38 reviews
An all-female version ... and teleportation!
By every account this is a terribly bad movie. Why do I give it so many stars (well, 4 out 10)? Because the cheese factor kind of works in it's favor ... for me. It's got some sort of sick charm that appeals to 1 out of every 50 people and I guess I'm that 1 person.
Given that in 2008, 2 other Journey to the Center of the Earth movies were made (one Theatrical, one for the Hallmark TV channel) ... what spin could this one take? An all-female cast for starters (well, there is one slightly older middle-aged guy present, but he doesn't count), and teleportation to add a little novelty.
Here's the setup: a military team of women are using a relatively new teleportation machine to zip over to Germany. Their path takes them through the center of the Earth (well, only 600km deep) ... and something goes wrong and they get stuck in said location. The hot female scientist who designed the machine is now just finished work on a nuclear-powered, laser-blasting deep digging machine. This is what's used to rescue the lost women.
Part of the cheese factor for me is that in spite of a low budget, ridiculous cast and idea and clear special effects goofs (I don't think we're meant to see clouds underground) ... everyone in the movie tries to be serious. The result is a kind of offbeat amusement. In fact, I'm actually pretty impressed that the film makers didn't go the "T&A" route; the girl with the lip-ring in the beginning almost gets you thinking otherwise.
Anyway, I do not recommend watching this movie. However, if you believe that you may happen to like knucklehead adaptations of "Journey to the ..." movies, then by all means check it out. I kind of liked it.
Given that in 2008, 2 other Journey to the Center of the Earth movies were made (one Theatrical, one for the Hallmark TV channel) ... what spin could this one take? An all-female cast for starters (well, there is one slightly older middle-aged guy present, but he doesn't count), and teleportation to add a little novelty.
Here's the setup: a military team of women are using a relatively new teleportation machine to zip over to Germany. Their path takes them through the center of the Earth (well, only 600km deep) ... and something goes wrong and they get stuck in said location. The hot female scientist who designed the machine is now just finished work on a nuclear-powered, laser-blasting deep digging machine. This is what's used to rescue the lost women.
Part of the cheese factor for me is that in spite of a low budget, ridiculous cast and idea and clear special effects goofs (I don't think we're meant to see clouds underground) ... everyone in the movie tries to be serious. The result is a kind of offbeat amusement. In fact, I'm actually pretty impressed that the film makers didn't go the "T&A" route; the girl with the lip-ring in the beginning almost gets you thinking otherwise.
Anyway, I do not recommend watching this movie. However, if you believe that you may happen to like knucklehead adaptations of "Journey to the ..." movies, then by all means check it out. I kind of liked it.
It's like it was produced by Dr Jkyll and Mr Hyde
Oh dear
Wow... that was...uh... awful!
I don't usually post... but had to on this one. I'm guessing the marketing pitch went something like this, "Okay... we release this piece of roughly cobbled together footage from the cut-room floor from an old sci-fi flick that was killed for good reason 20 years ago at the exact same time as Brenden Frazier's 'Journey to the Center of the Earth in 3-D', call it by the exact same name and hope nobody notices. Who wants in?!" My wife kept jokingly asking, "Is this a 'Sweded' version of a 'real' movie?" (see "Be Kind, Rewind" for concept of "Sweding"). Honestly. An all female combat unit who is neither on a combat mission nor behave like soldiers. Poor whip-cams and badly edited cut scenes. Special "ship effects" that have repeat-cells (remember Scooby-Doo cartoons? Remember how the background kept "repeating" when the gang would run down a hallway). Horrific dialogue, audio mixing (it was like watching old Kung-Fu movies... lip flaps don't match the dialogue... crap, the Japanese Anime we watch does a better job than THIS movie did!), acting, direction, photography...honestly, the only thing even remotely redeeming was the lame attempt to give Homage to Aliens (pirated dialogue "Hey... you look just like i feel...", an easily identifiable "Hudson", and even a gratuitous "chest bursting" concept), which would have been mildly funny if it wasn't attempting to take itself seriously.
