The Not Quite Halloween Horror List of 2024
A new year, a new Halloween. Only, these didn't quite make it yet. To explain their rating a bit, if a movie is so bad that its on the verge of being painful, it would fall somewhere within the 1-3 range. The 4-6 range is for movies that are not good but still watchable to good movies that have left little long lasting impression. 7-10 are movies I enjoyed to love.
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- DirectorNikolai RasheyevStarsValeriy GarkalinAleksandr BureyevOksana KaliberdaAfter the mysterious death of his brother, an ambitious man continues his case on the Chernobyl investigation, however, on his way to the top there is a hindrance. He starts to become a werewolf.What better way to start the year than with a movie that was never really released. This movie does atmosphere right, which is good because it really doesn't do much else. Set in Kyev, it has some really nice sweeping shots of the city, making it feel like a character in itself. The city is going through massive changes as the Soviet Union is collapsing under its own weight. But the werewolf is really not utilized. He ruined his wall and later has sex with a woman who I don't think was a character until 20 minutes before. It serves more as a metaphor, as he starts gaining clout he is becoming more and more a dog of the government. They get more out of the ghost brother who they do away with pretty succinctly shortly after. While a little avant garde, this was a pretty decent movie that the Lost Media Archive can help you find.
- DirectorPhilip GelattMorgan Galen KingStarsRichard E. GrantLucy LawlessPatton OswaltUltra-violent, epic fantasy set in a land of magic follows heroes from different eras and cultures battling against a malevolent force.Its nice to see rotoscope in action but this really falls short. There is too much animation in fact, lingering on characters a little too long so the actors look confused on what they should do next. But the biggest failing is that it falls for the trappings of high fantasy. Nothing anyone says or does matters. Lucy Lawless gives her lines with conviction, but what she says is so entrenched in the shows lore that it has no meaning to the audience. And the action, because its magic, anything can happen and there is no suspense. When you know they are gonna BS out of any situation, it just turns into passive viewing without any investment. While there are parts of the movie like the guardian's story that are pretty good, most of it is as thin as water.
- DirectorAndrew PattersonStarsSierra McCormickJake HorowitzGail CronauerOne night in New Mexico, in the late 1950s, a switchboard operator and radio DJ start hearing a strange signal over a radio frequency.There is nothing better than the trope of a caller telling a creepy story. There isn't a lot of action in this movie. Most of the good stuff is the hero sitting down and talking about things long prior. And that is when its at its best. The actors have great voices that really sell the tension of the situation and the underlying mystery of the frequency they overheard. Its just a little underwhelming why though. The revelation is too grandiose in scope, undermining all of human history by simply saying because aliens. The movie does a good job setting up atmosphere and establishing the setting. Amazon hit well over its weight level here but it just needed a better third act to nail a home run.
- DirectorGreydon ClarkStarsJack PalanceMartin LandauTarah NutterSandy and Greg are teenagers who go camping, despite warnings not to, with their friends. They soon encounter aliens, who are using the area as a hunting ground.This is a very interesting movie to hear about, but watching it shows its age and budget. This may predate Predator, but it doesn't nearly have its polish. The alien looks good in short scenes, the reveal in the swinging lamp light is phenomenal, but lingering on it starts to cause problems. The costume looks very stiff and plodding to get around in it and it doesn't have much expression either. The acting is pretty spotty, as it should with two actors getting half the budget, and Cameron Mitchell is sober enough to walk, which can be taken either way. The discs are also pretty decently used though they aren't exactly as good in flight. Really, the movie is pretty decent with great flashes that make it a little bit more memorable an experience.
- DirectorDavid PoagStarsDonovan ColanJaiden J. SmithDylan Martin FrankelWhen a Halloween store opens in a deserted strip-mall, three friends, thinking they've outgrown trick or treating, decide to spend the night locked inside. But their night of spook-filled fun soon turns to outlandish survival.I was going to use this as my Halloween movie last year but was quickly convinced otherwise by the first five minutes. I knew this was going to be an ad for Spirit of Halloween stores and that there would be little artistry in this movie. But I was just not ready for how boringly milk toast it would be. The scariest thing were the consumer animatronics and there was no tone whatsoever. There was no tension, no unnerving camera work, bland lighting, the actors are kids and aren't particularly skilled, there is so little that make a movie interesting. Its flat in every way possible. I wouldn't go so far as to say its painfully boring, it at least doesn't feel too much longer than its run time, but its just not an interesting watch for anyone.
