.
.
I really wanted to crash a bit earlier, after dinner. I decided to push it just a bit longer, to try to fill the day. So much, though, for staying up until midnight. I did that last week though! Heh...
Dinner was quite good. When I was told it was stuffed peppers, with couscous... I just thanked. From my attempts at producing couscous, I had trepidation. However, the woman who cooked this has surprised me with things I "didn't like" before. I was certainly not going to turn down a chance to see if I had missed something with a particular ingredient before either. Not without a taste. I love it when people trick me. Delicious. Odd how you have to try something in so many ways to find a way you might like it. I actually hate not liking a food. I'm a collector, of sorts.
On another issue, I am noticing something. I am truly beginning to quicken, again. My flesh is beginning to heal. As it does something is happening. As the mind and body begin to knit, something else is beginning to grow... or... waken. I must precede with some caution. Not for my health, for my soul or at least for my adherence to Truth. Yes, boys and girls, after 25 years of near death, something is
stirring. Something powerful, potentially quite dark, and it will own
me if I let it. Actually, it will have it's way from time to time in any case. How do you mature a 20-something by twenty some years
in a year or two? The flesh remembers when it went to sleep, as does
whatever else... is in there. A healthy body with some of the advantages it
has and that I have garnered... Yes, a concern. A real one. I'll be
praying about this, and seeking... answers otherwise. There have to be
others who have gone through this. Yes, I think I am on the heal, hard,
fast, sure. Remember who you are. Always remember. But through the
rages of hormones and vitality that will be striking me like a high
summer sun after having been buried in ice for decades? Remember...
As well, women are becoming possible again. The next woman needs to be the right one. No, not a soul mate for whatever that might mean. She has to be able to bear children. She has to know God first, she can never be mine otherwise. And she will have to be strong enough to handle what my seed produces. Further, she will have to be strong enough to handle me. I can crush a typical woman with a whim, a thought, even a look. No, I will have to be careful. I don't mind carrying my woman from time to time, but I can't... won't... carry her over every little thing. She will have to be well self-possessed, albeit within the frame of a woman. Hmm, I'm thinking on this. I can smell a woman, I just can't tell by her scent if she is strong enough. Oh, I don't do this just for my sake, but for her... soul, very possibly. My children will be a test that makes me seem simple.
Perhaps it's all just tall tales. What was it they say? Ah, prepare for the worst, advance as if for the best... or some such.
Well, I think bedtime is reasonable now. At 20:00, all is well. Sleep should be easy. To those of you who stay up and ring in the New Year, I hope you enjoy. For the rest of you party poopers? Enjoy your sleep. I know I will be. I vote "partypooper" with my... feet. Heh. Good night.
Monday, December 31, 2012
Splash!
.
.
Later than I had initially hoped, but with a few problems solved, I made it to town and into the gym. I had no idea what I was doing. I had to ask a few questions. I looked in and found the pool, then the locker room. I bit the bullet and went on in. Changed, messed with the locker until I thought I had the technique down (temp. use lockers, you program the lock, very nice touch by the way). Fine, I didn't wear my t-shirt into the pool. But I did wear it up until a lane was open. I spent an half hour in the pool, as I suggested I would, and did what I could. I didn't hit it hard, I didn't push, I simply did what I felt I could. I am satisfied with this first step. My goal, at the moment, is to be back in at least Friday. If I am up to it I may go Wednesday. But Friday is the definite. If I make it Wednesday, though, then Friday becomes... debatable.
After the swim I called my friend. A bit of shopping and a late lunch went forth. The pieces I cut for the paint match were too small, so I will have another group of cuttings for the next swim day. Nothing fancy, and I was slowing down pretty heavily as the day in town came to a close. Tomorrow will be a rest day. I don't know that it will need to be, so much, anymore. It is just that I do not want to push too many things, too hard, right here at the beginning. Though truth be told I do believe it will be needed. Maybe, someday, if I can keep this up, it won't be. At least my friend was glad to see me! I've let him know that if he needs something, call. It would add incentive for me to get in. But too, it is nice to be useful to someone else.
A year to finally get to the pool? Well, you know by now that I don't do anything fast. Well, nothing that could be considered work or work-like. I find a seat like nobody's business. I also devour food like my life depended on it. And I do say and write foolish things faster than I have a mind to rethink things. I run out of speed on those things. It felt good in there. Having gotten up to a mile a day, three times a week, a few years ago, helped bring back my older techniques. I couldn't touch either today, but I did see it. The first few laps I was all over the place in the lane. The next few laps I started swimming straighter. And then, before I became too tired, I just felt some of the old form returning. The right placement of my hands, the right pull, going as straight as an arrow. I am pleased. But this is going to take some time. I won't mess with the kick-board for now. But this time I see the need for it right away. My legs are strong enough, they just aren't used to this sort of thing. In a few weeks I will begin using my kick-board. I just want to simply begin the habit at this point.
I also didn't mess with the heart monitor watch. I want to simply get used to the pool again for a while. In a month or two, if I can dampen my curiosity, I will begin tinkering with it. It won't really be useful for some time, not until I pretty much fill the half hour with swim, and actually not even then. The plan is to stay in the pool for one half hour until I fill that time with pretty constant swimming. At that point I then move to a full hour. When, or if, I can fill that hour, or at least when I get to some regular serious swimming, then the heart monitor will begin to be useful, to maximize caloric burn, or some other variables such as speed, and be sure to do it safely.
I am feeling good. A little tired, of course, but... not in the worst of ways. A bit of reading, I suppose. Some blog reading too. I may be heading to bed reasonably early tonight. Good afternoon, perhaps good night.
.
Later than I had initially hoped, but with a few problems solved, I made it to town and into the gym. I had no idea what I was doing. I had to ask a few questions. I looked in and found the pool, then the locker room. I bit the bullet and went on in. Changed, messed with the locker until I thought I had the technique down (temp. use lockers, you program the lock, very nice touch by the way). Fine, I didn't wear my t-shirt into the pool. But I did wear it up until a lane was open. I spent an half hour in the pool, as I suggested I would, and did what I could. I didn't hit it hard, I didn't push, I simply did what I felt I could. I am satisfied with this first step. My goal, at the moment, is to be back in at least Friday. If I am up to it I may go Wednesday. But Friday is the definite. If I make it Wednesday, though, then Friday becomes... debatable.
After the swim I called my friend. A bit of shopping and a late lunch went forth. The pieces I cut for the paint match were too small, so I will have another group of cuttings for the next swim day. Nothing fancy, and I was slowing down pretty heavily as the day in town came to a close. Tomorrow will be a rest day. I don't know that it will need to be, so much, anymore. It is just that I do not want to push too many things, too hard, right here at the beginning. Though truth be told I do believe it will be needed. Maybe, someday, if I can keep this up, it won't be. At least my friend was glad to see me! I've let him know that if he needs something, call. It would add incentive for me to get in. But too, it is nice to be useful to someone else.
A year to finally get to the pool? Well, you know by now that I don't do anything fast. Well, nothing that could be considered work or work-like. I find a seat like nobody's business. I also devour food like my life depended on it. And I do say and write foolish things faster than I have a mind to rethink things. I run out of speed on those things. It felt good in there. Having gotten up to a mile a day, three times a week, a few years ago, helped bring back my older techniques. I couldn't touch either today, but I did see it. The first few laps I was all over the place in the lane. The next few laps I started swimming straighter. And then, before I became too tired, I just felt some of the old form returning. The right placement of my hands, the right pull, going as straight as an arrow. I am pleased. But this is going to take some time. I won't mess with the kick-board for now. But this time I see the need for it right away. My legs are strong enough, they just aren't used to this sort of thing. In a few weeks I will begin using my kick-board. I just want to simply begin the habit at this point.
I also didn't mess with the heart monitor watch. I want to simply get used to the pool again for a while. In a month or two, if I can dampen my curiosity, I will begin tinkering with it. It won't really be useful for some time, not until I pretty much fill the half hour with swim, and actually not even then. The plan is to stay in the pool for one half hour until I fill that time with pretty constant swimming. At that point I then move to a full hour. When, or if, I can fill that hour, or at least when I get to some regular serious swimming, then the heart monitor will begin to be useful, to maximize caloric burn, or some other variables such as speed, and be sure to do it safely.
I am feeling good. A little tired, of course, but... not in the worst of ways. A bit of reading, I suppose. Some blog reading too. I may be heading to bed reasonably early tonight. Good afternoon, perhaps good night.
As it turned out...
.
.
The water is back on. It wasn't shut off, merely frozen. I didn't put the lid back on to the access to the main and that is where the freeze happened. My neighbor(tm) came by and checked the pipes, starting in the basement, so now I know sort of what to do beyond checking for water on the floor. Then we tried the hydrant outside, no water there either but it didn't feel frozen. He knew who to call when I noticed the problem with the mini-mancover. It seems I am not the only one who has done this, and there was an easy enough fix. Five minutes, max, and the water was back on... when the guy(tm) showed up with the right kind of heater.
Right before that though, I finally found my goggles. They were, of course, and as usual, in the last place I looked. A box I had been looking for for other reasons. It was here, in my computer room, but on the far side of a chair, and in the corner... That solves several mysteries.
Okay, so I missed Mass. I did look up swim times, though, and if it isn't too busy I should have no problems getting in to swim. Ugh, though! Actually... it has been interesting. I did learn a bit. I was able to keep doing things to either fix or find and it didn't wear me out. I'll take it. Now to get a sample from the back ceiling and another from this, the computer, room. I found a little hole I might try to repair. A ding in the drywall from opening the front door a bit too vigorously. I may patch that with a slat, though, too, instead of a regular patch. I want to put a door catcher on the patched area, and I don't think a normal patch would keep that well. I'll think on that, but I might as well get paint for that, too, while I am at it. And grab a wall mounted door-stop. Besides, that paint will work in most of the rooms for any need. The previous owners painted everything an eggshell white, save for some of the ceilings which were painted a serious delirious white.
Bah, best get going. Good day.
.
The water is back on. It wasn't shut off, merely frozen. I didn't put the lid back on to the access to the main and that is where the freeze happened. My neighbor(tm) came by and checked the pipes, starting in the basement, so now I know sort of what to do beyond checking for water on the floor. Then we tried the hydrant outside, no water there either but it didn't feel frozen. He knew who to call when I noticed the problem with the mini-mancover. It seems I am not the only one who has done this, and there was an easy enough fix. Five minutes, max, and the water was back on... when the guy(tm) showed up with the right kind of heater.
Right before that though, I finally found my goggles. They were, of course, and as usual, in the last place I looked. A box I had been looking for for other reasons. It was here, in my computer room, but on the far side of a chair, and in the corner... That solves several mysteries.
Okay, so I missed Mass. I did look up swim times, though, and if it isn't too busy I should have no problems getting in to swim. Ugh, though! Actually... it has been interesting. I did learn a bit. I was able to keep doing things to either fix or find and it didn't wear me out. I'll take it. Now to get a sample from the back ceiling and another from this, the computer, room. I found a little hole I might try to repair. A ding in the drywall from opening the front door a bit too vigorously. I may patch that with a slat, though, too, instead of a regular patch. I want to put a door catcher on the patched area, and I don't think a normal patch would keep that well. I'll think on that, but I might as well get paint for that, too, while I am at it. And grab a wall mounted door-stop. Besides, that paint will work in most of the rooms for any need. The previous owners painted everything an eggshell white, save for some of the ceilings which were painted a serious delirious white.
Bah, best get going. Good day.
Why would someone question their humanity?
.
.
Little thoughts are ticking away as I goof to wakefulness. I was thinking about the question, among other quantities and qualities of life. I can't say for all men, or even one other man. I can say for my part, why such a thing would be questioned. On a purely physical platform, I come from it as someone who has survived nigh on statistical impossibilities. Not one, or few, but many. Heck, when I woke this morning I continue to stretch probability. As well, some men seem to have a power that is all their own. They can change their, and even other people's, world... perhaps down to altering reality? I suppose I consider the men that God made to be men of action, true, but... of lesser action. There are some men who stretch action out of the context... of some limits.
Now, I do believe God is calling us to come into our own, to be truly powerful beings. Eventually, those who choose His way, will literally be His children, as it was meant to be. But I see clearly that He is trying to separate us from our own will. The reason the term "Father's will" is so potent is because I see it as the key, possibly, probably, more than simply a call to do His will. In doing His will I see the way, true. But when we become powerful, we will need to see that power, our power, is a means to something other than our own will or ends. Through the use of His will, we are learning to differentiate our will from 'the good', or whatever it is our will should be used to enhance. So, some men, who have powerful wills... it brings questions to mind concerning them. Well, that and men who lack any of this. Outliers, souls, soullessness, God's will... it all creates questions.
It is difficult to put this all into the correct words. And some will find fault with any question of such nature, purely because they don't want to believe the truth that not all men are equal, or women, or pets, or... anything. It might mean they are forsaking their responsibilities, coasting, a part of the rot. Only, I have to question some things. I have to think them through. Oh, no, I won't proffer an answer. Simply I don't have an answer, for sure. Is it worthy to question? I have to think that is part of God's will. It is when answers are formed, right or wrong, and then what to do about them. There is where the problems can arise. A wrong answer, however, that does no harm, is far preferred to a right answer that ends up being genocidal... even if just in intent. Much to consider. And, no, not even my hedges lean me to believe in genocide. How could it if I were even thinking I were an outsider? Of course, the X-men nemesis notion of getting rid of normals exist, save that... that notion is anathema to me as well. If anything, even if not popular, they do quite the opposite.
Even a soulless man has a purpose in God's will, should there be such men. What that purpose might be only God knows. Heck, it might be to test those who know, those who have power, to see if they have mercy in them. Dunno. Some, though, I think, will be needed to do the darker parts of God's plan. Someone, for example, had to accuse, try, punish, then execute Christ, if I think those were quite normal men. The thing is, what will have to take place will require no ordinary men for the final sequence of events. Ordinary men cannot overcome other ordinary men, most of whom have at least a seed of light in them, especially not as a vast minority. But that will have to happen, so I think... some men are not what they seem to be.
So, which are you? :p
The sun is coming up. I opened the curtains probably a bit early but it is a wonderful winter day. We keep getting ice crystal seeming skiffs of snow at night, or early morning. I had called my mother about the goggles, she didn't answer, but called back shortly. She thought they were where I thought they would be. I'll look again. Oh, and I will call city hall and see if there is a water issue for anyone else. Then I'll give one more sweep for the goggles and begin figuring out how to get going for swimming.
Good day.
.
Little thoughts are ticking away as I goof to wakefulness. I was thinking about the question, among other quantities and qualities of life. I can't say for all men, or even one other man. I can say for my part, why such a thing would be questioned. On a purely physical platform, I come from it as someone who has survived nigh on statistical impossibilities. Not one, or few, but many. Heck, when I woke this morning I continue to stretch probability. As well, some men seem to have a power that is all their own. They can change their, and even other people's, world... perhaps down to altering reality? I suppose I consider the men that God made to be men of action, true, but... of lesser action. There are some men who stretch action out of the context... of some limits.
Now, I do believe God is calling us to come into our own, to be truly powerful beings. Eventually, those who choose His way, will literally be His children, as it was meant to be. But I see clearly that He is trying to separate us from our own will. The reason the term "Father's will" is so potent is because I see it as the key, possibly, probably, more than simply a call to do His will. In doing His will I see the way, true. But when we become powerful, we will need to see that power, our power, is a means to something other than our own will or ends. Through the use of His will, we are learning to differentiate our will from 'the good', or whatever it is our will should be used to enhance. So, some men, who have powerful wills... it brings questions to mind concerning them. Well, that and men who lack any of this. Outliers, souls, soullessness, God's will... it all creates questions.
It is difficult to put this all into the correct words. And some will find fault with any question of such nature, purely because they don't want to believe the truth that not all men are equal, or women, or pets, or... anything. It might mean they are forsaking their responsibilities, coasting, a part of the rot. Only, I have to question some things. I have to think them through. Oh, no, I won't proffer an answer. Simply I don't have an answer, for sure. Is it worthy to question? I have to think that is part of God's will. It is when answers are formed, right or wrong, and then what to do about them. There is where the problems can arise. A wrong answer, however, that does no harm, is far preferred to a right answer that ends up being genocidal... even if just in intent. Much to consider. And, no, not even my hedges lean me to believe in genocide. How could it if I were even thinking I were an outsider? Of course, the X-men nemesis notion of getting rid of normals exist, save that... that notion is anathema to me as well. If anything, even if not popular, they do quite the opposite.
Even a soulless man has a purpose in God's will, should there be such men. What that purpose might be only God knows. Heck, it might be to test those who know, those who have power, to see if they have mercy in them. Dunno. Some, though, I think, will be needed to do the darker parts of God's plan. Someone, for example, had to accuse, try, punish, then execute Christ, if I think those were quite normal men. The thing is, what will have to take place will require no ordinary men for the final sequence of events. Ordinary men cannot overcome other ordinary men, most of whom have at least a seed of light in them, especially not as a vast minority. But that will have to happen, so I think... some men are not what they seem to be.
So, which are you? :p
The sun is coming up. I opened the curtains probably a bit early but it is a wonderful winter day. We keep getting ice crystal seeming skiffs of snow at night, or early morning. I had called my mother about the goggles, she didn't answer, but called back shortly. She thought they were where I thought they would be. I'll look again. Oh, and I will call city hall and see if there is a water issue for anyone else. Then I'll give one more sweep for the goggles and begin figuring out how to get going for swimming.
Good day.
Success is more terrible than failure?
.
.
To bed by... 21:00? Awake at 4:00ish if I didn't actually rise until 5:00ish, 5:30ish? Something. The scale just mocks and teases, up 4 pounds overnight. At least the blood pressure cuff was generous, offering a 104/86 reading or so. Of my last four readings, missing a day in there, I think the highest was 124/94! Definitely a trend, well on the way to a regularity? I... almost didn't reset my medicine container yesterday, but not wanting to miss I did get to it. Why do I have to push so very hard to do something I want to do? So, medicines stumble onward.
