![[syndicated profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/feed.png){kind=small}
mcshep_feedWon't somebody save John from his bad relationship choices
Words: 551, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
kaberettaskamanager_feedEarlier this month, we talked about times when coworkers have really overshared at work, and here are 10 of the most ridiculous stories you shared.
1. The wireless mike
At a local stage production, while the audience sat quietly in the darkened theater awaiting the start of the show, a graphic description of the previous night’s one-night stand, including groans of subsequent aches and chafing, clearly came out over the leading lady’s wireless microphone clipped to her costume as she relieved herself on the toilet.
2. The skit
I used to be a teacher at a prison — very odd population of people, a mix of mercenaries, martyrs, and misfits. For a statewide conference, the team from each prison came up to the stage and gave a brief (10 minutes, I think?) overview of their program. Ours was about some new technology we’d just gotten and some light bragging about attendance at a recent graduation ceremony.
Another team came up and did an absolutely unhinged skit about the personality conflicts they’d had in the last year, including publicly accusing two teachers of having an affair. These were all people in their 40s or older who absolutely should have known better.
3. The tattoo
Last year, a client in his mid-60s decided to get a tattoo, and decided I was the person who would be most excited for him. I talk to him maybe a couple times a year and have no tattoos of my own. He told me all about the tattoo, the design’s personal significance, the process of finding an artist, and how much his wife hated the idea and was going to kill him for getting it. I was the first person he showed when it to, as he texted me a photo literally minutes after it was done. He then called me the following week to fill me in on the fight he had with his wife afterwards. Haven’t spoken to him since.
4. The last year
My coworker once asked me what year I was born, and upon learning the year said: “Oh! That was the last year my husband touched me. I miss sex sometimes.”
I was speechless. I think my response was to mutter condolences and walk away.
5. The vasectomy
My boss told me all about his vasectomy on my first day of work.
6. The PIN
We bought a couple of key lockboxes for work. I asked my coworker what four-digit code he wanted for them. He immediately picked one and, as I started setting the combination, he told me, “That’s my bank card PIN number!”
7. The meeting delay
I had a sorta boss who used to begin our weekly group meetings with, “Sorry, I was shitting.” If you had any type of negative reaction to that, she’d just stare you down and give a very condescending, “You know, everybody poops. You’re the one with the hang up here” type lecture.
8. The new hire’s surgery
A coworker gave me a detailed explanation of her breast reduction surgery. Complete with indicating where on her chest things had been.
It was HER FIRST DAY.
9. The toenail
I had a coworker with a bad toe infection for which she was receiving medical treatment for months. She took pictures of the infected toe every day and without fail would describe the condition of her toe each day and try to show the pictures to me.
10. The car salesman
I was shopping for a car and went to a dealer for a test drive. We start off on the test drive and the sales guy is in the back seat. He leans up in the gap between the front seats, one elbow on each. “So, can I ask you a question?” Thinking he’s going to ask something about the car and how I like it, I say sure. “Do you think exes can still be friends?”
I . . . what? Um, yes, I guess so, if they both want to be? He then proceeded to detail his relationship with his (ex-) girlfriend, how they’d planned to move to this area together, but then she broke up with him and said they could stay friends, then she moved here without him, so he followed and moved here, so maybe they could stay friends.
My dude, if she said you could stay friends, then moved 1,000 miles away, chances are she didn’t really mean it and she’s probably a bit concerned that you moved 1,000 miles to follow her.
I did not buy the car.
The post the unhinged skit, the bank card PIN, and other times coworkers massively overshared at work appeared first on Ask a Manager.
askamanager_feedA reader writes:
Although I have managed project teams for many years, I have only started supervising staff directly in the last few years and am about to begin managing my first fully remote employee.
Any advice on managing a fully remote employee? I’m fine with task management for project teams in different locations, but being someone’s supervisor also includes supporting their professional growth, making sure we as the employer are meeting their needs, addressing problems that may arise, and assigning work to meet chargeability goals. I also want to make sure that this employee stays happy, especially as she grows professionally. And my reports and I are known as a “team” — how do I foster this when one member is remote?
