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The Flintstones: The House Guest (1961)
Classic Sitcom-y Episode
When their home gets flooded, The Flintstones invite the Rubbles to stay with them at their house while theirs is being fixed. This is a classic sitcom storyline which many TV shows throughout history have entertained: you never really know someone until you live with them. And since Barney gets on Fred's nerves without living in his house, you can bet he's going to annoy the yabba-dabba-do out of him when he actually is living, sleeping and eating there.
These are my favorite kinds of Flintstones episodes where everything happens with the core group and in the home. No special guest stars, or trips to Hollyrock. Just great cozy fun and plenty of it!
The Life & Adventures of Santa Claus (1985)
Rankin/Bass' weirdest and final stop-motion special
First let me state that I consider each entry in Rankin/Bass' library of holiday-specials nothing short of excellent and time has proven them to be iconic as they are permanently woven into the fabric of the Christmas season. However, I prefer the style of their earlier work which was firmly rooted in fairy-tale fantasy and classic Christmassy vibes. As time went on, they seemed to veer more and more into the wizardry/magic/sci-fi side of the fantasy world; ultimately culminating in this, their last Christmas production, which almost completely tosses aside all the things usually associated with Santa Claus and instead thwarts him into a Lord-Of-The Rings type universe. (Let's pause here to remember that R/B produced some of the earliest film versions of Tolkien's tales in "The Hobbit" and "Return Of The King").
Taking place in "The Forest Of Burzee" with a cast of wood-creatures and green-haired-nymphs who each control different elements of their world, all under the rule of their leader "The Greak Ak", this special tells a different tale of the child mysteriously dropped off into that forest who eventually grows up to be Santa Claus. And the plot revolves around his impending death!? I kid you not! Should the forest creatures vote to bestow the "mantle of immortality" upon him or no? Well, let the Great Ak tell you the entire strange alternate Dungeons-and-Dragons version of the life story of St Nick, including getting on the bad side of some evil monsters who can make themselves invisible, eventually building up to an all-out war against the inhabitants of the Forest of Burzee. Whew! Pretty crazy, huh?
The "Animagic" stop-motion animation is, as always, breathtaking and so beautifully detailed and immersive that sometimes the plots don't even matter. These are fantasy worlds that seem so real, you want to jump right into the screen and explore them. At this trait, Rankin/Bass only improved as time went on, even if the stories did get a little less charming and a lot more bizarre. The songs also follow suit and are less catchy and jingly-jangly than those in "Rudolph, "Santa Claus Is Coming To Town" or "Frosty", with the exception of "Big Surprise" which is a great catchy Christmas tune in the style of the best offerings from the pantheon of wonderful timeless tracks from these specials. But the rest of the music is still enchanting, albeit in a more ethereal kind of way.
Even though it isn't my favorite from R/B (or even in the top 10) I still regularly rewatch this one almost every year. As I stated, the entire library from these masters of enchantment are fantastic with even the least of their output being magical and heads-and-tails above 99.9% of anything produced in the last four decades. And it may actually be more appealing to some others who love that early 80's sci-fi fantasy world encompassing things like He-Man, She-Ra, Smurfs, and two anime series produced by R/B themselves: Thundercats and Silverhawks!
Friday the 13th: A New Beginning (1985)
F13 takes a nosedive that it never recovered from
This entry in the slasher series really should be included on more "worst films of all time" lists. It really has no redeeming quality whatsoever. It doesn't even attempt to be scary or suspenseful, but it does try to be sexy and funny and it fails miserably at those two also. The acting is probably the worst of any of the series. Bad acting can be tolerable if the actors have some kind of spark or personality quirks that make them interesting, but they seem to have gone out of their way to find the most boring pieces of cardboard they could dredge up. There are plenty of killings, 22 in fact. Each one more boring, predictable and repetitive than the next. And can we talk about that music?? The first four F13 movies had great scary soundtracks. They were a large part of what made those films so effective. But here, they started to attach much more silly music. It sounds like something that would be on a slightly scary children's TV show. Just awful!