I did find what of my swimming gear I could last night. I can't find my new goggles but I did find an old pair. I hope it doesn't leak. Bah! I put my gear together to go swimming some time today, in a duffel bag, all ready to go. A huge beach towel, three different trunks since I'm not sure what will fit these days, goggles, shoes, socks, a t-shirt until I can overcome the modesty born of being a hermit ogre, and the heart monitor watch. I may switch out the tennis shoes for neoprene dive booties. I can wear the latter from the locker room right into the pool. Hey, I'm not there for 'stylin', and don't want a foot rash. Plus, then I don't have to mess with socks.
A bite to eat, then I realized the girls had not been fed! Usually they are fed right after my bladder is relieved and vitals procured. Not this morning for some very odd reason I could not identify. Actually this whole morning has been a clusterfuck of a thing. Oh, it happens, if an extreme rarity usually. No, I do start out misfiring, my body rushing and my mind still in bed, it is just that usually my body knows what to do, in what order, and does it. Urhm, I think? Just not this morning, oddly. All good, I don't really fuss too much about all that though, I usually don't have to fuss though either.
Then I thought to do some dishes, or rinse my breakfast bowl, or... something. Hmm. The faucet... something wrong... My mind still wasn't up to conscious understanding. I tried it a couple of times. Nope. Wait, is the, could the, water be off? Hmm, bathroom, the sink. Yep, the water is not running. Is it just my home, is it city wide, was it planned, was there a pipe burst? I dunno. My basement looks dry. And it wouldn't be the plumbing work on the outdoor hydrant. I put heavy amounts of gravel down, it is a frost-free hydrant, and it is buried at least seven feet down, so wouldn't freeze in almost any case. I do know I won't be taking a shower. I think I am in arrears on city utilities, but nothing serious. Perhaps a month, maybe two. Then again, maybe the city decided to shut people off sooner in some city council meeting? But they would have had to shut it off before 5:30 or 6:00 this morning, and after midnight when I relieved myself and flushed with the bowl refilling. It's not digitally controlled, so would someone have really been that anxious to shut the water off? I had been planning to put in what is due, plus a couple of months (for now) ahead on the 1st, until finances allow for a larger payment later in the spring. It is my goal to be about six months ahead, and then let that spend down. Thankfully I showered yesterday so I shouldn't be too horrible smelling when I go to swim. But I do have a new worry, problem...
I wasn't sure I would be getting the trash and recycling out today. I ended up getting it collected this morning with a little push. And I took it to the bins. But with only a sack of each I took out to the bins I saw no reason to take those to the curb. How is it that women go through so damn much trash in a week! My mom, and every girlfriend I can remember, filled bins before the week was 2/3rds over. I often had to buy tags, and keep those on hand, for extra bag pickup. Gah! Never mind. If the governments truly decide to go green, they would have to get rid of women as a first step. Oddly, the very people dead set on "making the world a greener place" are the very people who absolute trash the place. Go figure! While I didn't take the bins to the curb, I am satisfied that I could have, that I had everything in place, and was out there to actually decide in a timely manner. It's these little things that are my successes. That is why I blog about the seemingly inane. Those ARE my life and, that is, when I am successful. Sad? True. And good enough as it is getting better.
Good day.
.
To bed by... 21:00? Awake at 4:00ish if I didn't actually rise until 5:00ish, 5:30ish? Something. The scale just mocks and teases, up 4 pounds overnight. At least the blood pressure cuff was generous, offering a 104/86 reading or so. Of my last four readings, missing a day in there, I think the highest was 124/94! Definitely a trend, well on the way to a regularity? I... almost didn't reset my medicine container yesterday, but not wanting to miss I did get to it. Why do I have to push so very hard to do something I want to do? So, medicines stumble onward.
I did find what of my swimming gear I could last night. I can't find my new goggles but I did find an old pair. I hope it doesn't leak. Bah! I put my gear together to go swimming some time today, in a duffel bag, all ready to go. A huge beach towel, three different trunks since I'm not sure what will fit these days, goggles, shoes, socks, a t-shirt until I can overcome the modesty born of being a hermit ogre, and the heart monitor watch. I may switch out the tennis shoes for neoprene dive booties. I can wear the latter from the locker room right into the pool. Hey, I'm not there for 'stylin', and don't want a foot rash. Plus, then I don't have to mess with socks.
A bite to eat, then I realized the girls had not been fed! Usually they are fed right after my bladder is relieved and vitals procured. Not this morning for some very odd reason I could not identify. Actually this whole morning has been a clusterfuck of a thing. Oh, it happens, if an extreme rarity usually. No, I do start out misfiring, my body rushing and my mind still in bed, it is just that usually my body knows what to do, in what order, and does it. Urhm, I think? Just not this morning, oddly. All good, I don't really fuss too much about all that though, I usually don't have to fuss though either.
Then I thought to do some dishes, or rinse my breakfast bowl, or... something. Hmm. The faucet... something wrong... My mind still wasn't up to conscious understanding. I tried it a couple of times. Nope. Wait, is the, could the, water be off? Hmm, bathroom, the sink. Yep, the water is not running. Is it just my home, is it city wide, was it planned, was there a pipe burst? I dunno. My basement looks dry. And it wouldn't be the plumbing work on the outdoor hydrant. I put heavy amounts of gravel down, it is a frost-free hydrant, and it is buried at least seven feet down, so wouldn't freeze in almost any case. I do know I won't be taking a shower. I think I am in arrears on city utilities, but nothing serious. Perhaps a month, maybe two. Then again, maybe the city decided to shut people off sooner in some city council meeting? But they would have had to shut it off before 5:30 or 6:00 this morning, and after midnight when I relieved myself and flushed with the bowl refilling. It's not digitally controlled, so would someone have really been that anxious to shut the water off? I had been planning to put in what is due, plus a couple of months (for now) ahead on the 1st, until finances allow for a larger payment later in the spring. It is my goal to be about six months ahead, and then let that spend down. Thankfully I showered yesterday so I shouldn't be too horrible smelling when I go to swim. But I do have a new worry, problem...
I wasn't sure I would be getting the trash and recycling out today. I ended up getting it collected this morning with a little push. And I took it to the bins. But with only a sack of each I took out to the bins I saw no reason to take those to the curb. How is it that women go through so damn much trash in a week! My mom, and every girlfriend I can remember, filled bins before the week was 2/3rds over. I often had to buy tags, and keep those on hand, for extra bag pickup. Gah! Never mind. If the governments truly decide to go green, they would have to get rid of women as a first step. Oddly, the very people dead set on "making the world a greener place" are the very people who absolute trash the place. Go figure! While I didn't take the bins to the curb, I am satisfied that I could have, that I had everything in place, and was out there to actually decide in a timely manner. It's these little things that are my successes. That is why I blog about the seemingly inane. Those ARE my life and, that is, when I am successful. Sad? True. And good enough as it is getting better.
Good day.
Sunday, December 30, 2012
A nice easy day.
.
.
As easy days go this day was stellar. I think I needed the rest. The work yesterday was a stretch after being sedentary for so long. Yeah, either beating myself up doing too much or just the opposite. Then again it hasn't been a choice. The meds put a huge damper on things and winter usually slows me down on top of it. That I haven't completely crumpled into the dirt, or a warm comfy bed, is actually quite the thing. I have even nearly swung my days and nights back around with some hope of keeping to days for a while again. Well, I haven't stumbled harshly so far this winter anyway. I almost think I will make it on through.
The day lamp, I do think, is helping. It isn't acting as a guide for sleep as I had hoped or thought. What it is doing is allowing what passes for my days, the hours of wakefulness, to be more full. And being awake more fully and for full 'days' helps with sleeping more fully, or the light does that as well somehow. Actually I think I know how, literally it helps the brain to shut of the manufacture of a particular brain-produced hormone, but that's not the point. I think the medicines are taking me into a brand new level of health, which might allow for more healing. And, having healed a bit, I do believe I am at a new level of function. Basically I am hitting the perfect storm toward health and success, if in tiny increments, so far.
Still, light and easy today. No choice. On the good side I am up and it is past 18:00. I am awaiting dinner and then I will shut down for the night. Reading hasn't been happening too much. I am even a bit tired for that. I will try as I relax in prep for bed but it might just not be possible. I am really enjoying Vox's book. I have some suspicions of where he can/will go with the question. There are limits historically. I still am fascinated to see a question shelved, I would guess, over a century ago, come back. Not all will be pleased with that turn of events. I have begun the Summa Theologica as well, on that track I linked the other day, starting with question 75. The one thing is, I am not quite sure about looking things up when referenced. First I have to figure out the reference system. Then I need to sort technique out, to include whether to read the reference right when referenced, to read the current passages first then read the reference, and possibly reread the initial passage. The thing is there are sometimes, perhaps often, several to many references. My mind can only take in so much at once? And, for the absolute moment, I am not up to... doing more than a precursory straight read, albeit in an advised starter area. We will see.
Ah well. Have a good night, sleep well, and God be with you.
.
As easy days go this day was stellar. I think I needed the rest. The work yesterday was a stretch after being sedentary for so long. Yeah, either beating myself up doing too much or just the opposite. Then again it hasn't been a choice. The meds put a huge damper on things and winter usually slows me down on top of it. That I haven't completely crumpled into the dirt, or a warm comfy bed, is actually quite the thing. I have even nearly swung my days and nights back around with some hope of keeping to days for a while again. Well, I haven't stumbled harshly so far this winter anyway. I almost think I will make it on through.
The day lamp, I do think, is helping. It isn't acting as a guide for sleep as I had hoped or thought. What it is doing is allowing what passes for my days, the hours of wakefulness, to be more full. And being awake more fully and for full 'days' helps with sleeping more fully, or the light does that as well somehow. Actually I think I know how, literally it helps the brain to shut of the manufacture of a particular brain-produced hormone, but that's not the point. I think the medicines are taking me into a brand new level of health, which might allow for more healing. And, having healed a bit, I do believe I am at a new level of function. Basically I am hitting the perfect storm toward health and success, if in tiny increments, so far.
Still, light and easy today. No choice. On the good side I am up and it is past 18:00. I am awaiting dinner and then I will shut down for the night. Reading hasn't been happening too much. I am even a bit tired for that. I will try as I relax in prep for bed but it might just not be possible. I am really enjoying Vox's book. I have some suspicions of where he can/will go with the question. There are limits historically. I still am fascinated to see a question shelved, I would guess, over a century ago, come back. Not all will be pleased with that turn of events. I have begun the Summa Theologica as well, on that track I linked the other day, starting with question 75. The one thing is, I am not quite sure about looking things up when referenced. First I have to figure out the reference system. Then I need to sort technique out, to include whether to read the reference right when referenced, to read the current passages first then read the reference, and possibly reread the initial passage. The thing is there are sometimes, perhaps often, several to many references. My mind can only take in so much at once? And, for the absolute moment, I am not up to... doing more than a precursory straight read, albeit in an advised starter area. We will see.
Ah well. Have a good night, sleep well, and God be with you.
A day of rest.
.
.
I had hoped to be up to getting to Church today. It just won't happen. The little I can do has been enough to put an end to other plans. If I can get to town tomorrow I will go to Church before swimming. If... I can get the timing right. Nothing personal at all. Simply I can't do things, right here in my home, on some kind of time schedule. I can and do try though. I did get a shower in this morning. The girls are happy about it. Snoopy dances? That's... not right!
Today is simply, without much choice, a day off. Being Sunday this is not a bad thing. Research on this and that, reading as I can, and the a terrible want for a nap. The sun is up, the curtains are open, and life is pretty good if a little slow. I'm slowly gobbling a hamburger and bean fry. I needed beef, hard. And, of course, I get to sample more of the habanero sauce. I don't eat that like ketchup, I only eat that on things I think are appropriate, mostly my Mexican style dishes though scrambled eggs and a few other things also take well to a bit of heat.
I have been thinking about something lately. Something that bothers me a bit. It won't be just the religious who are in trouble when the time comes. Academics are under the same gun. Further, I get a feeling that... most Christians will truly be gone. Actually, all of them. Anyone who has been named in a Church record. Who, then, are these few Christians? Second gens who know little but somehow found their way to the truth. No, atheism will not save, in any way shape or form. I have to suspect many of them know this. Suicide by state? Yes, I think so. I do know who they will come for first, the same ones they always come after first. I don't like seeing these things, understanding. I don't want to know. And some men... I don't want to see as... brothers...
.
I had hoped to be up to getting to Church today. It just won't happen. The little I can do has been enough to put an end to other plans. If I can get to town tomorrow I will go to Church before swimming. If... I can get the timing right. Nothing personal at all. Simply I can't do things, right here in my home, on some kind of time schedule. I can and do try though. I did get a shower in this morning. The girls are happy about it. Snoopy dances? That's... not right!
Today is simply, without much choice, a day off. Being Sunday this is not a bad thing. Research on this and that, reading as I can, and the a terrible want for a nap. The sun is up, the curtains are open, and life is pretty good if a little slow. I'm slowly gobbling a hamburger and bean fry. I needed beef, hard. And, of course, I get to sample more of the habanero sauce. I don't eat that like ketchup, I only eat that on things I think are appropriate, mostly my Mexican style dishes though scrambled eggs and a few other things also take well to a bit of heat.
I have been thinking about something lately. Something that bothers me a bit. It won't be just the religious who are in trouble when the time comes. Academics are under the same gun. Further, I get a feeling that... most Christians will truly be gone. Actually, all of them. Anyone who has been named in a Church record. Who, then, are these few Christians? Second gens who know little but somehow found their way to the truth. No, atheism will not save, in any way shape or form. I have to suspect many of them know this. Suicide by state? Yes, I think so. I do know who they will come for first, the same ones they always come after first. I don't like seeing these things, understanding. I don't want to know. And some men... I don't want to see as... brothers...
Summa Theologica, right in da kisser!
.
.
Oh? A fool am I? And? As reading picks up, and it is picking up quickly, I find myself reading more of the novel I started, and picking at the Summa Theologica. The bits I have dug into led me to understand that a blunt force read of the tome, as I did with the catechism, would not work. While the catechism is a solid piece of dense work, there is rhyme and some commonality to my understandings. Further it is written to be read, understood, at face value. So too, if in a way foreign to most consumption readers, is the Summa. But what, I had to ask, was the key to reading the book so as not to be bombarded by a secular left hook and then a religious right punch, without ever getting to speak my mind on the matter and test either attack to my own satisfaction? I don't mind being told what the Church believes, I don't mind being told what the secular world believes, but I have to have a means of seeing in order to choose. Those blows are fast and hard, not a friendly waffling that. Choice, a fabled, possibly fictional thing. If it be but an illusion, I do need that illusion in order to function.
So, a bit of thinking on the matter and... a thought. I wonder if someone else might well have... run into my situation? Perhaps they have blogged about it, or... maybe created a complete devotional to teaching how to read such a seemingly important, yet obscure to face-value reading, work? A bit of checking and there it was. Written out like the golden cheat sheet for The Final. I will look over several of them, actually. Though I must be honest, from having read of the Summa what I have and having thought about what was written in the first blog which seemed reasonable, I am thinking the blog author knows what for. I will probably heed his advice. How odd. No matter how potent a mind, simply reading some things take a cypher regardless. A potent mind? Yes, not to be a braggart. Just, being a liar might be for the worse. And besides, a good mind is a gift or a burden, not a thing to shine on about.
Ah, another find on the internet. The way to source paint. It has been suggested that a minor cutting from the source material should easily find me to the correct shade of paint. Such a simple thing. Then again, my tech-fu regarding paint is not up to snuff. I hadn't considered that the paint store could digitally scan then match from a source. The last time I painted something there were no such techniques. It was all done by eye, and my eyes are probably better than the next fellows, if some people truly have a talent in it. But do you trust a hardware store to go in search of a color-matching savant? :p Never mind, that fixes that. And I already have the ceiling putty to fix that little ding, and will be buying the paint to cover even that. Talk about a self-solving solution!
My lungs! Having my hands in the air initially hurt, yesterday. Then... it simply became easy. However, it truly stretched my lungs. They feel a little funny today. There is pain, but there is also a type of joy to it. It does remind me of swimming. Tomorrow, swimming... Yes. My body hungers to be in shape again. To have full lungs, efficient and reasonable musculature, and the capacity to do and be. Tomorrow. Which means I won't be going to town today, that might nix tomorrow.
Ah, later.
.
Oh? A fool am I? And? As reading picks up, and it is picking up quickly, I find myself reading more of the novel I started, and picking at the Summa Theologica. The bits I have dug into led me to understand that a blunt force read of the tome, as I did with the catechism, would not work. While the catechism is a solid piece of dense work, there is rhyme and some commonality to my understandings. Further it is written to be read, understood, at face value. So too, if in a way foreign to most consumption readers, is the Summa. But what, I had to ask, was the key to reading the book so as not to be bombarded by a secular left hook and then a religious right punch, without ever getting to speak my mind on the matter and test either attack to my own satisfaction? I don't mind being told what the Church believes, I don't mind being told what the secular world believes, but I have to have a means of seeing in order to choose. Those blows are fast and hard, not a friendly waffling that. Choice, a fabled, possibly fictional thing. If it be but an illusion, I do need that illusion in order to function.
So, a bit of thinking on the matter and... a thought. I wonder if someone else might well have... run into my situation? Perhaps they have blogged about it, or... maybe created a complete devotional to teaching how to read such a seemingly important, yet obscure to face-value reading, work? A bit of checking and there it was. Written out like the golden cheat sheet for The Final. I will look over several of them, actually. Though I must be honest, from having read of the Summa what I have and having thought about what was written in the first blog which seemed reasonable, I am thinking the blog author knows what for. I will probably heed his advice. How odd. No matter how potent a mind, simply reading some things take a cypher regardless. A potent mind? Yes, not to be a braggart. Just, being a liar might be for the worse. And besides, a good mind is a gift or a burden, not a thing to shine on about.