It is long past time for a round-up of posts on being an effective remote manager so here you go!
the basics
how to oversee a remote team’s work
how to manage off-site employees
how to overcome your worries about letting people work remotely
how to stay connected to colleagues when no one works in the same place
how to decide whether to let someone work remotely
do I need to foster relationship-building on my (remote) team?
should I require people to leave their video on during team meetings?
potential problems
how can remote managers address problems they hear about secondhand?
how to know a remote worker has checked out – and what to do about it
is there a way to find out if someone secretly has two full-time jobs?
how do I recover after a remote employee took advantage of my trust?
we need to tell our remote employees they can’t take care of young kids while they’re working
my employee refuses to reveal her online status
should I get rid of remote work because our in-office staff thinks it’s unfair?
some things not to do
my remote boss wants to know every time I go to the bathroom
my bosses want our remote team to work out together 3 times a week
And ultimately, managing well remotely is about doing all the things it takes to manage well on-site too — they just matter even more when you’re remote (as I argue here). So all of this advice for new managers will apply as well:
The post how can I be a good manager of a remote team? appeared first on Ask a Manager.
askamanager_feedA reader writes:
I’m writing in about a situation a friend is in. He was at the annual convention for his employer organization when he was called into a meeting with his boss and his boss’s boss. They informed him that he was under investigation and they couldn’t tell him anything more, but that he was to leave the convention immediately as they’d canceled his hotel room. (I should note that the convention was an hour’s drive from his home, so it’s not like he had to reschedule flights or anything.)
The day after the convention, they sent him an email informing him that he was terminated. The reason for his termination? They had discovered he had applied for another job, which they considered to be disloyal. (Apparently he sent in an application for a job that would be a step up from this one, that manager knew his boss’s boss, and called to ask for a reference without clearing it with my friend.) He’d only had good reviews from his manager prior to this.
I’m a manager myself. He had only been with this organization for eight months. If I found out an employee was looking elsewhere in that short of a timeframe, I don’t think I’d be pleased, but I think I’d try to figure out why the employee was unhappy or game plan for their eventual departure, not fire them immediately.
Is this as wild a reaction as I think it is? He said he knew it was a dysfunctional workplace, which is why he was looking elsewhere, but still … this seems like such an overreaction and I just feel terrible for him.
Yeah, this is ridiculous and frankly awful.
It’s not “disloyal” to apply for other jobs (!). Employment isn’t a marriage. It’s a business arrangement that is generally understood to last only as long as it remains in both parties’ best interests.
A company that gets angry that an employee is looking around at their options is usually a company that knows on some level that it won’t measure up — because they’re underpaying or not treating people well.
To be clear, I wouldn’t be thrilled to find out that a good employee was actively interviewing after only eight months — but that’s because I don’t want to lose good employees, not because it would be a betrayal of any sort. When a manager learns that kind of thing, the right response is to reflect on why the person might be looking: are they underpaid? Is the job different than what they’d thought it would be? Have they expressed frustrations with the work that I haven’t been able to resolve? Are there actions I can take now that would help retain them?
And sure, I might also do some game-planning for their possible exit, like thinking about any cross-training gaps that we should address with more urgency. In some cases I might get nervous if I was planning something key around them still being here in a few months, and I might think about whether there was a way to talk to them about their likely longevity in the role.
None of that is about firing the person. Firing them is absurd.
And if this employer thinks none of their other employees ever interview for other roles because of loyalty, they are out of their gourds. In fact, ironically, a place that fires someone for job-searching is much less likely to be the sort of workplace that inspires loyalty in employees, because it’s a symptom of the sort of toxicity people are usually actively working to escape, not feeling inspired by to stick around long-term.
The post is it reasonable to be fired if your boss finds out you’re interviewing? appeared first on Ask a Manager.
askamanager_feedIt’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…
1. My boss says three female employees having dinner together would be discrimination
I recently organized a dinner with two of my closest colleagues/friends. It was planned outside of work hours and paid for personally. The dinner grew to include the three other women employees. When my supervisor found out, he said it was gender discrimination because none of the 15 male employees were invited. Without naming names, he made a public announcement about it at our next department meeting.
Is it gender discrimination if women coworkers want to have dinner together in their own social time? Aren’t women a protected legal class?
Men and women are protected legal classes; the class is sex and gender, not just women. (In other words, you can’t discriminate against employees on the basis of sex or gender, no matter what sex or gender they happen to be.)