The first 2 Friday's were great classic Slasher movies, rustic and rural, that took themselves seriously. 3 & 4 cheesed up a bit but still delivered the goods. But this was where the series took a really bad nosedive and they haven't given us a good one since - in all these years! Each new entry tries (pathetically and unsuccessfully) to do "something different". Whyyyyy?!?! It's not what people want. People want something like the first 2! Unpolished, less slick, shot in real woods, with good cinematography and interesting teens, with whom you can at least discern a difference from one to the next. But what do they give us? Jason in space, Jason fighting Freddy, Jason fighting Carrie, Jason hopping from body-to-body... Puhhh-leeeez! Give me 500k and a campground for a month and I'll makes you a much better and much scarier film.
House of Terror (1973)
Classic regional horror fare
I felt compelled to write up a review for this cool little potpoiler upon seeing that it has nothing but negative reviews from closed-minded individuals here on IMDb. If you have no tolerance for low-budget movies, then: why are you even watching this? -- But if you dig 70's style indies, Giallos or even US "Lifetime TV" type thrillers, this one may be right up your alley.
When a young lady arrives at an old mansion to care for a cantankerous elderly woman, she finds herself embroiled in romance, gold-digging and murder - care of the patient's husband, and old boyfriend and a family relative. The characters in this one are both nasty and kooky and definitely keep you entertained and intrigued for the duration as the story weaves its way through it's plot turns. Of special note here is Miss Jacquelyn Hyde (read that again) who is definitely a character, playing two very different roles. This lovely little theatrical scene-stealer really makes the movie!
Of course, these kinds of regional horrors hold other delights than just their intended ones. When done right, they captured a time and essence of an era so much better than most higher-budgeted, slicker productions. And this one certainly is a little time-warp experience. If you've seen and enjoyed other movies from the era that also mixed elements from Noirs and Italian Giallo films into a uniquely American sleaze experience (like "Point Of Terror" and "Blood Mania"), then I'm pretty sure you'll like this one as well. Check it out!
The Facts of Life (1979)
The 1st Season Was The Best!
I think this is probably an unpopular opinion, but I like the original version of the series much better. In the 1st season, there were 7 girls instead of 4, they were all likable and the show was racier, funnier and more lighthearted than it turned out to be. While the show always dealt with serious issues it really turned up the "afterschool special" vibe after the first season when they nixed 4 of the girls - downhome Sue Anne, tomboy Cindy, boy-crazy Nancy and young feminist Molly played by soon-to-be 80's teen-queen Molly Ringwald - not to mention the headmaster Mr Bradley - all very nice characters I was sad to see go. They then brought in one new girl: tomboy Jo from the wrong-side-of-the-tracks, accompanying Tootie, Natalie and my favorite character, the snooty beautiful Blair; all under the watchful eyes of the lovable, kooky but strict Mrs Garrett. Once they got into the 2nd season it seemed the emphasis was really on serious issues, with a lot of crying and drama. While Season One dealt with these kinds of issues itself (Drugs, Adoption etc...) it did it in a much funnier way. Also, what happened to Tootie?? She was sooo funny in the 1st season and then turns into a whiny and annoying snooze?? There were still some great funny moments though. And it did go through more transitions than most shows do: with that first big cast and setting change into the school cafeteria, then to Mrs Garrett's Edna's Edibles Deli store, then to the pop culture store Over Our Heads, at which point it gets wayyy too cheesy for me and I just can not tolerate the show at that point. It's funny cuz I watched this show growing up when it played heavily in reruns after school (along with Brady Bunch, Diffrent Strokes and Three's Company) - I never realized how dramatic this show was back then, until I rewatched it via DVD and was like: "Where's the funny?". Anyway, I find Brady Bunch and Three's Company much more to my liking these days. When I watch a comedy series, I want to laugh *not* be thrust into sad and stressful situations like suicide and cancer.
Rudolph's Shiny New Year (1976)
Enchanting and Introspective - Rankin/Bass Hit the Right Note For New Years Eve
The immersive, mesmerizing and intricately detailed stop-motion world is enough of a reason alone to watch Rudolph's Shiny New Year. But that's certainly not where the qualities end. There are some great tunes in this one - both fun and upbeat and also some introspective ones with reflective lyrics that fit a perfectly appropriate theme for a New Years Eve special. The passing of time is an ever-present undercurrent throughout the otherwise fun and colorful special.
