- Kristina: I can make you feel... like you've never felt before!
- [She presses up against him, and his pant legs shoot up]
- Kyle Carpenter: Oooh, I've felt that before!
- [Kristina approaches Kyle]
- Kristina: Is that a stake in your pocket, or are you happy to see me?
- [Kyle pulles out a wooden stake]
- Kyle Carpenter: Ha, ha! It's a stake! Die, bitch!
- [Kyle then runs through Kristina with the stake]
- Kristina: Ooooh, that's a big one!
- [She then dies and disintegrates]
- Kyle Carpenter: I hate to break the news to ya, but I think you're a vampire!
- Brock: I hate it when that happens.
- Russell: [Kyle stabs Russell, who's now a vampire, with a umbrella point. Russell gasps] And I lent you my rollerskates!
- Kyle Carpenter: Aw, gee, Russell, I feel bad enough already!
- [Russell then dies and disintegrates]
- Prof. Sommerset: Vampires - fact or lurid, dime-novel fiction? Reality - or the stuff of twisted imaginations? Created by filmmakers seeking excuses to photograph women with breasts larger than their head...?
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