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Reviews
Red Dawn (1984)
It's ok
If you put it in context of the time it was created it's an entertaining run through of an unlikely but not impossible scenario.
But first you have to stomach a lot of "U-S-A!" style tubthumping jingoism.
You have to keep from rolling your eyes and pointing out the "Greatest Nation In The World" title is very much self-awarded and, on many levels, is a load of garbage.
Manage that and this will entertain but will likely have you wanting a palate cleanser once you're done.
It's not terrible but it's certainly average. You'll need a bunch of coke and popcorn in order to enjoy this one in its entirety.
Mr Bates vs. The Post Office (2024)
An awful story told well
This is a gobsmacking true story, in turns heartwarming and enraging. These poor poor people and what they went through. The injustice handed down to these Post Office employees was extraordinary in its savagery and the fact that the Post Office could run their own criminal investigations just adds another layer of disbelief.
A tale of a poorly run bureaucracy and their dodgy software vendor prosecuting innocent people to cover up a colossal and embarrassing screw up.
It was well told and is an indictment on large software projects run by halfwits feeding from the public trough.
It is compelling viewing.
Hawthorne (2009)
Take the name of this show out of your mouth
If anything was worthy of a full strength Will Smith slapping, this corny piece of trash is it.
Weak storylines, dialogue that should have been burned, and can someone please have a whip around to raise money for Jada Pinkett-Smith's acting lessons.
Watching this I felt like tearing my eyeballs out and cramming them in my ears to make it stop. It did stop though and when it did I felt happier - even my dog looked relieved when the assault on its intelligence finished with the rolling credits.
This shouldn't have made it past the first script reading. Surely we can be treated to something better than this dross.
Vanderpump Rules (2013)
Who gives a vanderpump?
There is really no reason to encourage these kind of people and their scummy attitudes. I can only imagine the people that like this stuff have equally vapid attitudes to life.
There is absolutely nothing creative or even mildly redeeming about the people on the show and I will assume the same about the people who allowed it to be produced.
A plague on all their houses; may the fleas of a thousand camels infest their armpits and may the dove of peace fly over their heads and crap on them.
To paraphrase the principal in Billy Madison, everyone who has watched this is dumber for having done so. I award you no points and may God have mercy on your souls.
The Winter King (2023)
A bit ho-hum
People should realize by now that Bernard Cornwell's books don't easily translate to the screen. They barely managed to scrape by with his Sharpe series, but this series starts off nose down and heads for a high impact collision with the ground almost as soon as it begins.
This is a poor attempt to translate his King Arthur series. The books are great, given Cornwell's eye for historical detail and his descriptions of battles.
This series is a fairly hammed attempt to recreate it. The characters come off two dimensional and the storyline suffers as a result.
And in today's world of high production values the only person smiling here is Bernard himself as he laughs all the way to the bank.
The Playlist (2022)
Damn near perfect
This is a fantastic series.
Based on the Spotify story but delivered through the eyes of the different players across different episodes. So it's not just a fascinating story but cleverly cut and sharply written.
Well worth the time to watch, especially as the stories all come from different angles, not all of them agreeing with each other (take note those writing scripts about the genius of Steve Jobs and how he did everything himself).
So strap yourself in with plenty of time to binge this gem from Sweden. You won't regret it even if you have no real interest in the story (though you should, as these guys changed the world of music)
1923 (2022)
Execrable
From the highs of 1883, 1923 charts the decline in quality to the lows of Yellowstone.
1923 is where the Duttons started overacting and the screenplay started straining everyone's credulity. Nasty attempts at Scottish accents, mixed up history and a bunch of yeehaw Murcan ranchers makes it hard to like any of the characters. The show is a mess of competing themes and moronically simple storylines. I know this is supposed to draw people to watch Yellowstone but they really should have left it at 1883 - a far superior show than either 1923 or Yellowstone.
Feels like it would have been better if this series had died on the nineteenth century prairie as did most of the cast of 1883.
The Menu (2022)
Bizarre but excellent
This is a great movie - darkly satirical and well written and directed. The tension is palpable and when the laughs come they are perfectly placed. The actors all do a great job - Ralph Fiennes is absolutely masterful, but the rest of the cast make this well worth the watch.
Interestingly, I read an article about the destruction of plain eating by all these Masterchef style shows and high end Blumenthal-like eateries. This movie took it one step (or maybe several steps) further.
I'd highly recommend watching this, though if you're a genuine foodie you might find it tough going as it does pull fun at the whole foodie culture.
Jack Ryan (2018)
It's ok and then along came season 2
Season 1 is ok - a bit 2-dimensional but fun. Season 2 is awful.
I don't understand how a guy who seems to run purely on emotion like the lead character made it through the psych eval at the CIA.
Then season 2 asked a little too much suspension of disbelief. The plot unwound and devolved into what basically amounts to a mob chanting, "USA! USA! USA!" (which, to be fair, sums up most Tom Clancy novels).
Jack Ryan has gone from an analyst having an adventure to some sorta Swiss Army knife - he can hang with SEALs without any of the training they've gone through, he can successfully disobey orders and not cause a diplomatic incident (he even manages to keep his job despite his hijinks causing an entire embassy to be shut down).
Whilst season 1 was a rollicking yarn, season two was wall-to-wall crap.
The Banshees of Inisherin (2022)
Do not take sharp objects into this movie ...
... you will be tempted to start lopping your own fingers off.
The strained comparisons between this and Mamet and Chekhov are completely misleading. This is at best a half developed script. There were some interesting ideas and funny dialogue but massive, vacuum-like gaps in between.
