Love Don't Cost a Thing

You know Hollywood's hard up for material when it starts blowing the dust off movies from as recent as the 1980's to rehash and remake (films that weren't any good to begin with, I might add). `Love Don't Cost a Thing' is a pointless update of `Can't Buy Me Love,' the tale of a high school nerd who hires the hottest babe on campus to pretend to be his girlfriend. His hope is that, through his association with her, he will gain entree into the `cool' crowd at school.

The stereotypes of adolescents that the film presents weren't fresh twenty years ago and they're even less so today. The story is utterly hackneyed and predictable what with Alvin being first an object of scorn, then - after some utterly unconvincing ghetto-`Pygmalion' makeover scenes - finding acceptance in the upper echelon of with-it kids, while at the same time turning his back on and rejecting the fellow nerds who used to be his friends. True to the formula, Alvin eventually learns a lesson or two about what being true to oneself really means.

There are virtually no funny moments in the film and the scenes between Alvin and his sex-obsessed dad begin to border on the creepy. `Love Don't Cost a Thing' may seem clever and fresh to audiences not old enough to have seen many movies, let alone the original on which this film is based. The rest of us with somewhat longer memories will gladly take a pass. What next? A remake of `Howard the Duck'?