- jackandsami
- Sep 17, 2008
- Permalink
Plan 9 From Underground
First, a single-word summary-- Unwatchable.
As I watched this film, I couldn't shake the impression that this may have been some group's first attempt at making a movie, with actors, crew, and technicians who are still learning their craft. The premise is intriguing, but of all the attempts to bring Jules Verne's 1864 novel to the screen, this one may be the worst of the lot. I am as willing as anyone to suspend my disbelief and hang on for the ride, if the story is well-told; but the wooden acting, preposterous dialog, cheesy special-effects, and overall lack of focus and discipline added up to a rather grueling hour and a half, that felt like six hours. If they were still making episodes of Mystery Science Theater 3000, this turkey would be ripe for a good basting.
As I watched this film, I couldn't shake the impression that this may have been some group's first attempt at making a movie, with actors, crew, and technicians who are still learning their craft. The premise is intriguing, but of all the attempts to bring Jules Verne's 1864 novel to the screen, this one may be the worst of the lot. I am as willing as anyone to suspend my disbelief and hang on for the ride, if the story is well-told; but the wooden acting, preposterous dialog, cheesy special-effects, and overall lack of focus and discipline added up to a rather grueling hour and a half, that felt like six hours. If they were still making episodes of Mystery Science Theater 3000, this turkey would be ripe for a good basting.
- norm_anderson
- Dec 25, 2008
- Permalink
Don't watch this under any circumstances!
I was sick in bed and needed something to watch. This made me sicker.
Some of the very worst acting and script I have ever seen. Your time would be better spent watching paint dry.
The plot makes no sense.
The special effects were the least special I have ever seen.
This is a waste of my time writing this review, but I have to write enough to save some other poor sole from having to endure the fiasco of a movie.
It starts with an all girl team of soldiers with no explanation of why there are no men. I suspect it was hard finding men to appear in this movie. One of the girls thinks they will not be taken seriously by people at the destination if they are not in full battle gear. This is the only line in the movie that makes sense.
Some of the very worst acting and script I have ever seen. Your time would be better spent watching paint dry.
The plot makes no sense.
The special effects were the least special I have ever seen.
This is a waste of my time writing this review, but I have to write enough to save some other poor sole from having to endure the fiasco of a movie.
It starts with an all girl team of soldiers with no explanation of why there are no men. I suspect it was hard finding men to appear in this movie. One of the girls thinks they will not be taken seriously by people at the destination if they are not in full battle gear. This is the only line in the movie that makes sense.
bad journey to earth's center
Some reviewers felt this mess was fun. Jeez. Their taste is in their mouth. This bore about boring to the center of the earth must have had Jules Verne spinning wildly in his grave. I found it at Wal-Mart and would love to get my $5 back. It is doubled with 100 Million BC, also with Greg Evigan. I enjoyed some of the '50s-60s schlock. They were fun. This was a ripoff. Less than 5 minutes of looking at a sick dinosaur with vocal cords, and a few minutes of a spider with gland problems, both phonier than Ma Bell. One more thing, the music was an outright steal from Phillip Glass. Action? None. It was talk-talk-talk, and stupid talk-talk-talk at that. The picture on the box has this really mean looking dinosaur. Evidently, he was cut out of the movie. Fred Flintstone's Dino was far more convincing. It is advertised as a Maximum Movie Experience. They should be sued for false advertising. The girls were good looking and a couple of them could be classified as actresses. Appearing in this piece of junk is no way to further a career. Does Michelle have any words of advice for her sister --- like----keep away from this tripe? You get the picture. Don't get this picture.
- froberts73
- Jan 23, 2011
- Permalink
SAVE YOURSELF and go do dishes instead of watching this
Cheap as chips
I usually get irritated when people give up on a film after less than a handful of minutes. Many a film will take a while to cook and a lot of hidden gems have been missed because people gave up on them too early.
