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kinnotroh
10: Excellent! Watch it again!
9: Some very minor flaws, but still excellent!
8: Good, with a few more flaws.
7: Good, but might have a major flaw.
6: Good enough to watch once or twice, but not worth more than that.
5: Good enough to watch once.
4: Might not have been worth watching. It's debatable.
3: Wasn't worth watching. Nothing good here, but might have had some okay moments.
2: Bad. Not worth watching.
1: So bad that we wished we had shut it off.
Over the past few years we've rated 200 movies as we watched them to review with this system, and it is a pretty even spread all across the spectrum. I wanted a way to easily find movies by title, which is why we are here using the IMDB rating system.
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Reviews
John Wick: Chapter 4 (2023)
Old man and blind man fight badly with swords and guns.
Keanu Reeves was clearly too old to do this. At least two dozen times during this film he is performing his own stunts and the actors he is facing hold still to get hit by his slow old man punches and kicks or pre-react to his slow old man punches and kicks.
It looks bad.
Then they added a blind guy who is supposed to be like DareDevil. That was idiotic. The blind guy would have died in his first fight if the three cooks he was fighting didn't wait for him to 'kill' them.
Then there was the army of assassins that don't have a clue how to use a rifle. You are in a huge room. You have a rifle. Do you run up to fight the target in melee range, or shoot him in the head from a distance. These morons kept throwing themselves in front of John Wick just begging to die.
It is so stupid that it obviously was Keanu Reeves having way to much say in what he thinks would look cool. He is just straight up bad at this, and the fact that he has a fanatical following that provide this kind of echo chamber makes him look even more pathetic.
LandLocked (2021)
Okay.
LandLocked is not a great film, but it is decent. LandLocked is not a horror movie!
The story is of some brothers dealing with the loss of their father. The youngest son, Mason, finds the old family videos and a weird camera that allows him to see into the past. The cast seem to be actual family members and the video appears to be old family movies.
Altogether, it is a bit too pretentious and vague. Trying to rely too much on metaphors and symbolism that will fly right over most viewer's heads, as it did mine.
So what happened in LandLocked? Spoilers here. My theories ranged from aliens (the lights in the sky), Mason already being dead (the red tape has a date of 3 days after he was born), to the family covering up something (perhaps Mason's accidental death). None of these ideas appear to be correct. In fact, it looks like they were trying to point out that living in the past at the expense of living your life is a bad idea... which was not in the least bit obvious to me.
Evil Dead Rise (2023)
For those of you that can't figure out what isn't quite right about this film.
It's the power of the 'demon'.
It should be either super powerful, able to telekinetically throw the woman around before it possesses her and later able to fill the elevator with blood to drown them, or it needs to possess a person in order to kill the rest and can't break down the door to an apartment without a physical body...
Which is it? In this case it was both, and that's the problem. If it is all powerful enough to throw the first woman around why not the little girl, or the other woman?
That is what's wrong with this film, though in my opinion it was pretty good even with that in mind.
I'd also like to point out, I am getting really tired of these opening scenes that are the ending of the film. Directors, you are stupid if you think this is something we want to see. The beginning that is the ending is overdone and makes me think you don't believe the rest of your film will make me want to watch it until the ending without having the need to tie that little loop together. Stop it. This technique reeks of amateur hour.
The Dead Room (2015)
If you like the ghost hunting genre, this one is great.
First, let me say I've watched hundreds of this type of film.
Usually, they are shot as found footage films. This one is not, and it was a great choice.
Usually, the characters are obnoxious idiots that just want a hit episode for their show. This one is about a team of investigators sent by an insurance agency. I found this to be an excellent premise. This also gives the characters leniency in being normal stable people, rather than the morons we usually see in these films that go off the rails shouting at everyone midway through the film. We don't get that here, and it is refreshing!
The actors all did a great job portraying real people doing what real people do. They didn't feel like they were acting, which is exactly what you want from them, right? Good work!
I'd also like to say that the director did an amazing job! Jason Stutter new exactly when to provide the thrills, and how to approach engaging the audience. Listen closely to the EVP!
Oh, and on that note, these ghost hunting movies almost always go too in depth about the equipment they are using. We know by now what you are doing. Unless you have a new gadget that hasn't been in the last decade of ghost hunting films we don't need twenty minutes of explanation on the gear. They don't explain all of the basic gear to you again, and again that is so refreshing!
Very good movie, one of the top for this genre!
Skinamarink (2022)
Do you enjoy staring at the wall?
If so, you'll love this movie. The camera angles are framed on either the ceiling or the floor almost every second of the entire movie. They only direct the camera reasonably in a few extremely short moments. The rest of the time you will be looking at the corner where the wall meets the ceiling or the floor, or maybe the edge of the TV where papers or legos are spread out, or under the couch so you can see only the feet of the two children and a part of the TV.
Don't be confused by any good ratings. It is unbearably boring. There are a couple of surprises, but they aren't worth the other 90 minutes of time you will waste.
The children they hired for this cannot even speak coherent lines, so they subtitled the film whenever they were supposed to speak. A total of around ten lines in the entire film. The father has one line at the beginning of the film.
