- Mercedes: Professor Quigley's here to pick up his severence check.
- Dean Higgins: Professor Quigley, hmm? Well you inform Professor Quigley that we don't give out severence checks anymore.
- Mercedes: But we always give out severance checks.
- Dean Higgins: Well, we don't anymore! We just ran out of money!
- Dean Higgins: I know he's been kidnapped. How do I know? Because he's been gone for the last three hours looking for his dog.
- The Policewoman: Sir, a boy looking for his dog isn't so unusual.
- Dean Higgins: It is when the dog got back two hours and forty-five minutes ago.
- The Policewoman: Dean Higgins, here's a thought, if the dog came back in only fifteen minutes, why don't you send the dog out to look for the boy?
- Dean Higgins: Pizza?
- Schuyler: Yeah, and she seems to like it too. Do you think maybe she's Italian?
- [laughing]
- Dean Higgins: That's not funny, Schuyler.
- Schuyler: Don't you get it? An Italian cow eating pizza. An Italian cow!