 5 seconds then just loops back to the beginning, several times bad editing makes peoples heads jerk around.
I have yet to watch Manos : The Hands of Fate, that flick is next on my list but unless you want to brag that you have seen the worst movie in existence do NOT watch this, its a real character building flick.
Oh yeah, there is one thing I can't understand, who in their right mind decided to order this film then stock it for rental? Yeesh.
Nightmare on the 13th Floor (1990)
Really, really boring, there is no worse crime a movie can commit then to bore you
My friends decided to pick up a cheesy horror movie to watch, they really picked a lame one this time.
Most horror bad movies are a lot of fun because even though they are bad they have a lot of cheesy blood and monsters to keep you interested and keep you and your friends laughing, this is only rated PG13 so no interesting blood or gore, you never really see people get killed on camera till the very end.
Two of my friends passed out 20 minutes into this crap and the only thing keeping me going was my desire to see as many bad horror films as possible.
If you can get this for free I guess you could fast forward to the ending but other then that stay away, anyone that rates this higher then a 4 needs to watch some real horror movies.
If you want to see horror that is bad in a good way I would recommend you get Sleep Away Camp, or Demons, enjoy :)
Sleepaway Camp (1983)
This is either god awful trash or really really deep and I just don't get it :)
-SPOILERS.........but who cares, this isn't The Usual Suspects read on :)-
You could basically sum this movie up as an 88 minutes of homosexual innuendo. The boys in this movie wear very feminine clothes. You see dozens of naked guys and even a homosexual love scene but not a single breast shot in the whole movie. In almost every other scene the guys seem to be touching on one and other. If I remember correctly the chef was a pedophile.
Then the ending where we see Angela is really a boy, by a full frontal nudity shot.
Juxtapose this with the horrible acting and low budget it might be kind of hard to swallow (pun intended HAHA) that the director would have mixed a commentary on sexual identity in low budget ultra B-movie schlock but seriously sit down and watch this, you be the judge.
The Prey (1983)
Woohoo bad movie night is a success :)
Rented 3 bad movies to watch with my friends in my dorm room.
Leprechaun 4, Jack Frost and The Prey.
I picked up Jack and Lep 4 because they are well known bad movies I have never seen.
I picked this movie out because it matched the "How to find a bad movie" guide on badmovies.org, No real description, no pics of the movie on the back, and I had never heard of it, had to be a winner :)
(SPOILERS, but this movie is so awful it doesn't matter :P)
This is a TRUE bad movie, Lep 4 and Jack Frost are dumb on purpose, this is dumb despite the best efforts of the cast and crew.
This "movie" starts out much like Evil Dead, even the actors look similar and have the same style of dress. Unlike Evil Dead it never gains any speed at all. For a "slasher" movie it is pretty bland, in 80 minutes 6 people get killed, but these are spread apart so far it becomes quickly boring.
The director threw in a lot of boring shots on animals hunting, obviously to go along with the whole "Prey" theme but they do nothing to advance the story and are quite boring. The gore is horrible. All these extra shots were to make up for lack of a script and story.
The last 5 minutes of the movie are shot mostly in slow motion, yet another way to add length to this. The "climax" is such a total joke, its hard to laugh at it is so bad. The back of the box says "The ending will shock and haunt you." Yes it will, it will shock you that someone could put such a bad "plot twist" on film and "haunt" you because you won't believe you paid to watch this crap.
Also the tagline is "Its not human, and it's got an axe!" One person is killed with an axe in the whole movie and it is off screen.
A true 1 out of 10. I LOVE laughing at bad movies, but this one is so bad that it even lacks campy qualities. No bad movie night is compete without a true character building flick :P
American Samurai (1992)
So-So Samurai movie, fast forward to the last 45 minutes.
I have seen MUCH worse Fu/ninja flicks then this but this one isn't very good either.