Ah, another find on the internet. The way to source paint. It has been suggested that a minor cutting from the source material should easily find me to the correct shade of paint. Such a simple thing. Then again, my tech-fu regarding paint is not up to snuff. I hadn't considered that the paint store could digitally scan then match from a source. The last time I painted something there were no such techniques. It was all done by eye, and my eyes are probably better than the next fellows, if some people truly have a talent in it. But do you trust a hardware store to go in search of a color-matching savant? :p Never mind, that fixes that. And I already have the ceiling putty to fix that little ding, and will be buying the paint to cover even that. Talk about a self-solving solution!
My lungs! Having my hands in the air initially hurt, yesterday. Then... it simply became easy. However, it truly stretched my lungs. They feel a little funny today. There is pain, but there is also a type of joy to it. It does remind me of swimming. Tomorrow, swimming... Yes. My body hungers to be in shape again. To have full lungs, efficient and reasonable musculature, and the capacity to do and be. Tomorrow. Which means I won't be going to town today, that might nix tomorrow.
Ah, later.
Saturday, December 29, 2012
Good night, good morning, good day, good God.
.
.
To bed at 18:00 and perhaps some minor digits to fill out those zeroes if probably less than a decade. Sleep was grand as a slam with half the costs normally involved, albeit half the skin of the ladies side, or less. Never you mind, an old man's plum pudding notion shooting through the early morning mind like an early morning falling star. Onto the scale and nearly a decagon pounds gone. Into the kitchen to measure bp, at 124/84 or so?, not bad. At having awaken at 1:30ish, I got as close to a full night of sleep as I may with such a thrust into daylight as yesterday turned out to be. The world, it seems, indeed, anoints the bold.
Today I need to figure out how to do an empty-handed color match. Paint will be purchased, if it is hoped a pint will do. Other shopping will go forward, if today is the day to be in town. Laundry could be tended. A minor walkthrough of the place to shepherd various things to their rightful places and to obtain refuse and recycling for their appointed fates. Trash and I think recycling are due to be put to the curb once they have been collected and directed properly as well. What else? Ah... feed me! The girls have been fed, their litter tended, now Sam just needs attention... well, off she flew! No time to pander to the typing godling, she intones with a minor scratch as she huffies off. Women!
Good morning.
.
To bed at 18:00 and perhaps some minor digits to fill out those zeroes if probably less than a decade. Sleep was grand as a slam with half the costs normally involved, albeit half the skin of the ladies side, or less. Never you mind, an old man's plum pudding notion shooting through the early morning mind like an early morning falling star. Onto the scale and nearly a decagon pounds gone. Into the kitchen to measure bp, at 124/84 or so?, not bad. At having awaken at 1:30ish, I got as close to a full night of sleep as I may with such a thrust into daylight as yesterday turned out to be. The world, it seems, indeed, anoints the bold.
Today I need to figure out how to do an empty-handed color match. Paint will be purchased, if it is hoped a pint will do. Other shopping will go forward, if today is the day to be in town. Laundry could be tended. A minor walkthrough of the place to shepherd various things to their rightful places and to obtain refuse and recycling for their appointed fates. Trash and I think recycling are due to be put to the curb once they have been collected and directed properly as well. What else? Ah... feed me! The girls have been fed, their litter tended, now Sam just needs attention... well, off she flew! No time to pander to the typing godling, she intones with a minor scratch as she huffies off. Women!
Good morning.
I never!
.
.
I'm sure you have, but that's not the point.
What a day!
No trip to town, the repair job took... a wee longer than anticipated. I do believe I am finished with the plaster though. And, to be quite honest... I think it looks good. There is bubbling in an area of tape, or two... Sure. No salt added next time, or at least not when I am trying to work two areas at once. The salt works well, but perhaps too well. As I progressed through larger scrapers, the areas being covered truly did even out. My initial fears, save for some beginner errors and those mild, really didn't pan out. I am pleased. And I am excited about doing the next repair, wherever that may be. Oh, and my arms got used to being above my head, somehow. The last few hours of work that way didn't bother me a bit. Just... weird, and true.
My lady friend called. In our discussion I mentioned that my heart had improved. I said it hadn't bumped me, technically, from being on the heart transplant list, but at least it was going forward. She didn't exactly say it, or express it, if I did hear her catch her breath. Oh, you are that bad? I thought I had told her. Well, bad is a relative term, I suggested. All this time you have known me? It has been that bad. You knew all this time? And they say men have selective hearing. Heh... She wanted to have my mother's phone number, and since I had planned to call my mother I told her I would make sure my mother had my lady friend's number as well, and would ensure that she be called in any situation. Still, I had to laugh. Doesn't she remember us skiing up the mountain just a few years ago? Bah! I had been meaning to call her anyway. Oh, and she wants me to do some homework on the Christmas present I sent her, the Kindle 4G. It included no instructions and she is... not technically inclined... at all... nada... zip. Alright, something else to do. A nice chat, and mutual... late as usual, Merry Christmas greetings. :p Women!
Next a call to my mother. Numbers were exchanged, and assurances were offered and given regarding contacting my lady friend. Oh, of course, she said, she isn't that cold or cruel. Yeah, mum, just letting you know, for sure, that it would be fine. I did round up the date for her spring visit while we were talking. I let her know that I was working on the washroom ceiling, and that little as life was, I was pushing into things and keeping up as I could. A bit a day. Oh, she knows. And winter is a difficult time to keep on top of things, all by itself, she assured. All sounds good, and I think she likes to know that she is wanted back. Just two weeks though, she has to plant her own garden, don't you know! Women!
I tried to call my brother, but no one answered. I left a short message. I thought I was going to be going to bed but between finishing the ceiling and trying to root out any bugs on this machine, in prep for some other work, time has flown. I haven't seen this side of 17:30 in... weeks... months? It's a solid local extreme since back when it was typical! In any case, I will call them tomorrow sometime. As I mentioned, I am tinkering on this machine. I am not sure how much I will figure out, or what I can end up doing with it, but it is what I have... all I have... which means I need to be careful whatever I do. Something else I need to figure out is how to do a color-match of the paint in the back room... Lots of little things to do.
After I finished the ceiling, for now anyway sans paint, and while I am waiting for the virus scanner to complete it's task, I decided to read. I started Summa Elvetica. Being that I am well passed bed time, and well past tired, I was only able to read the first chapter. But pleased, yes, quite pleased. He is exploring not a question, but... so far... the question. Veils, of some sorts, are for the eyes of others, men or such. I am quite interested in where he goes with this. Grabbing a dragon by the tale is only for the brave or foolish. Though those can be synonymous at times, trust me. Never the mind. I am quite interested. Frustrated too. My bed time, like a British courtier's tea with the queen, cannot be delayed. Well, by the virus checker, sure. But my mind is already in bed, it's you out here. Can't read, think, more.
Quite the day, truly. And I'm back up to snuff on medicine. I will check my bp in the morning. Should be a real morning, though if sleep is delayed, that doesn't mean I will be able to sleep a full eight hours either. Shorts sleeps make it tough, but... yeah... I'll live. Ah, right... good night. Hey! It actually is almost night!
.
I'm sure you have, but that's not the point.
What a day!
No trip to town, the repair job took... a wee longer than anticipated. I do believe I am finished with the plaster though. And, to be quite honest... I think it looks good. There is bubbling in an area of tape, or two... Sure. No salt added next time, or at least not when I am trying to work two areas at once. The salt works well, but perhaps too well. As I progressed through larger scrapers, the areas being covered truly did even out. My initial fears, save for some beginner errors and those mild, really didn't pan out. I am pleased. And I am excited about doing the next repair, wherever that may be. Oh, and my arms got used to being above my head, somehow. The last few hours of work that way didn't bother me a bit. Just... weird, and true.
My lady friend called. In our discussion I mentioned that my heart had improved. I said it hadn't bumped me, technically, from being on the heart transplant list, but at least it was going forward. She didn't exactly say it, or express it, if I did hear her catch her breath. Oh, you are that bad? I thought I had told her. Well, bad is a relative term, I suggested. All this time you have known me? It has been that bad. You knew all this time? And they say men have selective hearing. Heh... She wanted to have my mother's phone number, and since I had planned to call my mother I told her I would make sure my mother had my lady friend's number as well, and would ensure that she be called in any situation. Still, I had to laugh. Doesn't she remember us skiing up the mountain just a few years ago? Bah! I had been meaning to call her anyway. Oh, and she wants me to do some homework on the Christmas present I sent her, the Kindle 4G. It included no instructions and she is... not technically inclined... at all... nada... zip. Alright, something else to do. A nice chat, and mutual... late as usual, Merry Christmas greetings. :p Women!
Next a call to my mother. Numbers were exchanged, and assurances were offered and given regarding contacting my lady friend. Oh, of course, she said, she isn't that cold or cruel. Yeah, mum, just letting you know, for sure, that it would be fine. I did round up the date for her spring visit while we were talking. I let her know that I was working on the washroom ceiling, and that little as life was, I was pushing into things and keeping up as I could. A bit a day. Oh, she knows. And winter is a difficult time to keep on top of things, all by itself, she assured. All sounds good, and I think she likes to know that she is wanted back. Just two weeks though, she has to plant her own garden, don't you know! Women!
I tried to call my brother, but no one answered. I left a short message. I thought I was going to be going to bed but between finishing the ceiling and trying to root out any bugs on this machine, in prep for some other work, time has flown. I haven't seen this side of 17:30 in... weeks... months? It's a solid local extreme since back when it was typical! In any case, I will call them tomorrow sometime. As I mentioned, I am tinkering on this machine. I am not sure how much I will figure out, or what I can end up doing with it, but it is what I have... all I have... which means I need to be careful whatever I do. Something else I need to figure out is how to do a color-match of the paint in the back room... Lots of little things to do.
After I finished the ceiling, for now anyway sans paint, and while I am waiting for the virus scanner to complete it's task, I decided to read. I started Summa Elvetica. Being that I am well passed bed time, and well past tired, I was only able to read the first chapter. But pleased, yes, quite pleased. He is exploring not a question, but... so far... the question. Veils, of some sorts, are for the eyes of others, men or such. I am quite interested in where he goes with this. Grabbing a dragon by the tale is only for the brave or foolish. Though those can be synonymous at times, trust me. Never the mind. I am quite interested. Frustrated too. My bed time, like a British courtier's tea with the queen, cannot be delayed. Well, by the virus checker, sure. But my mind is already in bed, it's you out here. Can't read, think, more.
Quite the day, truly. And I'm back up to snuff on medicine. I will check my bp in the morning. Should be a real morning, though if sleep is delayed, that doesn't mean I will be able to sleep a full eight hours either. Shorts sleeps make it tough, but... yeah... I'll live. Ah, right... good night. Hey! It actually is almost night!
Ye Gads!
.
.
Working overhead is quite a bit more than it seems. Oh, fiddly. I did get everything cut, fitted, screwed in, if not perfectly the first shot. Then I took a minor break to think things through. Back I went, to begin filling and taping. Okay, yeah, so I'm not a pro. I can hope I get it mostly filled out in a few more passes, but she ain't going to be beautiful. There is some kind of odd hump that prevents a smooth finish on the western most of the two patches. Not my doing, by the way. It is an oddity in the ceiling itself, just near where I am working. Working for an half hour or forty five minutes while holding either a drill and this or that, or even just a scraper, ends up being a little bit of work. It isn't the kind that is like heavy lifting, though there is a bit of that. It is just the odd angle of the arms, cuts down on air intake or something. And arms aren't supposed to be up like that for that long? At least I don't need a ladder like most people would. A ladder wouldn't improve my angle, either, at least not without having to move it more often than would be reasonable.
Like I said, it won't be beautiful. I am hoping I can get it a bit smoother on the second coat and then stretch the area out more with a final third coat. I would, actually, like to leave this sort of job to the professionals, if it doesn't turn out well, but I can only imagine what that would cost. No, I'll do it, and make the most of it. Thankfully these patch jobs will be under a light, mostly. I won't really complain though. It is sort of fun to have gotten this far and to actually be finishing the job. I have a few more tools, a little insight, some experience, and it is fun. Hmm, I bet that first coat is dry. Back to it.
.
Working overhead is quite a bit more than it seems. Oh, fiddly. I did get everything cut, fitted, screwed in, if not perfectly the first shot. Then I took a minor break to think things through. Back I went, to begin filling and taping. Okay, yeah, so I'm not a pro. I can hope I get it mostly filled out in a few more passes, but she ain't going to be beautiful. There is some kind of odd hump that prevents a smooth finish on the western most of the two patches. Not my doing, by the way. It is an oddity in the ceiling itself, just near where I am working. Working for an half hour or forty five minutes while holding either a drill and this or that, or even just a scraper, ends up being a little bit of work. It isn't the kind that is like heavy lifting, though there is a bit of that. It is just the odd angle of the arms, cuts down on air intake or something. And arms aren't supposed to be up like that for that long? At least I don't need a ladder like most people would. A ladder wouldn't improve my angle, either, at least not without having to move it more often than would be reasonable.
Like I said, it won't be beautiful. I am hoping I can get it a bit smoother on the second coat and then stretch the area out more with a final third coat. I would, actually, like to leave this sort of job to the professionals, if it doesn't turn out well, but I can only imagine what that would cost. No, I'll do it, and make the most of it. Thankfully these patch jobs will be under a light, mostly. I won't really complain though. It is sort of fun to have gotten this far and to actually be finishing the job. I have a few more tools, a little insight, some experience, and it is fun. Hmm, I bet that first coat is dry. Back to it.
Ah! And... Oh! part deux
.
.
No, not much. I finally figured out why iTunes won't load on this machine. A handful too little memory. They require 512 and this loaner has 490 and some odd extra. I suppose I could break her open and see if there is more room. Thing is, I am not sure if new memory will fit in there in any case. And I'm not sure she would hold up to poking and prodding either. She dun't have the pwwwwwr, Cap'n! Well, I might try to pull a Scotty on her, anyway... Even if... *brrrrrrrh* For God's sakes, she's got green blood, Jim! At least I know. Odd how you can look over the requirements, and what your machine has, and miss that one tiny little detail... over and over and over.
Well, I'll let 'er cool down while I fix the ceiling, then figure out if today is actually the day I will get to town. I'm a workin' on it, pardner. Beam me up, Scotty. *lights swirl* *my particles shift* then *kplut* Looks like I'm on my own... And the wild life here is vicious! Best try to placate the furry beasts with food!
Later.
.
No, not much. I finally figured out why iTunes won't load on this machine. A handful too little memory. They require 512 and this loaner has 490 and some odd extra. I suppose I could break her open and see if there is more room. Thing is, I am not sure if new memory will fit in there in any case. And I'm not sure she would hold up to poking and prodding either. She dun't have the pwwwwwr, Cap'n! Well, I might try to pull a Scotty on her, anyway... Even if... *brrrrrrrh* For God's sakes, she's got green blood, Jim! At least I know. Odd how you can look over the requirements, and what your machine has, and miss that one tiny little detail... over and over and over.
Well, I'll let 'er cool down while I fix the ceiling, then figure out if today is actually the day I will get to town. I'm a workin' on it, pardner. Beam me up, Scotty. *lights swirl* *my particles shift* then *kplut* Looks like I'm on my own... And the wild life here is vicious! Best try to placate the furry beasts with food!
Later.
Oh. hehehe No, no, just... no.
.
.
I got something about a song I put here a bit ago. The lyrics suggest something about seeing a woman bathing on the roof, and being tempted, then her tying him to her kitchen chair, breaking his throat, and cutting his hair... right? No, that's a... harshness transliteration or something. What he meant was, well... He fell in love and his need for love overcame his want for his freedom. In giving in to get his woman, she... civilized him. Tying him to home, cleaning him up by requiring hair cuts and shaving (or through the need for money he had to clean up to keep a job), and then forcing him to go to Church thus requiring him to sing God's praise. If you have seen a young boy go on about murder and horror... when being forced to take a bath... you know this.
.
I got something about a song I put here a bit ago. The lyrics suggest something about seeing a woman bathing on the roof, and being tempted, then her tying him to her kitchen chair, breaking his throat, and cutting his hair... right? No, that's a... harshness transliteration or something. What he meant was, well... He fell in love and his need for love overcame his want for his freedom. In giving in to get his woman, she... civilized him. Tying him to home, cleaning him up by requiring hair cuts and shaving (or through the need for money he had to clean up to keep a job), and then forcing him to go to Church thus requiring him to sing God's praise. If you have seen a young boy go on about murder and horror... when being forced to take a bath... you know this.
Yep, medicines equal feeling cold.
.
.
No matter how high I turn the furnace I feel cold now. A good long hot shower will only make me feel slightly less chill, and only for a short time. Even working, such as shoveling, doesn't even kick much over, heat-wise. At least I prefer it cool, even chill. As with anything though, it is nice, once in a while, to change the pace. Besides, it feels so unnatural for me to be cool. It would be like the moon all of sudden reflecting a green color or something. Scientific reasoning would not change the oddity, discomfort, disquiet, such a thing would stir in men, possibly beasts too.
The sun is nearly up. I am hoping to get to work on the ceiling as soon as it is light enough this morning. After which a shave, shower, and then getting dressed to go to town. I hope. I am not too low on anything, in that I have days to possibly a week of perishable supplies, and further extra stuff that can bind me over if need be. It is more the point of getting out. Having a meal. Doing a bit of shopping of this and that nature. And, well, conquering my bodies desire to remain at rest. Plus, if I am going to kick swimming into whatever gear it will go, Monday, I will need to work some of the rust out of my joints.
Yes, yes. Seriously. Monday. I will be putting my swim kit together either this morning or tomorrow. I want to have trunks, t-shirt, towels, foot gear if I have any, and whatever else I might want to take. Oh, right, my swimmers pulse watch. While it will just be a trinket at this point, it will be fun to tinker with. It may, in time, have some real function for me. Yes, Monday. I wish I could get the Apple store working on this machine. I am not sure I can put anything onto my waterproof IPod without it. Ugh... Oh well.
Later.
.