But a group of coworkers casually socializing outside of work because they happen to be friends is not illegal discrimination — just like if the three of you happened to be white or happened to be Methodist. If you were framing the event as “this is only for women/Methodists to attend and no one else can,” that would be an issue. If you were using the event to plot some harassment of employees of a different protected class, that would be an issue. If you had multiple events with this group and the impact of the events over time led to discrimination against employees of a different protected class (like if only people who attended these dinners were considered for promotion by others in attendance), that would be an issue. If the dinners became a formal company tradition and only people in this one protected class were invited, that would be an issue.
In other words, if all the details were different, that could be an issue depending on what those details were (here’s an example of when that becomes problematic).
Three friends having a casual dinner together is not an issue.
Updated because of math: There are six of you! A single dinner is still fine, although if you started doing it on a regular basis, your manager would have more of a point.
2. How do I lay people off when I disagree with the decision?
I was recently hired into a very senior leadership role at a family-owned company. Since starting, it’s become clear that the company’s finances — and the owners’ personal finances — are in serious trouble, and together they’re pushing us toward a financial cliff. We don’t have outside investors, so when the business needs cash, the owners fund it directly. Based on what I’m seeing, I believe they’ve exhausted both personal resources and business options like credit lines and loans. My predecessor assured me as I raised questions in the transition that ownership always “figures it out,” but I was skeptical even then, and now have mounting evidence to the contrary.
Ownership is advocating for severe staffing cuts in mission-critical areas. The rest of the leadership team and I can’t see how the company will function without certain roles, even with creative workarounds. These cuts won’t come with raises for remaining staff, but will coincide with significant increases to the owners’ salaries and continued spending on vanity projects. We’ve proposed alternative cuts and operational changes that could help, but ownership is resisting or refusing to consider them. Each budget meeting feels collaborative, only to be followed by communications doubling down on and adding even more extreme cuts.
How do I message this to the people I’ll have to lay off and to those left behind? Ownership will likely push these conversations onto me, since they avoid difficult discussions and the affected staff report to me. I don’t feel I can honestly say this was simply a necessary financial decision when I’m actively advocating for viable alternatives, but I also don’t think it’s appropriate to tell my team I was “forced” into it. How do I handle this without destroying trust in me and ownership? (Or even just in me! I’m less concerned about preventing the owners from digging their own graves, but still need to manage my own people effectively with trust and dignity amidst the chaos.)
“I’m very sorry to have to give you this news. Your work has been excellent, and the decision was made above my head. I’m available to give you a glowing reference and for anything else I can do to help.”
You should stay away from openly saying you disagree with the decision; that risks getting repeated back to the owners at some point, which is a problem when you’re acting as a representative of the company, and it has the potential to be raised in legal proceedings in ways you might not intend. But it’s okay to say the decisions were made at a level above you and then focus on what you’re able to do to help them in what comes next.
I’d also think about what you can do to help people on your team see the writing on the wall before the actual layoffs. You need to navigate that carefully so that you’re not disclosing information you’re not permitted to disclose, but there are often ways to hint to people that their jobs aren’t stable.
3. My boyfriend’s boss penalized him for calling off work, then picking up his medications
My boyfriend works at the same big box grocery store where he picks up his medications. He has an ADA accommodation for several chronic conditions, one which can cause his body to go numb and he cannot control his arms or legs very well. These spasms can happen at any time, and when they do he cannot move well or lift anything for 3-5 hours.
There have been several instances where he calls out for having these spasms, but will go to his store after they are over to pick up medications from the pharmacy, and every time the store manager sees him, he is written up for it, and often his manager challenges the validity of his ADA accommodation since he “called out.”
There was another instance where he had to leave work while having a spasm but his manager listed it as unpaid time off instead of sick leave because my boyfriend didn’t specifically cite his accommodation when he notified them he had to leave.
Am I crazy in thinking this is absolutely illegal? He takes a lot of medications and is often picking them up quite regularly. I’ve thought about telling him to find another pharmacy but he doesn’t have a car.
Yes, this is illegal. Not being able to work is different than not being able to pick up medications from a pharmacy. Your boyfriend should talk to his store’s HR about what’s happening and ask that his manager be clearly told to stop harassing him about his health and his medical accommodations, and to have the write-ups in his file removed.