It could well be that 'Journey...' will be that film for me. It was awful and I gave in after about ten minutes. And that includes time for the credits.
The camera work was poor, the acting was like a school play and the dialogue made day time soaps seem like Shakespeare.
I know actors have to pay bills, but they should at least do a decent day's work.
Fortunately I rented this, so it didn't hurt the bank too much and I got to hand it back.
AVOID !!!!
It could well be that 'Journey...' will be that film for me. It was awful and I gave in after about ten minutes. And that includes time for the credits.
The camera work was poor, the acting was like a school play and the dialogue made day time soaps seem like Shakespeare.
I know actors have to pay bills, but they should at least do a decent day's work.
Fortunately I rented this, so it didn't hurt the bank too much and I got to hand it back.
AVOID !!!!
Journey to the Center of Boredom and Fun
"We're not in Stuttgart"
As Bob Hope would have put it comparing this Journey To The Center Of The Earth to the one I saw as a lad with James Mason, Arlene Dahl, and Pat Boone would be like comparing filet mignon to hog's livers. It doesn't even stand up that well to the one that got a big screen release that starred Brendan Fraser in the same year.
This has to be way in the future because what happens to six women who are transported the way the transporter works on Star Trek deep under the center of the Earth to a prehistoric world. Now if they had asked Montgomery Scott of the starship Enterprise they would have been told that transporting through solid rock could be dangerous. The idea here was to go to the USA to Stuttgart, Germany through the earth.
Well six GI Janes get stuck there and it's up to Greg Evigan and Deedee Pheiffer to rescue them from T-Rex's, giant spider's, poison and carnivorous plants, et al.
Watching this made me appreciate how good James Mason was.
This has to be way in the future because what happens to six women who are transported the way the transporter works on Star Trek deep under the center of the Earth to a prehistoric world. Now if they had asked Montgomery Scott of the starship Enterprise they would have been told that transporting through solid rock could be dangerous. The idea here was to go to the USA to Stuttgart, Germany through the earth.
Well six GI Janes get stuck there and it's up to Greg Evigan and Deedee Pheiffer to rescue them from T-Rex's, giant spider's, poison and carnivorous plants, et al.
Watching this made me appreciate how good James Mason was.
- bkoganbing
- Jul 31, 2013
- Permalink
One word, awful.
A travesty of "film making".
- herbstnebel2ss
- Apr 20, 2009
- Permalink
"We aren't in Germany." Another terrible 'Mockbuster' from The Asylum.
- poolandrews
- Jun 7, 2009
- Permalink
See this as minus ten stars
Seriously? Can the ancestors of Jules Verne sue? I hope so.
I also gave up after 15 minutes, I mean first of all I thought it was going to be the feminist version but no, it's the perverts version. A group of all female military(yes all female, I live for the day women go into battle en mass) saddle up with just a gun and little else wearing just a T shirt (you don't see male military doing that?)
I didn't hang around to see if any shirts came off, who cares? And since when would there be blue sky and clouds 600K inside the earth? Maybe that gets explained later in the film but I didn't care enough to hang around to find out.
I doubt you would either.
I also gave up after 15 minutes, I mean first of all I thought it was going to be the feminist version but no, it's the perverts version. A group of all female military(yes all female, I live for the day women go into battle en mass) saddle up with just a gun and little else wearing just a T shirt (you don't see male military doing that?)
I didn't hang around to see if any shirts came off, who cares? And since when would there be blue sky and clouds 600K inside the earth? Maybe that gets explained later in the film but I didn't care enough to hang around to find out.
I doubt you would either.
Take off the shirts!