Then there are the very few moments where something is actually happening, they announce these with digital sounds like an original episode of Star Trek. In other words, annoying hums and beeps.
Otherwise, pretty much the only sounds you hear are a TV's static, a VCR, dialing on a telephone, a tape player playing a child's storybook, and a cartoon that the children keep playing over and over again on the TV.
Don't waste your time. I have watched hundreds of bad horror films and I would consider this the absolute worst one ever. It wasn't scary. It wasn't performed well. It didn't have decent audio. It had horrible framing. It has the worst grit/static throughout the film. Just absolutely disgusting in every single way.
Prometheus (2012)
This is a poorly done remake.
There is a lot going for this film. From a special effects and cinematic perspective this film is great. The action is pretty good. The acting from everyone was excellent.
The story is bad. Very, very bad. It seems the director saw a chance to remake the original with a modern team. The plot and the story are where the movie falls flat. The motivation of many characters is clearly missing throughout the film. You will be asking yourself, why did this character show up here, now? Why did they enter this conversation. How did they find themselves at this place. It's like they just left out key scenes that would have tied these events together better. Then, on the opposite end, the modernizing of the script alludes to events so obviously that the director is trying to hold your hand and drag you through the story. Lines of dialogue are so scripted to be unnatural that it really breaks the illusion.
Read on for spoilers of specific examples of these things. Early on, they explain that executive of the corporation that is the 'leader' of the mission lives on a 'life boat' part of the ship. Then they show a table/device that obviously has medical purposes and explain how rare it is... The 'life boat' is clearly going to be ejected at some point. The medical device is clearly going to be used at some point. In other words they think you are a moron and need to have your hand held to ever comprehend the futuristic theme of this movie. It's disgusting.
Then, you have the motivations of certain characters. For some completely unknown reason they made the 'leader' act like she is insane. They made the robot betray the crew in ways that could easily have ruined his ulterior motivation given by his 'father'. Basically they hoped to trick the viewers with nonsensical sub plots to keep us on our toes. Idiotic.
Doesn't even come close to touching the amazing story of Alien, or the actors that brought those characters to life and made them feel like real people.
Keep Watching (2017)
Great idea, poorly done.
The idea behind the film from beginning to end could have made a great movie. However, they wrote the characters to be complete morons. From beginning to end they were constantly doing the wrong thing. It didn't help that the two younger actors were either directed poorly or just couldn't portray the fear and sadness they would have been experiencing so they sat around and looked depressed instead.
Fantastic Beasts: The Secrets of Dumbledore (2022)
More like an action flick than a based on a book film.
Title. If you want even a small understanding of what is going on and hope to find that in this movie, good luck. No matter how much you pretend though, this is an action movie. It has very little substance in terms of writing and character development. If someone were to cut everything but the dialogue out of the film it would be less than twenty minutes long.
The Matrix Resurrections (2021)
The worst sequel ever made?
They made so many mistakes in this movie. First, twenty years have passed in real life. For no reason they decide to make the setting 60 years into the future. This is probably entirely an excuse to cut Laurence Fishburne out of the character list. However, this didn't hurt Keanu Reeves because he looks, acts, and moves like 60 years really have passed. Then, they screwed up by reviving an already defeated bad guy, Agent Smith, whose story lines were the reason Matrix 2 and 3 were nowhere near as good as 1. In doing something so idiotic as reviving yet another character whose actor is still alive and well, you would think they would use that actor again for that role. Nope. They weren't willing to negotiate the timing of filming with Hugo Weaving, who was very willing to reprise his role. Strike two. So, they screw up the timing for no reason, and two of the major characters get replaced for no reason, and where do you think they will go? All new ground? Nope. They rewind back to the beginning with horrible flashbacks from the original films like one of those rerun episodes of a tv show. Well, it's been twenty years, so I guess not everyone remembers everything about the films. Still a major flaw that deserves strike three for certain. However, I watch bad movies all the time, what made this one so bad that it was only two stars? They actually hired Jada Pinkett Smith to reprise the role of Niobe. Sounds great, right? Right? She did an excellent job in the originals, but because they set the timing of the film 60 years into the future, they had her reprise her role as 60 years older. She did a horrible job pretending to be forty years older than she actually is, and the makeup didn't do her justice either.
Story 1/10
Visuals 5/10
Acting 1/10
Direction 0/10
In conclusion, this is by far the biggest cash grab and worst reboot sequel I have ever seen. Don't waste your time and money if you care even a little bit about a decent story in the films you watch. Even the action was pathetic. The only good thing in the entire film is when the character, Bugs, says, "What's up, Doc?" That's it.
Star Wars: Visions: The Twins (2021)
Public schools forgot to teach them you cannot breath in space.
Seriously, could they make it any more unbelievable than to have an out in space lightsaber battle with voice conversation and screaming?
Well, they can have the insane bad girl say, "We will bring order to the galaxy," followed by, "Those peace loving rebels." Which is it, do you want to end war or not.
Obviously this episode was made by a group of people that have very little knowledge of anything not Otaku related.
