Stan Foster credited as playing...
Albert Smith
- Officer Kornblau: So what's your name?
- Albert: A-Albert. A-Albert Smith.
- Officer Lack: Albert, your mother and father weren't by any chance brother and sister, were they?
- Albert: Hey man, what's gon' happen to me?
- Officer Kornblau: Oh, nothing. Uh, wel-nothing much, uh... you might have to endure a little session with, uh, Action Jackson.
- Albert: Wh-who's Axon...?
- Officer Lack: *Action*, Albert. *Action Jackson*.
- Officer Kornblau: Yeah, some say he didn't even have a mother. That some researchers at NASA created him to be the first man to walk on the moon without a space suit.
- Officer Lack: Mm-hmm.
- Officer Kornblau: Others say his mother was molested by Bigfoot and, uh, Jackson is their mutant offspring.
- Officer Lack: They bring in Jackson when they want to re-educate some young ne'er-do-well such as yourself, Albert.
- Officer Kornblau: Yeah, I remember one kid got re-educated so bad, his testicles climbed back up into his belly. Wouldn't come out.
- Officer Lack: They called it a medical miracle.
- Officer Kornblau: Yeah. Another kid, handcuffed to a chair; gnawed his own hand off like a trapped skunk, or wolverine, or somethin'.
- Albert: Jackson, why did you have to bring me along in the first place?
- Action Jackson: You remind me of a old friend.
- Albert: Then why didn't you bring your old friend?
- Action Jackson: He's dead.
- Albert: Damn, man why did you have to tell me that?