Kind of a ripoff of American Ninja, white guy learns Japanese style blah blah blah. Unlike the characters in that series of movies, some of the people in this actually do seem to know martial arts. Kind of a cross between a genuine fu flick like a Jet Li movie and typical American crap.
The rest of the plot is......ah who cares, its a samurai movie, doesn't matter. :P
Unlike American Ninja this movie doesn't have 2 guys taking on dozens of "ninja masters" that can be knocked out with one punch, this has more of a realistic one on one style and it is a challenge for the combatants. Much like Blood Sport.
What it does have going for it it the interesting fighters in the last 45 minutes of the movie, the first half of the movie is just filler to make an excuse for all of the fighting at the end so skip it.
The fighters at the end look like they were pulled straight from an early 90's 2D arcade fighting game. That is the high point of this flick.
The low point, and I mean VERY low point is the last fight scene. Both of the "samurai" are wearing the same black and white outfit, no other colors. If you look close during the last fight though you can clearly see red streamers coming from out of the frame, they reused footage from one of the earlier fight scenes to add length to the last fight and it looks SOOOOOOOO cheesy. Also the actors don't know a damn thing about sword fighting, they just clang them together for 5 minutes, that coupled with the reused footage makes it a non-climax.
Since 45 minutes of this movie is solid fighting with fighters that actually do know how to use their weapons, the very last scene isn't as important.
You can do worse then this, any American Ninja above 2 for example.
Not really good or really terrible.
5/10 when compared to other Fu/ninja movies, would score higher if the last fight scene was done well.
Troll 2 (1990)
Bad? Yes. But I have seen worse so not a 1......
This movie IS bad, but it can't compare to the sheer lameness of Hobgoblins which it is currently tied with.
Plot: Stupid family goes to a town named "Nilbog" while the son tells them not to go since his dead grandpa told him it was an evil place.
I am sure you can figure out the rest, the fact that this movie has no trolls makes it even worse.
2 out of 10.
The Others (2001)
Better then most horror movies.
The Others is a great movie to watch if you want great visuals and no lame special effects. It really annoys me that people will compare this movie the the Sixth Sense, when Jacobs Ladder is a better comparison to make(much better then the Sixth Sense and came out years before).
It is very paced but it works out well. Highly recommended.
The Bogus Witch Project (2000)
Horrible. So bad you can't laugh at it.
I first saw this over summer 2000, I KNEW that this would have to hit the bottom 100 here at the IMDB because it is at least as bad as the crap the guys on MST3K are forced to watch. I totally forgot about it until I was digging through a box of old tapes, I wish I would have remembered to come here and warn everyone back then.
It consists of 5 or so REALLY bad Blair Witch parodies separated by fake "commercials" which make the worst Saturday Night Live skit seem like High Art.
For example, one has a guy dressed up as Bigfoot sitting at a desk, then he waves his arms around and growls, and then it goes to the next segment. Yes, they actually put that on film.
Most of the parodies seem like something a few film students decided to do over the weekend to show their friends at a drinking party, it is like watching someone's bad home videos, you can't string that together and call it a film.
Oh I forgot it has Pauly Shore, I thought maybe he would have done a full parody of TBWP and made it at least a little funny since he has some experience in comedy, but he is in it for all of 3 minutes in the very middle and isn't funny in the least.
No redeeming qualities at all.
A.I. Artificial Intelligence (2001)
Just a clarification (****SPOILER****)
First, I need to clear something up, those robots at the end were NOT Aliens, they were extremely advanced robots, remember, when Joe said "When the end comes we will be the only ones that survive", he meant that robots would eventually become the only forum of life. Those creatures looked "alien" like but they were robots.
Onto my review.
Steven really tried to make a Stanley movie but he wasn't up to the task, while Stanley had slow moving scenes they always had style and vision, this on the other is slow for the sake of feeling like Stanley and it is very obvious.
The film is still entertaining but E.T. eventually creeps in and it loses the edge Kubrick would have made razor sharp.
Good, but not great.