Someone left the island - at which point I wished I was on the boat with them, despite the fact they seemed to be heading into clear and present danger.
A miniature pony died, probably from boredom (although the movie blamed a choking hazard).
A house burned down - at which point the air conditioning in the cinema died - and I would have paid over the price of admission to have been in the house.
Save your money - buy a meal from a fast food outlet; it'll be less hazardous to your health than watching this movie.
In short, I will never ever get those hours back in my life.
The Batman (2022)
Not fun, not dark, just meh
Part way through this movie, watching a mass of cops running after a suspect and shouting incoherently I was put in mind of the last scenes of The Blues Brothers. And that got me to thinking that perhaps this is what was needed here - Jake & Elwood and the band ripping out a few classic soul numbers, maybe a cameo at the club run by Oz. Maybe Batman could have gone to the old landmark to receive his mission.
To be honest, it was a nice try but altogether way to long for something as low-brow as this. After reading the reviews and seeing the spectacular Joker I thought this would be better.
It took itself way too seriously and failed, falling somewhere between the camped up fun of Michael Keaton and the darkness of Christian Bale. In the end it boils down to a bunch of explosions and a hero no-one gives a crap about.
I'd recommend the Christian Bale/Christopher Nolan series over this one.
Rosaline (2022)
Another Disney hit job
Someone with a bad sense of humour, a really loose grip on Shakespeare and a big bag of money gave it a good crack and failed miserably.
Corny humour, slow obvious story, wasted acting talent and Americanized mall movie dialogue. It's some sort of sugary trash - like a Big Mac or a super sized Cola - that tastes good but at the same time you know is making the world a worse place.
If we had less focus on quantity and more on quality then this travesty would never have been made.
Someone obviously likes this but I would strongly recommend Catherine, Called Birdy as a much better movie (and based on an original idea).
The Circle (2017)
Chose to pull its punch where the book did not
This, kids, is why we should read more and watch less.
The movie was great until the end when it sold out, presumably to avoid backlash from big tech and its acolytes (although I can't really be sure).
And so a prescient warning against the pervasive nature of big data and big tech was brought to nothing by the schmaltzy, kumbaya around the campfire ending that couldn't have been further from Dave Egger's final scene.
Without Remorse (2021)
Why?
A perfectly good novel's name is ripped off and put on a D grade action flick.
Not sure why this happened as the novel had a movie worthy plot already.
Massively disappointing on all levels.
Someone needs to start making this kind of wasting of people's time (not to mention shamelessly co-opting both the novel's title and the author's name) a criminal offense with cast and crew serving jail time or being banned from making movies for a period of time.
It (2017)
Disappointing reboot
I probably should know better than to compare a book (especially this one) to someone's attempt to cinematise it, but this showed that those involved in this project did not really understand the themes presented in the book.
I also don't think translating it to the 80's helped any.
The result was a mess that, whilst mildly entertaining, is probably B-grade schlock at best.
Stranger Things (2016)
Ok series but drags towards the end
Whoever wrote Mike's overwrought, screechy douchebag of a character made this hard to watch toward the end. Same goes for the person that cast the hammy Finn Wolfhard as Mike.
The rest of the cast and storyline are quite engaging.
The Undeclared War (2022)
I'm sad as I won't get that time in my life back
This is a terrible series built on a really great idea. An uneven mess that makes cold, lumpy porridge look thrilling.
Casting must have had the day off because most of the acting is ham at best. Simon Pegg phones it in.
The soundtrack sounds like Enya inspired gibberish on a continuous loop.
And of course we couldn't just have a story - we simply had to have some crap about the lead's private life (again hammed up to the back teeth).
I'm a glutton for punishment and had to watch it to the end but it was like nails dragging down a blackboard towards the end.
The Sinner (2017)
First two seasons are great
The first two seasons of this series are great.
The third is a self-indulgent mess that I struggled to finish off. I'll try the fourth, but I fear this may have jumped the shark. It's a shame after such a good start.
Reacher (2022)
An ok series based on some ordinary books
Never really understood the popularity of the books - to me they were very 2-dimensional. This series is a better recreation than the movies and is a solid show that won't make you think too much.
The Bourne Identity (2002)
Better than the books
This is one of those rare series of films that are far better than the books.
Entirely enjoyable (which the books weren't) - well shot, plausibly scripted; great to watch and have done so many times.
Vigil (2021)
More filler than a hot dog sausage
Fairly ordinary series - there was about 4 episodes worth of material cluttered with unnecessary background filler.
The acting is awkward in most cases and the story barely holds together.
This was touted as a great substitute for Line of Duty - that idea is laughable.
Succession (2018)
Intriguing show with some stand out performances
This is possibly Matthew Macfadyen's greatest role.
But the drama itself is also intriguing. The Trump/Murdoch like figure of Logan Roy is impressively written and the family intrigue surrounding him shows that greed is never good and that absolute power corrupts absolutely.
Departure (2019)
It's ok
It had a lot of potential but the acting is pretty average and tends to bring the whole thing down. Everyone breathlessly talking over each other. The most laughable character is the inscrutable 'security service' agent who seems to be inscrutable only due to the amount of Botox and collagen in her face.
Miss Sloane (2016)
Too smug for it's own good
I couldn't watch it all the way through as half way through I was wishing all of the characters a horrible death so that the world would be a better place.
L.A. Confidential (1997)
An excellent rendering of James Ellroy's novel
Usually these kinds of novel-to-film things are usually lacking. This film captures the detail and feel of the Ellroy novel perfectly.