- DirectorMichio YamamotoStarsKayo MatsuoAkira NakaoYukiko KobayashiKeiko and her friend are trying to find her missing brother after he disappeared visiting his girlfriend Yuko.A very interesting if not misleading movie. Its questionable if there is a vampire or a doll in this movie. This movie is more like if Alfred Hitchcock were forced to make a semi sleazy monster film, giving it a bit more prestige and thought than you would expect. The vampire is simple, with only a pair of contact lenses to show her transformation and relying on a knife rather than biting her victims neck, but she is not that important in the grand scheme of things. Instead, the movie focuses on the scheming of those around her, concealing her and using her to their own ends. And this is a really good way to go about it, giving a good mystery with twists and turns. The doll, well, they buried one in her coffin and that's kind of the extent of that. A movie that is a victim of localization more than anything. This isn't a cheap horror movie to give a little bit of entertainment, there is stuff to think about even if the dialogue is a little obtuse.
- DirectorBrinke StevensStarsKelli MaroneyBrinke StevensMichelle BauerThe babes are back. And so is everyone's favorite wish-grantin', murder-lovin' mischievous gremlin, the Imp. The Pi-Ep sorority house has seen better days, but the girls are intent on gaining some new recruits. With housemother Auntie Snake as their guide, the naughty hi-jinks and hilarity begin. Meanwhile, though, the Bowl-O-Rama bowling alley has had a break-in, and a breakout. With the escape of the magical and murderous Imp, it's a fight for survival, with only one mysterious girl holding the answers to the riddle of the Imp's wish.For a sequel its good to see it stay true to its predecessor. I didn't really like the original Slimeball, but its true to it. The movie hits all the same beats but with an updated cast and a few cameos, and the humor is for the most part as vapid as it was before. The women are airheads, the men are dudebros and it doesn't strive to be much more than that. But I will admit I laughed more at the imp than I did in the first one. His delivery is perfect. The ironic deaths are predictable and the lead is underdeveloped, relying more on their pedigree than being a fully fleshed out character. And the writing is as bad as the original. Its entertaining for what it is, a low budget sequel with weaker new talent and a shot in basement setting.
- DirectorLucio FulciStarsFlorinda BolkanBarbara BouchetTomas MilianWhen a southern Italian town is rocked by a string of child murders, the police and two urban outcasts search for the culprit amid scapegoating within the superstitious community.Fulci's favorite movie in his filmography is a pretty strong showing. The effects have not aged well, the mannequins are rubbery and a bit goofy, not meant to be seen in HD. But it was also the first time he dabbled in gore and the mystery is there. The fact that all of the victims are children hits in a very real way; it makes the killer feel more monstrous even though you rarely see him actually kill them. But what I really liked were the twists and turns that made everything feel exciting. The red herrings are all handled very well, with characters withholding information for reasonable reasons rather than to simply move the plot along. Most of the time at least. While I think his latter work shine brighter, this was a pretty good introduction into the bloodier giallo movies without the sexual sadism of something like New York Ripper.
- DirectorRodrigo GudiñoStarsAllan HawcoEmily AlataloNatalie BrownCounting down his last days as Chief of Police in the tiny town of Lone Crow, John Hawkins must investigate one last case when a mangled body with uncanny wounds washes up on the shores of the Porcupine River.I wonder why I wanted to see this movie. Its not that its bad, just kind of meandering. It feels like it could have gotten to the point much quicker than it did. With such an interesting building, I feel like they could have featured it more but its just background. The drama is certainly forced, a lot of vague comments and unfinished thoughts that are more frustrating than ominous. And this is all disappointing as there was something here. The actors try their best but the script and budget is doing them no favors. Maybe it was the involvement of Slash that drew my attention but this was a fairly mediocre experience.
- DirectorKevin KölschDennis WidmyerStarsAlexandra EssoeAmanda FullerNoah SeganA hopeful young starlet uncovers the ominous origins of the Hollywood elite and enters into a deadly agreement in exchange for fame and fortune.If you don't do anything new, at least do it better than everyone else. This movie does a pretty good job living up to that. The premise of an aspiring actress falling in with dark forces to get ahead has been done before and with more money behind it,, but they punch well over their weight level for a movie that was crowd funded. The actors are pretty good and fully committed to the roles. And this helps make the dark story really flourish. When the actress is willing to vomit insects for the role, its easy to believe her character is capable of the evil stuff she will commit. But the money does come into play still. A lot of the settings are shot as best as they could, but there is still so much you can get out of a small office. For a movie with so many similar competitors, this is a pretty good outing and worth a watch.