No matter how high I turn the furnace I feel cold now. A good long hot shower will only make me feel slightly less chill, and only for a short time. Even working, such as shoveling, doesn't even kick much over, heat-wise. At least I prefer it cool, even chill. As with anything though, it is nice, once in a while, to change the pace. Besides, it feels so unnatural for me to be cool. It would be like the moon all of sudden reflecting a green color or something. Scientific reasoning would not change the oddity, discomfort, disquiet, such a thing would stir in men, possibly beasts too.
The sun is nearly up. I am hoping to get to work on the ceiling as soon as it is light enough this morning. After which a shave, shower, and then getting dressed to go to town. I hope. I am not too low on anything, in that I have days to possibly a week of perishable supplies, and further extra stuff that can bind me over if need be. It is more the point of getting out. Having a meal. Doing a bit of shopping of this and that nature. And, well, conquering my bodies desire to remain at rest. Plus, if I am going to kick swimming into whatever gear it will go, Monday, I will need to work some of the rust out of my joints.
Yes, yes. Seriously. Monday. I will be putting my swim kit together either this morning or tomorrow. I want to have trunks, t-shirt, towels, foot gear if I have any, and whatever else I might want to take. Oh, right, my swimmers pulse watch. While it will just be a trinket at this point, it will be fun to tinker with. It may, in time, have some real function for me. Yes, Monday. I wish I could get the Apple store working on this machine. I am not sure I can put anything onto my waterproof IPod without it. Ugh... Oh well.
Later.
Friday, December 28, 2012
No, no, it's all going forward.
.
.
As I mentioned in comments, I didn't miss a day of medicines, but two. How in the... Then again, like needing extra sleep from time to time, or having a ravenous hunger, I take such events with a grain of salt. I prefer to realize what I am doing, however. And, like those others, when missing medicine happens, it isn't all bad so long as I do not continue to slip. A little break from medicines can shift gears toward the positive. If nothing else it gives me a short relief from the incessant pounding the meds can send my way at the start. And, yes, I am back on them and pretty much back in order.
With the wood stock in, and all the tools and gear and expendables I need, even with one of the two replacement pieces cut, the drywall repair should go forward in good order. As should the light installation. I realized, though, that taking in a piece of the old drywall will not work. The area under the light, the pieces I cut out, are not the same color paint as the rest of the ceiling. The light had not been removed the last time the ceiling was painted it seems. Hmm, I may see about how to do a color match. It seems to be a simple brighter white paint color, but... What is simple regarding paint matching? It would be good to have a bit of that paint though, because it seems they painted, pretty much, the whole house with that color, probably in prep to sell. A pint of that would do well to have on hand for any small repair, and to know for future reference in any case, as I do like the shade. Oh, sure, if I repaint a whole room, I probably won't go with "sell white" paint. Or, not all rooms. It's perfect for utility and bathrooms, in my opinion, though.
A bite to eat, for me and the girls. Medicines down the hatch. A bit of caffeine, and... I dunno. The medicine doldrums have returned with the habit of taking them, to include being cold again. Bah! Still, it is the honestly conscientious and right thing to do, so... Down teh hatch(tm). I am a bit excited about January. I will be trying to get to town for swimming, and perhaps this will escalate my other doings in life. Sometimes it will fail. Even so, I think almost anything will have to be much better than the stark nothing of now. I just have to remember to not let the frustration of imperfect form, quantity, or will power be a dissuader... rather using that as a slingshot to fire me up to more... or at least to keep trying.
Later.
.
As I mentioned in comments, I didn't miss a day of medicines, but two. How in the... Then again, like needing extra sleep from time to time, or having a ravenous hunger, I take such events with a grain of salt. I prefer to realize what I am doing, however. And, like those others, when missing medicine happens, it isn't all bad so long as I do not continue to slip. A little break from medicines can shift gears toward the positive. If nothing else it gives me a short relief from the incessant pounding the meds can send my way at the start. And, yes, I am back on them and pretty much back in order.
With the wood stock in, and all the tools and gear and expendables I need, even with one of the two replacement pieces cut, the drywall repair should go forward in good order. As should the light installation. I realized, though, that taking in a piece of the old drywall will not work. The area under the light, the pieces I cut out, are not the same color paint as the rest of the ceiling. The light had not been removed the last time the ceiling was painted it seems. Hmm, I may see about how to do a color match. It seems to be a simple brighter white paint color, but... What is simple regarding paint matching? It would be good to have a bit of that paint though, because it seems they painted, pretty much, the whole house with that color, probably in prep to sell. A pint of that would do well to have on hand for any small repair, and to know for future reference in any case, as I do like the shade. Oh, sure, if I repaint a whole room, I probably won't go with "sell white" paint. Or, not all rooms. It's perfect for utility and bathrooms, in my opinion, though.
A bite to eat, for me and the girls. Medicines down the hatch. A bit of caffeine, and... I dunno. The medicine doldrums have returned with the habit of taking them, to include being cold again. Bah! Still, it is the honestly conscientious and right thing to do, so... Down teh hatch(tm). I am a bit excited about January. I will be trying to get to town for swimming, and perhaps this will escalate my other doings in life. Sometimes it will fail. Even so, I think almost anything will have to be much better than the stark nothing of now. I just have to remember to not let the frustration of imperfect form, quantity, or will power be a dissuader... rather using that as a slingshot to fire me up to more... or at least to keep trying.
Later.
Yeah, and?
.
.
Dosing back up today pretty much killed doing too much. I did find and place wood backing for the drywall repair, then cut one of the pieces for placement. Doing more probably won't happen. I'm already scrunching my brows to keep my eyes open. Further, I now have to take today's medicine. That'll be a fine punch on the nose. At least I am moving a bit ahead. And I did fix a meal and cleaned up afterward, two meals actually. Little other things have been moving forward. Just... not much, not at once, not often. I go to look for a tool and get lost, then tired, then... here I sit.
I will try this again tomorrow, and the next day if needed. I'll get to it. A bit at a time. Tired. Very tired. Too tired. Sleep. Now. Good night.
.
Dosing back up today pretty much killed doing too much. I did find and place wood backing for the drywall repair, then cut one of the pieces for placement. Doing more probably won't happen. I'm already scrunching my brows to keep my eyes open. Further, I now have to take today's medicine. That'll be a fine punch on the nose. At least I am moving a bit ahead. And I did fix a meal and cleaned up afterward, two meals actually. Little other things have been moving forward. Just... not much, not at once, not often. I go to look for a tool and get lost, then tired, then... here I sit.
I will try this again tomorrow, and the next day if needed. I'll get to it. A bit at a time. Tired. Very tired. Too tired. Sleep. Now. Good night.
Ah! And... Oh!
.
.
Okay, so I figured out the heat thing. I forgot to take my medicine yesterday, somehow. Could have sworn... Never mind. So, down the hatch they went. Almost as I soon as I did that, considering that I don't notice time slide by, I was instantly cold. Turning up the furnace did nothing for it. Ah! Now I know. No medicine for a day? Oh!
I am slowly downloading the songs I have used on my blog. I could go much faster, but I am enjoying the work, usually, by listening. Ah! Listening usually takes longer than downloading. Some songs are downloading funny, or not really at all. Ah well. I am trying to find some songs in other links that will replace them, but some of them have videos I like better. My suspicion is (such as with 300-March or Die-Motorhead) there is some sort of... hold put on downloads. Or it comes out scrambled. I suppose I could try to get around that, but messing around too much might not be for the best. Oh!
While considering jumping right into the free download of Vox's book, I wanted to see where it fit in with the rest of his fantasy writings. I hate reading a book out of line, only to have to go back and re-read to get things right in my head, time-line-wise. That can be dizzying. In doing so I "bought" his first and will read that first. While looking around in the Kindle store, I happened to be looking up "Summa", the first word in the title of his first novel, and found Summa Theologica, unabridged, for $.99! Okay, yeah, that went in the bag too! Ah! And, being in that region of the mind and store, I looked around for a Douay-Rheims version of the bible. I did a bit of research before choosing between the offerings. I am merely hoping I have found the better one, as none of them really put in which version they were. It might be somewhere in the ebook, though? The earliest version is based on a version of the Vulgate no longer accepted, the next revision is the best of the lot, and revisions after that are all somewhat questionable to my mind. The fear that revisionism through gender neutrality and other crap might be there is my problem. Oh!
While researching these things, I thought to see what books some thought Catholics should read. Here is a list from a man of the cloth I have come to put some faith into, who also seems to have a difficulty with numbers if a fun-to-me sense of mild humor about it. With the Catechism out of the way, twice so far anyway, I should have an easy time with the rest. I have read many of these, and actually the next after Vox will be on that list (Mere Christianity). How to fit another book or two in for reading at a time though? I have a... great interest in reading Summa Theologica... a calling as it were. I don't even know why, probably won't even like or understand the stupid thing! :p Hmm, I'll think on it.
Hmm, as morning approaches I am thinking that a shower would be good. Though perhaps after I find wood stock and begin repairing the ceiling first? Actually, the light won't be able to go in right away. I had forgotten about painting. I suppose I COULD just repair and cover most of the repair job with the light. And I don't have paint, yet, either. Let me see... If I do most of the patch job this morning, take a bit of the painted drywall I cut out for a paint match and get that, see about my friend, do some shopping, I might be able to finish by painting and then putting up the light when I return, or tomorrow, or a bit of both? Depending on how fast paint dries. It's cold back there, and somewhat humid with all the snow of late... And I am slower than drying paint in cold humid places... sooo... Hey, just... making plans.
Have a great day.
.
Okay, so I figured out the heat thing. I forgot to take my medicine yesterday, somehow. Could have sworn... Never mind. So, down the hatch they went. Almost as I soon as I did that, considering that I don't notice time slide by, I was instantly cold. Turning up the furnace did nothing for it. Ah! Now I know. No medicine for a day? Oh!
I am slowly downloading the songs I have used on my blog. I could go much faster, but I am enjoying the work, usually, by listening. Ah! Listening usually takes longer than downloading. Some songs are downloading funny, or not really at all. Ah well. I am trying to find some songs in other links that will replace them, but some of them have videos I like better. My suspicion is (such as with 300-March or Die-Motorhead) there is some sort of... hold put on downloads. Or it comes out scrambled. I suppose I could try to get around that, but messing around too much might not be for the best. Oh!
While considering jumping right into the free download of Vox's book, I wanted to see where it fit in with the rest of his fantasy writings. I hate reading a book out of line, only to have to go back and re-read to get things right in my head, time-line-wise. That can be dizzying. In doing so I "bought" his first and will read that first. While looking around in the Kindle store, I happened to be looking up "Summa", the first word in the title of his first novel, and found Summa Theologica, unabridged, for $.99! Okay, yeah, that went in the bag too! Ah! And, being in that region of the mind and store, I looked around for a Douay-Rheims version of the bible. I did a bit of research before choosing between the offerings. I am merely hoping I have found the better one, as none of them really put in which version they were. It might be somewhere in the ebook, though? The earliest version is based on a version of the Vulgate no longer accepted, the next revision is the best of the lot, and revisions after that are all somewhat questionable to my mind. The fear that revisionism through gender neutrality and other crap might be there is my problem. Oh!
While researching these things, I thought to see what books some thought Catholics should read. Here is a list from a man of the cloth I have come to put some faith into, who also seems to have a difficulty with numbers if a fun-to-me sense of mild humor about it. With the Catechism out of the way, twice so far anyway, I should have an easy time with the rest. I have read many of these, and actually the next after Vox will be on that list (Mere Christianity). How to fit another book or two in for reading at a time though? I have a... great interest in reading Summa Theologica... a calling as it were. I don't even know why, probably won't even like or understand the stupid thing! :p Hmm, I'll think on it.
Hmm, as morning approaches I am thinking that a shower would be good. Though perhaps after I find wood stock and begin repairing the ceiling first? Actually, the light won't be able to go in right away. I had forgotten about painting. I suppose I COULD just repair and cover most of the repair job with the light. And I don't have paint, yet, either. Let me see... If I do most of the patch job this morning, take a bit of the painted drywall I cut out for a paint match and get that, see about my friend, do some shopping, I might be able to finish by painting and then putting up the light when I return, or tomorrow, or a bit of both? Depending on how fast paint dries. It's cold back there, and somewhat humid with all the snow of late... And I am slower than drying paint in cold humid places... sooo... Hey, just... making plans.
Have a great day.
Thursday, December 27, 2012
Awake, and other phenonena.
.
.
*chuckles*
Yes, I do amuse myself. Not like you are helping all that much so hush.
Waking a bit before 23:00, and before my outside alarm if not quite under the eight hour hoped rise, I am satisfied. The girls have been fed. I need to get my medicines down and a bite to eat. Things are changing, health wise. While, for quite some time there, I felt cold regardless if the thermostat was set at 68 or 76, waking today to it at 68 and I am my old self... just fine, warm almost. As well, celibacy is back under control. Those medicines are potent, boy. They turn me into a 17 year old all over again. Then again, it's not like I ever leave my mid 20s that way. If that IS an improvement. No worries about leaving a potential wife cold, to be certain.
While I have been down, I haven't had to just let things go this time. I have, partially, kept up on my home. I have even developed a few hobby things to do, like drying and putting up coffee grinds and egg shells, which I do believe I will store separately. The bigger things have had to be shelved, true, at times and for times. Bigger not always meaning heavier work, only sometimes work for which I have no data sets in memory from which to pull. Though, more heavily physical things do have to be... planned, considered, scheduled. I have continued to research for this project, that trip, this chore, and that notion. I have continued to read in fits and starts as well. While not perfect, as falls go, this one is absolutely the best of them. Further, I do believe I am climbing out of the hole.
I can't swear when I will be hitting days again. It should be sometime in the next week, no further out than two weeks. A few hours a day is the average forward advancement, though any required events can upset that if usually very temporarily. I can't swear I can connect with days again when I hit that window. I do think I can, though. As that time comes into range I will slowly try to kick my day advancement down to an hour per day, for the last few days, if I can. Then I will bash the thing with multiple alarm clocks, planned events to include Church and swimming, visits with my friend, and such. Hey, I'm doing what I can with what I have. This isn't as easy as it should seem. Medicine does it's own thing on top of having a sick body. Odd how those meds can crush celibacy and my energy? If it were always at the same time it might make sense, but usually it is only after it has otherwise destroyed my ability to function that celibacy is utterly ruined. Does that latter happen on the rebound from the bottom? I just can't be for certain, always, though I am pretty sure that isn't always the case. Odd algorithms with those medicines, to be sure.
All good. All very good. All piled onto one of the best Christmas seasons I can remember, though in the last four or five years, each Christmas has seemed that way? Odd what God gifts the one who admits his folly and hands it over without a glib tongue? Well, mostly without a glib tongue. Okay, Odd what God gifts glib-tongued fools who... ;p
Ah, today? Hmm. I am thinking to make all efforts to get the drywall repaired today, finally, meaning the light will also be installed. Further, I plan to make a supr sekret trip to town and visit the other grumpy old man(tm). Lunch? Perhaps. And maybe a spin around the valley to make sure snow hasn't collapsed it anywhere. To make sure our little chunk of the world is all still good and all there and to set wrongs to right! Well, something like that.
Hmm, how about a steak breakfast, with two day-old hard boiled eggs on the side? Sounds good to me. Good day.
.
*chuckles*
Yes, I do amuse myself. Not like you are helping all that much so hush.
Waking a bit before 23:00, and before my outside alarm if not quite under the eight hour hoped rise, I am satisfied. The girls have been fed. I need to get my medicines down and a bite to eat. Things are changing, health wise. While, for quite some time there, I felt cold regardless if the thermostat was set at 68 or 76, waking today to it at 68 and I am my old self... just fine, warm almost. As well, celibacy is back under control. Those medicines are potent, boy. They turn me into a 17 year old all over again. Then again, it's not like I ever leave my mid 20s that way. If that IS an improvement. No worries about leaving a potential wife cold, to be certain.
While I have been down, I haven't had to just let things go this time. I have, partially, kept up on my home. I have even developed a few hobby things to do, like drying and putting up coffee grinds and egg shells, which I do believe I will store separately. The bigger things have had to be shelved, true, at times and for times. Bigger not always meaning heavier work, only sometimes work for which I have no data sets in memory from which to pull. Though, more heavily physical things do have to be... planned, considered, scheduled. I have continued to research for this project, that trip, this chore, and that notion. I have continued to read in fits and starts as well. While not perfect, as falls go, this one is absolutely the best of them. Further, I do believe I am climbing out of the hole.
I can't swear when I will be hitting days again. It should be sometime in the next week, no further out than two weeks. A few hours a day is the average forward advancement, though any required events can upset that if usually very temporarily. I can't swear I can connect with days again when I hit that window. I do think I can, though. As that time comes into range I will slowly try to kick my day advancement down to an hour per day, for the last few days, if I can. Then I will bash the thing with multiple alarm clocks, planned events to include Church and swimming, visits with my friend, and such. Hey, I'm doing what I can with what I have. This isn't as easy as it should seem. Medicine does it's own thing on top of having a sick body. Odd how those meds can crush celibacy and my energy? If it were always at the same time it might make sense, but usually it is only after it has otherwise destroyed my ability to function that celibacy is utterly ruined. Does that latter happen on the rebound from the bottom? I just can't be for certain, always, though I am pretty sure that isn't always the case. Odd algorithms with those medicines, to be sure.
All good. All very good. All piled onto one of the best Christmas seasons I can remember, though in the last four or five years, each Christmas has seemed that way? Odd what God gifts the one who admits his folly and hands it over without a glib tongue? Well, mostly without a glib tongue. Okay, Odd what God gifts glib-tongued fools who... ;p
Ah, today? Hmm. I am thinking to make all efforts to get the drywall repaired today, finally, meaning the light will also be installed. Further, I plan to make a supr sekret trip to town and visit the other grumpy old man(tm). Lunch? Perhaps. And maybe a spin around the valley to make sure snow hasn't collapsed it anywhere. To make sure our little chunk of the world is all still good and all there and to set wrongs to right! Well, something like that.
Hmm, how about a steak breakfast, with two day-old hard boiled eggs on the side? Sounds good to me. Good day.
Oh? Well, I sort of got the snow off.
.
.
