- Larry MacArthur: Say look, Harold, do me a favor and run out and get me some gay and frisky, will ya?
- Harold Brandon: Yeah, a whole pound?
- Larry MacArthur: What?
- Harold Brandon: Gay and frisky?
- Larry MacArthur: Whiskey!
- Harold Brandon: Oh, gay and frisky is whiskey?
- Larry MacArthur: Yes!
- Harold Brandon: Oh, G & F is W. Yes, of course.
- Larry MacArthur: Haven't you have anything to do with your time but dance? Don't be a sun-dodger. Go on out and chase butterflies and tequila.
- Larry MacArthur: I've got three hours to get this magazine out and I can never find anything!
- Harold Brandon: Its a monthly magazine. You've only had four weeks to prepare it.
- Larry MacArthur: Well, I'm busy! Tell it to the dictaphone!
- Larry MacArthur: How do you like it? It's all right, isn't it? That's when I'm at my best. Under pressure! Back against the wall!
- Harold Brandon: And drunk.
- Larry MacArthur: And drunk. No!
- Clara: [to Larry] Darling, I haven't a thing to get married in.
- Harold Brandon: Oh, wear anything! Larry's wearing a shroud.
- Harold Brandon: [Mariachi Band plays "In Caliente"] Gentlemen, gentlemen, please! Not so loud. My friend is asleep and you'll awaken him!
- Mariachi Player: English not so good looking.
- [Harold hands him a dollar bill]
- Mariachi Player: Silenzio! Gracias, Señor. Gracias!
- Larry MacArthur: Say now, look, Harold, I don't want to presume, but, eh, you want to be curious? But, just for the record, where am I?
- Harold Brandon: Guess?
- Larry MacArthur: Oh, a game, huh?
- Harold Brandon: You can have the regulation three guesses, too, you know. No peaking.
- Larry MacArthur: Museum of Art?
- Harold Brandon: No.
- Larry MacArthur: Heaven?
- Harold Brandon: Getting warmer.
- Larry MacArthur: Say, where's Clara?
- Harold Brandon: She's three thousand miles away!
- Larry MacArthur: Three thousand? Where'd she go?
- Harold Brandon: She didn't go, she stayed. We went.
- Larry MacArthur: What do you mean we went? Where?
- Harold Brandon: Mexico. Da-dum-de-day-de... Caliente!
- Larry MacArthur: I'm now beginning to remember where I started to forget.
- Harold Brandon: Good.
- Larry MacArthur: Gay and frisky.
- Harold Brandon: Yes.
- Larry MacArthur: I had a drink.
- Harold Brandon: Yes.
- Larry MacArthur: I passed out.
- Harold Brandon: Yes.
- Larry MacArthur: You Shanghai'd me.
- Harold Brandon: Yes.
- Larry MacArthur: And this?
- Harold Brandon: Da-de-dum...
- Larry MacArthur: Mexico!
- Harold Brandon: Now, look here, young fella, if you let that calculating, gold-digging, blonde get you back to New York, I wash my hands of you!
- Harold Brandon: Now, you're an intelligent fellow...
- Larry MacArthur: Why do I always have to be intelligent? Why can't I be a sap, once in awhile, and have some fun like other people? And I got a job to take care of! What's going to become of "Manhattan Madness" without me?
- Harold Brandon: I'll tell you what's going to become of it! Its probably going on to bigger and better things. What good have you been around there anyway with your diets of cocktails and that blonde!
- Larry MacArthur: Yesterday she was an angel. Today she's a goddess. Tomorrow ought to be interesting.
- Larry MacArthur: You know, Harold, there's probably the only girl that could ever keep me in Mexico. Well, I'll go further than that! With a gal like that, I'd take out citizenship papers!
- Harold Brandon: Thank you for the warning, Mister, eh, Mister?
- Biggs: Biggs! Joe Biggs from Pineapple, Oklahoma.
- Harold Brandon: How much do you receive for one of your...
- Rita Gomez: Two thousand dollars an engagement.
- Harold Brandon: Two thousand dollars! My, it pays well, doesn't it?
- Rita Gomez: I don't like to boast, but, I am, more or less, in a class by myself.
- Harold Brandon: Oh, I can feel, I can see, I can believe that!
- Rita Gomez: I've asked you of what you are the editor?
- Larry MacArthur: I'm the editor of Madness!
- Rita Gomez: Madness?
- Larry MacArthur: "Manhattan Madness."
- Harold Brandon: Look, here, whatever your name is, you and your client are getting enough out of this without any advance. My word, two thousand dollars for an adventuress! I could go to New York, right now, and get an adventuress for half the money!
- Jose Gomez: Yeah, but you forget, Señor, you are not merely paying for the service in New York, you're paying for all those years of, eh, of trainings, study and hard work.
- Jose Gomez: Gracias, Señor. Three hundred dollars. Well, I'm sure my little pigeon, she will do her very best!
- Bellboy: You are wanted at the phone, Mr. MacArthur. Long distance from New York.
- Larry MacArthur: Thanks.
