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Aaron1375
10-excellent flick or game, very little to nothing I find wrong with it.
9 -really good flick or game that is almost excellent but may have one or two flaws
8 -good like 9 however the flaws stand out more or it did not generate the excitement I was looking for
7 -pretty good for the most part the movie or game was enjoyable, but along with flaws it may lack plot development or something to that effect
6 -okay chances are it has a boring stretch or something that knocks the film down a peg or two, I might recommend this movie or game, but will say beware
5 -a neither good nor bad flick. Just enough good to keep it from being a bit unwatchable and just enough bad to make it something I probably would not want to see again unless it was a horror movie
4 -for the most part a movie I don't care for, but contains some good scenes or something to that effect, also a rather good score for me to give to a bad horror movie that kept me entertained because it was so bad
3 -usually when they start ranking here or lower they become boring or really low budget or unplayable if a game. it only gets a 3 because it might contain a shining diamond in the rough such as maybe a good performance
2 -usually the only thing making this type of movie from being a one is a good death or perhaps a good nude scene
1 -bad and boring and something I will not watch again unless it is to make fun of it
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Zero Wing (1989)
A rather standard shoot em up.
I played the Mega Drive version of this game and it is the one with the very odd introduction with the famous line, "All your base belong to us". I had seen the meme before, but had no idea where it came from until I saw this game featured on a gaming review Youtube channel. It was bad, but the game itself, well, it was not bad, but it was not very good either.
The story, well a robot cyborg dude named Cats is causing chaos or something. One can barely tell what is happening as there is only one opening scene to try to explain the story. Perhaps the instruction manual told it better? Well, I am guessing the station you are on at the beginning is destroyed and you escape in your tiny spaceship which may or may not be called a "Zig". I mean, that could be the name, but it could also be another glorious blunder in the translation. Well it is up to you to defeat Cats and make all the base belong to the good guys once again!
The game play is typical shooter as you have power ups, options that add fire power and one hit kills. They never provide really good armor for most of the shoot em ups do they? About the only thing new is a tractor beam that you can use to grab power ups and enemy spaceships. Once you have an enemy spaceship you can hold it for a shield or toss it as an attack. Since this game has one hit deaths, I would advise to use it as a shield.
So, I played through this game and it had its moments. I do not know why, but I had the hardest time avoiding the purple bullets. I also do terrible at shoot em ups with one hit deaths, I guess it is too much pressure or something! I did manage to get through the game and see all the stages, just typical for the genre and the music is too. Certainly nowhere near as good as Thunder Force III. The ending was kind of weird, I was treated to watching the California Raisins dance, well it was not them really, but it sure resembled them...
Deadpool & Wolverine (2024)
Great seeing Wolverine and this Deadpool in a film together.
I realize that they have been in a movie before, depicting the same characters, though with Deadpool he was sort of the same character. Now, however, we get to see the highly comedic version with Wolverine who is still a bit grouchy and do we see some blood spatter. So, it all was great for me as the first Deadpool we got to see how easily a Colossus can be done correctly, in the second how easily a correct Juggernaut can be and in this one, we get to see how easily it is to have Wolverine in the correct outfit! In fact, it was probably the easiest to do. So, I had a good time, have not been to the movies since The Batman and my comic book streak is alive, but I really saw this more for Ryan and Hugh. Did not care for the Marvel cinematic universe, they kind of said they did not need me as a fan anyways, but I still came to see this one because of the wacky comedy, glorious violence and the multiple cameos, so I was not disappointed.
So, the story has Deadpool in a bit of a rut as he tries to do something to really shine. He tried to join the Avengers and got shot down and was told by Happy Hogan (who I am sure they wanted Tony Stark for this) to aim lower in life so Wade becomes a very bad car salesman. However, his friends throw him a birthday party that does cheer him up, and then he learns that his universe is about to become extinct. Now he most don the Deadpool costume and find Wolverine, because it was the death of Wolverine in his universe that set its death in motion. Unfortunately, they get sent into The Void, which is like a garbage dump of people run by Charles Xavier's sister who is very eccentric. They must team with other superheroes that were tossed aside and make their way back to Wade's universe before it is destroyed!
Hugh Jackman and Ryan Reynold's are great together and make this an enjoyable film. The plot is understandable, if not all that important as it is multiverse stuff, and Deadpool himself craps over the multiverse within this movie! Hugh looks great, the guy knows how to look good for his role and it will be nearly impossible to replace him with another actor, as you just associate him with it. Ryan is, of course, very funny and he just does a very good Deadpool. The villain, Nova was good as well, so crazy and kind of cute at the same time. I will not mention the other characters in this, because I do not want to spoil if for anyone, I knew of one, but more than a couple surprised me.
So, this was a nice time at the movies. I suffer from severe depression so I literally cannot see films that have really depressing moments and such. This one had some serious scenes here and there, but thankfully Wade is known for his mouth so it pulls everything back into the light very quickly. My mother went with me to see this and even she really enjoyed it, she especially liked Dogpool....
Streets of Rage 2 (1992)
Fast paced and really fun!
I thought the first Streets of Rage was okay, nothing too special; however, this one was way more fun! I have played several beat em up games the past few days and this was by far the most fun as it was so much more fast paced. The game play never felt as if it lagged in the least. The other games I played felt slow and they were arcade games! I thought I would play this one for a bit before bed and I ended up playing through the whole game as Blaze because it was so much fun!