I kept delaying. I did finish the dishes, boiled a few eggs for breakfast and later, and cleaned up after that. I need to hit a little deeper in the kitchen still, but... that part is done. Oh, and I'm drying the eggshells to grind and mix with the coffee grinds, or add to the pots or "tea". I got together clothing to layer for the task outside. It's been going on three decades since I put kit together so I wasn't sure. I gauged the weather and chose my pieces, then... rested a bit. Finally I decided it was now or never, being 10:00 and getting near bedtime. Hoping to be up until 14:00 is... a possibility but it will be a stretch. Other than figuring out how to stay up longer, that was the cutoff for doing anything. So, I put my layers on, got my boots and was about to tie them up and go out when neighbors showed up! Heh. They were as surprised as I was. *grins* We thought you would be sleeping? Urhm, I thought y'all were gone, out of town? Surprise! Hehe.
I did get the machine out and fired it up. But too, they were shoveling as well. As it turns out I got to try a scoop that might work for when I don't want to get the machine out. The machine? Well, mostly because while I can shovel, I can't shovel several times a week, or more. Even snow blowing several times is a test. My stamina simply gives out. But for a few inches of snow the machine is too much and not the best at removal, same for really wet snow. So I gave the boys and then dad shots at running the machine. Quick work! Now they get to go do their Church. I think dad likes doing it by hand... builds character... No complaints here. I had to build character, too. :p Plus that dang machine is so loud, and doesn't build a lick of muscle.
The layering was perfect. I gauged the weather right and, other than getting in a rush so not tying my boots up, I was fine. Even then my feet were good, if that wouldn't have been true for long. Then again, for a longer outing I would most certainly have tied those. I feel... a little more confident, as things come together, of finally being able to reasonably safely getting out into the winter hinterland for camping. Teh white wolf(tm) might be on his way back to his favorite playlands! Bit by bit, a piece at a time, my shattered world is coming back together. Relearning the stick shift is... the next thing I need to figure out. Yeah, I really did lose that skill somehow. I mean, there is nothing in those memory slots.
Well... off to... drifting through the nether. Be well, warm, and have a great day. If not, no worries, I'll crash for you!
.
I kept delaying. I did finish the dishes, boiled a few eggs for breakfast and later, and cleaned up after that. I need to hit a little deeper in the kitchen still, but... that part is done. Oh, and I'm drying the eggshells to grind and mix with the coffee grinds, or add to the pots or "tea". I got together clothing to layer for the task outside. It's been going on three decades since I put kit together so I wasn't sure. I gauged the weather and chose my pieces, then... rested a bit. Finally I decided it was now or never, being 10:00 and getting near bedtime. Hoping to be up until 14:00 is... a possibility but it will be a stretch. Other than figuring out how to stay up longer, that was the cutoff for doing anything. So, I put my layers on, got my boots and was about to tie them up and go out when neighbors showed up! Heh. They were as surprised as I was. *grins* We thought you would be sleeping? Urhm, I thought y'all were gone, out of town? Surprise! Hehe.
I did get the machine out and fired it up. But too, they were shoveling as well. As it turns out I got to try a scoop that might work for when I don't want to get the machine out. The machine? Well, mostly because while I can shovel, I can't shovel several times a week, or more. Even snow blowing several times is a test. My stamina simply gives out. But for a few inches of snow the machine is too much and not the best at removal, same for really wet snow. So I gave the boys and then dad shots at running the machine. Quick work! Now they get to go do their Church. I think dad likes doing it by hand... builds character... No complaints here. I had to build character, too. :p Plus that dang machine is so loud, and doesn't build a lick of muscle.
The layering was perfect. I gauged the weather right and, other than getting in a rush so not tying my boots up, I was fine. Even then my feet were good, if that wouldn't have been true for long. Then again, for a longer outing I would most certainly have tied those. I feel... a little more confident, as things come together, of finally being able to reasonably safely getting out into the winter hinterland for camping. Teh white wolf(tm) might be on his way back to his favorite playlands! Bit by bit, a piece at a time, my shattered world is coming back together. Relearning the stick shift is... the next thing I need to figure out. Yeah, I really did lose that skill somehow. I mean, there is nothing in those memory slots.
Well... off to... drifting through the nether. Be well, warm, and have a great day. If not, no worries, I'll crash for you!
A blood pressure of 116/86 might be the problem?
.
.
I hadn't measured my bp for a number of days. I did keep up on medicine, feeding the girls, and myself to a degree with some help. I have kind of mostly kept up on the little things(tm). Weighing myself and checking the rest, however, sort of just fell off. I simply haven't been able to keep everything altogether. I do wonder if a low blood pressure will cause that? I also wonder if that is temporary? Time may tell.
I have been doing little other things though. One of my house plants must have gotten a blast of cold. The stems folded. I took that plant into the bathroom, gave it a nice luke-warm splashes from time to time, and turned up the heat for a few days, giving it a greenhouse treatment. I decided, while I was at it, to give the other plant the same treatment. Why not? Wouldn't want it to become jealous in any case. The stems simply would not heal. Ah well. I decided to bind the stems so as to make them stand upright and put both plants back up after their little vacation. The other plant has no troubles, wherever I place it. But this one, when I put it near the southern most window, to try to get it more sun, as a rotation thing not by need, it really got hit. So, it stays near the eastern window and my trooper will be by the southern window... I suppose until the world warms, at which time both may have to be taken into either my bedroom or at least the living room.
After hearing that coffee grinds could be useful, at another blog, I started doing a bit of research on the topic... that and I cut a used milk jug open to begin collecting used grounds. Okay, so drying them out on a paper towel in the sink might be a better first step. Thankfully I kept tinkering with the project so that no mold took hold before the grinds dried. Still, at some point, without a bit of care, the whole process might end up going south without pre-drying. The research I have done doesn't indicate that coffee grinds would be useful to keep box elder bugs at bay, per se. But there are many other uses. They do work against ants anywhere, and slugs and the like in the garden, and such. It seems the grinds are acidic and have a similar sharp nature which cuts the body/shells of bugs, much like diatomaceous earth. It even has it's own set of nutrients to offer, if too it adds to acidity so some consideration must be used. It can be added as a direct soil supplement or rebrewed into a fertilizer tea. Hmm. Well, it is something to do, you know. Heck, the research might even, eventually, lead to worm farming. I would have to learn more about composting, and get that going a bit first to make sure of some things though... A few years from now, perhaps.
I did finish most of the dirty dishes. Some things were not in that first soak and needed soaking. Those are indeed soaking and may be done before the hour is out. And, I do think I may get to snow blowing. Just not at 5:30. My neighbors are quite pleasant folk, I don't want to poke a stick in an eye to see how test-worthy that is! No, but perhaps if I am still in some kind of shape in three or four hours I will tend to that. I might get out and mess with the broom to give me a clearing into and out of the garage some time before then, though. If so, I will grab some stock for the drywall repair. Hmm...
I think, perhaps, I am... picking back up a bit. Now, if I can just get some function going WHILE keeping bp down, I might have a crack at actually getting ahead. Of course, one low bp reading means nothing. Still, seeing it that low twice, over a short period, does provide for some hope. Well, and there is something else. I have found that, perhaps, I have not been relaxing during the reading. Just a little unconscious constant flex, possibly, might elevate the thing. My arm has to be just so, and my elbow has to be able to rest, and resting both arms to allow an evenness through which I can wholly relax, and some other things... All it takes, I think, is a little pull on muscles and the readings will be high. Working on it... Now, since I don't think you can relax enough to throw the reading off into "too low", I am not worried about that. But the high reading, yeah... If it is just that, perhaps... Gah! Why can't this be easy? :p
Well, on to... some other things. Food? Hmm. Yep. Coffee too. Maybe a bit of reading. But the few dishes remaining first. Good day... Good morning, actually.
.
I hadn't measured my bp for a number of days. I did keep up on medicine, feeding the girls, and myself to a degree with some help. I have kind of mostly kept up on the little things(tm). Weighing myself and checking the rest, however, sort of just fell off. I simply haven't been able to keep everything altogether. I do wonder if a low blood pressure will cause that? I also wonder if that is temporary? Time may tell.
I have been doing little other things though. One of my house plants must have gotten a blast of cold. The stems folded. I took that plant into the bathroom, gave it a nice luke-warm splashes from time to time, and turned up the heat for a few days, giving it a greenhouse treatment. I decided, while I was at it, to give the other plant the same treatment. Why not? Wouldn't want it to become jealous in any case. The stems simply would not heal. Ah well. I decided to bind the stems so as to make them stand upright and put both plants back up after their little vacation. The other plant has no troubles, wherever I place it. But this one, when I put it near the southern most window, to try to get it more sun, as a rotation thing not by need, it really got hit. So, it stays near the eastern window and my trooper will be by the southern window... I suppose until the world warms, at which time both may have to be taken into either my bedroom or at least the living room.
After hearing that coffee grinds could be useful, at another blog, I started doing a bit of research on the topic... that and I cut a used milk jug open to begin collecting used grounds. Okay, so drying them out on a paper towel in the sink might be a better first step. Thankfully I kept tinkering with the project so that no mold took hold before the grinds dried. Still, at some point, without a bit of care, the whole process might end up going south without pre-drying. The research I have done doesn't indicate that coffee grinds would be useful to keep box elder bugs at bay, per se. But there are many other uses. They do work against ants anywhere, and slugs and the like in the garden, and such. It seems the grinds are acidic and have a similar sharp nature which cuts the body/shells of bugs, much like diatomaceous earth. It even has it's own set of nutrients to offer, if too it adds to acidity so some consideration must be used. It can be added as a direct soil supplement or rebrewed into a fertilizer tea. Hmm. Well, it is something to do, you know. Heck, the research might even, eventually, lead to worm farming. I would have to learn more about composting, and get that going a bit first to make sure of some things though... A few years from now, perhaps.
I did finish most of the dirty dishes. Some things were not in that first soak and needed soaking. Those are indeed soaking and may be done before the hour is out. And, I do think I may get to snow blowing. Just not at 5:30. My neighbors are quite pleasant folk, I don't want to poke a stick in an eye to see how test-worthy that is! No, but perhaps if I am still in some kind of shape in three or four hours I will tend to that. I might get out and mess with the broom to give me a clearing into and out of the garage some time before then, though. If so, I will grab some stock for the drywall repair. Hmm...
I think, perhaps, I am... picking back up a bit. Now, if I can just get some function going WHILE keeping bp down, I might have a crack at actually getting ahead. Of course, one low bp reading means nothing. Still, seeing it that low twice, over a short period, does provide for some hope. Well, and there is something else. I have found that, perhaps, I have not been relaxing during the reading. Just a little unconscious constant flex, possibly, might elevate the thing. My arm has to be just so, and my elbow has to be able to rest, and resting both arms to allow an evenness through which I can wholly relax, and some other things... All it takes, I think, is a little pull on muscles and the readings will be high. Working on it... Now, since I don't think you can relax enough to throw the reading off into "too low", I am not worried about that. But the high reading, yeah... If it is just that, perhaps... Gah! Why can't this be easy? :p
Well, on to... some other things. Food? Hmm. Yep. Coffee too. Maybe a bit of reading. But the few dishes remaining first. Good day... Good morning, actually.
Wednesday, December 26, 2012
Snow and sleep.
.
.
I can't say how much snow we got. I will say that the snow blower will be the tool to use. We received almost no snow right up until a few days before Christmas, but it looks like it is here for at least a good bit of time, and perhaps for the winter. All good. My cousin gave me a notion, regarding snow blowers, in case the snow is really wet. Pam, sprayed inside the shoot, up and down and all around. Oils won't work, unless they are atomized. Okies, but... I don't have Pam, never used it. And I never did buy an oil atomizer (or two, actually, one for olive oil, one for canola). They are on my... very long list. I am not sure they will work but it does move them higher on the list.
Going to bed relatively early today, I was a bit disappointed. My goal is to shove my cycle around to days as quickly as possible in order to try to grab onto the day schedule ring. Then I woke at 13:00 and almost couldn't get back to sleep! Gah, I hate setbacks! After realizing I was in a pickle, and panicking, I relaxed... soothed my mind somehow, and settled back in to a fine sleep, not waking until a bit after 20:00. A wonderful sleep, all told, it was. And I am back on track to eating through this odd schedule. I only gained an hour today but that will do.
A dream. I was a homicide detective. A former widow, mother, and new wife was murdered in her home. She was shot three times from behind, twice in the torso, once in head. It was an ugly job, seeming almost professional but obviously not. Her son had returned home from school in time to run into the killer, got a description, and lived to tell about it. The son had issues that could make him suspect, but nothing damning. The husband seemed rather clean. And the woman didn't seem to have problems that would invite such an event.
Of course, when you go into these things, you never know. My gut told me the woman was not leading a secret life, the son probably was not the culprit or involved, and I was neutral on the husband but he wasn't standing out up front. Gut feelings are just that though, you absolutely have to ignore those and follow the leads. Sometimes you arrest people you thought you really liked. Sometimes, on very rare occasions, you even understand why they did what they did. But that is for the courts, law, justice, or whatever real or conceived notions that are meant to deal with these grander things. My job was finding the killer and tagging them with cuffs.
I woke at this time, and didn't think I could get back to sleep.
Returning to sleep I did end up seeing the rest of the dream. After thoroughly investigating the boy, I found him to be innocent. A poor traumatized orphan. The killer was tracked down, and the son had given a very good description as it turns out. The murderer was a tough known for causing problems, if murder wasn't in his rap sheet drugs were. Addiction ended up being his leg into murder for hire. Being a twit, as they often are, he spilled the beans rather easily. It was the new husband of the former widow, it involved insurance. It was satisfying putting him in cuffs. It was not satisfying realizing the boy was all on his own in a really creepy world. Seeing a good woman gunned down for a couple hundred grand was another in a long list of pet peeves about this world and life. At least the killers wouldn't enjoy the vile fruits of their labor.
There was much more to the dream. Details about this, interviews, tracking people down. It was probably the equivalent of a three day, two hour episode, mini-series (without commercials or such). Too much detail to put in here, but fairly common, I suppose, as such things go to bother with the details either.
Hmm, I never did finish the dishes, which I will do this evening. And I hope to get out and do some snow blowing as well. If I end up doing that latter I will look over my wood stocks and find something for backing for the drywall repair. I won't swear I will do the repair, or get to anything, that is just the rough game plan for the moment. But first of all I have to try to figure out how to wake up! That has been the rough part for the last while.
Good day.
.
I can't say how much snow we got. I will say that the snow blower will be the tool to use. We received almost no snow right up until a few days before Christmas, but it looks like it is here for at least a good bit of time, and perhaps for the winter. All good. My cousin gave me a notion, regarding snow blowers, in case the snow is really wet. Pam, sprayed inside the shoot, up and down and all around. Oils won't work, unless they are atomized. Okies, but... I don't have Pam, never used it. And I never did buy an oil atomizer (or two, actually, one for olive oil, one for canola). They are on my... very long list. I am not sure they will work but it does move them higher on the list.
Going to bed relatively early today, I was a bit disappointed. My goal is to shove my cycle around to days as quickly as possible in order to try to grab onto the day schedule ring. Then I woke at 13:00 and almost couldn't get back to sleep! Gah, I hate setbacks! After realizing I was in a pickle, and panicking, I relaxed... soothed my mind somehow, and settled back in to a fine sleep, not waking until a bit after 20:00. A wonderful sleep, all told, it was. And I am back on track to eating through this odd schedule. I only gained an hour today but that will do.
A dream. I was a homicide detective. A former widow, mother, and new wife was murdered in her home. She was shot three times from behind, twice in the torso, once in head. It was an ugly job, seeming almost professional but obviously not. Her son had returned home from school in time to run into the killer, got a description, and lived to tell about it. The son had issues that could make him suspect, but nothing damning. The husband seemed rather clean. And the woman didn't seem to have problems that would invite such an event.
Of course, when you go into these things, you never know. My gut told me the woman was not leading a secret life, the son probably was not the culprit or involved, and I was neutral on the husband but he wasn't standing out up front. Gut feelings are just that though, you absolutely have to ignore those and follow the leads. Sometimes you arrest people you thought you really liked. Sometimes, on very rare occasions, you even understand why they did what they did. But that is for the courts, law, justice, or whatever real or conceived notions that are meant to deal with these grander things. My job was finding the killer and tagging them with cuffs.
I woke at this time, and didn't think I could get back to sleep.
Returning to sleep I did end up seeing the rest of the dream. After thoroughly investigating the boy, I found him to be innocent. A poor traumatized orphan. The killer was tracked down, and the son had given a very good description as it turns out. The murderer was a tough known for causing problems, if murder wasn't in his rap sheet drugs were. Addiction ended up being his leg into murder for hire. Being a twit, as they often are, he spilled the beans rather easily. It was the new husband of the former widow, it involved insurance. It was satisfying putting him in cuffs. It was not satisfying realizing the boy was all on his own in a really creepy world. Seeing a good woman gunned down for a couple hundred grand was another in a long list of pet peeves about this world and life. At least the killers wouldn't enjoy the vile fruits of their labor.
There was much more to the dream. Details about this, interviews, tracking people down. It was probably the equivalent of a three day, two hour episode, mini-series (without commercials or such). Too much detail to put in here, but fairly common, I suppose, as such things go to bother with the details either.
Hmm, I never did finish the dishes, which I will do this evening. And I hope to get out and do some snow blowing as well. If I end up doing that latter I will look over my wood stocks and find something for backing for the drywall repair. I won't swear I will do the repair, or get to anything, that is just the rough game plan for the moment. But first of all I have to try to figure out how to wake up! That has been the rough part for the last while.
Good day.
How to go about planning the re-awakening?
.
.
Being that it is mid-winter, getting anything going is probably going to be tricky just because of the weather and season. Still, there is no time like the conscious to begin prep. I would love to suggest that, today, I will simply stay up until 10:00 or even until noon or 14:00. The simply truth is I am about ready to crash as is. Coffee, while tasty, does very little to help. The furnace jacked to 76 does nothing either. And as I have explained, the day lamp does no more than offer and excellent reading experience while I am crashing (decent for waking up though). Music was helping, but... that seems to have tapered off. Over doing that, while downloading, seems to have gone beyond diminishing returns and on into simply decreasing the returns first found. Still, that confronts me none, as long as I get my payday on the 1st, and I do.