- DirectorFabrício BittarStarsDanilo GentiliMurilo CoutoLéo LinsFour YouTubers with expertise in supernatural events are seeking recognition from the audience whilst solving the urban legend of the Bathroom Blonde Case: the spirit that haunts the schools' bathroom in Brazil.Brazil has a lot of sociological themes in them. Fortunately this has none of them and its just trying to be a dark good time. The heroes are goofy enough that their terrible personalities become almost endearing, constantly abandoning each other to die in pursuit of internet fame. The practical gore effects are fun though some of the best moments I'd argue are never shown, namely having to burrow through the corpse of an overweight security guard. But the cgi I can't hold in similar regard, the smoke effect is overused and there were simply better ways to show the ghost moving about. Of the horror comedies, this movie belongs in the same breath of the likes of Dead Alive.
- DirectorSylas DallStarsMary Madaline RoeMorgan ChandlerEden CampbellIn 1979, a young girl stumbles upon a possessed tape player. She unknowingly unleashes a demonic entity that haunts her family while slowly dragging the small town of Clarkston to Hell.There was an interesting part to this movie, it just didn't last very long. It wants to be Stranger Things but it lacks the cast or the talent to be that. The acting is very bad, the adult actors aren't any better than the child and their attempts to capture the 80s just highlights their weaknesses. No one talks naturally and they do things for far too long, killing jokes that were already not landing. But the thing is, this could have been saved by a simple change. Make it PG 13. Take out the vulgarity and the blood, tone down the possession flashback, and you would have had an alright horror movie for kids. As is, its just not good.
- DirectorMark MacNicolStarsKirsty StrainRachel FlynnAdam RobertsonA Spiritualist Medium agrees to help a grieving widower figure out why his daughter has developed a daylight phobia.I was fooled by this movie. I was very much under the impression this was going to be a movie about a girl turning into a vampire as her father struggles to find out what is happening with her. And I was not all that impressed with the bait and switch. The big issue is, its really boring. The slow and meticulous delivery of every line, each word as deliberate as the performance of a stage play, is very tedious. While there is such movies I liked like Possession, its usually accompanied by the actors acting their asses off. But there is very little for them to do here. While Sam Neil tears a cafe apart, they are stuck mostly in a house, and likely a rental they really need the deposit back on. The twist didn't hit right with me as it feels like horror is a dirty word. And the original story could have been good as well, though maybe if it were directed differently.
- DirectorJosé Mojica MarinsStarsLuiz Sérgio PersonVany MillerMário LimaThree episodes: A dollmaker whose dolls are eerily human, a tale of necrophilia, and a doctor proves love is dead.This was as standard an anthology as one can get. The first story is easier to pull you in, the second is not as strong but often more experimental, but the third takes the gloves off. The first movie is unfortunately silly now, it is the 'call an ambulance... but not for me' meme. But trying to pull the modern context out, it was likely pretty shocking for its time. The gore effects were never meant for modern TVs but still serve their purpose. The second is a step down because its barely a story. Things just happen and the result is necrophilia, none of the characters have any agency in the plot. Its uncomfortable to watch (because you know, necrophilia and all) so it served its purpose, its just not something that is really engaging. And finally, the third story. Business picks up. The nihilism that is so prevalent in the Coffin Joe movies comes on full display through torture and blasphemy. The gore holds up a lot better and it still gets pretty hard to watch. Its really the one thing that props this anthology up and keeps it from being forgettable.
- DirectorNick SimonStarsKal PennClaudia LeeKenny WormaldA bored young woman in the sleepy community of Spearfish starts receiving photographs of brutally murdered young women. Are they real or staged? The culprit is either a serial killer or some creep with a sick sense of humor.Insufferable. What Wes Craven saw in this before his death is beyond me. There can be a parallel drawn with Scream with how the movie begins, but the divide between them is unfathomable. Yes they start with a similar way, but while Scream builds so much with that scene this movie has nothing to build off of. The villains are as bland as the generic mask they where, the heavy has no character at all. There isn't even any mystery as the one that does matter shows his face the first chance he gets. The rest of the cast, God help me, they are so obnoxious I can't bring myself to want them to die. I just want this movie to be over. Kal Penn is the worst, every pretentious line he gives is soulless like he doesn't want to be there. This was truly trash.
- DirectorEmilio MiragliaStarsAnthony SteffenMarina MalfattiEnzo TarascioA rich, mentally-unstable man, who has a penchant for playing deadly S&M games with women who resemble his late wife, sparks off a chain of bizarre events after getting remarried.Not exactly my favorite Giallo, mostly because it seems to just forget that the main character is a murderer. Like no matter what the antagonist does, its not going to obfuscate that the hero is not any better. There are some good deaths, the aunt's disposal was pretty good. The foxes are still pretty cute while tearing a human being apart. And the scheme is pretty decent, but it takes a while and the first act poisons the well for the rest of the film. It isn't the worst of the genre but not really something that is going to be held up to the works of Bava, Argento, or Fulci.
