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The Smoking Room (2004–2005)
Robert Webb: Robin
Photos
Quotes
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Annie : I've lost two people and I'm still able to smoke!
Sally : You haven't lost two people. You've lost someone who just worked in the same building as you... and a rodent.
Robin : [Annie bursts into slapstic tears] Oh her bunny rabits dead.
Len : What?
[Looks up at the sky]
Len : You piss-taking bastard!
Lilian : When did it happen, sweetheart?
Sally : [Annie mumbles something under her tears, Lilian looks at Sally, confused] Yesterday.
Sally : [Annie mubles another thing, Lilian looks at Sally] It was hopping round her flat.
Sally : [Annie mumbles another thing, Lilian looks at Sally] When it chewed through the televison cable.
Sally : [Anne mumbles another thing, Lilian looks at Sally] Poor old Bright-Eyes was...
[They both look over at a sobbing Annie who mimics someone being electricuted. She contiues crying, Len comforts her]
Len : Bright-Eyes? Fucking burning - like fire!
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Sally : [talking about Annie] ? and if she has got the clap...
Lilian : [gasps] Has she?
Sally : Claims to... But then again she claimed to have met Ben Affleck in Safeways so... forget I mentioned it!
Lilian : [after a long silence] Who'd she catch it off?
Sally : I shouldn't say.
Lilian : [Robin mouths something at Lilian. Whispering] Who?
Robin : [after several failed attempts] Clint!
Lilian : Never!
Sally : Robin! Can't the poor girl have any privacy? As if the itching ain?t enough!
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Lilian : My uncle Colin took 12 months to die. Every day you'd say, "Please let this suffering come to an end." but no - just go steadily worse. No - I would wish that on anyone.
[sucks on a her cigarette]
Lilian : Couldn't book holidays! You went out gallivanting - people called you callous, it was a bloody nightmare!
Robin : I'm up for euthanasia when it gets to that stage.
Lilian : Oh, yeah! Bump them off! I mean you do it to an animal why not to your relatives?
Robin : As long as they said that's what they wanted.
Lilian : Even if they hadn't, sod them an injection! I mean they're none the wiser - it's a kindness!
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Sharon : [Robin has asked Sharon is she knows the theme tune to a program] Television's boring - a load of people you don't know chuntering away in the corner of the room!
Robin : Am I ever gonna get this!
[storms off]
Sharon : I've no objection to you lot watching television if it helps you to relax and prepare for the next day, but I have a social life.
Lilian : We never see you down the Nags!
Sharon : I said a social life - not a drink problem.
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Sharon : Here's an interesting piece of information - the Eskimos have no word for snow.
Robin : Sorry, Sharon, but you can't call them Eskimos now - they're Inuits.
Sharon : They're imbeciles! No word for snow. They're surrounded by the stuff!
Robin : They haven't just got one word for snow, they've got words for light snow, heavy snow...
Sharon : Frozen snow?
Robin : We've got a word for that - snow.
Sharon : But that was my one piece of trivia for when conversations dry up.
Robin : Still wrong.