The story, Mr. X has returned...this time he wants revenge! He has kidnapped Adam from the first game and it is up to Axel and Blaze to save him! Also joining the team is Max, a wrestler and Skate, Adam's younger brother. You have to fight through several areas of the city so that you can stop Mr. X and his plans for revenge!
The game play is nice and fast. It is amazing the amount of moves Blaze was able to do. I am not sure how the new characters play as I usually like using Blaze as I love it when she flips over a person then gives them a suplex! The stages are interesting as you have your basic city levels, a boat stage and even a haunted house! I also liked the fact the game's easy mode was actually easy as I only had to continue once during a boss rush. I also only had trouble with a couple of bad guys, and no one took too long to kill making the pace seem even faster.
So, I have heard that this is the best of the Streets of Rage games as part III was apparently a step back. Still going to try it at some point. This one was very fun, I like having more moves rather than just having one super attack like the previous game and the pace of the game is just great. Though, there is one thing...one would think Mr. X would learn not to simply sit in a chair as his best warrior fights and would simply start shooting right away...
Ninja Baseball Bat Man (1993)
The visuals are interesting, but the game play is standard...
I have seen many people rave about how fun this game is, and I did enjoy it a bit, but take away the silly visuals and you are left with a typical beat em up game that plays rather slowly. It is also plagued by the typical arcade beat em up things such as hard to kill bosses that are almost impossible to damage, being totally surrounded and beat down by the enemy if you are playing solo and power ups that are helpful, but do not always appear where they should and where they can help.
So, the story has items stolen from the baseball hall of fame so the Ninja Batmen are out to save the day! That is pretty much it as you have skits in-between levels to show your progress and which tells you where you are going next.
The game play is standard, you have your attacks, a jump and when you combine the two buttons a super attack that, of course, drains your life. You have four Ninja Batmen to choose from, each with their own move set, so there is at least that. They also each have a unique attribute such as being stronger, faster and the like.
So, it was okay, but I do not get what all the hype is about. I played a beat em up called Violent Storm a couple of weeks ago and it was so much better, mainly because it played fast! This one just played very slowly and if it did not have the goofy visuals I would say it was a below average beat em up. The game was scarily accurate on how the United States looks though...
64th Street: A Detective Story (1991)
What is with all the cats?
A beat em up game I have previously never heard of, I got it on an emulator system I have and gave it a whirl. Pretty standard fare for the most part, as you pick from two characters and go through the streets beating up numerous thugs and collecting various things so you can get the high score. One of those items is a white cat that appears when you smash a crate or throw an enemy into the wall. Not sure why there are so darn many of them!
The story, well, you own a private investigator agency and a girl has been kidnapped and Rick, the head of the agency thinks strange classified ads have somehow relevant. So what do you do? Go around town beating down all the thugs! It is a beat em up after all. Granted, you do learn of a conspiracy to turn criminals into robots, but go ahead and let them! Those robots were easier to kill than the somersaulting fat guy bosses!
The game play is pretty typical of this genre with the only real unique aspect being the fact you can throw your enemies into the background and the walls and whatever they hit usually takes damage. Sometimes you can do more damage by hitting the same spot and then you get cats!
So, I had fun with this one, though it got repetitious in spots as some of the bosses take too many hits and are hard to get in on without you taking damage. Thankfully, the final bosses which includes two robots and a dude with a pool stick were not too bad all things considered. Worth a play through or two every now and then I would say.
Meikyuu Hunter G (1987)
Once you have played the first level, you have seen pretty much all of it...
The Ghostbusters property seems like it is perfect for a video game. Even during the time of its release, you would think that an NES or similar system could make a decent Ghostbuster's video game. That is not the case though as the NES version, the Master System version and the Atari versions all were kind of dull. The only good one I ever played was for the Genesis or Mega Drive. This one is better than the business simulator games, but the Genesis is miles better. I liked this one back in the day, as I thought it was cool to play a Ghostbuster game in the arcade so I would play for a bit then go on to another game, perhaps making it to stage two. However, now that I have played it again and completed the game I can say it is not much more exciting than the dull NES, Master and Atari games...
The story? Well, you have to save the city! Forget a cool opening cut scene like the Turtles games or X-men, here you go right into the city which appears to be a strange alien landscape or a city after the apocalypse. That is strange, well forget that, it is time to bust ghosts, who look like aliens or monsters and only when defeated they turn into a basic ghost design...Hm, strange again. In fact, there is nothing that remotely looks like the television cartoon this game is supposedly based on. Why, if I did not know better, I would say they just reskinned a completely unrelated game and slapped the Ghostbusters name on it just to get quarters! Okay, I do know that is what they did here...
The game play has you running around an area shooting ghosts and collecting them to deposit in the containment unit after the stage is over. You do this after stage one and you can stop playing as there is nothing really new or exciting to see in the upcoming stages, just more of the same. There are boss fights, but a lot of times these are just an enemy rush rather than anything you haven't seen before. Even the last boss of the game is just two of a previous boss...