So, what to do. I have the dishes soaking and I do think I will get to those this morning before sleeping. I would also like to do a bit of laundry when I wake, plus get a shower in. I have been too tired, actually to play my game. Well, I could play it, I just can't focus enough to do some things I want to do with it before becoming too bored to mess with it further. So I haven't touched the controller in weeks now. Blogging, reading blogs and alt news, research into gardening, downloading music, and a few other things have conspired to fill the time slots, and have done so fairly well. Or, well enough for what I can do.
Hmm. I simply don't have a way to push or pull on sleep. The alarm clock is as useless as one could dread. I know, with laundry going forth, should that happen, I think I will finally attempt to repair the drywall! I think I can do it without much light, and today is supposed to see another storm come in. When that ceiling is repaired, the light will be up and working and securely anchored. Two problems in one. Hmm, but then what? I simply don't have the wherewithal, right now, to plan too much. Oh, I know, I will call my friend when I wake and see what his schedule looks like. Nothing today, with the storm coming in, but maybe tomorrow or the day after?
It was a good Christmas though. I got some gifts off and in. A good meal was eaten. I was... mostly well rested. :p Oh, wait, I best call my brother sometime this morning, and wish them a belated Merry Christmas, and make sure they got my card. No Christmas card, just a letter, but... well... I included what a card would have cost in the gift. Hmm. ugh...
Good night. No editing, by the way, I don't have the gumption.
.
Being that it is mid-winter, getting anything going is probably going to be tricky just because of the weather and season. Still, there is no time like the conscious to begin prep. I would love to suggest that, today, I will simply stay up until 10:00 or even until noon or 14:00. The simply truth is I am about ready to crash as is. Coffee, while tasty, does very little to help. The furnace jacked to 76 does nothing either. And as I have explained, the day lamp does no more than offer and excellent reading experience while I am crashing (decent for waking up though). Music was helping, but... that seems to have tapered off. Over doing that, while downloading, seems to have gone beyond diminishing returns and on into simply decreasing the returns first found. Still, that confronts me none, as long as I get my payday on the 1st, and I do.
So, what to do. I have the dishes soaking and I do think I will get to those this morning before sleeping. I would also like to do a bit of laundry when I wake, plus get a shower in. I have been too tired, actually to play my game. Well, I could play it, I just can't focus enough to do some things I want to do with it before becoming too bored to mess with it further. So I haven't touched the controller in weeks now. Blogging, reading blogs and alt news, research into gardening, downloading music, and a few other things have conspired to fill the time slots, and have done so fairly well. Or, well enough for what I can do.
Hmm. I simply don't have a way to push or pull on sleep. The alarm clock is as useless as one could dread. I know, with laundry going forth, should that happen, I think I will finally attempt to repair the drywall! I think I can do it without much light, and today is supposed to see another storm come in. When that ceiling is repaired, the light will be up and working and securely anchored. Two problems in one. Hmm, but then what? I simply don't have the wherewithal, right now, to plan too much. Oh, I know, I will call my friend when I wake and see what his schedule looks like. Nothing today, with the storm coming in, but maybe tomorrow or the day after?
It was a good Christmas though. I got some gifts off and in. A good meal was eaten. I was... mostly well rested. :p Oh, wait, I best call my brother sometime this morning, and wish them a belated Merry Christmas, and make sure they got my card. No Christmas card, just a letter, but... well... I included what a card would have cost in the gift. Hmm. ugh...
Good night. No editing, by the way, I don't have the gumption.
Tuesday, December 25, 2012
Reading a horror story on Christmas Day?
.
.
Well, yes, and no. As I finish the Screwtape Letters I realize, at least for a believer, one of faith, a Christian, there is no truer horror than what is written by C.S. Lewis. Stephen King, or whomever it is who authors books that frighten you, have nothing over Lewis. Put simply, if you truly believe in God, hell, sin then you can know no greater terror than seeing your sin displayed, discussed, considered as nonchalantly as... ordering a pizza or discussing the weather. An axe wielding madman who displays your internals before you as your life fades is far less horrific than seeing that you sin every day, and often, as you say you attempt to follow God's path and will. Take my life, but I beg of you, spare my soul! Dr. Lewis only allows that you find how to spare your own soul, he doesn't bother sugar coating notions.
For the first 15 chapters I was dodging this sin, and suggesting that one was far removed and that one a thing of the past for which I have sought absolution. Again and again, my body flinching as if wriggling my toes could allow me to escape the hammerfall of the certainty of one type of sin or another. At some point, for me at least, a surrender to the notion that I am simply a sinful man takes place. After a bit more reading, the notion is understood that we are transient beings, coming in and out of the light of God, through sin and grace, and will do so on every day in which we take in and then release gasses so as to continue to function as mortal animals. The only thing, it is supposed, is that as we hopefully move to attend God's will, we live more and more in His light, through His grace, than not. Still, it's... rough there for a bit, while reading. *holds breath so as to not notice the obvious* So, yes, a horror story is read on Christmas Day. Ew, and a delightful one if I must say!
In, or more through, this book I have seen other things as well. Some of those things are a combination of what the author expresses and what I have seen. A primary charge I lay on folk, here and now, is that no true men like sin, or evil. Whether they know God explicitly or implicitly matters not a wit. Men were made in God's image, and that image is contrary to sin, to evil. One could easily explain this by saying that, exactly, directly, evil is what God is not. So an image of God would, in all ways save the perfection or maturity of the spirit, be without the possibility of sin. It is not our form that is sinful. It is the allowance of a life force, a spirit, that is all our own, that allows for sin. The difference between knowing God explicitly through knowledge or implicitly through our form is that knowing Him explicitly through His Word(s) (bible and Christ) allows us some tools only knowing God through our form does not allow. We know we can at least repel Satan himself by invoking the truth of Christ, using His name. We are shown wisdom and teachings. We simply have more ways of refuting, and identifying, evil.
Another thought though is that those who know God explicitly... will be held to a higher standard. Be careful of casting stones, instead... teach by example and through other means. Much as we ourselves have been taught.
I was invited to a dinner today but I could not attend. I went to bed as soon as was possible this morning in order to give myself as much of a chance as possible to rise in time. I set my alarm. And I put it in my mind to be up. I thought I had a shot at it. As it turned out I could no more rise than I could think. Phone calls, from several sources, busied my phone. Along with the alarm, the world truly tried to breach my slumber. But a hibernating bear will not yield his dreamland so easily at times. I know I heard those things a time or two but honestly couldn't get my mind, my body, the phone, or my voice to work. I finally woke at 19:00. Dinner was gifted anyway a short time later. Thank you very much.
Again, Merry Christmas!
.
Well, yes, and no. As I finish the Screwtape Letters I realize, at least for a believer, one of faith, a Christian, there is no truer horror than what is written by C.S. Lewis. Stephen King, or whomever it is who authors books that frighten you, have nothing over Lewis. Put simply, if you truly believe in God, hell, sin then you can know no greater terror than seeing your sin displayed, discussed, considered as nonchalantly as... ordering a pizza or discussing the weather. An axe wielding madman who displays your internals before you as your life fades is far less horrific than seeing that you sin every day, and often, as you say you attempt to follow God's path and will. Take my life, but I beg of you, spare my soul! Dr. Lewis only allows that you find how to spare your own soul, he doesn't bother sugar coating notions.
For the first 15 chapters I was dodging this sin, and suggesting that one was far removed and that one a thing of the past for which I have sought absolution. Again and again, my body flinching as if wriggling my toes could allow me to escape the hammerfall of the certainty of one type of sin or another. At some point, for me at least, a surrender to the notion that I am simply a sinful man takes place. After a bit more reading, the notion is understood that we are transient beings, coming in and out of the light of God, through sin and grace, and will do so on every day in which we take in and then release gasses so as to continue to function as mortal animals. The only thing, it is supposed, is that as we hopefully move to attend God's will, we live more and more in His light, through His grace, than not. Still, it's... rough there for a bit, while reading. *holds breath so as to not notice the obvious* So, yes, a horror story is read on Christmas Day. Ew, and a delightful one if I must say!
In, or more through, this book I have seen other things as well. Some of those things are a combination of what the author expresses and what I have seen. A primary charge I lay on folk, here and now, is that no true men like sin, or evil. Whether they know God explicitly or implicitly matters not a wit. Men were made in God's image, and that image is contrary to sin, to evil. One could easily explain this by saying that, exactly, directly, evil is what God is not. So an image of God would, in all ways save the perfection or maturity of the spirit, be without the possibility of sin. It is not our form that is sinful. It is the allowance of a life force, a spirit, that is all our own, that allows for sin. The difference between knowing God explicitly through knowledge or implicitly through our form is that knowing Him explicitly through His Word(s) (bible and Christ) allows us some tools only knowing God through our form does not allow. We know we can at least repel Satan himself by invoking the truth of Christ, using His name. We are shown wisdom and teachings. We simply have more ways of refuting, and identifying, evil.
Another thought though is that those who know God explicitly... will be held to a higher standard. Be careful of casting stones, instead... teach by example and through other means. Much as we ourselves have been taught.
I was invited to a dinner today but I could not attend. I went to bed as soon as was possible this morning in order to give myself as much of a chance as possible to rise in time. I set my alarm. And I put it in my mind to be up. I thought I had a shot at it. As it turned out I could no more rise than I could think. Phone calls, from several sources, busied my phone. Along with the alarm, the world truly tried to breach my slumber. But a hibernating bear will not yield his dreamland so easily at times. I know I heard those things a time or two but honestly couldn't get my mind, my body, the phone, or my voice to work. I finally woke at 19:00. Dinner was gifted anyway a short time later. Thank you very much.
Again, Merry Christmas!
Monday, December 24, 2012
A Happy Christmas?
.
.
Christmas was always a day wrapped by a month of many things in my youth. There was religion. At various points Christmas was rather devoted to the Christian ethic. Other years Christmas was more a devotion to family. Of course, in the younger years, a child can think of little more than gifts. That latter is not a thing to be begrudged, either. Babies do not begin life eating ribeye steaks, either, innit. Between the various notions, some twisted idea regarding what Christmas was about began to form. Something along the lines of Jesus riding Rudolph to bring gifts and save the world, unless He saw His shadow? Well, work with me. And it has to be admitted that the story does become somewhat convoluted, even in the homes of Christians.
The season, and day, have been set aside as a time away from work, a time to be with family and friends, a time for gift giving and receiving, free time from the normal constraints of life, and in there somewhere has been the notion that some of that time could be given to the Church and shared in other ways with those of faith or in need of charity. While it might seem that too little time is asked to be donated to Christ for Christians, I won't say that. I am not sure but that many of the other events are quite Christian. We are small as people, good things start at home, the honest demands of the world do not always allow us to encapsulate the bases of goodness at home, and so when the time exists, it is quite wise to put such time to good use. Deeds and sharing do lay supplies in heaven for our benefit there, too. Further, we understand that too much together time is also not completely as productive as we might fantasize, when we happen to get it. These times allow us access and balance, to recalculate our time sharing in the future, and indulge a bit in any case. A chance to learn for the next period until we once again find ourselves in the situation, to once again re-evaluate.
While a Christian myself, for most of my life I have tried to walk closer to God and at times I have strayed further. I have even, for my part, left the notion of trying to walk with Him if never have I chosen to purely cross against Him either. Oh, I don't and never have walked with God, to be sure, as I understand now. God is not on my silly side, I merely try to be on His side, or not at times. Only, I have, in truth, only acknowledged that He walks with me, even when I have gone astray, if that is all for another discussion. In this walk, though, I have been and continue to be confused, in fact or fallacy. One of those facts regards Christmas.
For much of my early and younger adult life, I assumed that Christmas had to include parties, friends, and family. It must include joy, and nothing but good things like joy. It had to be about other people, as they pertain to me. There needed to be grand feasts, presents, and pageantry. If those things were not present then it couldn't possibly be a Merry Christmas. The times when those things did not exist, or in large enough amounts for my sake, I felt quite cold. But then I started noticing something even when such things were there. In a crowded room filled with people I liked and loved, I was realizing that I was quite alone. Christmas, and Easter, and some of the other holidays were becoming natural emotional disasters. I won't even tell you I fixed this, only that it came to be quite nicely repaired in the last... five to seven to ten years.
As it turns out, returning to God, with boots on, belt cinched, and an openness to learn and do His will, on my part, created changes. None of the changes were fast. None of them are absolutely certain, even now, just more probable to occur or 'be'. Very few, if any, of the changes were even conscious objectives I brought to God in prayer. My prayers are rather simple. Thanks for food, of course. Gratuity for just being, living, and loving, but also for the pains and strife and such by which I may grow. The best of fertilizers are often some of the most awful smelling, innit? But the main thing I try to impress upon, and deliver to God, is... here I am, use me as you would. If the Lord sees a wall before His will in me, and I cannot see it for the sty in my eye, then tear it down and give me a poke in the eye for good measure! Hehe Show me what is displeasing, I will do it. And, to my abilities, I do.
As it turns out, the wreckage of my sinfulness was not all there was. As wrong forms and places in me were being destroyed, other forms have sprung up. While I, at times, merely saw destruction of the old, God was quite busily building up on solid grounds the home and tool shed and garage and workshop and all the rest that I would need. Sometimes I truly felt alone in this work, but nope. He was doing tenfold the work I was doing, and often with my hands he would add to it, while I couldn't see and wouldn't believe, but let Him use me to these ends anyway in faith. Clenching my eyes closed at times because I wouldn't believe, only to be greatly surprised when peaking through slats in my fingers, like a child... well... on Christmas morning.
So, now, and for some years past and most likely hence, Christmas can be spent alone (if I do truly enjoy company as well) with nary a tear or thought of loneliness. I do, I must admit, pray to find a woman and begin raising Him a family. But until or unless that happens, I am quite pleased to celebrate the birthday of my Elder, Senior, Brother in Love and Arms very much happily, securely, and if by needs alone. Grateful to have one so bold as to be born to temptation He could and did deny, to pick up my cross, to lay down His life, all the while showing and telling me what and wherefore with not even a single hitch in following our Father's will. Further, He did it without self-glorification, really. So much to learn...
So it is, another Merry Christmas, with the hopes of a Happy New Year to follow, here more than many places. I hope you have some kindred notions and a fond Christmas yourself.
.
Christmas was always a day wrapped by a month of many things in my youth. There was religion. At various points Christmas was rather devoted to the Christian ethic. Other years Christmas was more a devotion to family. Of course, in the younger years, a child can think of little more than gifts. That latter is not a thing to be begrudged, either. Babies do not begin life eating ribeye steaks, either, innit. Between the various notions, some twisted idea regarding what Christmas was about began to form. Something along the lines of Jesus riding Rudolph to bring gifts and save the world, unless He saw His shadow? Well, work with me. And it has to be admitted that the story does become somewhat convoluted, even in the homes of Christians.
The season, and day, have been set aside as a time away from work, a time to be with family and friends, a time for gift giving and receiving, free time from the normal constraints of life, and in there somewhere has been the notion that some of that time could be given to the Church and shared in other ways with those of faith or in need of charity. While it might seem that too little time is asked to be donated to Christ for Christians, I won't say that. I am not sure but that many of the other events are quite Christian. We are small as people, good things start at home, the honest demands of the world do not always allow us to encapsulate the bases of goodness at home, and so when the time exists, it is quite wise to put such time to good use. Deeds and sharing do lay supplies in heaven for our benefit there, too. Further, we understand that too much together time is also not completely as productive as we might fantasize, when we happen to get it. These times allow us access and balance, to recalculate our time sharing in the future, and indulge a bit in any case. A chance to learn for the next period until we once again find ourselves in the situation, to once again re-evaluate.
While a Christian myself, for most of my life I have tried to walk closer to God and at times I have strayed further. I have even, for my part, left the notion of trying to walk with Him if never have I chosen to purely cross against Him either. Oh, I don't and never have walked with God, to be sure, as I understand now. God is not on my silly side, I merely try to be on His side, or not at times. Only, I have, in truth, only acknowledged that He walks with me, even when I have gone astray, if that is all for another discussion. In this walk, though, I have been and continue to be confused, in fact or fallacy. One of those facts regards Christmas.
For much of my early and younger adult life, I assumed that Christmas had to include parties, friends, and family. It must include joy, and nothing but good things like joy. It had to be about other people, as they pertain to me. There needed to be grand feasts, presents, and pageantry. If those things were not present then it couldn't possibly be a Merry Christmas. The times when those things did not exist, or in large enough amounts for my sake, I felt quite cold. But then I started noticing something even when such things were there. In a crowded room filled with people I liked and loved, I was realizing that I was quite alone. Christmas, and Easter, and some of the other holidays were becoming natural emotional disasters. I won't even tell you I fixed this, only that it came to be quite nicely repaired in the last... five to seven to ten years.
As it turns out, returning to God, with boots on, belt cinched, and an openness to learn and do His will, on my part, created changes. None of the changes were fast. None of them are absolutely certain, even now, just more probable to occur or 'be'. Very few, if any, of the changes were even conscious objectives I brought to God in prayer. My prayers are rather simple. Thanks for food, of course. Gratuity for just being, living, and loving, but also for the pains and strife and such by which I may grow. The best of fertilizers are often some of the most awful smelling, innit? But the main thing I try to impress upon, and deliver to God, is... here I am, use me as you would. If the Lord sees a wall before His will in me, and I cannot see it for the sty in my eye, then tear it down and give me a poke in the eye for good measure! Hehe Show me what is displeasing, I will do it. And, to my abilities, I do.
As it turns out, the wreckage of my sinfulness was not all there was. As wrong forms and places in me were being destroyed, other forms have sprung up. While I, at times, merely saw destruction of the old, God was quite busily building up on solid grounds the home and tool shed and garage and workshop and all the rest that I would need. Sometimes I truly felt alone in this work, but nope. He was doing tenfold the work I was doing, and often with my hands he would add to it, while I couldn't see and wouldn't believe, but let Him use me to these ends anyway in faith. Clenching my eyes closed at times because I wouldn't believe, only to be greatly surprised when peaking through slats in my fingers, like a child... well... on Christmas morning.
