Quotes

The Babysitter

John: Three out of four people got an STD; I got two people's blood on me! You do the math! I got AIDS! I know I got AIDS!

Sonya: Do you even know what an orgy is?
Cole: I'm guessing it's something sad people do cause they want other sad people to like them and they can forget for one minute how sad they are in general.
Max: That's actually a pretty good answer.

Melanie: [having just kissed Cole, who has a look of shock on his face] What?
Cole: The last guy I saw get kissed got stabbed in the head with two knives.
Melanie: [smiles] Just because she's a psychopath doesn't mean all women are evil.

Allison: Look at this shit. That would go viral so hard. I mean, nobody's done human sacrifice.
Sonya: People have always done human sacrifice.
Allison: Yeah but like, not in America with hot people.

Bee: You know what, you're Don Draper, from Mad Men. How he's all cool, and handsome, and everybody loves him, and then he goes home and you find out he has a wife this whole time. He's such a piece of shit!
Bee: Did you just ruin Mad Men for me?

Cole: [after he locks Melanie in the room they hid in] I'm really excited we kissed.
Melanie: Me too. Let's make out next time.
Cole: [pauses] Okay, bye.

Bee: You never told me your intergalactic dream team.
Cole: You didn't ask.
Bee: I should have. I'm usually really good at that stuff.
Cole: Admiral Adama to lead. Data for his intelligence and cool head. Predator to fight. And me and you.
Bee: You didn't say we could add ourselves.
Cole: It's science fiction you can do anything.
Bee: Well, I guess that's true. But don't you get it yet? I am the big bad.
Cole: I loved you. I don't care about your dumb book or your stupid cult. I'm an adult, because when I realized you were the big bad and you were going to hurt other kids, I drove a stolen car through you.

Jeremy: [after Bee whispers some very, very filthy threat in this bully's ear] *You crazy bitch!*

John: [Sees Allison and Bee kissing] Wait just give me a, give me a second to process that shit.

Sonya: [Cole has escaped her and she is coming after him] I'm gonna make sure you hurt before you die, Cole! Cut your fingers off, every single one!
[Cole sprays bug spray into the crawlspace, igniting the flames of the firework and causing an explosion that blows Cole back]
Sonya: I'm still alive, motherfu-
[second explosion kills her completely]

Allison: [Cole fumbles for a knife, but Allison finds it first] Yoo-hoo! Looking for this? You still think I'm pretty?
[She corners Cole and he gets out a lighter to defend himself]
Allison: Oh, you think I'm scared of a little fire, huh? You are dying. You are dying! You ruined my life. And now I'm gonna ruin yours!
[Screams and lunges toward Cole, but at that moment Bee blows her head off with her gun splattering blood all over Cole]
Bee: Holy shit!

John: [walking into Cole's room while Cole is pretending to be asleep] Boy, this kid's hobby must be getting bullied. He's reading The Secret? He's like 10 years old.
Sonya: [talking to Bee about Cole] Won't he hear us?
Bee: With the amount of drugs I gave him? Hell, no.
Sonya: [while petting Cole's hair] Good boy, pretty boy.
Bee: Do you have the needle?
[Cole's eyes open in horror]
Sonya: Course I have the needle.

Sonya: [having been alerted to Cole's presence by a spider falling into a mouse trap] Hi, Cole.
Cole: [to himself] Oh, god.

Bee: [punctured bully's bicycle tire] Now get out of here before I bend you over, you little pap smear!

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