Barely a movie, this version of Jules Verne's classic tale has a bunch of alleged female soldiers, who look more like a bunch of college babes attired in wife-beaters, accidentally transported to the center of the Earth. Only the center of the Earth looks remarkably like Hawaii. A rescue team is sent after them, manned by Greg "Me and the Bear" Evigan, who somehow got very old overnight. A T-Rex shows up to keep the girls on their toes, along with a very large spider. But we spend way too much time in the girls' company, listening to their inane chatter(some of which appears to have been later looped) and watching their uniformly bad acting. A little girl-on-girl action or shirt doffing might have helped. Alas, we get neither. A little comedy also might have helped. Alas, the movie is played dead-serious. This truly is as close to a non-movie as I am yet to see at age 60.
"Where on Earth are We???"
Even below the typical level of Sci-Fi channel stuff. Most of these movies you can laugh at, but this thing barely achieves even camp-level status. It has next to nothing to do with the Jules Verne work, only rips off and defames the title. In fact, everything in this movie is ripped off from somebody else's ideas.
The $7 budget used in this film was only enough to hire some Drama 101 students from a local middle-school. A rag-tag group of Xena-wanna-be's are supposed to go to Germany in a covert mission, using some sort of teleportation device. Would you believe it doesn't work right? Well, they don't materialize inside of solid rock like this movie's writers did; instead, they end up in a south Pacific tropical island paradise. It's the home to a few CGI dinosaurs that actually appear occasionally, usually to roar. There's other Skull island type grotesque creatures scaring our heroines, too.
The group of stereotypes--I mean soldiers include Vilma Dinkley. She examines a pebble, and immediately knows they're 600 kilometers below the surface, under magma. You heard that right: under magma. There's a bully cat-fighter girl, a Barbie cutout doll, and their Camp Fire girls troop leader--I mean, captain. They all look like refugees from an Annette and Frankie beach musical. Scenes involving the tunneling vehicle are even sillier. The scientist and the army guy ride around through magma like they do it every day, making one-liners. The machine emerges from a magma chamber into the Hawaiian set, and shows no signs of even being warm. No smoke, ash, discoloration--nothing.
If somebody sells the DVD of this at a yard sale for 25 cents, it's price gouging.
The $7 budget used in this film was only enough to hire some Drama 101 students from a local middle-school. A rag-tag group of Xena-wanna-be's are supposed to go to Germany in a covert mission, using some sort of teleportation device. Would you believe it doesn't work right? Well, they don't materialize inside of solid rock like this movie's writers did; instead, they end up in a south Pacific tropical island paradise. It's the home to a few CGI dinosaurs that actually appear occasionally, usually to roar. There's other Skull island type grotesque creatures scaring our heroines, too.
The group of stereotypes--I mean soldiers include Vilma Dinkley. She examines a pebble, and immediately knows they're 600 kilometers below the surface, under magma. You heard that right: under magma. There's a bully cat-fighter girl, a Barbie cutout doll, and their Camp Fire girls troop leader--I mean, captain. They all look like refugees from an Annette and Frankie beach musical. Scenes involving the tunneling vehicle are even sillier. The scientist and the army guy ride around through magma like they do it every day, making one-liners. The machine emerges from a magma chamber into the Hawaiian set, and shows no signs of even being warm. No smoke, ash, discoloration--nothing.
If somebody sells the DVD of this at a yard sale for 25 cents, it's price gouging.
- MartianOctocretr5
- Sep 4, 2009
- Permalink
The vegetable steamer "radio antenna" added a star to my vote
Oh. My. Gosh. This is one embarrassment of a movie. The dialog, the acting, the special effects and props. Bad bad bad.
I would love to know the back story about getting it released. What were they thinking? Maybe someone needed a tax write off. I can't imagine any other reason that it made it past two days of production, and certainly not to release..
When I saw them using a vegetable steamer as a prop radio antenna, I was so amused I added another star, just for the hilarious factor. Oh, and this movie subscribes to the theory that glasses mean you are SMART (even if they are prop glasses with no corrections).
Be sure to read the reviews, which are much more entertaining than the movie. Maybe watch this with friends and do your own Mystery Science Theater 3000 thing. A few margaritas won't hurt. Steam some veggies.