- [to Harold]
- Larry MacArthur: Probably the office. Needs some help on one of the new issues.
- Harold Brandon: Yeah. Well, ask Clara if she's still a blonde.
- Rita Gomez: Tell me, is she very attractive - this girl in New York?
- Harold Brandon: Well, she's - she's what I call determined.
- Harold Brandon: Oh, philanderer is no name for Larry. You know what they call him on Broadway?
- Rita Gomez: No.
- Harold Brandon: The Sultan.
- Rita Gomez: As you know, I always have cocktails in my bungalow at four.
- Larry MacArthur: May I join you? I love outdoor drinking.
- Rita Gomez: Oh, I'm announcing a change of policy. You may come in this time.
- Larry MacArthur: Things are looking up!
- Harold Brandon: Caution: Moderation!
- Telegrama: YOU DOUBLE CROSSING NO GOOD DRUNKEN TRAMP STOP IF YOU THINK YOU CAN RUN OUT ON ME YOURE GOING TO FIND OUT WHAT TROUBLE MEANS STOP AND I MEAN TROUBLE STOP YOUR LOVING= CLARA.
- Larry MacArthur: I'm in love. Harold, I'm in love with the most beautiful, the most divine creature in the whole world. All right, laugh if you wanna. But, this time its on the level.
- Harold Brandon: Beautiful lyrics. How does the tune go?
- Larry MacArthur: Oh, no, Harold, my peccadilloes of the past...
- Harold Brandon: Oh! You've had 'em again?
- Larry MacArthur: What I started to say was my peccadilloes of the past are finished! I finally met the one woman.
- Harold Brandon: Well, this is the third one woman in a month.
- Larry MacArthur: Begonias!
- Florist: Begonias.
- Larry MacArthur: Petunias!
- Florist: Petunias.
- Larry MacArthur: Gladiolas!
- Florist: Gladiolas.
- Larry MacArthur: Jonquilles!
- Florist: Jonquilles.
- Larry MacArthur: And hollyhocks!
- Florist: Hollyhocks.
- Harold Brandon: Once again, may I ask, why do you want to transform this place into an evil smelling hothouse?
- Larry MacArthur: And marigolds, dhalias, sweet peas and rhododendrons. That's all.
- Harold Brandon: And how am I to dress? As a nymph or a dryad?
- Larry MacArthur: Dress as a hollyhock.
- Larry MacArthur: Listen, paper weight, you and Rita been makin' me the fall guy long enough. Now its my turn to start crackin' the whip.
- Harold Brandon: Big boy, listen to me.
- Larry MacArthur: Big boy, you listen to me.
- Lois: [singing] Say, Have you ever met the girl whose the toast of the town? A work of art without a question, Who gives your heart a queer congestion...
- Lois: [singing] She's the gay young bird, all the magazines feature, Upon my word she's the zippiest creature, Yeah-yeah...
- Specialty Singer: [singing] I'm the lady in red, can't you look at my eyes and see I wanna be led, Yo-de-la-de-de-de! So, don't be so yeller, Hey, feller, how's about a kiss or two? Yo-de-lo-lo-lo-lo-ay-ee-hoo! Oh, if you're gonna sit, Come on and get close to me, And you'll get a head, Ah-wo-hoo-hoo-hoo! Don't you say no sir, Cause, oh sir, I have set my eye on you.
- [talking]
- Specialty Singer: Why, lookie here, don't be so nervous. I ain't gonna bite ya. Oh, honey bunch, I could jus' love you to death! Don't be so nervous! Jus' hold your seat and set tight and I'll hug ya and I'll squeeze ya till yer plum outta breath!
- [singing]
- Specialty Singer: Oh! Where was you bred? Why don't you give in? I ain't a askin' to wed. Oh-no! Give yer love to me and do me jus' the way I want you to!
- Rita Gomez: You didn't like the dancers?
- Larry MacArthur: Oh, they were all right. Not bad.
- Rita Gomez: Of course, you've seen better?
- Larry MacArthur: Better? I've seen the best! Nijinsky, Martha Graham, Wigman.
- Peter: [singing] Muchacha, Tonight I've gotta cha where I want cha my Muchacha. I'll watch cha, just like a cat would watch a little cucaracha. For ransom, I ask for a handsome prize, Let it be a glance, From your dancing eyes. I've got cha, And in the lingo of the gringo, I'm so hot cha, Muchacha, for you!
- Muchacha Female Chorus: [singing] So tonight, We'll have a gay fiesta, We'll romance and dance the night away, We'll live and love and be merry and gay, Until the dawn of another new day...
- Larry MacArthur: All right, I'll tell you the truth. I caught that recital at the tail end of a week's binge.
- Rita Gomez: Oh, please go away.
- Larry MacArthur: Oh, Rita, please, I'm sorry. I was plastered and I apologize.
- Larry MacArthur: Bring me a bottle of champagne, 1908 Clicquot and scram.
- Waiter: Clicquot 1908 and scram. Thank you, very much.
- Larry MacArthur: What brought you here?
- Clara: The Trans American Airline, you double-crossing - Who's that woman?