So, my advice is if you play it, just play the first level and go into the second and enjoy nostalgia. Progressing any further will only prompt confusion as you do not even get a sniff of any enemy or setting from the cartoon or the movies. The only thing this one does better than the Genesis one is the fact your proton pack shoots a beam that sort of feels like you are playing Ghostbusters.
Narazumono Sentô Butai: Bloody Wolf (1989)
Pretty fun over head run and gun.
Looking back on the old consoles of yesteryear, I notice the PC Engine gaming system has quite a library of interesting games. There are not very many licensed games at all so LJN games are not on the thing; in fact, most of the games are of a higher quality than games found on the Nintendo and Sega Master System. I do not think they let just anyone develop games for it, thus, it does not have as many games, but it is a bit harder to find bad games on it. This one was pretty fun, shooting your way through several stages in order to rescue the president and for the most part it is pretty easy, with the exception of two final bosses that really took a lot of time figuring out patterns and stuff!
The story, the president has been kidnapped and two special ops team members code named Bloody Wolf are the men for the job. Granted, I think Guy Kuzami from Final Alert would have had an easier go of it...I am guessing he was taking a break. I will say the team here did better than the Bad Dudes would have as they use their fists and are more effective against ninja of the dragon variety. Why am I babbling on, because there really is not all that much story here. Rescue the president with one guy who gets captured and the other one is sent in to rescue him!
The game play is like Ikari Warriors, Commando and other over the top run and guns. You have your basic machine gun that never runs out of ammo and you can get other weapons that are limited. Wish there were a bit more variety. You can also hijack a motorcycle here and there to blast your way through enemies. Most stages have a boss encounter, some even have two. The game play is not too bad, you get all the continues you need and there are good checkpoints. Unfortunately, the tank before the final boss is really hard and the final boss also is rather difficult.
So, this game is really fun, could have used a bit more story, but that is probably just me having played so many games that are newer being used to more fleshed out stories. Back in the day, this one would have been awesome. Interesting playing PC Engine games as the system actually surpassed the Genesis and SNES power wise after all the attachments and such, just look at Rondo of Blood; however, it died without doing anything in the 32 bit era. It's a shame, I would have loved for this, the Genesis or the NEO GEO to have survived as they are all unique consoles, instead Xbox came along and really, it just does not have a distinct or unique flair that a lot of the older consoles had.
Fukkatsu no hi (1980)
Talk about having incredibly bad luck!
This film had its moments and the possibility of being a pretty good film, but there is just a bit too much wrong with it for me to say it was enjoyable. Then again, I film with such a depressing subject matter and ending is bond to be not very fun to watch. A sizable number of actors in this thing; however, most of the ones you know are past their prime in this thing. There are also one too many things that make a person say, "oh come on!"
The story, a deadly virus has been made and by golly someone is going to sell it or something and they end up in a plane crash where the fires burned it, literally destroying it...at least that is what should of happened. No, here it somehow crashes on a remote mountain, survives and starts killing as a general tries to cover it up, because that is what one tends to do. Well forget all the virus stuff and even seeing much in the way of the virus taking hold as this virus cannot survive the cold so all the people in Antarctica are safe, and will be having many meetings. Did I say safe? Well I mean not so safe because a young man there has predicted an earthquake rocking Washington D. C. thus triggering a nuclear attack on Russia which will then counterattack the U. S. and then shoot a missile down to Antarctica...crap! Well people are sent to stop it and they fail because somehow the earthquake hit cause Washington is always being rocked by huge earthquakes and earthquakes are always precisely predicted and the world is pretty much doomed!
So we get to see Glen Ford as the president, Henry Silva as general who really wants to use some nukes, George Kennedy as spokesman from Antarctica, Robert Vaughn as dude who hangs out with the president and dies, Edward James as dude with puffy hair who gets mad, but plays the piano quite well, Chuck Connors as a non British, British naval commander and Bo Svenson who looks like he could be Connors son. Then there is the Japanese guy who tries to stop the apocalypse, who seems to be actually trying and does a good job as he reports the failure of stopping the missiles from firing.
So, a very depressing movie, but at times almost so bad that it detracts from the subject matter. Not sure why Conners is in this as a British naval submarine commander as he does not even attempt an accent in this thing. May as well have a bit cowboy hat on. There are points where they get some scenes right where Vaughn dies and Ford looks so defeated. The Japanese guy is good in this as he looks so defeated and you know things are not going to be happy; meanwhile, George Kennedy just looks bored. Still, not entirely bad, I just think a lot of actors simply just took the paycheck instead of putting their all into this.
Road Blaster (1985)
Basically a Mad Max type Dragon's Lair.
I played this on the Sega CD, though it was originally an arcade game. I never played that or any other version other than this one. From what I have heard, while this one does not have the best picture, it does have the best music and controls. For some, this will not be their cup of tea, as so many people do want full control; however, I have a special place in my heart for games of this sort starting with playing Dragon's Lair and Space Ace at the arcade. I actually found this one to be quite enjoyable too, though just an illusion, it almost does seem like you have full control in this one as there are prompts all over the place!
The story, a gang has killed your wife! Their mistake? They left you alive! How is one supposed to get their revenge? Get a cool car and start running them off the road, Mad Max style. The only thing missing is the double barrelled shotgun. Of course, this one does not take place in a post apocalyptic future which means we get you driving through some stores and barely missing pedestrians!