He should also ask that they reclassify the time that his manager listed as unpaid when it should have been sick time (but he also needs to be clear about what’s happening, particularly with this manager, so they know it’s time off that falls under his accommodation).
And yes, if at all possible he should find another pharmacy to use. Is switching to mail order an option?
4. Buying seat upgrades at my own expense for work travel
I’m a part-time administrator at a sports team that’s a member of a national league for an obscure sport. Every year the league books flights for representatives of each group to attend a meeting at their headquarters to discuss business, vote on new rules, etc., but their travel budget is limited and the only flights they’re able to pay for are usually undesirable in some way, like red-eye flights or basic economy with no carry-ons or from a less convenient home airport. I could book my own travel and later get reimbursed up to the limit, but the meetings happen during an off-peak time for that sport and it’s better for our budget to not have to float the entire price of travel.
Are there any issues with accepting the ticket the league arranges for me, then paying the airline the difference for a cabin upgrade or earlier/different origin flight? Does this look overly inflexible or ungracious? When I travel for my day job, they don’t have the same budget restrictions as the league does, so I haven’t faced this question there, and the league colleagues I’ve talked to haven’t thought about it because they’re either OK with the flights they get or just drive there.
Nope, that is fine to do, but you might have an easier time if you let them know you’re doing it — because it could be cheaper for you if the flight is originally booked at the airport you want to use rather than potentially having to pay a change fee. It’s fine to say something like, “I know we’re limited to flights like X and Y because of budget, but Z would be much easier for me so I’m going to cover the difference to make that happen.”
5. Sending my resume to recruiters I’ve worked with on the employer side of hiring
Over the years, I have been on hiring panels where we have worked with external recruiters. As I get ready to start job hunting, is it weird or inappropriate or a bad idea to send an email with my resume to those recruiters we worked with to let them know I’m looking? My current employer isn’t working with the recruiting firms that I have in mind that I’m thinking of.
No, very normal to do! Not weird at all.
The post my boss says 3 of us having dinner would be discrimination, boyfriend got in trouble for picking up medicine, and more appeared first on Ask a Manager.
mcshep_feedby Goddess47
Retirement isn't always quiet. To Rodney's dismay.
Words: 321, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English
Series: Part 94 of McSheplet Prompts
twistedchicksineala
cosmolinguistD sent me the link to Bruce Springsteen's new song "Streets of Minneapolis" about half an hour ago.
Both emails in my inbox since have been about this.
All that D told me about the link he sent me was "Well here's the most Erik thing ever." Apparently my friends agree.
One of them is also in Minneapolis and says ICE is on their block today.
At work this morning, when a colleague said they were off on holiday and worried that they were changing places in the U.S., my manager took the opportunity to tell me that for all that's horrible, Minneapolis and Minnesota are showing the world how to handle a thing like this and I must be proud of them.
And I am. I nearly choked up at that.
But also, I wish they didn't have to be. Normal life hasn't been possible in Minneapolis for months. Fundraisers I've contributed to have sometimes had grim updates about people who've disappeared, either directly to ICE or by having to make the horrible choice to "self-deport" which is another way the fascists are getting what they want.
I have to save reading Margaret Killjoy for when I have tears to spare. Some of them are happy tears, some are accompanied by real laughter and knowing smiles (having to bring the car battery in the house overnight like it's a baby animal!), but so many tears.
The shortest version of what I saw is this: a few thousand federal officers are occupying Minnesota right now. They’re in Minneapolis, St. Paul, the suburbs, and even some of the smaller towns. No one wants them there—I’ve never seen a community half so united as the people of the Twin Cities.
ICE is there to kidnap black and brown people. They’re not subtle about their racism...
In response to this, many vulnerable people have essentially gone into lockdown... The networks that are looking out for them are far and away the largest, most organized, and most successful networks like these I’ve ever seen.
Since abductions happen quickly—often stealing people in two or three minutes—the response needs to be just as fast. And it works because when people hear whistles and car horns, they start looking out. They come out of their houses.
It works because everyone knows what is happening is wrong, and everyone is willing to risk their lives to protect people.
Time after time, ICE has tried to abduct someone, only to be scared off by Minnesotans in pajamas and crocs.
But this spirit of “if your car is broken by the cold, strangers will save you” was presented to me by multiple people as the spirit that animates the resistance to ICE. Some people are trapped in their houses, so other people try their hardest to help them, whether or not they’ve got enough experience, whether or not they’re ready...
