- Tom: Nobody in the world makes me laugh the way you do. You're my best friend. I just wanna be with you.
- Hannah: We won't be naming our child, Athol. Maybe when he's a teenager.
- Colin's Father: My mother's third cousin was the Duke of Athol.
- Aunt Minna: We're a long line of Athols.
- Colin McMurray: [after Colin dunks the ball] I'm sorry, that's probably not allowed... to just stuff it in there like that.
- Christie - Wife #6: If you're a bad boy, I'm gonna spank you!
- [she spanks Tom]
- Tom: Ow! Ok, I've got something to say to you.
- [Hannah kicks him]
- Tom: Ow!
- Christie - Wife #6: Tom, I just want you to know that if you need anything, money, advice, help with girl problems, you can always come to me. I'd like you to think of me as a real mother.
- Tom: Alright, sure
- [Tom's dad comes over]
- Christie - Wife #6: Oh, here he is!
- Thomas Bailey Sr.: She's just as drunk as the night we met.
- [Tom starts to take a drink from his whiskey but Christie snatches it away and drinks it herself]
- Tom: Oh got right on ahead.
- Thomas Bailey Sr.: [Slaps Tom] You're a bad influence on her!
- Tom: Wha-? Me?
- [Thomas Sr. and Christie walk off]
- Hannah: He knows that he can just date right?
- Tom: No, I don't think so.
- [They laugh]
- Hannah: Are you hitting on me?
- Tom: No. I am going of your look.
- Hannah: My look?
- Tom: Yeah. Your doggy bowl look.
- Hannah: Are you calling me a dog?
- Tom: No. It's a theory I have.
- Hannah: Oh. Casanova has a theory.
- Tom: Yeah. When a girl is attracted to a guy, she has a look. It's her tell, like Poker. Its the same look a dog gets just before you put down the bowl.
- Hannah: You are offensive! And you're crazy!
- Tom: I'm honest. I believe honesty is the best policy.
- Hannah: All right. You want me to be honest with you?
- Tom: Sure.
- [Hannah takes the rag off Tom's face]
- Hannah: I'm majoring in fine art.
- Tom: Right.
- Hannah: I'm studying the golden proportions of the human face. And your nose is bent and and it drips down at the bottom. A feature that is accentuated by the thinness of your upper lip. And your eyes, are too far apart, but they have to be to accommodate that bent nose. And I feel sorry for you, that you have to validate yourself through insatiable-meaningless, ego sport-sex with insecure girls like my roommate. I would never have sex with someone...
- [throws the rag at Tom]
- Hannah: like you.
- Tom: Look, Hannah... I pride myself with being honest with everybody, but there's somebody I've been lying to for a very long time: myself. Because, the truth is... it's scary. And 10 years ago, I got in bed with the wrong girl. She turned out to be the right one. I love you, Hannah. I always have. And I always will.
- Hannah: Thomas Bailey... you are the worst maid of honor of all time.
- [They kiss each other]
- Stephanie: Okay, we only have nine days before we leave for Scotland, so, we have to act quickly.
- Melissa: Exactly. I've been a MOH six times so I'll organize everything that needs to be done. Even though I'm not officially the MOH here.
- Tom: What is a MOH?
- Melissa: M-O-H.
- Stephanie: Oh, maid of honor. That's you.
- Tom: Oh, that's clever. Yeah.
- Hannah: [on the phone] No, it's going great. Very smoothly.
- [cuts back to Tom and the bridesmaids]
- Stephanie: So, we've got the bridal shower, the bachelorette, dress fittings, the kilt...
- Melissa: I'll do the kilts.
- Stephanie: Okay. Oh, good. Uh, shopping for Hannah's trousseau. That's gonna be fun.
- Tom: Trousseau? What is a trousseau?
- Melissa: It's lingerie.
- Tom: Oh.
- Stephanie: How about we focus on the wedding part?
- Hilary: Good idea. Let's do that.
- Stephanie: Okay, I need dress sizes.
- Melissa: I'm a four.
- Stephanie: Hey.
- Hilary: Eight.
- Melissa: [spits out her drink] I'm sorry.
- Stephanie: You know, Hilary, uh, do you think that maybe you'd just be more... comfortable in, like, a 12?
- Hilary: No, it'll be fine. I'm doing the Dr. Riverbed fast.
- [holds up a bottle]
- Melissa: Oh, yeah.
- Tom: What is that?
- Hilary: Water, peach resin, apple pectin, shark extract and Lawry's seasoning salt.
- Tom: What about food?
- Hilary: Look, I am going to look amazing in that dress, I am going to meet a Scottish man and I'm gonna be happy.
- [to Stephanie]
- Hilary: Write down an 8.
- Stephanie: Got it.
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