The game play is an input appears and you push it in time and correctly or you die. I can understand why one doesn't like this type of game, but I always found them fun. The story is nice in this one too, as I wanted to get revenge! That helps you play through it, but it does get a bit frantic at times as there can be rapid fire prompts in this one!
So, I really enjoyed this one. I am a huge Mad Max fan, so I liked the story. It would have been kind of cool if the character did have a shotgun, but I suppose that would have been a little too much like Mad Max prompting George Miller to call his attorney. So if you like Dragon's Lair and its ilk, then give this one a try, just be prepared for quicker action and longer scenes in this one!
Musha Aleste: Fullmetal Fighter Ellinor (1990)
Shoot em up featuring a mech.
One thing people forget about the sixteen bit wars is that it was hard fought and Sega did give Nintendo a run for its money. The main reason, it had a faster processor. You cannot dismiss speed as far as helping a video game move along without slow down or flicker. Nintendo ultimately won, but the victory was achieved most likely due to RPG games as the Super Nintendo had a plethora of them. Which is sad, as the Genesis or Mega Drive could do a good RPG as Phantasy Star IV was as good as many of the best stuff on the system. As for a game like this, a vertically scrolling shooter, the system was designed for games like these!
The story, I am not sure, I did not have the instruction booklet; however, from playing it and seeing the missions, it involved some sort of evil army most likely run by machines trying to take over earth. You must pilot your Mech robot through several stages as you repel the enemy forces, blow up their bases and defeat the evil computer in charge of it all! You know, typical shoot em up type stuff.
The game play is what one expects, very frenetic with enemies and enemy fire taking over the screen. On your side is your robot who can power up. While wielding a secondary weapon you can take a hit and not die, but if you get hit without a secondary power up shot, you lose a life! You also collect this icons that when you get enough you can get two ships to encircle your ship and provide more firepower and they can also be a shield too.
So, pretty typical of a shooter from back in the day, but it is a lot of fun. It was a bit difficult for me; however, I am not the best shoot em up player, from what I hear this one is quite easy compared to other shooters out there. The graphics are good, very little slow down even when the screen is swarming with enemies. Kind of wish it would slow down at some points so I can read the screen. Still, it is fun and I recommend giving it a try, though the best way these days may be an emulator as most physical copies are really expensive.
G.I. Joe: A Real American Hero (1992)
Cobra invades the arcade and it is up to G.I Joe to stop them!
The first thing one should know about this particular cabinet is that it is basically a modded one. The game most of the G. I Joe cabinets once were, is a game called Devastators. From what I understand, that game you had to keep pushing forward to go up and it was a bit tedious; however, I have not played that one as of yet, so I can neither confirm nor deny this. Secondly, while this game is a bit fun, there are aspects of it that are not so good. You have to keep pushing the fire button to shoot your main gun unless you get a rapid fire icon which sometimes they are plentiful and others not so much. Also, the Joes all play the same, the only thing special is when they come back alive after a death or continue and say "Yo Joe!" No, exclusive weapons or special moves. Then there is the fact you cannot enter any vehicles or use any of the Joe's vehicles. I mean, the game is pretty short, a flying level or driving level could not have been inserted? While it is cool to just go in and defeat Cobra with a semiautomatic rifle while they are using tanks, a few more touches could have made this way more fun and more G. I Joe like as it is, it definitely feels like a modded cabinet.
So, what is the story? Well, Cobra is doing various things to try and dominate the world once again! It is up to G. I Joe to stop them! Well, it is up to Duke, Scarlett, Roadblock and Snake Eyes to stop them. The rest of the team had a Fourth of July party to attend or something. That is okay, because the team assembled will enter Cobra territory alone if they have to, or possibly together if three other people want to help you take on Cobra and blast their way through a few areas to take on Cobra Commander himself! Though the voice actor in this thing does not sound a thing like Cobra Commander....
The game play has you constantly moving forward dispensing justice! You have to constantly be pushing the button because all four Joe's forgot to bring any of their trademark weapons and instead rely on a semiautomatic gun and a missile launcher with a few shots. Thankfully you can get an auto upgrade, but get hit once and it is bye bye! Why it just does not last until you die, who knows? More missile icons can be found than the rapid ones so feel free to use the missiles all the time! You run upward killing Cobra members and from time to time you will see someone from the show like Destro, the Baroness and Major Blood to name a few. The music is good and the action fast, but it would help if the members of the team had more distinct features and as I have mentioned, maybe a vehicle stage or two.
So, it is pretty fun; however, it would have been way more fun had there been more things done to make this feel more G. I Joe like. It is fun trying to blast your way through Cobra's army and while it is an arcade game it is not overly unfair. I could go great lengths of time without dying. I imagine it would even be easier to get through it was another person or two. So, it was a pretty fun game that would have been better with a few extra touches.
Violent Storm (1993)
Fun beat em up from Konami.
Score is a bit low here to me, but I had an absolute blast playing this arcade beat em up brought to us by Konami. One of the more fast paced beat em ups I have played and kind of puts games like Final Fight and other more well known ones to shame. Good music, good controls and it does not feel cheap. You can go long stretches with your character without losing a life, even against bosses. The only boss that I found a bit cheap was the final one, but then he was the final boss of the game.