Baby New Year, with the big ears that everyone laughs at, has run away and taken off traveling through an archipelago of little Islands where each passed year rests and stays forever the same. Father Time sends Rudolph after him and we meet a wonderful array of unique and very different characters along the way! One of the coolest additions being an island where all the fairy tales live, affording us the wonderful opportunity to see many of the classic storybook characters through R/B's puppet-animated lens!
This, like most of the R/B holidays specials, is a yearly viewing in my house and I never grow tired of taking the trip through the Archipelago of Last Years with Rudolph.
Super Friends (1973)
The best season of THE SUPER FRIENDS (but also the shortest!)
While all the incarnations of THE SUPER FRIENDS cartoon series are great and fun, I find this one to be the best in all aspects. The stories are very good, the villains are cool and evil and we have the perfect set of "FRIENDS" - Superman, Batman, Robin, Aquaman, Wonder Woman and the Wonder Twins and Gleek. I'm not crazy about the extraneous heroes that would pop in and out of other series, I like having this core the best. - While many choose the previous season as their favorite, I find the reasoning for that decision to be the very same one that makes it a bit repetitive - The Legion Of Doom. Though they are cool, we wind up with the Super Friends fighting the same group of people throughout the entire series, which is a way longer series than this one. Like so many things in life the best things are short and sweet and "Challenge Of The Super Friends" is no exception. There are only 8 episodes in this "season 4" which was probably beefed up with episodes of prior seasons during its initial run. All in all, you can't go wrong with any of the SUPER FRIENDS series, but the best ones are 2, 3 & 4 - respectively. "The All-New Super Friends Hour", "Challenge of The Super Friends", and this one "World's Greatest Super Friends" which sits at the top of the entire heap.
Davey & Goliath's Snowboard Christmas (2004)
Christmas?? - More like "Davey & Goliath's Snowboard Coexist-mas" !!
Let me first state that I love the original Davey & Goliath series. It taught and continues to teach great life lessons, strong morals and the importance of having a relationship with God. Yet, it did all that without being heavy-handed, and while simultaneously being thoroughly entertaining and fun - not to mention, extremely charming to look at with that great stop-motion animation. So I was very excited when I'd heard that Davey & Goliath was being resuscitated for a new special. I hadn't counted on even the ELCA being infected with the awful Political-Correctness-bug! In this special we are hit over the head with the notion we should be getting along with everyone regardless of their religion. Great. Wonderful. But shouldn't the main mission of the ELCA be to reinforce children's relationship with Jesus? In this "Christmas" special, Jesus' name is never mentioned (to be fair it rarely was in the Original series either) But you know what else is never mentioned? Christmas! Not once! In an ELCA-produced Christmas special!! - not even even a mere mention of the birth of Christ, or any of the other symbols we relate to even a non-secular Christmas! Snow on the ground is the only symbol we see. Why is it Christianity is the only religion that has such PC-pressure put upon it? I wonder if they are making Muslim or Jewish holiday specials whose main goal is to get along with Christians. Me thinks not! Sad to see the ELCA failing their mission. I say stick with the Original series and beware even then, as several episodes of that have been trimmed for the same idiotic PC-reasons!
Davey and Goliath (1960)
Wholesome and Whole-fun
Like many others, I remember fondly waking up early Saturday mornings to watch Davey and Goliath before the stations all turned to cartoon junk food like The Smurfs, Super Friends, etc... While those other shows are fun, they didn't have the impact that Davey and Goliath did. The stories, characters and stop-motion animation were all wonderful and captivating. And better still, they offered a great message that could be digested by any person of any religious beliefs who just wanted to be good. No particular religion is ever mentioned, neither are any icons. Only "God". Then, I thought Davey was the coolest and strived to be like him. Now, I think he's a great, charming kid and excellent role model for any child. His family also is a great role model for any family. It's nice to have these kinds of examples to reach for, rather than the lowest-common-denominator types we have now - which keep sinking lower and lower.
Scars of Dracula (1970)
Gothic & Gory Great from Hammer in Their Prime
I'm not sure why so many fans dislike this 6th entry in Hammer's Dracula series, the 5th with Chris Lee portraying the evil vampire and never before with so much to say, do, snarl and grimace over - especially the leading lady's overwhelming bosom, which deserves a co-starring role of its own! In this revamping of the original Dracula tale, the boobs and blood are amped to high volume, which is quite shocking juxtapositioned against that scary fairytale atmosphere that Hammer was so wonderful at. All six of the Hammer Dracula films up to this point are terrific, set in those gorgeous Gothic surroundings, that are still to this day among the best of the best of Dracula films, Gothic Horror and Horror Movies in general. After this one, the series would take a nosedive when they mistakenly decided to thrust Drac into the modern world, plunging a stake through their most successful, and one of Moviedom's most enjoyable, franchises. Sigh. The Fairytale must end sometime.