This style of organizing works because the overwhelming majority of people in the city are very actively opposed to seeing their neighbors kidnapped. There is no shortage of people willing to yell at ICE.
oursinWhat I read
Finished The Edge. Well, there was a fair amount of research on Canadian railways went into that....
Shani Akilah, For Such a Time as This (2024), sortes ereader, i.e. opened up as I was scrolling my unread list - not sure how I came across this but enjoyed it, linked short stories about a group of Black British young (ish) people of diverse origins.
Forgot to mention this which I had already started last week and put to one side: Dennis Covington, Salvation on Sand Mountain: Snake Handling and Redemption in Southern Appalachia (1995, reissue with new afterword 2009) - I think I saw something about this somewhere and was interested in the idea. I was a bit irked at first by the style which was a certain kind of upmarket journalistic, and I was then a bit hmmm about him getting in touch with his own occluded lost in the mists family roots, but it was intriguing stuff, especially the way he got both drawn into the whole thing and then ejected by the community.
Christopher Isherwood, A Single Man (1964), since we watched the movie at the weekend (Colin Firth gives with brood) and I couldn't remember the book well enough to say how it matched (it did some odd things). Not, I think, peak Isherwood.
Madeleine E. Robins, The Sleeping Partner (Sarah Tolerance #3) (2011, recently reissued) - I read the earlier ones ages ago but missed this, which I was really gripped by.
On the go
And straight on to Madeleine E. Robins, The Doxies Penalty (Sarah Tolerance #4) (2025)
Up next
No idea - though a book I requested for review has now turned up. (Also essay review I turned in months ago finally came back with some minimal edits to do.)
brightknightie![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
snowflake_challenge: Tropes: "Talk about your favorite tropes (themes, motifs, cliches) in media or transformative works."cakewrecks_feedHey, today is LEGO's 68th birthday! Yep, that's 68 whole years of tiny bruises and hopping around the house on one foot while cursing - which is definitely grounds for cake, don't you think?
Hmm. Maybe a LEGO cake would be more appetizing.
Now, in theory, a LEGO brick cake is pretty simple to make: just stack cupcakes on a sheet cake, frost the whole shebang, and then stick as many LEGO flotsam pieces on it as possible so people don't think you've created an edible skin rash:
I have an irresistible urge to step on this.
You can also use the time-tested, wreckerator-approved method of just writing what the cake is supposed to be ON the cake, so people are sure to get the hint:
If I were Kyle, I'd be hoping there were another 9 cakes waiting in the wings.
Still, those aren't half bad for homemade, right? Of course, they're not homemade, they're professional. And so is this:
(The Cliffs of INSANITY!)
And this:
It's like the underside of a sheep belly. A cold sheep belly.
(Ok, not THAT cold, but still, you know, pretty cold.)
And this:
There's a "sh***ing bricks" joke in here SOMEWHERE, I just know it.
If you want your LEGO cake to get really confusing, just add crayon candles:
I see a pair of goggles exploding rainbows. Which is almost awesome.
And you're never going to believe it, but this, too, is a professionally made "LEGO" brick cake:
[looking around]
[shifty eyes]
Ok, if no one else is going to say it, I will:
LEGO NIPPLES.
FUN FACT: The little bumps on LEGO bricks are called "studs."
FUNNER FACT: Today's wreckporters Breanna, Amanda K., Cindy S., Autumn & Dylan, Sondra D., Brian K., Gwen I., & Cricket are total stud-magnets. Awww yeeeeah. (Also: ouch.)
******
And from my other blog, Epbot:
osprey_archerlirazelAbel held up his hands, helpless. “She’s sitting in my house holding Cissy’s hand this very minute! She gave me her valise before I left the house, and I thought sure she’d send an errand boy to fetch it back tomorrow. But no, not an hour ago she walked right up to my door, determined as you please, and I do believe she intends to stay despite how the whole damned ruck of Stirlings must be throwing a tantrum as we speak. The spunk of the girl! The ways of Providence are strange.”
Life was full of surprises, but in Barney’s experience, people generally weren’t. Oh, people had surprised him before, in his callow youth, but that was because he hadn’t understood who they really were. Once you got down to someone’s true character, you could see that they’d been who they were all along. People mostly kept doing just what they’d been doing their whole lives, what they’d been brought up to do. Of course he’d met a handful of those who bucked tradition and struck out on their own, but he hadn’t expected to find one in Deerwood.