The story, your are three dudes just chilling then I am guessing a mutual friend gets kidnapped and you are off to rescue her! I used Kyle for my play through and dude has the quickness! You must battle and fight your way through several stages, it is a bit impressive how many there are. Finally, you get the weird pale green dude who kidnapped the girl and face off a strange petulant childlike dude who is the real boss as he hulks out!
The controls are great, I was doing so many awesome moves as there is only an attack button and a jump button. You use the joystick to do a lot of your moves and they are easy to pull off and while there are lots of enemies, you can pull off back attacks and such and keep yourself from being surrounded pretty good; however, there is still the handy push two buttons to pull off your super move that takes off life if things get a bit too hectic. Typical beat em up move, I am sure everyone knows who enjoy games such as these.
So this one was great! I loved the fast action, I liked how fair it felt too. I got all the way to the second stage boss without having to use a continue in this thing and I went long stretches of just kicking butt! The music is fun too, they have lyrics in the songs and it fits your rampage as you fight to free the pretty girl!
Cui hua kuang mo (1993)
It would be better if Cynthia did not disappear at times in this...
I see another review here proclaiming that this, "is the worst movie they have ever seen", this review is from 2001. Those were simpler times, these days this film would not even be the worst film I have seen in a week. Cynthia's movies were generally kind of pointless, but she always looked so cute kicking butt that they were kind of fun. Also, when this was made we were not going through a period in history where every female protagonist was perfect in every way and did not need no help from a man, so she actually does not simply take down a guy three times her size in the end. In fact, she did need random guy who does martial arts to help out. Honestly, I think everyone in this universe the film is presented in knows martial arts...
The story, some woman leaves her abusive husband who happens to be a super swelled up illegal fighter. This makes him snap and go after anyone with a mild resemblance to his wife and attack any guy she may be with and kill them and rape and kill the woman. Cynthia is doing some illegal fighting herself; however, this particular illegal fighting is not exactly all that hardcore and the police are kind of wasting their time busting it. Cynthia's sister, unfortunately, looks like the super killer's wife and so he gets her and so Cynthia tries to get revenge while being helped out by martial arts cop and his doppelganger partner!
Cynthia blows everyone else away with her acting ability and that right there should be all you need to know about everyone else in this film. Very poor acting, the story is strange with the whole do not hit the ground underground fight club. Cynthia disappears for a portion of the film as it focuses more on the psychiatrist who advised the woman to leave the madman and she too knows a bit of martial arts...
So, this is definitely not a good film; however, if this is anyone's worst film of all time, said person should count themselves very, very lucky. It is a bit fun to watch as I always love hearing Cynthia's martial arts yells, as they sound so cute. I think they could have done something more with the plot putting more of the emphasis on the killer and turning Rothrock into a cop, rather than what they did, but unless they also got better actors that would not have done much good. The knife the killer used also looked like the exact knife the killer in Cobra used...
Desu endo rikuesuto (2018)
Great storyline, but the combat needed a lot of work.
Seeing this game with a five score really hammers home to me the fact I am pretty weird and have never felt like I belonged in the world. People like playing Call of Duty, Madden Football and all those games with sequels that come out every year. Me, I enjoy a game that is part visual novel and part turn based role playing game. I enjoyed the story elements of the game immensely; however, at a certain point in the game the battles become quite hard and can take forever! If the story were not so good I may have given up, but I proceeded to push through and ended up getting very saddened by the ending...
The story has a girl starting a mythical quest; however, she is actually trapped in an online game. She traverses the world with the help from someone on the outside world who is trying to locate her real body as things really get weird, dark and at times horrific. Nothing is as it seems and the worlds seem to be merging together as things from the game appear in the real world and things from the real world appear in the game. There are colorful characters in both places and twists and turns aplenty.
As I said, this one is part visual novel which is the real world segment and part turn based rpg, which is the online game Shina, the main character is stuck in. In the real world you are limited in what you can do as it mainly involves going to certain places and making choices. However, you can die here getting a death end. The online world is pretty fun at first, and the skits among the girls is pretty funny; though, as I said the combat is a bit slow. It is unique though as you can literally pinball enemies in such a way that they are flung all over the battle field taking damage and if you can do this you can shorten up the battles a bit.
So, not going to say go out and play this one as it is very different, it will only appeal to a very few. If you like visual novels and role playing games and like the idea of them being squashed together you may enjoy it as much as me, but the story is definitely the most enjoyable aspect so if you like to go, go, go in a game you may want to pass. If this sounds interesting to you, give it a try and be prepared for a crazy and somewhat somber story.
Ouija Shark (2020)
About what one should expect from a shark movie these days...
This might of been a cool concept: however, like most shark movies made these days, the only good part about the whole thing is the box art of the DVD. You watch the film itself and it is a typical low budget shark horror with a very poorly rendered shark and lots of 'humor' that is not funny at all. The person who made this thing also made another shark movie called Jurassic Shark which is bad as well, but sadly better than this. It is like they were purposely aiming lower! You thought the shark in that film did not look that great, well this one looks like a shark toy being jiggled around while it chases the cast of horrible actors and actresses!