Jack Frost (1979)
Rankin/Bass's Winter Fairytale
Rankin/Bass made so many great Christmas specials - but this one is actually a Winter tale. Though Christmas is covered, it's brief and the emphasis is really on Groundhog's Day. So rather than trying to cram it in in December, I watch it every year around that holiday (Feb. 2).
The story is told by groundhog Pardon-Me-Pete and involves Jack Frost becoming human one year to win the heart of the girl he has fallen in love with. But hold your scarves, cuz this one's not a happily-ever-after tale (at least not for Jack Frost) and that just makes it all the more memorable. Another memorable part is the bad guy Kubla Kraus - a "King Of The Cossacks" and one of the all-time great R/B baddies - voiced by the wonderful Paul Frees.
As usual with a Rankin/Bass Animagic production, the stop-motion puppet-animation is charming, creating a lovely immersive fantasy world you want to dive into and the songs are wonderful and plentiful. A frozen feast for the eyes, and an icy warmth for the heart of Winter.
A Miser Brothers' Christmas (2008)
Pretty Bad! - Stick with the Original from Rankin/Bass
Maybe "Anyone Can Be Santa" but not anyone can be Rankin/Bass! Though it (very poorly) replicates characters and stop-motion animation style from a R/B special, it does not not reproduce their knack for warm storytelling, enchanting character and set designs or fanciful catchy songs. The scenes involving Heatmiser and Snowmiser, along with the rest of the Mother Nature family are actually quite tolerable and work the best. Even their newly introduced bad-guy brother, North Wind is kinda cool. It's everything outside of that that stinks and stinks hard. Why they chose to drastically change the look of every character (and not for the better) other than the Miser Brothers is beyond me! The new elves are particularly annoying and bland. They totally dissed Jingle and Jangle. And just who are these bland imposters posing as Mr and Mrs Claus?!
Everything in this one looks cheap cheap cheap ... and sounds! ... like a cheese grater on your ears! The songs are the worst part - scratchy annoying kids voices akin to a kindergarten class en-un-ci-at-ing each syl-la-ble to a song they are forced to sing in a school play backed by cheap electronic music. You can't even compare that to the wonderful, lush orchestrations by Maury Laws and co that populated the R/B classics. Just stick with the original Year Without A Santa Claus (and avoid that poor live-action remake as well!) Though this may be tempting to those aching to see more Heatmiser and Snowmiser ,watching this sequel will leave you feeling as you do when you have that extra hunk of cake that you really did not need or want.
The Leprechauns' Christmas Gold (1981)
Much better if thought of as a St Patty's Day special
This odd little special from Rankin/Bass mixes a little Christmas in with a bunch of Irish shenanigans! Though filmed in the same stop-motion puppet animation style of their classics "Rudolph The Red Nosed Reindeer" and "Santa Claus Is Comin To Town", this feels entirely different in tone from those snow-covered merry escapades. Gold and shamrock green colors burst from the screen in a cute little story on an Emerald Isle involving leprechauns, banshees and gold - the Christmas part really just seems like an afterthought. But it's still got that great R/B style with charming set designs, cute puppet characters and bouncy happy music. So, with the wealth of other holiday options from Rankin/Bass, why not save this one for March when it will bring out the merriment of that season, as the others do for Christmas.
Ursus e la ragazza tartara (1961)
A great example the of ITALIAN PEPLUM genre
Although the title "Ursus and the Tartar Princess" is a bit misleading - Ursus is really only a side character in a film which centers upon a love story involving a Polish prince and the enemy's Asian Tartar Princess, it is still thoroughly enjoyable. Large scale scenes, otherworldly lighting, enchanting sets and great characters all highlight a swift moving story with both action-packed and touching moments.
