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Reviews
Farsan (2010)
Clichè-ridden love in multi-ethnic Sweden
Part comedy, part drama, part cultural clash; this is the kind of movie you should go out to see if you fall into the following categories: 1) You're on a night out, preferably date, with someone whose cultural background is different from your own, 2) You are a Scandinavian who simply love Scandinavian films, despite their frequent array of shortcomings, and will most certainly 'go patriotic', 3) You are desperately trying to prove to yourself that you can be politically correct in all meanings of the term, or 4) You want to see some sort of romantic comedy really, really badly and unfortunately there just isn't anything better on.
It's a quilt, but not very well stitched together. Dangling storyline(s), mostly half-hearted acting, lack of direction, no universal mantra or moral to be grasped. There seems to be no real to the characters or the situations they are in, things just happen and are sort of dealt with. Sometimes in a good ways and most of the times in ways that are quite the opposite.
The film has its moments and will probably go home well with the lovestory-seeking teen demography and likely also their older and less movie-attending peers. But those of you who have seen quite a few similar kind of movies are most likely to see its shortcomings. The upside to this film is that although not being very good, it is at the same time not very bad. And sometimes "not bad" is good enough. Mainly it serves its purpose, and on the upside Jan Fares and Torkel Petersson act splendidly in some of their scenes. And Nina Zanjani looks stunning, as always. Maybe a little too much on the Young Celine Dion side in this film, but stunning nonetheless. There are some thought-out moments and decent ideas, though too many of them seem cramped within the story and even the good ones rarely lead anywhere. My guess is that they just didn't find the time to fine-tune the script. Or maybe the didn't care? The lack of refinedness could very well point towards the latter explanation.
In total I kind of regretted spending an evening going to the screening of this film. But I still hope most of you won't feel the same way after having watched it.
Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers (1988)
Superbly inept
A few reviewers did not find this movie any good. Well, too bad for them and their loss. I loved it! And many with me. It serves up 70 minutes of hilarious and grotesque high-quality film noir. The script is ridiculously entertaining (or maybe even more entertainingly ridiculous), the dialog is totally over-the-top and most of the jokes/puns are truly fantastic.
This film gave me almost as much fun as computer games like Day of the Tentacle and Sam & Max did. Save it for a rainy day (emotionally or just literally) and be sure to have a smile put back on your face.
Without a doubt one of the best motion pictures from it genre!
The Medallion (2003)
Who is this movie for?
I must agree with the slaughter from most reviewers: This film is purely bad, all the way through. The humor could have been appropriate for five to ten year old kids, was it not for most of the "jokes" revolving around violence, relationships and sexual confusion. Most of it even makes Benny Hill mature in comparison. (And, for the record, the acting and stunt work Benny Hill pulled of was waaay better!) By the way, most kids rather watch cartoons when they want funny stuff! Given its PG rating and excessive violence and sex references, I guess the only audience able to tolerate this lowlifemumbojumbo are adults at the intellectual level of infants. If you want to see Jackie, go watch something else!
Superman Returns (2006)
Supermanure
I don't know what this film tries to achieve, but in all perspectives I find it to fail miserably: It is way too boring to be an action movie, it contains far too much melodrama to be a kids movie, and is most definitely too stupid to be a proper romantic drama. The only thing it does NOT fail at is being boooring. To the contrary, it does one heck of a job at it!
At this point I should probably go on about the poor special effect, uninspired acting and the cliché-infested script, but I've already wasted two hours too many just by watching the nonsense... (*Warning: Upcoming spoiler... sort of, maybe*) The only good thing about this sad excuse of a movie was that it made us laugh our hearts out debating how Superman could practically have intercourse with and impregnate an ordinary human. I was pretty sure his super-orgasm would blow any woman to smithereens, whereas my fiancée suggested he might block the potentially fatal stream and then use his fingers to... oh well, you get the picture.
Unless you have hours to waste, and want to hate yourself for doing so afterwards, stay clear!
Three (2005)
Nothing good to say about this one...
Thankfully I watched this film alone, enabling me to fast-forward through the worst scenes (aka most of the film, actually). OK, some of it is not all bad, with partially good photography (even some of the under water scenes) and at times not too bad directing. But it still doesn't save the incredibly poor script and way worse acting. Additionally, when I don't find the movies "hottie" to be all that, even the wannabe-sexy love making scenes get dull. Really dull! And for the drama: You know it's always a bad sign when you get to dislike all of the characters so much you really don't care who lives and who dies.
If you still haven't gotten tired of the reality series Survivor, you may find something to your liking in this movie. If not, stay well clear!
Hoot (2006)
Definitely a movie for kids, and kids only
If you're a kid liking fairy tale "real life" adventures, see it. If you're a youth liking kids movies, why not see it? :) If you're a parent going to see a movie with your kids, you're WAY better of opting for the squirrel!
The start of this film was a bit funny, and set some good premises for the happenings to take place. But after the kind of funny introduction of characters, settings and potential conflicts, the story turned out kinda dull. When more or less the same things happen for the third and fourth time, the word "predictable" repeatedly comes to mind just like parts of a dented LP or those commercials you really hate. And the culmination of the plot... *oh sigh*... poor, poor, poor!
Into the Blue (2005)
Would you give up the treasure for love?
I don't think most people anticipate neither a good story nor good dramaturgy when opting for Into The Blue. Still, the setback was eminent. Except for some nice scuba diving underwater scenes (i.e. good-looking actors with very little clothing), it is really much to this film at all. You get the same feeling you get when you watch a 60's and 70's James Bond movie, although this film has more stupid plot-twists, poorer script and less excessive fights: You pretty much know what you will get. Though, in this case, you don't necessarily get very much of what you are expecting. Every character is a crook (at least to some extent), but the good guys win regardless of the odds. Although the definition of "good guys" is somewhat floating (pun intended, sort of) throughout the entire move.