The story, a girl takes a long stroll down to the lake, I mean it is almost the makers are purposely padding this film so that it is a feature length film. She gets in the nasty water, finds a impromptu Ouija board floating and grabs it. I say impromptu because it is just a piece of wood with a makeshift Ouija carved into it. Soon she gets a call and she heads to a place with a perfectly good pool. Why did she get into that lake if she was going to what amounts to a pool party where a very cute girl in glasses is super excited to go swimming until she sees a mediocre man washing his very average looking car and helps him wash it until the next day. Meanwhile the other girls summon a shark that kills and flies around the woods except for one time it just gets a guy peeing in the corner before the final showdown where dad gains powers after death and the Ouija board is shot and then Trump is behind it all or something...
The acting is bad, but if you like really pale chicks, this film has you covered. It is annoying when it tries to be funny, but it is the type of humor that only teens who wander a Walmart at night and laugh at every stupid thing is going to find humorous as it seems like the jokes were written by someone like that.
So, another in the line of shark movies where all the effort is expended on the cover art of the DVD rather than anything in the film. I mean, I guess it does get people to buy your film, but then you end up with a sub 2 score here on IMDB. I only watched it because it was an episode of Rifftrax and this one was probably one of the worst shark movies they have done. So what to expect if you dive in? Well a film that is not scary, not funny and most definitely not good!
Ember Days (2013)
When a pretentious hipster with one sword tries to make a movie.
When the director appears in the movie and looks like the lead singer from either Korn or Counting Crows (take your pick) you know you are in good hands. That is if by good you mean a person who uses crummy CGI to portray gunshot wounds while using obviously toy guns, literally does not show the final battle, but rather tries to be artsy and has a plot so nonsensical, only he truly understands it. Yup, good hands indeed as this film is done on the cheap by a bunch of people who would probably rate this thing a ten and mean it saying us mere mortals just did not get it.
The story, winter is taking over or something as Hermes hangs out with a snake that becomes winter's champion. They must kill the Titans to take total control of the world or end it or something. They made the bold decision to portray the titans as simply humans, probably because they could not afford to do anything really cool. Once again, they literally have one sword in this thing. A woman teams up with another dude to try and stop them, but they do not do too well, but hey guy she is with apparently defeated winter's champion as we do not see the battle rather it is acted out by the woman pretending she is on the bridge of the Enterprise...
No actors of note in this thing. They all obviously think they are cool wearing stupid outfits and spouting off their nonsensical lines with a seriousness that would be more fitting a stage. You can tell the director thought this thing was something special and I am sure he thinks it is great so more power to him.
So if you are expecting to see cool sword fights or any cool fights for that matter, I would not check this thing out. If you want to see a strange sword that is not used, a final battle not seen and stupid people running in the woods shooting obviously toy guns, your ship has come in! My advice to anyone wanting to make a film involving titans and Greek Gods, make sure you have a budget large enough to accommodate it rather than one that probably barely handled the sword and snake rental...
Total Force 2 (1997)
Absolutely everything you see in a direct to video action film!
We got warehouses, framed guys, strippers and all that fun stuff that is expected from a film of this type, so why watch this one? Well, it has the guy who played George Bush in the television show, That's My Bush plus it has the required Carradine within it, only this Carradine is a girl! So no, this thing offers nothing of note to separate it from the films of Fred Olen Ray except it has fewer scenes of nudity...
The story, an elite team has to go into a factory warehouse where some weapon is being made. Only, one of the members betrays the group and it is up to Timothy Bottoms to get framed and then stop the strange group who may be some sort of white supremacist group? He enlists a fighter and a stripper to his cause, but they both get overshadowed by a guy in a hat who is just sort of there at the end.
The acting is nothing ground breaking, nor is the action and the story is not all that good either. The part where they frame Bottoms is laughably bad as I do not want the people who thought that looked real in charge of a McDonald's, let alone head government offices and such.
So, if you have not seen one of the one million films where a factory/warehouse is the setting for a final showdown then you may want to check it out; unfortunately, I have and it really does not stand out at all. No real stars, the action is blah and the part where the guy is frame is just stupid. Still, after saying all that, it is still enjoyable in a way...
The Demons of Ludlow (1983)
Kind of a great value version of The Fog...
First of all, the film should be called the Ghosts of Ludlow, because that is what they were. About the only thing demonic about said ghosts were the hands in a couple of scenes. Second, not sure what movie the person who wrote the description of this film saw, but there was nothing about Ludlow that was coastal. It was a snowy and isolated town, but there is not any ocean present. They may be thinking of The Fog which which this film seems to be ripping off a lot. That being said, the thing could have been good if they had gone all out, but it is simply to drawn out and dull in places to be any good. One memorable death and a bunch of lame ones, people dressed as swordsmen and no one dressed as a demon!
The story, a town that is celebrating its bicentennial, just like they were doing in The Fog, get a special gift of a piano. This piano is part of the a curse that was placed on the town or something, they are not clear. The curse in The Fog was clearly laid out, here it had something to do with a shotgun killing and a guy losing his hands. A preacher and a reporter try to search for the truth while there is a lot of general milling around going on and we get to see a creepy woman playing with dolls before being killed making me wonder, what was the point of her character being so off?
Not an actor of note in this thing. I am sure there may be someone from some television shows present or in the background of other movies, but no one I recognize. Some nudity is present, but it is the creepy woman who gets eaten and is in the only memorable death scene. The ending comes out of nowhere with the resolution being woman drops dead in the snow and nothing really accomplished.