I'm not sure what motivated the previous two IMDb reviewers to leave such negative words, but perhaps the Italian Sword and Sandal films are not really their bowl of spaghetti. However, if you are one of the fans of this small but voluminous sub-sub-genre of film, then this hidden gem which isn't readily available from any mainstream outlets is most definitely worth tracking down.
The Intruder (1975)
Unseen Slasher Finally Unearthed After 4 Decades!
Chris Robinson (most remembered for his role in the 1972 snake-revenge flick "Stanley") wrote, produced, directed and starred in 1975's THE INTRUDER which then disappeared without any release. Garagehouse Pictures recently excavated the film in 2017, cleaned it up and now presents it on Bluray.
Quick plot: A bunch of people who don't know each other are invited to a house which can only be reached by a boat - driven by Mickey Rooney! A lot of gold is hidden there and bodies begin piling up. It's sort of a Giallo/Slasher/Old Dark House hybrid containing elements from each. The plot bears much in common with "10 Little Indians" by Agatha Christie, basically the same template for all those "Old Dark House" whodunit kind of movies. The style is definitely Giallo, with weird music accompanying some psychedelic scenes. And the murders are very "Friday the 13th", with bloody bodies suddenly appearing, swinging from overhead rafters at just the right moment, several years before that would become Jason's modus operandi.
Upon viewing, one gets the impression that this was an unfinished film which was cobbled together from the pieces that were completed. The narrative doesn't exactly flow smoothly and there are things which kind of just suddenly "have happened" - as if you walked out of the theater for a moment and came back, missing a scene or two. Most of Mickey Rooney's screen time consists of him riding around on a boat, with and without passengers, until his demise. Yvonne DeCarlo (from 'The Munsters') fares slightly better, but not much. And Ted Cassidy (from 'The Adams Family') retains a comparatively more meaty role.
Though not an unearthed masterpiece, there is more than enough weirdness, quirky characters and blood to keep any genre fan's interest for the duration. But that, of course, is not the main draw of this film. The mere fact that such an unseen relic has been exhumed over 4 decades after it's production is cause to celebrate this slice of seventies schlock and Garagehouse for rescuing it!
Ercole l'invincibile (1964)
A Solid Sword and Sandal, Despite The Negative Reviews
Sword and Sandal films are perhaps the most nerve-wracking movies to try and track down. They usually have numerous different titles, versions and edits. This one is a prime example. Many of the reviews here trashing it for "stealing scenes" from other flicks (including the iconic 1958 Hercules starring Steve Reeves) are actually reviewing the more commonly available US TV Edit by Joseph E Levine which did in fact replace scenes from this flick with that previous one, which he also did US distribution for. In such a case when you are literally viewing half the movie, not just the edits but the chopping off of half of the screen to get a cinemascopic picture to fit to a 4x3 TV, one's assessment can be unfairly ravaged because you are only seeing fragments of what a movie is meant to be! I was fortunate enough to catch the original and superior Italian version which is likely to please anyone who finds a title like "Hercules The Invincible" tantalizing enough to merit a watch in the first place. Although the Italian version is missing the groovy narration added to the US Version - guaranteed to take you back to your childhood living room floor in front of the old TV set - it is an overall better viewing experience.
Sylvia (1977)
Insanely Funny Smutty "SYBIL" Parody
I felt the need to add a review to this really cool flick since it has only one review here on IMDb which pretty much trashes it. Now, I will agree - if you are looking for a movie to get turned on by, you might want to look elsewhere (at the virtually endless supply of "normal" porn"). But if you have trashy cinematic taste, this one just might do the trick!
Sylvia is a dowdy, God-fearing spinster who lives alone, praying to the religious shrine in her living room. That is, until any man (or woman) enters her vicinity upon which she transforms into one of the various smut-spewing, sex-maniac multiple personalities inside her. Complete with cheesy transformation effects and even cheesier musical accompaniment.
Coming in straight-off-the-heels of Sally Field's schizophrenic drama "Sybil", Sylvia takes the premise, rips all the cloths off of it and swirls it with hysterical over-the-top shenanigans. If you enjoy these crazy porn-horror hybrids that could only have come from the wild and wooly 70's, I'm pretty certain you will enjoy SYLVIA!