- DirectorCameron CairnesColin CairnesStarsDavid DastmalchianLaura GordonIan BlissA live television broadcast in 1977 goes horribly wrong, unleashing evil into the nation's living rooms.This is the kind of gimmick that I like. While technically a "found footage" movie, its not the video found in the woods and the cameraman lacks the sense to drop the camera. Its a show that was never aired, or aired only once and swiftly pulled. And that is a slight point against it. The theatrical release was the wrong venue, this would have been more fun stumbling on it late special on TV. Like Ghostwatch. But I'm not so sure of how they wrapped it up. It isn't out of left field, but the way they go about it gets dangerously close to going off the rails. It tells the story, but if you drop the confines of the gimmick, why bother having it in the first place? The acting was serviceable. No one person dragged the story down, and I thought the lead's facials were really on point, but they never really show much for the history between them. I would say I liked this movie a lot but its far from a perfect film. As a raw footage film I prefer Noroi and as "that TV special" I would rather watch Ghostwatch.
- DirectorDaisuke SatoStarsSuguru InoueMichiyo IshimotoAkane KanamoriDuring the Meiji era, a blind girl named Takiri and a monster called Nebula fight against greedy developers who threaten to take over her family's land.An otherworldly beautiful kaiju movie, this was not really the movie I was expecting. This was a culmination of Japanese arts, puppets and rubber suits. And while I wasn't expecting what I got, I can't deny I wasn't intrigued. The dolls are attractive and have a lot of personality. And the monster is pretty impressive for something made on a budget. But the budget doesn't go unnoticed. The sets are very sparse, only a single building per scene. But what was more confusing was the music, particularly the one during the final rampage. Its very out of place. But the cons are a bit nitpicky, for a short like this, it is very well worth a watch for kaiju fans looking for something new.
- DirectorBen WheatleyStarsJulian BarrattPeter FerdinandoRichard GloverAmid the Civil War in 17th-century England, a group of deserters flee from battle through an overgrown field. Captured by an alchemist, the men are forced to help him search to find a hidden treasure that he believes is buried in the field.An enjoyably pretentious movie, a dangerous combination. There is a lot this movie does to try to make you hate it. The story is paper thin and dragged out, with scenes that are artistic sophistry. And yet in spite of all this, it has its charm. The humor is hit and miss, but when it hits it hits well. And this helps give the characters a degree of likability and intrigue. The story is thin but still has some credibility because you really want to hear what becomes of the characters and you want to know what the treasure is they seek even if its the friends we made along the way. The psychedelic scenes are a bit iffy, they muddle key events but give the movie a bit more style. Its hard to really tell if I liked them or not. As far as an ego stroke goes this was a lot more accessible than Skinamarink.
- DirectorKiyoshi KurosawaStarsHidetoshi NishijimaYûko TakeuchiToru BabaTakakura is a former detective. He receives a request from his ex-colleague, Nogami, to examine a missing family case that occurred six years earlier. Takakura follows Saki's memory. She is the only surviving family member from the case. Meanwhile, Takakura and his wife Yasuko recently moved into a new home. Their neighbor, Nishino, has a sick wife and a young teen daughter. One day, the daughter, Mio, tells him that the man is not her father and she doesn't know him at all.The guy is a creep, I can give the movie that. They had an interesting idea for the villain, he is not imposing in the slightest and he is a scheming little snake. He never kills anyone himself, instead he ingratiates himself into a family and destroys it from the inside with his drugs. And that is an interesting premise that the actor plays off very well. But the story kind of bumbles it with its execution. While he does a fine job infecting the professor's family, his influence is thrown into question when the members of his own family start dropping "hints." And by that I mean explicitly telling everyone he is a stranger. The extent of his influence fluctuates erratically, from being all encompassing to fragile as glass. This especially comes to a point at the end which makes the movie feel like it went long and had a minute to wrap everything up. I want to like this movie more but its just so frustrating.
- DirectorMatt AllenStarsCheryl TexieraBen BrowderMaximillian DeckerAn investigative team travels deep into the remote Colorado wilderness after a group of young campers are viciously murdered by what may be Bigfoot.This was almost a middling Asylum esque movie. The story is absolutely new, it feels like the plot to every bigfoot movie. Only this time, with an army of lambs being led to the slaughter. Too many in fact, none of them are that memorable and I was pretty sure they killed the same guy multiple times but gave him a new name each time. I don't even recall this many people assembling at the start of the film. And character arcs, there are none. They have hints of some, but they never follow through on any, none of the characters are of any importance and the whole movie is pointless. Until the twist at the end, which turns the tables so that now everything is even more meaningless. The beginning had some tension at least, but once you start realizing that nobody matters, the whole movie starts to feel like a massive waste of time.