“Is it Providence?” he asked. “That seems as clear a demonstration of free will as anything I’ve ever heard.”
Five times Valancy Stirling surprises Barney Snaith.
conulylucy_roman posting in 100wordssmallhobbitvassandrewduckerconulyrmc28My aunt died on Saturday. The funeral will be in Australia, and streamed online. I am so grateful that technology allows this. It will be at midnight my time; I'm going to aim to be awake for it, but apparently there will be a recording if I don't manage to.
Donations are encouraged in her memory:
https://donate.strokefoundation.org.au/stroke-appeals
https://donate.stroke.org.uk/
And now is probably as good a time as any to remind you of the signs of a stroke and the importance of reacting FAST
Face weakness
Arm weakness
Speech problems
Time to call 999
tamaranth
"We're here because we want to understand them, right?"
"Right."
"Not because we are them. Not because it wants us here... You know what they say. Nowhere draws lost kids to it. Are we lost kids too?" [loc. 2044]
Riley and her little brother Oliver live with Cousin. Their mother committed suicide a couple of years before the novel opens: Riley never knew her father, while Oliver's father is dead. Now Riley is biding her time until she can graduate from high school and escape Cousin's brutal regime.
One night a girl in green appears at her second-floor window, and gives Riley directions to Nowhere, an abandoned and ruined mansion that used to belong to famous film star Leaf Winham.( Read more... )
sidereaSorry, Nazis are from Germany under Adolf Hitler, what we have here is Sparkling Fascists.
cloudpatch posting in 10truelovespauraquehannah muccamukkmuccamukkmusesfool
cosmolinguistThis afternoon, my phone got stuck in a boot loop. It was bad enough when I was looking at it with utter confusion, but when D finished work and I could ask him to have a look at it, he looked just as baffled. Uh-oh!
I missed it immediately: my day is so much easier to get through with podcasts or audiobooks to keep me company. I struggled more to eat lunch (leftover balsamic mushrooms, on toast) without the distraction. There was a nice "like in the old days" element of having to read my library book and being left to just Wonder if an email I was waiting for had arrived or not, but it was difficult when I didn't have anything to drown out ambient noise when I was trying to relax. I do understand why separate mp3 players are having a resurgence (though I'd want a podcast player as well as an audiobook player and that sounds Complicated).
When D and I went to walk Teddy, V was upstairs so I wanted to lock the door. I grabbed their keys instead of mine, probably because I'd done that yesterday when they and I had been the ones going out and D had been upstairs working. But this time, by the time we got back to our street, the Tesco van was in our driveway, earlier than the time slot we'd been given. Poor V had had to scramble and move stuff to open the kitchen door and the side gate, and pile all the groceries on the dining table. We got back in time to put everything away but they were clearly exhausted and I felt absolutely awful at having inadvertently locked them in the house (my keys were right near the door but they didn't know that so it didn't actually help) and made them deal with an extra hurdle because Tesco was so early and with no earning.
I slept very badly last night and had an early start, going with D to his latest dental hospital appointment, so by the time I finished work I was feeling really gross and thought I'd lie down for a bit. I ended up falling asleep and waking up only when D told me dinner was ready and he'd sent our apologies for queer club which had already begun by that point. Oops. But it was kind of a relief, not to have to go anywhere else today; I was feeling gross even despite rhe nap and being around people felt difficult.
After we ate, D said he suddenly had a craving for a root beer float, and I said that thinking about ice cream made me want ice cream all of a sudden. We couldn't get root beer on such short notice but we did drive to the Co-op and get Ben & Jerry's cookie dough ice cream. D had had a big day with another minor oral surgery so early in the morning, we'd been good and a treat seemed like a good idea. It'd been a while since we'd done something silly just because we can.
goddess47 posting in stargateficrecnaughtypixiealthea_valara
Challenge #14
In your own space, create a promo and/or rec list for someone new to a fandom. Leave a comment in this post saying you did it and include a link to your post if you feel comfortable doing so.
askamanager_feedA reader writes:
I have the oddest situation. I have given my notice at a healthcare nonprofit (let’s call it the Wellness Alliance). I’ve been a part of Wellness since the very early days. One of the people I mentored, Katy, went into leadership, became the lead social worker, and turned people against me when our last CEO left. I recently gave notice because Katy got the leadership team to bully a young staff member out of Wellness after they asked for my help on a case, even though Katy had ignored their request, and that was the final straw for me.