Ghostkeeper (1981)
Snowy Plotless Creepfest
The wintery Canadian mountains which provide the desolate setting are only slightly snowier than the plot, which finds withdrawn, teetering-on-the-edge-of-crazy Jenny, her rotten boyfriend and their slutty blonde chic friend stranded at a shuttered snowbound inn. Seemingly abandoned, it isn't long before they realize they aren't the only ones there. "Ghostkeeper" is a textbook example of how much a movie can be made or broken by its soundtrack. Many long, inactive treks through this abandoned ski lodge would be unbearable if not for the sinister score - which will ring familiar to most horror-nerds as nearly identical to the one from fellow 1981 Canadian horror film, Prom Night - both done by the same guy. If you need a movie with a cohesive plot, you certainly should look elsewhere. But if you can enjoy a spooky, hazy film which is heavy on dreadful atmosphere and creepy music while remaining non-existent on gore and nudity - you've met your match. It certainly is an odd duck, especially for the time period in which it was made. It's reputation as a hidden gem is well-deserved and it will come as a nice surprise to jaded horror fans who think they've seen it all.
Emanuelle nera: Orient reportage (1976)
An Exotic Movie Carried By Beautiful Music
I cannot understand the reviews here on IMDb for this film but I imagine its from those Joe D'Amato fans who just want hardcore sex and gore - the stuff he basically did for paychecks in between the movies he put his heart into, like this one which is absolutely lovely, fun, thought-provoking and sexy. Laura Gemser stars in her second foray as "Black Emanuelle", this time heading off to Bangkok for more sexual and social exploration, hopping from one adventure to another, and one person to another, but remaining rather tame in the pornographic sense. If that's your game, just go rent a porn. But if you are looking for a soft-core adventure with plenty of carefree mentality, this is it. Joe D'Amato pleases the eyes with stunning cinematography and lush tropical locales. But surpassing even all these merits is the mesmerizingly beautiful score from Nico Fidenco - it is absolutely breathtaking and makes all the images on screen melt together with the music for a rare cinematic experience. Well done!
Love, Sidney (1981)
Awful!
I remember watching this show when I was a kid. Me and my sister would make fun of it the whole way through. From the corny opening song to the cheesy stories to Swoozie Kurt's awful hair and outfits. It was just really lame and pathetic. Truly one of the worst theme songs from a television show ever! I never "got" that Tony Randall's character was supposed to be gay, so I guess that part was REALLY toned down. All the stories were disgustingly sickeningly sugary sweet and idiotic. Regardless, I still "blame" this show for being the inspiration for "Punky Brewster" which had a very similar premise, but with a sassier child and a crankier stepdad. Although both were probably the result of "Diff'rent Strokes" which was a runaway adopted child hit. It beats those other two shows by a longshot.
Tourist Trap (1979)
THE Creepy Mannequin Flick!!!
Ever notice how often the earliest flicks by horror directors, before they go on to bigger and higher budget-productions, are usually the ones that are the coolest and creepiest? Having budget restraints forces a talented director to utilize everything they've got to bring us a story that "wows" us, without taking the easy ways out! Four decades later and TOURIST TRAP is still effective, still creepy, still able to make store mannequins scare the @#$! out of you!
Chuck Conners is the ghoulish remnant of his shuttered roadside "tourist trap" - a wax museum/gift shop - along with his plethora of mannequins. Five unlucky young adults have the unfortunate experience of having their car break down in the middle of nowhere and getting a personal tour of this closed down roadside attraction. Gritty and unpolished, but never succumbing to over-the-top shenanigans that plague so many horror movies, Tourist Trap slow burns with a nightmarish tone, and a very effectively eerie score courtesy of Pino Donaggio.
Many mannequin horrors have come since, but none are as effective as this low-budget classic from 1979. A must for Horror Fans who prefer the macabre and disturbing over the shocking and gory.
The Oblong Box (1969)
Stylish Gothic - Needlessly Complex, Questionably Vague
Ahhh - The Gothic Horrors of American International Pictures. While they did their best to copy the look of the winning formula employed by Hammer Films, and rather successfully at that, they generally did not "get" what made those films from across the pond so compelling and endearing. "Oblong Box" is a prime example, coming very close to a gratifying cinematic experience, but ultimately failing. The story is jumbled and confusing. Too many elements are thrown into the mix, with even the most vital plot points never fully, or even half-heartedly for that matter, explained.