So, it had some interesting points, if it had leaned a bit into the more gory and extreme it may have been a cheesy fun movie, but as it is, for the most part you are watching people do a bit of walking and that is about it with five minute bursts of action. Even the kills are bad in places, featuring two people who hare just shot and another who is simply hanged. They also should of hired Rick Baker and had some real demons present and not just ghosts who raided some Halloween store...
The Amazing Bulk (2012)
Yes, this is a movie that exists...
If this film was simply a joke that some friends made, never to see a release of any kind I may be forgiving of it; granted, I would have never had to witness it! However, I remember seeing this in a store, for sale. I thought nothing of it, thinking it one of those godawful films made on the cheap to correspond to a major movie's release. Like when Pacific Rim came out, an Atlantic Rim was also released. This was released at a time comic book movies were big and was obviously just a take on The Incredible Hulk, this thing though is so bad. I assume they are playing this thing as a parody, but I could not laugh at the horror I witnessed as I still cannot comprehend a whole movie that is literally just free background software with people inserted into it...
The story, guy turns into a purple big dude that has like two animations tops. One a really stupid stroll and another an bending down and looking one. They do get the relationship of the guy, his girl and the general kind of right, but that is the last compliment it gets. A dude in a castle is firing rockets, the Bulk is running wild and soon the Bulk is sent in to defeat the evil guy in the castle. I made that sound way better than it is by the way.
The whole thing is people moving unnaturally in a prerendered background world. It is like watching some strange Sega CD video game, but that is not fair to the Sega CD games as they never just had what is essentially stock footage throughout the game. The actors are of course, horrible, the jokes are not good because you cannot do comedy with bad actors and the lead guy has the look of a guy who is in constant need of taking a dump...
So, I would suggest staying away from this one. I only saw it because I watch rifftrax and I though it made for a disappointing episode as this thing is just too bad. I have seen a lot of bad films too, so I do not want to say this one takes the top spot, but it is definitely in the top five!
Soulvars (2022)
I liked the combat, but the story is not really there...
They wanted to make this game look like something from back in the day, but even back in the day the story for an RPG was generally pretty good and developed. The one here is kind of merely hinted at, I kind of know what was going on, but there just was not enough said going through this very much action oriented RPG. The combat was good, but it did dominate the game a bit too much and the game had a relatively short run time too meaning all this stuff you could do and collect seem kind of pointless if you can when the game in fairly short order.
The story, you are some sort of guy who takes jobs fighting monsters or something that come through gates. You get money from an organization that hires you to go out, fight monsters and close these gates. Two other girls join you in this endeavor, but soon it is reveled that the organization you're working for may be doing something sinister and there are these other people you fight along the way, but I just could not tell you who they were. They seemed against your organization, but then one of them was at the end. It was just very strange, like the game may have been a sequel or you were supposed to read a book to go along with the game.
The combat is the highlight, if you have played deck building games you will get the hang of it faster than a total newcomer. I played the Baiten Kaitos games on Gamecube and they were a lot like this one. The combat is fast and fun, but at times I was itching for more roaming around areas talking to NPC characters as it is nearly one fight after another.
So, the game was okay, if they had developed the story more and added more things to do I would say it was a good game, but the thing is just a bit too incomprehensible and battle heavy to be really enjoyable. The graphics are a throwback, but they could have improved those too as I have seen SNES graphics where the characters look better. I did like the fact the game had lots of trophies to earn and I liked building up my characters, I just wish I could say for sure what was going on during their journey.
Creating Rem Lezar (1989)
5.9, how the heck is the rating for this so high!
There are horror films I have seen that I have enjoyed that have lower scores than this. As are there action films, so many other films that are lower than this. How does kids singing so horribly that it will make your ears bleed, a creepy dude in a mock superhero outfit and a villain with an incomprehensible arc get such a high rating? Perhaps those who saw it were super high?
The story, two kids (a boy and girl) get in trouble because they both fantasize about Rem Lezar who sports a purple mullet and a creepy knack for appearing to the children in their bedrooms. Soon the boy and girl find there shared experience and make their own Rem with mannequin parts and he becomes real, or does he? Soon they must find his chest plate or he will disappear while singing constantly! Fun times... I mean, the Apple has a lower score than this and it is a masterpiece musical compared to this. We also have the villain who is about as threatening as an old time screen saver from the 90's....
The acting is obviously amateurish as the kids cannot sing or act, Rem's voice does not peel paint like their voices do when he sings and the villain is like a living migraine. Not sure what people saw to give this thing such a high score, even as a kid this thing would have had my eyes rolling.
So, you like your superhero's with mullets and whose only power is to constantly break out into song about stuff they are not even seeing (caves)? Well you will just love this! Want to hear two kids sing so horribly and off key that you will wish you could not hear anything? I am not sure why you would, but you are going to love this! Go on now, go create your own creepy child stalker to haunt your kids, create Rem Lezar...
Hangmen (1987)
Chubby guy and friends battle evil organization.
This is like many action films of the 80's...only, minus the stars. Okay, Sandra Bullock was in it, but she was not a star yet and this was not exactly a breakout performance. No, we get some action here and there, lots of whining and a final finale in, of course, a warehouse! I bet being caught up in a 'B' movie action film finale is one of those dangers many kids do not think of when visiting these buildings.