Busanhaeng 2: Bando (2020)
Worst sequel ever made.
Sequels are never as good as the original, but whoever thought making one of the best recent zombie films into a gangster style movie is a moron.
Haunt (2019)
A lot of missed potential.
Haunt started off pretty good. It built up a decent story and had a lot of potential. Then they dropped the ball completely in the last half hour.
For me it was an okay movie, which means worth watching, and if you like this type of movie it is probably worth a watch.
However, if you hate watching a movie where every single character makes stupid choice after stupid choice when those choices are common sense and the character's life depends on them, well then this movie is not for you.
Midsommar (2019)
Not a horror movie.
This is an art film. Not a horror. It isn't even remotely scary at all, ever.
The setting was beautiful, the story was somewhat intense, but the film was filled with long drawn out scenes of that beauty for most of the film.
Had I gone into this film thinking I was watching an art film I would have probably given it a 7 or an 8, but it is not being categorized as art first. Instead, it is suspense, which is barely true, followed by horror, which is just not true. Disturbing and intense scenes do not equate immediately to horror.
If you were browsing a database and this is recommended as a horror film, don't get your hopes up.
Hide the Monster (2016)
Not good.
This film lacks quality in a lot of places.
At the beginning the mother is in handcuffs being interviewed by the police. The detective's handgun is sitting on the desk directly in front of her, inches from her handcuffed hands. That has got to be the most idiotic police officer in the history of police. Nope, it's just bad film making.
Being a found footage film they follow the same guidelines of cameras that have interference sometimes, except these cameras have that same interference a lot of times for no reason. It is obvious that the person responsible for deciding when to include that interference doesn't understand why other found footage films use this special effect. This being the only special effect in the entirety of the movie and it being used too often without emphasizing the moments when it should have been used, it's just bad film making.
I found it entirely unbelievable that Alex and Thomas had no idea what Tarot cards are. While I feel it is likely that many people haven't seen them in person, at least one of the two has got to have seen a book, film, or tv show that showed tarot cards.
At one point in the film Thomas and Alex decide to place a hidden camera in the boy's room, and they get the boy's mother's permission. Later on they show a family video from a camera hidden in the exact same place which was put there by the mother. Obviously it is exactly the same camera. This shows that they didn't think the continuity of that action through.
The ending lacked any sort of special effects, and the acting for a telekinetic/physical fight was not something these actors could pull off well. This made the ending extremely cheesy, which is unfortunate because if they had pulled off a good quality ending they could have pulled this movie up in quality a lot. They should have omitted the magic and gone with a knife or something easier to act out like that.
So, to sum it up, this film made a lot of major mistakes that simply ruin the story and take you out of the experience.
A Warning to the Curious (2013)
Good low-budget ghost hunting film.
The cast and crew on this project did an excellent job for only $6000. The movie is your typical ghost hunting gone wrong film, but they used some fairly unique story elements, and made the film seem as close to real life as they could. One thing that I really like about the film is that they kept the arguing to a minimum, more like a discussion, proving that every other film like this with violent shouting matches (Ghost Encounters for instance) are extremely overacted. The special effects weren't top of the line, but given their budget that's to be expected.
February (2015)
Great film!
Everything in this movie screams excellence. The actors perform superbly. The cinematography is great. The story is very good. However, I think the description is the reason some people find themselves disappointed. This is not an action adventure movie like the description would portray, but a horror film. Do not go into this story thinking that you are going to watch something that will make your heart beat faster for the entire film. It is more of an interesting slow burn like The Shining, than a creature feature like Jurassic Park.
I only found one minor flaw with this film, and that's why I've given it a 9/10. I hope you like it as much as I did.
The Door (2014)
Good idea, poor execution.
This is a solid idea for a story, and the movie even started out pretty good, but they made some very big mistakes. Some of the things that the characters say and actions they take don't make sense for that character. Some of the lines of dialogue are obvious mistakes, as if the writer/director wrote new lines for some scenes and when they put everything together the pieces just didn't fit. The actors appear to be waiting for the next line of dialogue to be given to them, and often miss the emotions they are supposed to be portraying.
This movie feels more like a college project or a group of friends trying to make some money off of a good idea, but when it comes down to it they missed the mark. On that level it was okay, but in my opinion it wasn't a good movie.
Chernobyl Diaries (2012)
Not worth watching.
This film at first appearance seems like it might be an alright thriller/horror. I'm here to tell you it is the worst produced movie in this genre. To give an example, at one moment it is night, then day, then night again within only a couple of minutes. As a person that enjoys watching even some of the worst movies once, I can tell you wholeheartedly that this will be a waste of your time.
Vivarium (2019)
Not horrible, but nowhere near great either.
This film is more like an episode of The Twilight Zone than a full movie, but they fill the time up with very little. Once the plot reaches a certain point, the story really doesn't progress. There doesn't feel like a climax exists in this film, and because of this there can be no resolution to the story. There is one scene that people who love this film will probably say is the climax. To that I would say it is too nonsensical to be climactic. I will say that it was refreshing to see a couple that did not bicker throughout the entirety of the film just because they are in a troubling situation.