So, now, and for some years past and most likely hence, Christmas can be spent alone (if I do truly enjoy company as well) with nary a tear or thought of loneliness. I do, I must admit, pray to find a woman and begin raising Him a family. But until or unless that happens, I am quite pleased to celebrate the birthday of my Elder, Senior, Brother in Love and Arms very much happily, securely, and if by needs alone. Grateful to have one so bold as to be born to temptation He could and did deny, to pick up my cross, to lay down His life, all the while showing and telling me what and wherefore with not even a single hitch in following our Father's will. Further, He did it without self-glorification, really. So much to learn...
So it is, another Merry Christmas, with the hopes of a Happy New Year to follow, here more than many places. I hope you have some kindred notions and a fond Christmas yourself.
Sleeping like a baby. And a Christmas present.
.
.
My sleep is wonderful, actually, lately. At between seven and nine hours, usually, it has become rather regular. Waking time is extending an average of two to four hours more than what would allow a 24 hour day. So my days are creeping ahead between two and four hours ahead, give or take. All things are slightly subject to being extra tired or alert or sleeping longer or less. While far from perfect, being on some sort of track is a lot better than the chaotic sleep cycles I am, I think, emerging from. It means that the next time days pop around into my waking life, grabbing onto a day schedule before I can slide on through again has a decent chance of happening. The last time I saw days and tried to grab them it was akin to grabbing greased monkey bars. No amount of grip strength allowed purchase. A half dozen grabs was nothing but a idealistic mental hand-eye coordination game on the order of catching flies with chopsticks. How Sassy does it I haven't quite figured out.
I am having to watch my medicines much more closely. I almost missed them the other day. That is a bad thing. It can really throw things, in this delicate stage of recovery and medicine acclimation. I got right back on them, only having to take night meds with day meds, which usually is fine (if the doctors might have conniptions about such). Rightly or wrongly it keeps me dosed and doesn't give me any physical or sleep/wake hiccups. Sometimes it is as good as I can do. And missing a dose altogether is much more brutal, on my system, in the end, anyway. Just one dose missed can, if it doesn't always, cause a huge problem.
Oh, the gift! My drive and walks have been cleared! No writing in the snow, so I'm thinking Santa snuck in. Possibly with elves. No sleigh marks, but he can be tricky that way. No scat, so I'm thinking the reindeer and sled might have stayed home, ready for the big night. He certainly can be tricky. I think, while letting Sam out, I may have heard a "Ho, ho, ho!", either in his stealthy escape or he froze it in the breeze for when I opened the door? Ho, ho, ho! Back at you. :)
.
My sleep is wonderful, actually, lately. At between seven and nine hours, usually, it has become rather regular. Waking time is extending an average of two to four hours more than what would allow a 24 hour day. So my days are creeping ahead between two and four hours ahead, give or take. All things are slightly subject to being extra tired or alert or sleeping longer or less. While far from perfect, being on some sort of track is a lot better than the chaotic sleep cycles I am, I think, emerging from. It means that the next time days pop around into my waking life, grabbing onto a day schedule before I can slide on through again has a decent chance of happening. The last time I saw days and tried to grab them it was akin to grabbing greased monkey bars. No amount of grip strength allowed purchase. A half dozen grabs was nothing but a idealistic mental hand-eye coordination game on the order of catching flies with chopsticks. How Sassy does it I haven't quite figured out.
I am having to watch my medicines much more closely. I almost missed them the other day. That is a bad thing. It can really throw things, in this delicate stage of recovery and medicine acclimation. I got right back on them, only having to take night meds with day meds, which usually is fine (if the doctors might have conniptions about such). Rightly or wrongly it keeps me dosed and doesn't give me any physical or sleep/wake hiccups. Sometimes it is as good as I can do. And missing a dose altogether is much more brutal, on my system, in the end, anyway. Just one dose missed can, if it doesn't always, cause a huge problem.
Oh, the gift! My drive and walks have been cleared! No writing in the snow, so I'm thinking Santa snuck in. Possibly with elves. No sleigh marks, but he can be tricky that way. No scat, so I'm thinking the reindeer and sled might have stayed home, ready for the big night. He certainly can be tricky. I think, while letting Sam out, I may have heard a "Ho, ho, ho!", either in his stealthy escape or he froze it in the breeze for when I opened the door? Ho, ho, ho! Back at you. :)
Trinkets and noise.
.
.
Hmm? You ask. Oh, just sounding off about nothing in particular, not even angrily, as my mind drifts toward sleep.
Sam wanted out... sometime this morning, actually twice through the night. The first time I either didn't notice or the gift was not there yet. The second time I let Sam out there was snow. After a quick check on the weather, the prediction is two to four inches of the fluff. I... wish I wasn't hitting bedtime. I want to get my snow blower out, or when it stops. Then again, it might not stop for some time. It is just a soft but medium snow currently, quite nice to watch. While checking the weather I also looked at humidity. For the last few days it has seemed colder to me. I wondered if my heart was acting up. Nope, it's just that we have high humidity. Although how high, really, is difficult to know. When precip is coming in they always say it is nearly 100%. Well, no, it's not. Not even not really. It simply isn't that high, is it? Never mind.
As I begin to read, and perhaps with lessons, a couple of fine opportunities presented themselves. Vox Day, one of my blog links, seems to be going all smarty pants, and not just limiting himself to super genius status, writing econ books, and plugging professors' blowpipes with their own garbage, but has been dallying in fiction. I am not sure how it is termed, though fantasy would probably be the term, such as Lord of the Rings type. I think. In any case, while cruising on the night shift blog read, I noticed that one of his books is being offered free through Kindle for a few days (A Magic Broken). I have never used Kindle before, it is on my smartphone, at least. I just thought it would be messy. But already having an account with Amazon, it was just as easy as it seemed once I got to it (but I never would have believed until I did it). So, a free book. Then, on his blog, he noted that, for the first fifty people who contacted him, he would allow us to preview his next book for free. I wrote in soon enough it seems. I received an email suggesting I was on the list. I was honest with him. I promised no glowing reports, only my honest assessment. That was all he was asking, he assured me.
Sure, so, I put him at the head of the list and piles of books I have. True, true. But if I am to start reading again I may have to hit some pleasure centers before I can wade into the muck of checking calculations, or having to... trace notions and define them historically, religiously, and in other ways, and all the other things I feel called to do with much that I intend to read. While there may still be some of this, Vox does tend to be a deep study and I like to know (if I notice it) whether a quote he is using is being used correctly (to my notions). But reading may simply go forth, and if liked well enough, a review of his sources might be investigated before a second reading... or... uhrm, not. Honestly, that is how I used to do things. Books were projects, not items, or consumables.
I have been trying to get my downloaded collections of music situated and checked. I have found one or two downloads that seem to be problematic. As well, now that I have the videos that I like, I might pull down more music and put it into various collections... the classics, pop-type that I have somehow found myself enamored, Country, and perhaps some themed sections. Mostly I want the videos I have used on my blog, so as to be able to remanufacture my blog to the degree possible, should that be necessary. Many of the videos on the rest of the music are not important at all, just the music, which makes it easier to find a source should one or the other youvideo disappear in the meantime. If nothing else it gives me something to tinker with, archive, check, and have a little sport with.
Bedtime, though. At almost 10:00, my circadian rhythm is humming like the newest Intel chip... on fire. Oh yeah. Oh well. See you... sometime after the second crack, as they say with coffee (or chip) roasting.
.
Hmm? You ask. Oh, just sounding off about nothing in particular, not even angrily, as my mind drifts toward sleep.
Sam wanted out... sometime this morning, actually twice through the night. The first time I either didn't notice or the gift was not there yet. The second time I let Sam out there was snow. After a quick check on the weather, the prediction is two to four inches of the fluff. I... wish I wasn't hitting bedtime. I want to get my snow blower out, or when it stops. Then again, it might not stop for some time. It is just a soft but medium snow currently, quite nice to watch. While checking the weather I also looked at humidity. For the last few days it has seemed colder to me. I wondered if my heart was acting up. Nope, it's just that we have high humidity. Although how high, really, is difficult to know. When precip is coming in they always say it is nearly 100%. Well, no, it's not. Not even not really. It simply isn't that high, is it? Never mind.
As I begin to read, and perhaps with lessons, a couple of fine opportunities presented themselves. Vox Day, one of my blog links, seems to be going all smarty pants, and not just limiting himself to super genius status, writing econ books, and plugging professors' blowpipes with their own garbage, but has been dallying in fiction. I am not sure how it is termed, though fantasy would probably be the term, such as Lord of the Rings type. I think. In any case, while cruising on the night shift blog read, I noticed that one of his books is being offered free through Kindle for a few days (A Magic Broken). I have never used Kindle before, it is on my smartphone, at least. I just thought it would be messy. But already having an account with Amazon, it was just as easy as it seemed once I got to it (but I never would have believed until I did it). So, a free book. Then, on his blog, he noted that, for the first fifty people who contacted him, he would allow us to preview his next book for free. I wrote in soon enough it seems. I received an email suggesting I was on the list. I was honest with him. I promised no glowing reports, only my honest assessment. That was all he was asking, he assured me.
Sure, so, I put him at the head of the list and piles of books I have. True, true. But if I am to start reading again I may have to hit some pleasure centers before I can wade into the muck of checking calculations, or having to... trace notions and define them historically, religiously, and in other ways, and all the other things I feel called to do with much that I intend to read. While there may still be some of this, Vox does tend to be a deep study and I like to know (if I notice it) whether a quote he is using is being used correctly (to my notions). But reading may simply go forth, and if liked well enough, a review of his sources might be investigated before a second reading... or... uhrm, not. Honestly, that is how I used to do things. Books were projects, not items, or consumables.
I have been trying to get my downloaded collections of music situated and checked. I have found one or two downloads that seem to be problematic. As well, now that I have the videos that I like, I might pull down more music and put it into various collections... the classics, pop-type that I have somehow found myself enamored, Country, and perhaps some themed sections. Mostly I want the videos I have used on my blog, so as to be able to remanufacture my blog to the degree possible, should that be necessary. Many of the videos on the rest of the music are not important at all, just the music, which makes it easier to find a source should one or the other youvideo disappear in the meantime. If nothing else it gives me something to tinker with, archive, check, and have a little sport with.
Bedtime, though. At almost 10:00, my circadian rhythm is humming like the newest Intel chip... on fire. Oh yeah. Oh well. See you... sometime after the second crack, as they say with coffee (or chip) roasting.
Sunday, December 23, 2012
Mother, eh? Lest I forget...
.
.
After thinking about all the things I want to, or am going to, do, I had to stop and consider something. My mother, of course, and having her back out this spring. Oh yes, she will be here. But... when? I know I want her here for planting the garden. Oh, I will... try to keep her mostly as an adviser. But trying to tell that woman somethings is simply not productive. It is much better to just remind her that she doesn't have to, and shouldn't, lift heavy things. And if she is going to bend over to work the soil, to get her something that makes getting up and down easier, and then just letting her wear herself out. At which point she takes to pointing and clicking... until she catches her breath (which is often before I have had time to... get to what she was pointing... never mind).
So, a bit of looking for details regarding planting times. As well, there is the issue of her wanting to be home at the breaking of new months, for her business affairs. I think there is more to it than that. I will butt out though. Women MUST have their secrets and little ways. Far be it from me to nose in. Perhaps I merely have a paranoid mind, but she IS a woman after all. Back to business. It seems that for peppers and other delicates, which I assume includes tomatoes, the best time to plant is a week after the average last frost. The average last frost is, if the site is correct and if for Logan, May 22. So... how to do this.
I may have to see if she would be willing to return home a bit into June or the thing gets tricky. Especially seeing that the last two springs have broken late, meaning that while the garden area might be well set up, she might not be able to help actually put the plants into the ground. Oh, sure, I could do that myself. Mostly. As I have said, especially on new things, it helps to have someone there when I have doubts. Doubts can stop a new project on a dime. Plus, she has a pretty good notion of how to patiently keep me going on a project. If she doesn't agree to breaking into the new month, then the visit will between the 9th and the 30th, for example, otherwise I would prefer it to be between the May 16th and June 6th, all give or take. That would leave as much room for garden prep and a later spring planting as is doable in a three week window. So much to consider for so many things? I guess so. I know I will either get buckets with water or climb stations with bags for near or over the plants, even if everything seems okay. Weather is never what it seems, being fickle as any woman I know.
It is good to be in shape to be thinking things through. It is fine to be on to beginning a garden, at least setting the stages for it. I actually have quite a few things going on or in various stages of planning and prep at this point. While it isn't quite engineering school, in some ways I am doing much more than that. I can't opt out of some of this, I will simply have to figure alternate paths if things stay, or once I stabilize again become, wobbly. Further, I can do that with these things where I could not always do that with school. And, these things are convoluted and irregular, requiring social, logic, hands-on, singular and interwoven time planning, and such. Engineering school was purely an idea based, curriculum and semester controlled, one-stop, life consuming, project. There was little time, for me anyway, for much else. I didn't have to think about it, only do it or not do it. So, yeah, I think I am doing better, if in an odd way. I'll just call her this week sometime, don't want to bug her too often, and see what she thinks. I probably won't ask her when I call on Christmas? Hmm, though, why not? I think it warms her heart to have a son in need, one she can finally actually materially help. No lost black sheep am I the more. Mostly. :p
Oh, uhrm, later.
.
After thinking about all the things I want to, or am going to, do, I had to stop and consider something. My mother, of course, and having her back out this spring. Oh yes, she will be here. But... when? I know I want her here for planting the garden. Oh, I will... try to keep her mostly as an adviser. But trying to tell that woman somethings is simply not productive. It is much better to just remind her that she doesn't have to, and shouldn't, lift heavy things. And if she is going to bend over to work the soil, to get her something that makes getting up and down easier, and then just letting her wear herself out. At which point she takes to pointing and clicking... until she catches her breath (which is often before I have had time to... get to what she was pointing... never mind).
So, a bit of looking for details regarding planting times. As well, there is the issue of her wanting to be home at the breaking of new months, for her business affairs. I think there is more to it than that. I will butt out though. Women MUST have their secrets and little ways. Far be it from me to nose in. Perhaps I merely have a paranoid mind, but she IS a woman after all. Back to business. It seems that for peppers and other delicates, which I assume includes tomatoes, the best time to plant is a week after the average last frost. The average last frost is, if the site is correct and if for Logan, May 22. So... how to do this.
I may have to see if she would be willing to return home a bit into June or the thing gets tricky. Especially seeing that the last two springs have broken late, meaning that while the garden area might be well set up, she might not be able to help actually put the plants into the ground. Oh, sure, I could do that myself. Mostly. As I have said, especially on new things, it helps to have someone there when I have doubts. Doubts can stop a new project on a dime. Plus, she has a pretty good notion of how to patiently keep me going on a project. If she doesn't agree to breaking into the new month, then the visit will between the 9th and the 30th, for example, otherwise I would prefer it to be between the May 16th and June 6th, all give or take. That would leave as much room for garden prep and a later spring planting as is doable in a three week window. So much to consider for so many things? I guess so. I know I will either get buckets with water or climb stations with bags for near or over the plants, even if everything seems okay. Weather is never what it seems, being fickle as any woman I know.
It is good to be in shape to be thinking things through. It is fine to be on to beginning a garden, at least setting the stages for it. I actually have quite a few things going on or in various stages of planning and prep at this point. While it isn't quite engineering school, in some ways I am doing much more than that. I can't opt out of some of this, I will simply have to figure alternate paths if things stay, or once I stabilize again become, wobbly. Further, I can do that with these things where I could not always do that with school. And, these things are convoluted and irregular, requiring social, logic, hands-on, singular and interwoven time planning, and such. Engineering school was purely an idea based, curriculum and semester controlled, one-stop, life consuming, project. There was little time, for me anyway, for much else. I didn't have to think about it, only do it or not do it. So, yeah, I think I am doing better, if in an odd way. I'll just call her this week sometime, don't want to bug her too often, and see what she thinks. I probably won't ask her when I call on Christmas? Hmm, though, why not? I think it warms her heart to have a son in need, one she can finally actually materially help. No lost black sheep am I the more. Mostly. :p
Oh, uhrm, later.
How to put a thing?
.
.
Asked tonight how I was reacting to medicine, I merely suggested I was going through a bit of a rough spell. But that they were increasing it very quickly this time. All true of course. But really? I have been resurrected at least twice, possibly three times, right through a condition that is fatal for many all by itself. Further, that condition went untreated for two and a half decades. So, while I am having some fussiness from things now and really for the last few years, I... can't honestly complain. But... that doesn't fit in a short public comment. My health alone should have crippled me worse than anything the medicines do, although sometimes it has it hasn't been permanent, or lethal.
.
Asked tonight how I was reacting to medicine, I merely suggested I was going through a bit of a rough spell. But that they were increasing it very quickly this time. All true of course. But really? I have been resurrected at least twice, possibly three times, right through a condition that is fatal for many all by itself. Further, that condition went untreated for two and a half decades. So, while I am having some fussiness from things now and really for the last few years, I... can't honestly complain. But... that doesn't fit in a short public comment. My health alone should have crippled me worse than anything the medicines do, although sometimes it has it hasn't been permanent, or lethal.
With a little help...
.
.
As I said in my last post, control of sleep is not in my hands. Oh, I do what I can, mind you. And if needs be, I can sometimes trick things to work. With the Christmas choir singing tonight, the question was whether I could even be awake. Time wise, that was probable, according to norm. I am so far out of norm though, that I could only do my part and hope, really. I set the alarm for 17:00, when I went to bed. I went to bed somewhere around... 7:30? Oh but I called my mother this morning before I actually went to sleep. So, perhaps to sleep by 8:00-8:30? Yeah.