The film opens with a man being tortured in some voodoo ritual. Soon we learn that he has survived, albeit horribly disfigured - both physically and mentally, and is being cared after by his brother, played by Vincent Price. For reasons unknown, he plots with an unscrupulous acquaintance to have himself appear dead and buried so he can be taken to a witch doctor. He ends up being buried alive but his coffin is stolen by grave robbers and sold to a local doctor for experiment, played by Christopher Lee. He winds up hiding out at Lee's house while he enacts revenge on whoever he feels wronged him - taking a few breaks for sex with housemaids and hookers - all while keeping his face covered with a Crimson Mask. His face is kept hidden until the end of the film, and when it is finally revealed it is a big let-down, as are all of the "special effects" in the film - which are pretty lamely executed, even by these kinds of films' standards. However, there is an excellent cast of actors here, thank goodness, who manage to at least keep things interesting. The Gothic scenery, sets, castles, graveyards are all nicely done as well and rather pleasing to the eye. A more straightforward approach would have been most definitely beneficial, with motives and actions better explained.
Anyone hoping to see Lee and Price battle it out on screen will be sorely disappointed as their screen time together amounts to just one scene, and a few seconds at that. Neither one can rightfully be called the star, popping in and (mostly) out of the picture - with poor Lee's role seeming as though it were shoehorned in at the last moment, just to give him something to do. Fans of these Hammer Horrors will certainly find a viewing worthy, but repeated viewings will most likely remain undesired and even more frustrating.
The Seduction (1982)
Lip Gloss Commercial
This movie is really bad. I mean really really bad. Morgan Fairchild struts her stuff, tosses her hair, gets stalked by some idiot, and tosses her hair some more. Seriously, every shot is just Ms Fairchild looking sexy, swimming in a pool naked, taking a bubble bath, making sexy faces in the rearview mirror of her car, combing her hair!! She never stops combing her hair!! No matter who's stalking her. Breaking into her house, killing her boyfriends (in the most ridiculous way possible) - she doesn't even get upset!!! She just makes more sexy faces in the mirror, pouts her lips, combs her hair some more, gets into her satin sheeted bed. It's absolutely outlandish! Then suddenly at the last 15 minutes of the film she tosses around a rifle like its a hairbrush, still making sexy faces. If you are a fan of hers, you will probably love this flick. She looks absolutely 80's stunning in every scene. But if you want to watch a movie - you're out of luck!
Zarak (1956)
Anita Sizzles but the Fight Scenes Fizzle
"Zarak" gets off to a roaring start - with us entering the Arabian village where Anita Ekberg's character lives with her old husband, being acquainted with her lusty relationship with his son (Victor Mature) and the father catching them in the act and sentencing them both to death - all within the first ten minutes of the film!!!! After that, it sort of delves into non-stop rebel war fighting scenes, which aren't that engrossing or all that well filmed - only momentarily catching up with Ekberg and her turgid relationship with Mature here and there. There are some very "American" touches of humour which clearly separate this US sword and sandal flick from the much more common Italian ones. But Anita Ekberg's scantily-clad dances, and sizzling seduction scenes are reason enough to seek out this title and sit through the yawn- inducing battle scenes which make up most of the movie.
Exposé (1976)
Terrible Film Proves ANYTHING Can Have A Cult Following!
I love old horror movies. The sleazy, underground B-movies that have more people seeing them today in the anything-goes digital era than they did decades ago when they were released but had trouble finding their audiences. I also love Udo Kier. He is one of my favorite actors with a unique and beautiful voice to match his unique and beautiful face. Linda Hayden is a lovely Brit actress who starred in sexy roles in horror films like "Taste The Blood Of Dracula" and "Blood On Satan's Claw". However, this meritless hunk of trash is a blemish on all three of those categories. Pretty much one trashy sex scene after the next joined together by stupid dialogue and a few kills, but nothing that even comes close to entertaining. AND they used another actor to dub in Udo's voice! - Blasphemy! If you wanna see a porn rent a porn. If you wanna see a vintage sleazy horror film, there are many great examples out there, but this incoherent mess is certainly not one of them. Udo is a book writer who goes to a secluded cottage to write his next book. He has disturbing nightmarish visions, hires Linda Hayden to come be his secretary. Then people start getting killed. And having sex. And getting killed. And having sex.