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PsychoBeard666
Reviews
Barbarian (2022)
5 out of 10 because the first 50% of the movie is good
About halfway through I genuinely thought "Oh, it's a horror comedy. Silly me!", but turns out I wasn't supposed to be laughing.
I mirror what so many others have said: how is the rating for this so high?
The first half of the movie is brilliantly paced with good acting and sets up what could have been an excellent horror movie.
By the end we find there's no resolution to things that have been set up and the plot is exposed as having more holes than Swiss cheese!
The characters' decisions aren't believable and the antagonist is laughable.
There's no suspense as everything is telegraphed way ahead of time.
Watch the first half then once it reaches a certain point (you'll know which one), turn it off and write your own ending.
Thor: Love and Thunder (2022)
I think 4/10 is generous
I can't be bothered typing an essay so I'll sum up:
Thor is reduced to a bumbling idiot to elevate Jane and Valkyrie.
Horrible CGI.
Jokes that don't land.
A plot not worth caring about.
Forgettable set pieces.
Overuse of Guns N Roses.
Stranger Things: Chapter Seven: The Lost Sister (2017)
Skippable
When we're binging Stranger Things we completely pass this episode by and it doesn't affect the story one iota.
I suggest you do the same.
3 stars of MBB.
Copshop (2021)
0 days since our last nonsense
Fun and violent nonsense with those most inept police force since Police Academy 10 or whatever the last one of those was.
Good cast.
Decent action.
Fun script.
Turning Red (2022)
This wasn't made for me
This is the first Disney Pixar movie that I felt wasn't made for me whilst I was watching it. Their films usually have something for everyone and a very broad appeal.
I felt like this film was aimed squarely at young female TikTok users going through hormonal changes.
It has some very important messages that I'm glad to see getting some attention, but it was also very derivative and borrowed a lot of elements from a lot of other kids movies.
Old (2021)
Nice idea...
A great premise hampered by another laboured script from Shyamalan. His characters use 20 words when 3 will do and nobody in reality would react to things the way his characters do here. It's almost as hammy as The Happening at times.
The Little Things (2021)
This should have been excellent
What a disappointment.
The writing isn't great and not even 3 talented actors can make it so. Washington isn't even trying whereas his co-stars are trying too hard. The characters do things that seem far-fetched for what we've been told about them whilst establishing them.
This isn't Zodiac or Se7en, so don't go into it expecting a classy whodunit.
Halloween Kills (2021)
More is less
The mystery, suspense and intrigue is replaced with on the nose kills, allegorical societal messages and shameless gore.
The writing and acting is terrible from everyone, and I do mean everyone. B-movie cinematography and a musical score that does nothing for the film.
I gave it a 6 because it was never boring.
Grace (2014)
Unintentionally hilarious
A POV possession is a great premise but they severely missed the mark here.
The acting is atrocious and cheesy and I laughed at most of it.
Don't bother.
Flying Monkeys (2012)
I watched exactly 1 minute and 39 seconds of this movie
The CGI creature was enough to let me know I'd be wasting my time if I sat through any more.
Aftermath (2021)
This was a solid movie until the last 20 minutes.
Starts out as a decent haunted house movie with a questionable but manageable plot.
With 30 minutes to go it starts to decline then 10 minutes later it jumps the shark completely.
Avoid.
No One Gets Out Alive (2021)
Erm... OK.
The writing, acting, set design and cinematography are great. There's a sense of dread and a constant atmosphere that keeps you invested even though it can be quite slow
Where it fell apart for me was the "reveal". I chuckled to myself and that's never a good thing when you're supposed to be shocked.
The Suicide Squad (2021)
An average movie with some excellent moments
James Gunn puts his stamp on this movie but it still suffers with the same problems as the first film.
Some characters are tragically underused, almost as if the writers didn't know quite what to do with them.
I imagine there's a scene on the cutting room floor where King Shark gets to really shine, but for him to do so the movie would have to be an 18 rating so they cut it out.
Harley Quinn is thankfully toned down but her jokes just don't land.
In fact, the movie in general is nowhere near as funny as it thinks it is.
The colour palette of the film is moody and sullen with a few bright moments.
Remember the weird black bubbling creatures with inconsistent strength and abilities? This film dips its toe into similar waters but thankfully doesn't commit.
If you've seen the trailer then you already know who or what the "Big Bad".
Joel Kinnaman has bulked up and is generally more likeable in this movie, but he's still not Tom Hardy.
Positives:
When the jokes do land, they're fantastic.
Most of the fight sequences are great.
John Cena is a revelation.
Rats are cool.
Polkadot Man is a welcome addition.
I was thoroughly entertained.
Sweet Girl (2021)
Hahaha what?!
I know movies are entertainment and escapism, but sweet baby Jesus this film skates on wafer thin ice!
Switch off your brains before you put this on and you'll find a lot to enjoy.
Leave them on like I did and you'll be rolling your eyes so much that they'll end up coming out of your bum!
Punisher: War Zone (2008)
A lot of fun
Is this film good? Debatable.
Is this film fun? Absolutely!
Super Mario Bros. (1993)
Fun and farcical
The link to the source material is tenuous at best, so get over the butchering of your favourite game as soon as possible.
Now that you've got that out of the way, there's a lot of fun to be had here. Likeable characters, a detestable villain, a witty script and purposefully cheesy performances.
The plot is thin at best and the FX are dated, but switch your brain off and you'll enjoy the movie.
The Woman (2011)
I fell asleep halfway through. Did I miss anything?
I legitimately fell asleep halfway through this. From reading other reviews I seemingly missed the good stuff, but I don't care enough to go back and finish it.
The Changeling (1980)
I don't get the hype
It's not creepy, scary or atmospheric. It's actually quite dull and I say that as someone who loves old horror movies and thinks modern horror is rubbish.
The Vampire Diaries (2009)
Solid
The vampire storyline is fantastic and engaging with Wesley and Somerhalder giving solid performances.
Nina Dobrev is very good as the pivotal lead character.
The addition of a werewolf curse is a lot of fun and the introduction of the originals is great.
My criticisms are the Katherine storyline dragging on for far too long and all of the witchy stuff is too cheesy.
Becky (2020)
Gory and farfetched, but never dull.
This is a home invasion movie with a twist. It's like Home Alone on crack. It's brutal and bloody and I really enjoyed it.
Skinwalkers (2006)
Hahahahahahahahahaaaa
More cheese than a cartoon larder. Irredeemable plot and laughable writing.
Daniel Isn't Real (2019)
I fell asleep, make of that what you will...
If I had the same therapist as the lead character then I'd be in a padded room right now with a long list of kills.
That's how mental illness is treated in this movie.
Night of the Living Dead (1990)
Fun but pure cheese
The acting isn't the best but the zombie make-up and FX are fantastic from Tom Savini.
Tony Todd is always value for money but this movie will never touch the original.
Lake Placid vs. Anaconda (2015)
Full disclosure: I turned it off pretty quickly
I don't mind tongue-in-cheek, cheaply made horror movies. Some of the best horror movies had the budgets.
As soon as I saw the visual effects used on a crocodile within the first few minutes I turned the movie off.
The Gift (2015)
A very good drama thriller
Written and directed by Joel Edgerton who also stars as the film's antagonist, "The Gift" is a well paced, perfectly acted and well written movie.
Edgerton channels a young Dennis Hopper whilst Jason Bateman plays against type as remarkably unlikeable from the start. The only main character that the audience can get on board with is the female lead played impeccably by Rebecca Hall.