The story, not sure, at least at first. Some sort of assassination attempt and then a father wanting to reunite with is son. Soon much danger and the father goes into hiding and tells his son to find Dog and Dog then takes son and finds another dude to help, but son gets captured anyway due to a college girlfriend and so dad has to round out more of his crew and get some weapons for a warehouse finale!
The stars are nonexistent as I did not recognize anyone outside Bullock. The dad is a chunky dude who does not look like some ex military elite guy, but then none of his team look elite. The bad guys are so devoid of any actual characteristics that they make the former army men seem highly charismatic by comparison. The son is whiny and Bullock is really not making herself look like a future star in this thing.
So, a couple of good scenes, but nothing too special. The bad guys are so bland the only thing giving them character is the weird robot noise they seem to do when they talk. Like someone speaking into a fan...not sure if that was intentional, or just a result of a bad microphone. A bit of a fun watch if you like bad films, but aside from that, not much going for it.
The Little Shop of Horrors (1960)
Had some moments, but the humor fell flat for me for the most part.
I will say, I enjoyed this Little Shop of Horrors more than the musical with Rick Moranis, well because, this was not a musical. It had some good moments as Mel Welles did really good as the shopkeeper who knows what is going on, but the fact the shop is doing better makes him turn a blind eye. A lot of the scenes and such though did not seem to belong in the film. The whole dentist segment, the strange interactions with the mother and so on. Then the conclusion was more a focused on a chase than the plant. Still, it was mildly entertaining for what it was.
The story, a shop is not doing all that well and the shopkeeper wants to fire his clumsy worker, Seymour. Well, he claims he has a plant that is new and Dick Miller as a guy who eats flowers (which is what I mean by the comedy falling flat) goads the shopkeeper into giving Seymour a chance. He brings it in, but it is sickly, but Seymour soon learns that the thing needs blood. Unfortunately, it soon upgrades to eating people which Seymour discovers when he accidentally kills a hobo, then he flat out kills his dentist, then a crook gets caught by the plant and finally a very persistent call girl. All this puts quite the damper on Seymour's love life as he tries to woo Audrey.
The acting is all over the place as Welles does good, Miller is alright despite the unfunny quirk and so is Audrey. Seymour has his moments, but too clumsy and idiotic at times. The mother is annoying and the way she is presented makes one think Seymour may feed her to Audrey II, the plant and the two cops are very lame, saying lines that just do not work.
So, the film has some good points, but just too much of the humor is not funny to me. This is a comedy, the horror in the title is nonexistent, but at least this one was not a musical. Too many scenes that really serve no purpose and a very weak conclusion which is something the musical did do better.
For Life or Death (1996)
Was this a sequel?
When you watch a movie, you want the movie to let you in on the story. Sure, you can be mysterious in a horror film, but I would not advise being so vague in an action film to the point characters who seem like they may be important because they die in a way that makes their death tragic, but you really do not feel much cause they are not really fleshed out at all during the whole of the film. I was going to rate it lower, but at least the conclusion was a bit easier to watch and made sense.
The story, who the heck knows for the most part. It involves a bum, a karate master and a secret sect of dark monks. The end sees the revival of the karate master and a very nice concluding fight and the bum decides to take the karate master's place in the void between life and death.
The actors range from the karate master and his very pretty girlfriend to bum and his pretty girlfriend. How does a bum get such a hot girlfriend? The bum overacts and his portrayal of drinking gets old. So much pouring going on in this one.
So, the film was a bit of a mess. I had no idea what was going on as we had the bum dying and the karate master being dead. It has a nice final fight, but that was not enough to save the film from the bizarre stuff going on.
Sea of Stars (2023)
A very good throwback RPG.
For those of us who are more interested in having fun playing games rather than looking to see if one can see every pore in a character's skin we get a nice old school turn based RPG. It is rather fun as the game play is great as give me more strategic turn based battles than action any time. I would have given the game a higher score, but it does have a couple of problems. One is the duration, this thing could have been much longer easily; and second, there are a few plot holes here and there. Other than that it is a very fun game with fun characters that I wish was a bit longer in length and what was the deal with a couple of the characters?
The story, two kids learn the ways of the Solstice Warrior to dispense of monsters who if left unchecked will become destructive World Eaters! Zale and Valere are the young warriors and they are tasked on an errand by their master to meet up at an island to perform the latest sealing. They are accompanied by their friend the warrior cook, Garl. Along the way they meet pirates, take on ghosts and end up riding the sea of stars as things have a way of becoming complicated in an RPG game. They will be joined by a ninja, Serai, an alchemist, Resh'an and a very unique character in B'st.
The game play has you exploring, fighting various monsters and solving puzzles. It has the classic top down view reminiscent of the SNES years and I enjoyed the fighting where you could switch in and out characters. Cool combo moves and ultimate attacks in this one. If only all the story threads came together a bit better.
So, yes, I really enjoyed the game; however, considering there is a time traveling arc in this I feel it could have been longer. I was interested in the strange figures that brought the Fleshmancer out, what happened to the one traitorous Solstice Warrior? There were other things that left me a bit puzzled, though some may be answered in the extra ending you can get if you did a bunch of certain tasks. Unfortunately, I missed out because I got all done but the stupid conch shells and that is the hardest one to retrace...