I was just waking, and before the alarm, when the phone rang. Dinner, it seems, was about to arrive. Was I up? WAS I? Well, not really, but I was awake and really looking for a reason to rise before that dratted ringy thing went off. hah And so I had my reason. Plus, considering all, I had time to shower before dinner, which would put me in cruising distance for the launch to be there for the show. So far so good. Boy was I moving slowly though. I am now in the unenviable position my mother used to be in while I was growing up, that of getting me going. Something... discussed... early this morning, with her, I do believe. No drill sergeant mom, says I. Chuckles on the other end, to be sure. Delicious chuckles, for her part, on her part. I think she is glad to be done with that job, mostly. She enjoyed hearing that I finally appreciate the artistry with which she has learned to handle the slumbering sluggish bear(tm), too. Oh, yes, mother, I now know!
Dinner arrived, with me dressed in street clothes. I would still have to dress formally, but I didn't want to do that while I sloshed around in consciousness's no-man's land, certainly not before dinner. No time to talk, I am told, he is in the choir. Now, I expected that though. Good luck, I think or hope I said. In no-man's land, what is said and what is considered as something to say are sometimes synonymous in memory. Aye, but the intention was there either way. As it turns out, sleepy as all get out, moving like a slug, I did get dressed and to the event.
I really enjoyed the singing too. It is always good when there are some number of faces in the crowd on the stage with whom there is some familiarity. A good batch of songs were sung. Men had their turn to shine, as did the ladies. Even the children got the spotlight. A story was told, as well. I have to guess that the woman who told the tale has told these to grandchildren, and probably children before that. Either that or she has a wonderful knack for it. I saw quite a few men I knew there, and shook any number of hands. It is, actually, always quite a glad thing to say hello, for me. The music was just right, to my ears. I needed that.
As for fellowship after? I was beginning to crash pretty hard. I wanted to stay, truly. Beside the chance to reconnoiter, which... if you know me at all, you know I quite enjoy... there were cookies and other sweets and such. I'm not so much a cookie monster, but since they are a rarity, they have taken on a new dimension in my mind. I simply couldn't. I am almost ready to go back to bed. These medicines seem to really be taking it out of me. I'll... get over that before the month is out though. Oh, I'll still swim come January should this persist. I just might have to see about some place to take a little(tm) nap before even returning home some days, if this persists. It... might be that it is winter, too. Maybe, as I continue to read with the day lamp I might be able to get through this better. We will see.
Ah, but... to not have the need of guilt. Guilt for missing, guilt at letting folks down, guilt about illness. Wow am I tired though. I am going to try to stretch it a bit. Later or good night.
.
As I said in my last post, control of sleep is not in my hands. Oh, I do what I can, mind you. And if needs be, I can sometimes trick things to work. With the Christmas choir singing tonight, the question was whether I could even be awake. Time wise, that was probable, according to norm. I am so far out of norm though, that I could only do my part and hope, really. I set the alarm for 17:00, when I went to bed. I went to bed somewhere around... 7:30? Oh but I called my mother this morning before I actually went to sleep. So, perhaps to sleep by 8:00-8:30? Yeah.
I was just waking, and before the alarm, when the phone rang. Dinner, it seems, was about to arrive. Was I up? WAS I? Well, not really, but I was awake and really looking for a reason to rise before that dratted ringy thing went off. hah And so I had my reason. Plus, considering all, I had time to shower before dinner, which would put me in cruising distance for the launch to be there for the show. So far so good. Boy was I moving slowly though. I am now in the unenviable position my mother used to be in while I was growing up, that of getting me going. Something... discussed... early this morning, with her, I do believe. No drill sergeant mom, says I. Chuckles on the other end, to be sure. Delicious chuckles, for her part, on her part. I think she is glad to be done with that job, mostly. She enjoyed hearing that I finally appreciate the artistry with which she has learned to handle the slumbering sluggish bear(tm), too. Oh, yes, mother, I now know!
Dinner arrived, with me dressed in street clothes. I would still have to dress formally, but I didn't want to do that while I sloshed around in consciousness's no-man's land, certainly not before dinner. No time to talk, I am told, he is in the choir. Now, I expected that though. Good luck, I think or hope I said. In no-man's land, what is said and what is considered as something to say are sometimes synonymous in memory. Aye, but the intention was there either way. As it turns out, sleepy as all get out, moving like a slug, I did get dressed and to the event.
I really enjoyed the singing too. It is always good when there are some number of faces in the crowd on the stage with whom there is some familiarity. A good batch of songs were sung. Men had their turn to shine, as did the ladies. Even the children got the spotlight. A story was told, as well. I have to guess that the woman who told the tale has told these to grandchildren, and probably children before that. Either that or she has a wonderful knack for it. I saw quite a few men I knew there, and shook any number of hands. It is, actually, always quite a glad thing to say hello, for me. The music was just right, to my ears. I needed that.
As for fellowship after? I was beginning to crash pretty hard. I wanted to stay, truly. Beside the chance to reconnoiter, which... if you know me at all, you know I quite enjoy... there were cookies and other sweets and such. I'm not so much a cookie monster, but since they are a rarity, they have taken on a new dimension in my mind. I simply couldn't. I am almost ready to go back to bed. These medicines seem to really be taking it out of me. I'll... get over that before the month is out though. Oh, I'll still swim come January should this persist. I just might have to see about some place to take a little(tm) nap before even returning home some days, if this persists. It... might be that it is winter, too. Maybe, as I continue to read with the day lamp I might be able to get through this better. We will see.
Ah, but... to not have the need of guilt. Guilt for missing, guilt at letting folks down, guilt about illness. Wow am I tired though. I am going to try to stretch it a bit. Later or good night.
A bit of tinkering and some cooking.
.
.
I have a number of ideas to chase down. Thankfully, whether regarding the peppers, another mom visit, a trip, or whatever, there is plenty of time. February is when the peppers might begin as seedlings. Only swimming, perhaps, will begin sooner. Though with swimming I have nothing to prepare, figure, or buy. The rest of it, though, can get intricate.
I have begun a search for pots for an alternative refrigerator. Whether it will go or not is another matter. I could test it here just as well during the summer months. One thing I realized, right off, is that I will NOT be buying brand new terracotta pots! For a moderately sized setup the cost would exceed $400-$500, not including shipping. No, I believe I will check at yard and estate sales, things of that nature. And, being that it may be off the list, there is no rush. With the element of time out of the equation, the price usually drops.
Little things are being considered for the trip. The advise to be highly lit up and wear reflective gear as well is something of a topic I have been researching. Of course then the idea of batteries comes up. Though I have rechargeable batteries on the prep list, getting into those well enough to support this particular mission is questionable. My guess is that solar rechargers would be the only certain means of keeping those readily operational, and it would take some number of them, plus a field of batteries ready to go, as it can take those several days to actually recharge a panel of batteries. Plus, some of those seem to not be very safe, causing fires even more often than the Chevy Volt! Still, there is time to consider this more fully.
A thought was tendered, regarding an electric scooter. A bit of looking seems to cast doubt on the allowance of such at Burning Man though. They encourage bicycles and walking. I did a bit of research regarding rentals, but rentals are about $50 a day if available, or about half the cost of a new one I saw on sale. The other issue is their weight allowance. At 250, that leaves me out in that price range of rental or purchase. They do rent a vehicle that can haul 450, though who knows how pricey that might be. And it isn't a easy thing to haul itself, being (I think) more like a slow, single passenger, golf cart (also not allowed, by the way). With a very quickly aging population, and they being the ones who have the money, I'm not sure how long BM will be able to deny these vehicles. Or if they even really can now? But... I don't need it... if from what I have seen that isn't always the point?
Oh, right. I decided to cook lentils tonight. I read the side of the can for instructions. It suggested that one cup of lentils, with 2 1/2 cups of water, would produce... 1/2 cup of food? That... doesn't sound right, but... okay. So, how many cups of food did I want? Hmm, maybe a cup? Perhaps two cups!?! No, I'm really hungry and I want some for later. I'll go for four cups! That would give me a solid taste of the stuff, nyet? Yes, yes indeed, I will get a very solid taste of the stuff. I think they meant one cup of dry would produce two or three cups of cooked. I checked just now, again. Nope, they have it very wrong on the can. It wasn't just my stomach reading a mistake in. So, yeah, I have... plenty of cooked lentils. Not bad, but it will get old really fast. Heh. A bit of tuna in this bowl, a bit of butter in that, left over turkey in the next, I'll not waste. But I will be hella glad when it's gone!
I am about ready to crash. Not much choice, it's time. I could drag it out several hours, probably. But that just complicates things. Going with the flow while in the middle of a riptide is simply the best way. I can handle the ride out, and if it is tolerably close when I can escape it the swim back to shore or at least have an easier time staying afloat while I try to get help, but I definitely don't last long if I simply try to fight it. Two med changes right on top of each other, plus probably honestly still trying to recover from my mother's visit, just... I can't catch a break right yet. All good. I'm a patient schmuck.
Good night.
.
I have a number of ideas to chase down. Thankfully, whether regarding the peppers, another mom visit, a trip, or whatever, there is plenty of time. February is when the peppers might begin as seedlings. Only swimming, perhaps, will begin sooner. Though with swimming I have nothing to prepare, figure, or buy. The rest of it, though, can get intricate.
I have begun a search for pots for an alternative refrigerator. Whether it will go or not is another matter. I could test it here just as well during the summer months. One thing I realized, right off, is that I will NOT be buying brand new terracotta pots! For a moderately sized setup the cost would exceed $400-$500, not including shipping. No, I believe I will check at yard and estate sales, things of that nature. And, being that it may be off the list, there is no rush. With the element of time out of the equation, the price usually drops.
Little things are being considered for the trip. The advise to be highly lit up and wear reflective gear as well is something of a topic I have been researching. Of course then the idea of batteries comes up. Though I have rechargeable batteries on the prep list, getting into those well enough to support this particular mission is questionable. My guess is that solar rechargers would be the only certain means of keeping those readily operational, and it would take some number of them, plus a field of batteries ready to go, as it can take those several days to actually recharge a panel of batteries. Plus, some of those seem to not be very safe, causing fires even more often than the Chevy Volt! Still, there is time to consider this more fully.
A thought was tendered, regarding an electric scooter. A bit of looking seems to cast doubt on the allowance of such at Burning Man though. They encourage bicycles and walking. I did a bit of research regarding rentals, but rentals are about $50 a day if available, or about half the cost of a new one I saw on sale. The other issue is their weight allowance. At 250, that leaves me out in that price range of rental or purchase. They do rent a vehicle that can haul 450, though who knows how pricey that might be. And it isn't a easy thing to haul itself, being (I think) more like a slow, single passenger, golf cart (also not allowed, by the way). With a very quickly aging population, and they being the ones who have the money, I'm not sure how long BM will be able to deny these vehicles. Or if they even really can now? But... I don't need it... if from what I have seen that isn't always the point?
Oh, right. I decided to cook lentils tonight. I read the side of the can for instructions. It suggested that one cup of lentils, with 2 1/2 cups of water, would produce... 1/2 cup of food? That... doesn't sound right, but... okay. So, how many cups of food did I want? Hmm, maybe a cup? Perhaps two cups!?! No, I'm really hungry and I want some for later. I'll go for four cups! That would give me a solid taste of the stuff, nyet? Yes, yes indeed, I will get a very solid taste of the stuff. I think they meant one cup of dry would produce two or three cups of cooked. I checked just now, again. Nope, they have it very wrong on the can. It wasn't just my stomach reading a mistake in. So, yeah, I have... plenty of cooked lentils. Not bad, but it will get old really fast. Heh. A bit of tuna in this bowl, a bit of butter in that, left over turkey in the next, I'll not waste. But I will be hella glad when it's gone!
I am about ready to crash. Not much choice, it's time. I could drag it out several hours, probably. But that just complicates things. Going with the flow while in the middle of a riptide is simply the best way. I can handle the ride out, and if it is tolerably close when I can escape it the swim back to shore or at least have an easier time staying afloat while I try to get help, but I definitely don't last long if I simply try to fight it. Two med changes right on top of each other, plus probably honestly still trying to recover from my mother's visit, just... I can't catch a break right yet. All good. I'm a patient schmuck.
Good night.
Saturday, December 22, 2012
In shape enough for such a thing?
.
.
Well, yes and no. As I said, I will need to hit the pool until it warms, then hit the bike this summer. And yet I was able to work for my mother at quite a pace for three weeks. While three weeks of washing windows, moving furniture, hauling this or that, and just the up and down of commands, might not seem like much, you would have to meet my mother to understand. Three weeks! That was almost boot camp. Further, I was able to be up early quite some number of days, I drove to town on top of that and shopped while in town, some number of days each week, and there was more. So, yes, even as is, I can probably handle a week of strenuous demand. Though, I wasn't on medicines. Then again, medicines have usually helped, once the shake-down cruise is complete.
My doctor suggested, from doing his own personal stress test, that I was extremely fit (he brought someone else to help with me, in case I failed, due to my... on-paper delicate condition... by the way). I could easily have outpaced him if I had known the path. He thought my heart must have improved beyond the need for the cardiology/heart transplant clinic. While the heart did improve, it didn't improve enough to be moved from the clinic. True, I can't do that on a daily basis for long periods. But my mother showed what I can do and my doctor, after checking my heart and breathing afterward, was well pleased for his sake. No, boys and girls, Doom is not on death's door. I am not even gasping for air. Why? Don't look at me. I've offered some various possibilities, some you might accept, some you think are downright foolish. If you can come up with better reasons, I am all eyes.
Still, I really want to begin swimming this January. Even twice a week, to kick things off, would be good. I tried to ride the bicycle the year I got it, but... it was a bit much. And this year it was far too hot while I had no cooling, initially. The bike has two problems, for me. One, there is the simple physical shape required. The other problem is the oddness of sitting and balancing the thing after so many years of nary a pedal to foot. Neither, alone, is a show stopper, I think. Together they were a bit much. Swimming, I am hoping, will alleviate one of those two problems. Further, my guess is, once you attain a certain level of fitness and comfort in the saddle, as it were, you can probably nearly ride a bike for infinity. I can walk like that, and at a reasonably quick pace, at this point (if not hike on an incline, that is different). It hits 100 rather frequently here, in the summer, too. So that shouldn't be too much of a change, either. I handled the first few weeks, perhaps a month or two of that heat, here, before falling ill to it. I had no break from it here, though. The bike would merely add some serious speed potential.
I really am in it now. Beyond just figuring one or two things out, I am now up to... four or five or six major projects, some with their own subunits of consideration, some of which are mandatory (through investment or need), some of which might very well end up contradictory by costs, all of which are being settled into a scheme that is as fuzzy as thick fog at this point, but coming together in starts and fits anyway. Hmm, I've... had worse. And the projects are helping me to focus on clearing the odd air the medicines put up around me. I remember reading stories of Merlin. Among the things that struck me then, and now, was one of the common notions that he somehow lived his life backwards through time. He could remember the future, as well as any remembers their 'past', but the past was fuzzy, only partially accessible somehow. I sometimes... feel more like that than anything. Ah well, it adds to the curiosity of life, for me anyway. Of course, if I could actually remember the future I would be day-trading into a bazillionaire!
.
Well, yes and no. As I said, I will need to hit the pool until it warms, then hit the bike this summer. And yet I was able to work for my mother at quite a pace for three weeks. While three weeks of washing windows, moving furniture, hauling this or that, and just the up and down of commands, might not seem like much, you would have to meet my mother to understand. Three weeks! That was almost boot camp. Further, I was able to be up early quite some number of days, I drove to town on top of that and shopped while in town, some number of days each week, and there was more. So, yes, even as is, I can probably handle a week of strenuous demand. Though, I wasn't on medicines. Then again, medicines have usually helped, once the shake-down cruise is complete.
My doctor suggested, from doing his own personal stress test, that I was extremely fit (he brought someone else to help with me, in case I failed, due to my... on-paper delicate condition... by the way). I could easily have outpaced him if I had known the path. He thought my heart must have improved beyond the need for the cardiology/heart transplant clinic. While the heart did improve, it didn't improve enough to be moved from the clinic. True, I can't do that on a daily basis for long periods. But my mother showed what I can do and my doctor, after checking my heart and breathing afterward, was well pleased for his sake. No, boys and girls, Doom is not on death's door. I am not even gasping for air. Why? Don't look at me. I've offered some various possibilities, some you might accept, some you think are downright foolish. If you can come up with better reasons, I am all eyes.
Still, I really want to begin swimming this January. Even twice a week, to kick things off, would be good. I tried to ride the bicycle the year I got it, but... it was a bit much. And this year it was far too hot while I had no cooling, initially. The bike has two problems, for me. One, there is the simple physical shape required. The other problem is the oddness of sitting and balancing the thing after so many years of nary a pedal to foot. Neither, alone, is a show stopper, I think. Together they were a bit much. Swimming, I am hoping, will alleviate one of those two problems. Further, my guess is, once you attain a certain level of fitness and comfort in the saddle, as it were, you can probably nearly ride a bike for infinity. I can walk like that, and at a reasonably quick pace, at this point (if not hike on an incline, that is different). It hits 100 rather frequently here, in the summer, too. So that shouldn't be too much of a change, either. I handled the first few weeks, perhaps a month or two of that heat, here, before falling ill to it. I had no break from it here, though. The bike would merely add some serious speed potential.
I really am in it now. Beyond just figuring one or two things out, I am now up to... four or five or six major projects, some with their own subunits of consideration, some of which are mandatory (through investment or need), some of which might very well end up contradictory by costs, all of which are being settled into a scheme that is as fuzzy as thick fog at this point, but coming together in starts and fits anyway. Hmm, I've... had worse. And the projects are helping me to focus on clearing the odd air the medicines put up around me. I remember reading stories of Merlin. Among the things that struck me then, and now, was one of the common notions that he somehow lived his life backwards through time. He could remember the future, as well as any remembers their 'past', but the past was fuzzy, only partially accessible somehow. I sometimes... feel more like that than anything. Ah well, it adds to the curiosity of life, for me anyway. Of course, if I could actually remember the future I would be day-trading into a bazillionaire!
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