- DirectorToshikazu NagaeStarsAtsuko RukawaYuji TakadaAfter the disappearance of a college student, researchers track him down to an abandoned building formerly occupied by the head of a publishing company, who also mysteriously disappeared.This is a bit of a lie, I watched Broadcast Ban Reasonable Humanity Restaurant, the seventh of the Banned from Broadcast TV special but I cannot find it on this website. This was an interesting game, though not as engaging as I know some of the earlier films got. I love the idea of mockumentaries, if they are done correctly. There has to be a genuine quality to them, they can't just take something real and simply lie. And I love the Fake Documentary Q channel, so I am looking forward to watching this series. I can't really talk about it without spoiling it so stop reading here. There is a very strange coincidence to this episode. One month later, Kim Jong Nam, air apparent of North Korea, was assassinated by two women who thought they were pulling a prank by their handlers, mirroring the assassination of a Malaysian general by a man tricked into doing so by the landlady in this movie. I watched this with the aid of Google translate and I was almost robbed of the game when it translated assassination multiple times seemingly at random. I say almost because it also claimed the landlady was a cat. But I did catch on that there was something very amiss with the restaurant. I caught the chef pretty much setting up the Filipino boyfriend and caught on to their intent somewhat. And this actually led to a really great point at the end where the boyfriend returns. But the fun is ruined a bit by the presentation. While the others are released as is, there was a part at the end that revealed a lot of the clues that occurred in the special. Yes it was a little chilling, but it took the fun of discussing what you saw and finding them yourself. Apparently this was because of complaints they received. It wasn't as good as I hoped but still a pretty decent time.
- DirectorShin'ya TsukamotoStarsTomorô TaguchiKei FujiwaraNobu KanaokaA businessman accidentally kills The Metal Fetishist, who gets his revenge by slowly turning the man into a grotesque hybrid of flesh and rusty metal.The Japanese Eraserhead is a repugnant and alluring blend of grotesque and semi-explicit imagery. Drill penises, tube dildoes, whatever the hell that ending was, this is not a movie for the repressed. The story is fractured, leaving many questions that they never bother to explain. But the theme is there. As technology improves our humanity wains, its very clearly expressed in the most extreme way possible. And this all makes it very memorable. You can overlook all the plot failings because its just so fascinating to watch. And his theme seems to hold true more than most, we can't even leave Twitter even after a "love" mob just got an artist to kill himself. This movie hits hard and close to home.
- DirectorChad FerrinStarsGina La PianaRobert MianoJohann UrbA married couple rents a beach side Airbnb only to be surrounded by peculiar neighbors and occurrences. They soon discover that they are in the grip of a mysterious cult and the ancient sea god that they worship.Lovecraft does not get any love in film. For every Color Out In Space (finish the story SpectreVision) there is Cthulhu, a gay love story that has nothing to do with Cthulhu or anything else Lovecraft had ever written. And here we go again. I never have high hopes for these movies and yet they still seem to outdo themselves. Things happen because the movie has to happen. The woman has to be allowed to warn the protagonists before being killed off even though she serves no purpose but to put the cults plan at risk because the movie has to happen. Only, because its so obvious that it doesn't even build suspense. The children have to be weird and creepy because the movie needs them to be. But the protags notice that they aren't human and have such a passive reaction that they aren't creepy. Dagon shows up. Only he looks like ass. This movie sucks.
- DirectorShozin FukuiStarsHaji SuzukiOnn-chanKôji ÔtsuboPinocchio 964, a lobotomised cyborg sex slave, is abandoned by his owners due to his inability to maintain an erection, while the corporate entity plans to kill him.What. The. Absolute. F^ck. Shozin Fukui watched Tetsuo and said hold my beer. And then he made the weirdest, most disturbed trip of a movie one can make on a budget of ten dollars and CVS coupons that may or may not but most certainly are expired. A lot of running around, screaming, vomiting, and scaring the ever loving hell out of normal people trying to go about their day. I can't say its good, the lead actress never acted before or since and all anyone does is scream and vomit. Sometimes at the same time so I guess that showed some talent. And the weirdest part, I kind of enjoyed it. This isn't a movie for the faint of heart, will probably require therapy if watched under the influence, but the rawness of the movie has its charm.