Katy had a sessional gig at our local college, and I recently met one of her students, Fergus. Fergus was looking for an unpaid internship placement required for school and wanted to know if I could serve as his supervisor and secure a placement at Wellness (placement supervision is Katy’s job).
I laughed and told him I was leaving Wellness and, besides, Katy would never allow it. Fergus was surprised and said, “But isn’t Katy your girlfriend?” And I sputtered, “Oh no, Katy hates me.” Apparently, in the class Katy taught, every non-white student wrote in to complain about how she was racist in the social work class and targeted non-white students specifically. I explained that I wasn’t surprised given what I saw at Wellness. (Katy is every bad trope of the Liberal White Woman, and I am a white woman.)
But I asked Fergus why they thought Katy and I were romantically involved. And it’s because Katy told her class, “I’m a lesbian and met my partner Jen at my organization,” and I’m the only Jen here. Fergus was very relieved to know I wasn’t dating Katy, and said he had been reluctant to even ask for my help for the last couple of months because I was Katy’s girlfriend. I cannot have young people in our profession hesitant to reach out to me.
The only reason I can think of is that she’s aligning herself with me to increase her credibility. I am highly respected in our community, and I’ve received awards and accolades. And Katy has definitely pushed to take over my jobs.
I don’t think Wellness cares about any of this because of all of my attempts to fix issues caused by Katy have been ignored. However, it’s quite shocking to hear that her racism is much worse than I thought and is turning off potential hires (especially ones who would bring much needed diversity to the organization). And allowing people to infer an intimacy that only benefits her and possibly alienates people from getting my support is deeply upsetting.
What should I do? I want Katy to stop saying we’re dating, but we haven’t spoken in months, and that is such a weird accusation to level at someone who has everyone’s ear. Also, it’s very sad that Wellness is alienating the broader community, and this time it isn’t just me seeing the problem. I’ve been considering asking to do an exit interview with the board because of the way racism impacts our work, but what could they even do about the weird relationship allegation thing?
This is extremely strange, but I’m not sure it’s really actionable or that you need to find a way to address it.
First, though, is it possible that Katy does have a partner named Jen and met her at a different organization? “I met my partner at my organization” could mean “I met my partner at the organization I was working at three years ago, before I started my current job” or “I met my partner at the volunteer organization I run in my spare time.” Both of those seem more likely than Katy lying and saying she’s involved with a specific person who she’s actually worked to turn others against! It’s possible that if you discreetly asked around, you might find that Katy does have a partner named Jen, at which point I’d assume the rest of this theory explains what happened.
Obviously, though, if Katy is telling people you’re her partner, that’s incredibly bizarre. There are really only three things you could do about it, though:
1. Do you have the kind of relationship with Katy where you could just ask her if she’s dating someone named Jen and explain there’s a case of mistaken identity, and see what she says? I realize you might not, but you did used to mentor her and if there aren’t open hostilities, you could probably just mention it the same way you would if you thought it was a genuine miscommunication.
2. Do you have the kind of rapport with Fergus where you could tell him you’re concerned that he was reluctant to contact you because he thought you were Katy’s girlfriend and that you worry others in the class might feel the same, and ask that he correct the record with classmates he talks to, at least if it comes up organically?
3. Alternately, you could do … nothing. Yes, this is weird and unsettling to hear, and you don’t want to be affiliated with a racist jerk (ever, and especially when that affiliation may turn people off from approaching you). But this just might not be something you have the ability to widely correct, short of taking out “I’m not dating Katy Mulberry” ads in industry publications.
My vote is for #3 (minus the ads), and maybe #1 if you’re up for it, while making a point of being warm and approachable to people in your field and demonstrating through your behavior that you aren’t like Katy.
Separately, you could ask for an exit interview with the board, but if you do that, stay focused on the racism concerns; the board isn’t the right forum to raise the strange relationship thing.
The post my office bully told her class we’re in a relationship appeared first on Ask a Manager.
kerravonsen
