- Postal Worker: This is highly irregular.
- Lorne Malvo: No.
- Lorne Malvo: Highly irregular is the time I found a human foot in a toaster oven. This is just odd.
- [last lines]
- Narrator: [as thugs kill a man] To live in an old shack by the sea; breathe the sweet salt air. To live with the dawn and the dusk; the new moon, and the full moon. The tides, the winds, and the rain. To surf and comb the beach and gather seashells and driftwood, and know the thrill of loneliness and lose all sense of time and be free.
- Narrator: To hike over the island to the village, and visit the marketplace and enjoy the music and the food and people. And do a little trading and see the great ships come and go. Man I'd have me a ball. And in the evening, when the sky is on fire, heaven and earth become like a great open cathedral, where all men are brothers. Where all things are bound by law, and crowned by love.
- Mail Clerk: This is highly irregular?
- Lorne Malvo: No, highly irregular is the time I found a human foot in a toaster oven. This is just odd.
- Dmitri Milos: You'll like this.
- Dmitri Milos: What's a karate expert's favorite beverage?
- Dmitri Milos: Kara-tea.
- Stavros Milos: You don't get to be the Supermarket King of Minnesota without making a few enemies, all right?
- Stavros Milos: Start with my damn wife.
- Lorne Malvo: You think you wife's blackmailing you?
- Stavros Milos: You ever nail a Greek woman?
- Stavros Milos: After 40, their pussies grow teeth.
- Lorne Malvo: Frank Peterson.
- Dmitri Milos: Oh, yeah, from the store.
- Lorne Malvo: Hey, I got one for you. What kind of bone will a dog never eat?
- Dmitri Milos: Huh. Chicken?
- Lorne Malvo: A trombone.
- Dmitri Milos: Oh, yeah. That's a good one. A trombone.
- Dmitri Milos: Oh, my dad'll like that one.
- Lou Solverson: You know, like it's 1942.
- Molly Solverson: Like, uh, drifters are a national threat... hobos. A reference to the movie Emperor of the North, in which Keith Carradine played a hobo and starred with Lee Marvin and Ernest Borgnine