Shot near Toronto, Ontario, this proudly Canadian horror film is truly one-of-a-kind. Beyond the 7th Door is a testament of shear, provocative film-making brilliance in the same league as the world heavyweight champion, "Science Crazed" (truly and indisputably, the worst movie ever made...and I dare you to prove me wrong!)
A trashy couple take a painfully slow journey through an empty castle with seven rooms of deadly traps in search of a mysterious millionaire's hidden treasure. The pair are guided by the voice of a man sounding identical to the voice of Canadian actor Dan Woods (aka Mr. Raditch on the original, and far superior, Degrassi series). Woods is not credited, but the voice is a dead ringer. You be the judge.
Story aside, Beyond the 7th Door is particularly infamous for the casting of phenom actor Lazar Rockwood, the movie's hypnotically hideous "leading man". Rockwood looks like a real-life version of Moe the Bartender crossed with The Toxic Avenger, his presence is nothing short of mesmerizing. Playing an ex-convict named Boris, Rockwood struggles through every line of every scene with broken English and autistic body language. Jerking and twitching spastically, wagging his tongue about, waving his tape measure and Batman-style tool belt, and hopelessly trying to maintain some small shred of dignity, Rockwood literally chews the scenery!
Forced to endure Rockwood's company is the only other cast in the film, Boris's ex-girlfriend and partner in crime, Wendy (or as Lazar might say, "Vendy"), played by Bonnie Beck. Beck is a porno-calibre actress, but next to Lazar, you mistake her for Katherine Hepburn. In a memorable exchange at a coffee shop, Wendy criticizes Boris by saying, "Boris, you're not even a good thief!". Rockwood earnestly replies, "I'm getting better!". Outstanding.
However, the true horror of Beyond the 7th Door is watching a shirtless and sexually charged Lazar Rockwood ravage Wendy's unfortunate body in a dirty, sludge-filled basement. The punchline being that she actually requests this! (I suspect this may have happened between takes and was accidentally caught on film, then thrown in by director Bennedikt for reality TV shock value...though it's a theory)
The hands-down greatest moment in the film is Rockwood jump kicking through a cement wall, flying mullet and all! This should have been looped at least a dozen times, then a dozen more in slow motion. It's genius! The second best part could have been the ultimate death of Boris in the final moments caused, appropriately, by his own unthinkable incompetence... but Rockwood can't even DIE properly! His body explodes OFF camera with not a trace of blood to be seen! (Though this does set it up for Beyond the 7th Door 2: Beyond the 8th Door! Did Rockwood really die? Who knows?)
In the end, Beyond the 7th Door leaves you with many more questions than answers, mostly about Rockwood himself and the events surrounding his involvement. Although these questions will likely never be answered, when the final credits role you will be left dumbfounded and perplexed for weeks to come.
Since Hollywood is on a never ending bender of butchering classic films in remake or "re-imagining" format, I suggest remaking this one. I also would like a Special Edition DVD of Beyond the 7th Door with 5 commentary tracks of Lazar Rockwood reciting one-liners from the film and a 3 hour featurette documenting Rockwood's entire career. A full-colour photo gallery of Rockwood would also be nice, plus some shirtless promotional stills and half a dozen international trailers.
I'll be waiting with my money on the table.