I would love to know the back story about getting it released. What were they thinking? Maybe someone needed a tax write off. I can't imagine any other reason that it made it past two days of production, and certainly not to release..
When I saw them using a vegetable steamer as a prop radio antenna, I was so amused I added another star, just for the hilarious factor. Oh, and this movie subscribes to the theory that glasses mean you are SMART (even if they are prop glasses with no corrections).
Be sure to read the reviews, which are much more entertaining than the movie. Maybe watch this with friends and do your own Mystery Science Theater 3000 thing. A few margaritas won't hurt. Steam some veggies.
There is no way this film is accidentally this bad.
Wow,Different take on old tale !
JOURNEY TO THE CENTER OF THE EARTH theasylum.cc w/ Greg Evigan & Dedee Pfeiffer Sooo, This is a good movie(period). I've enjoyed a lot of films from Theasylum peoples and this one seems to raise the bar, Congrats. The special effects are amazing , Thanks to the co-directors being Special Effects Gods behind Tiny Juggernaut. The cast is really something for a film ,You would have ill-thought guesses about.
Greg Evigan is perfect for his heroic turn and never looked better in action. Dedee Pfeiffer steals the humorous lines with a passion , She could do much more with another script like this one. The two sets we are to believe in worked, The stuff on the burrowing vehicle just plain flowed and the team at Center Of Earth made you not even miss a male touch .
The monsters were strong and REAL, Truly works of art to this Sci-Fi eye !
Greg Evigan is perfect for his heroic turn and never looked better in action. Dedee Pfeiffer steals the humorous lines with a passion , She could do much more with another script like this one. The two sets we are to believe in worked, The stuff on the burrowing vehicle just plain flowed and the team at Center Of Earth made you not even miss a male touch .
The monsters were strong and REAL, Truly works of art to this Sci-Fi eye !
Idea was okay, but very badly done
The 'science' in this movie would have been okay in the 1960s. I wonder if they actually had any technical advisors.
The only good thing about this movie was the fact that it passed the Bechdel Test , which is difficult to find, especially in Sci-fi. Pity it was so badly done.
The only good thing about this movie was the fact that it passed the Bechdel Test , which is difficult to find, especially in Sci-fi. Pity it was so badly done.
- clightowler
- Apr 18, 2022
- Permalink
Wonder women in the land of the lost.
- mark.waltz
- Jan 24, 2021
- Permalink
Awful, terrible...And yet
This is one of the worst movies I've ever seen and yet it has a certain Plan 9ish appeal to it. It has beautiful actors, nice scenery and decent special effects. Unfortunately it lacks two things absolutely vital to production values: T and A. All you get is a little cleavage. And yes, this movie commits one nearly unforgivable sin-the use and re-use of footage. Oh that irritates me! I wanted to trap a bunch of people in a locked room, give them potent psychedelics and watch their reactions to this movie. Half would try to tear their eyes out but the other half would be laughing hysterically. Mr. Evigan looks great for fifty five, eh? How does he keep those teeth so shiny?
Genre flick
If you absolutely loved 1 Million Years B.C. (from 1966), Barbarella and Superman III then this - for moments at a time - might hold your attention. Actually I was pretty surprised when I read through the cast member profiles... surprised that most of them actually have resumes and not adult industry oriented; oh well, any work that pays money is better than no work. This movie is easy to watch when you have other things to do at the same time... no plot surprises, perfectly predictable, sappy dialog and a lot of shots of somewhat busty, sweat-covered girls walking/running around in skimpy shirts.
The drilling machine looked a lot like a toy hanging from a string, but seriously you can barely even see the string.
Hey - it is funny in a lot of places although that was apparently not intentional. It definitely doesn't rank up there with Return of the Killer Tomatoes.
The drilling machine looked a lot like a toy hanging from a string, but seriously you can barely even see the string.
Hey - it is funny in a lot of places although that was apparently not intentional. It definitely doesn't rank up there with Return of the Killer Tomatoes.
Clouds!?! And blue sky? 600 km below the surface!