The characters speak a whole lot about their actions and its consequences. In the end, none of it seems to matter. Ultimately, what is good and what is bad? Who cares, as long as you can show Jessica Alba in her bikini and Paul Walker in his Speedo. Right?
Wild Things: Diamonds in the Rough (2005)
Oh my oh my
Some Sundays you just want to stay indoors, sheltered from the poor weather, watching movies and eating popcorn. And mostly you do not really care about the quality of the film you are watching. Unfortunately, having too little to choose from, this does not always end up being the case: I had a bad feeling about this one, and did only see the movie because a friend of mine gave it to me for free (and I wonder why...). This boring and VERY predictable flick contained tons of cartoonish stereotypes, pisspoor acting, lousy editing and a script worse than in most cartoons for kids. Even the wannabe sexy seminude girl-on-girl scenes are so put on that they get you less hot than outdoor swimming during a snowy winter. Be warned, spend your two hours doing something better!
Saving Silverman (2001)
It tries sooo hard...
About 10 minutes into this movie I really wanted to turn it of, but was denied. However, when this pile of junk was finished, they all agreed what a waste of time this had been! Everytning is terribly predictable, the acting far beyond poor, the editing is horrible and the story is so bad you sit there just hoping ALL the characters die a painful death. In many ways it resembles a lousy kids cartoon, of the kind that tries to be cleaver and funny but falls miserably short. Or a plump joke, where you spot the unclever (drumroll...) point miles in advance. To put it like this: The movie has Will Ferrel'esquire no-talent-whatsoever written all over it. The really, really worst of that kind!
Vice Squad (1982)
Realistically violent B-flick
Many people praise this film, but I find it to be a B-movie all the way through (for better and mostly for worse). Acting varies a lot: At times it is poor, or even lousy, other times I find that at least Season Hubley (Princess) and Gary Swanson (Tom Walsh) do a pretty good job. When it comes to Wings Hauser (Ramrod), a lot of reviewers seem to love his work here. In the more physical scenes I can agree to that, but for up-close camera action... well, not at all my cup of tea.
The story is pretty straightforward and seems realistic enough, although I did not spend my childhood in the sleazy parts of LA and therefore can not really know. As with most other B-movies (and the major part of A-movies as well, for that matter), there is a fair share of logical flaws (but no really annoying ones) and stupid plot twists. But all in all it works out sort of OK. The same can NOT be said about the music, and I still cannot decide which is worse: The in-film score and sound effects, or the title melody?!
For the good parts, this is the kind of movie that brings back the "glory" of the 80s and makes me want to put on an episode of e.g. Miami Vice. Some of the scenes and character interactions are very funny, especially one when the prostitute (Princess) is about to service a client who is pretty much a cautious and submissive dullard. Such moments alone almost makes me not regret getting the video. And at times the dialog is hilarious, at the level of great scripts like Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers and Pirates of the Caribbean (part one, that is!). Let us just hope it was intentional in this film as well...
As long as you know what you are getting, Vice Squad can entertain you for 1 1/2 hours, but not give you much more.
American Movie (1999)
Great documentary about a fun and sad movie making obsession
This film could very well be just another mockumentary (there are frequent discussions on the net whether this is real life stuff or not, though I do actually believe this is 'the real thing').
Still it is in itself a great movie (documentary or not), depicting a film fanatic and his struggle to completing a short movie which is intended to be generating the profits he needs for his main goal of a full feature film.
The style of this documentary is a bit TV'ish compared to other modern documentary movies; it makes less frequent use of rapid back-and-forth cutting, it does not apply old "propaganda"-style footage to capture the viewers attention, nor does it use a narrator voice-over. But the plain style just gets you closer to the life and personality of the characters, and with such a cast there is no need for "artificially" generated humor.
Even though neither Coven nor Northwestern became the blockbusters Mark Borchardt hoped that they would (has the latter even been made?), this movie more than makes up for it!
Documentary or indeed a mockumentary? Who cares when it is such a great movie!
Mary Shelley's Frankenstein (1994)
Miserale and pompous adaptation of great story
I had little expectations when starting to watch this movie, but 'boy were the little I had ruined as the story progressed. Although based on one of the all time greatest 'releasing the inner human monster' and 'pay for your affronts to God' stories, the movie was merely an expensive costume drama like those being produced by the dozen at BBC's studios. Almost every frame of the movie is composed in a theatrical style and so much effort is put into making everything looking perfect that most of the times it just looks silly. Like the way the lab is set up: Nobody (except a movie character and maybe Willy Wonka) would make such a stupidly intricate transport system for the simple task of getting a 100 kg item into a tub. (And for the record: This is a poorly built loft, still no one cares when the floor i flooded by huge washes of water.) Or the drape of Elisabeth flowing (like that of Drakula) when being carried up the stairs, even though they had raced back by horse becoming moist and roughened (and no way the fabric was even big enough to flow like that). These are just a few of many examples throughout the film.
For most of the movie, the acting and the characters are OK, that is when they are not overacting into parody. Something that is a bit too frequent. At times it seems obvious that parts are missing, and there is also a poor balance between making boring scenes way too long and shortening the more interesting events. It seems like the film has been cut way too heavily. Still it remains more than 2 hours long.
In my opinion: Do yourself a favor and skip this movie, it is way better to read the book.