Monday, March 15, 2010
very random; on running and school
stupid- wrongly recommend pair of running shoes that killed my joy for running after causing me much pain after the stand chart marathon. i have now found out why: wrong type of shoes for the wrong type of feet (in the wrong size).
so, the shoes that were recommended to me were for people with really high foot arch (mine is normal), no wonder they never gave me a sense of security (i always felt unbalanced) or total comfort like my trusty old pair.
and so, out in town with my mum last week, i decided to get a new pair, only now the inertia to run again is still there. excuses of me still being sick (i havent ran for the past almost 2 weeks because i was sick) is my motivation for not running.
ok this is going to sound lame but where are you? i miss you, my passion for running :( come back! :(
on another (more depressing) note, i hate this time of the semester. 3 projects and 1 term paper that essentially equates to 4 papers to write. 3 due on the same day, the other in the same week, all at least 1500 words long. 1 on political sociology which i have absolutely no interest or clue about, and writing these papers are causing me to lag behind in all my readings.
i really hate this time of the semester.
the unkindest cut of all @ 6:27 PM
Monday, February 22, 2010
or do i?
Forget it, i'll never get there.
Everytime, every single time i think i am getting closer, the earth moves. The ground shifts and starts to crumble. The space where we stand breaks apart, it gets blown further and further behind - all i can do is stare helplessly into the precipitous earth rain as it crumbles in my horizon, as the distance grows further and further apart, too afraid that any attempt to leap forward would send me plunging down into the dark abyss below.
But then time and time again there is a bridge. A dim glimmer of hope. But that bridge doesnt hold strong. It wavers. It is uncertain. It goes left and right, hot and cold. It is faulty. It dosent stand up for me. And i am afraid to step onto it. Afraid that should the dim hope fail, it would send me spiraling deeper and deeper into the massive black hole.
Isnt it better not to hope than to have a glimmer of hope that lasts only to make the darkness of that awaits you even darker than it seems? To have a brittle bridge that may crumble beneath your weight; despair.
So why? Why is there the bridge? Why does it exist only to taunt me in its failings?
I dont need it. It shouldnt be there. I shouldnt be here. I should feel courage as the distance gradually increases, as the space where i stand becomes alone, becomes me. I was alone to begin with. and alone i will remain.
Bridge, i dont need you.
the unkindest cut of all @ 12:10 AM
Wednesday, January 06, 2010
do not pass go
just when you think you've made an inroad, you hit another roadblock. one after another. and suddenly, you realise that you are lost.
the maze that enshrouds you is relentless.
you are lost.
you make a detour, and another, and yet another. then it dawns on you that you will never reach your original destination no matter how hard you try. it is inaccessible - to you. too far out of your reach.
you cannot compete with time.
ok, sidenote - school is starting. i am feeling blue.
sigh.
the unkindest cut of all @ 6:06 PM
Monday, November 23, 2009
as we stand at the edge of the world
The Spill Canvas - Self ConclusionFade in, start the scene
Enter beautiful girl
But things are not what they seem
As we stand at the edge of the world
"Excuse me, sir,
But I have plans to die tonight
Oh, and you are directly in my way
And I bet you're gonna say it's not right"
My reply:
"Excuse me, miss
But do you have the slightest clue
Of exactly what you just said to me
And exactly who you're talking to?"
She said, "I don't care, you don't even know me"
I said, "I know but I'd like to change that soon, hopefully"
Yeah, we all flirt with the tiniest notion
Of self conclusion in one simplified motion
You see the trick is that you're never supposed to act on it
No matter how unbearable this misery gets
"You make it sound so easy to be alive
But tell me, how am I supposed to seize this day
When everything inside me has died?"
My reply:
"Trust me, girl
I know your legs are pleading to leap
But I offer you this easy choice-
Instead of dying, living with me"
She said, "Are you crazy? You don't even know me."
I said, "I know, but I'd like to change that soon hopefully"
Yeah, we all flirt with the tiniest notion
Of self conclusion in one simplified motion
You see the trick is that you're never supposed to act on it
No matter how unbearable this misery gets
I would be lying if I said that things would never get rough
And all this cliche motivation, it could never be enough
I could stand here all night trying to convince you
But what good would that do?
My offer stands, and you must choose
"All right, you win, but I only give you one night
To prove yourself to be better than my atttempt at flight
I swear to god if you hurt me I will leap
I will toss myself from these very cliffs
And you'll never see it coming"
"Settle, precious, I know what you're going through
Just ten minutes before you got here I was going to jump too"
Yeah we all flirt with the tiniest notion
Of self conclusion in one simplified motion
You see the trick is that you're never supposed act on it
No matter how unbearable this misery gets
the unkindest cut of all @ 11:17 PM
Monday, November 16, 2009
rush of filmic images without density
the things you bury so deep inside you dont know they are there until they surface. and when they do, do you still remember how they felt?
i dont. i really dont.
or maybe its just that i dont want to remember.
i unintentionally reopened pandora's box. is it the time now to clean out the skeletons in my closet?
i have to, right?
the unkindest cut of all @ 12:08 AM
Thursday, November 12, 2009
you had me at hello
you know why dramas (especially korean ones) suck?
because they create illusions that are never real. they create ideals that are never reached. they create the desire, in this case ideal lovers, but not the means to attain the ideal. they show people that the sky's the limit but not a way to reach the sky. why do i feel like im going to link this back to Durkheim's anomie?
ok, because it is.
sigh.
i hate korean dramas. they make you feel damn sad because you know that kind of romance never happens in real life. little wonder that i felt so sad and jaded after watching the korean version of Boys Over Flowers. and now another....... You're Beautiful.
damn distractions. im supposed to be studying :/
the unkindest cut of all @ 10:49 PM
Friday, November 06, 2009
half in love
exams are around the corner. have to start studying next week!
now, i really wish it'd stop raining. there goes plans!
on another note, you know how songs take turns to go around in your head? this one has been going round for some time.
Mystery Jets - Half in Love with ElizabethSome things are too painful to say out loud
Well, they live behind a veil and see through a shroud
Words fly through his mouth
Like paper butterflies
Well they flutter around and put holes in your side
And he's half in love with Elizabeth
And he's half in love with you
I knew that you were thinking of him last night
'Cos I saw the blood seep down to your toes
Yes, hideaway if you must
But how can you put your trust
In a man who always sleeps in his clothes?
And he's half in love with Elizabeth
And he's half in love with you
And he's half in love with Elizabeth
And he's half in love with you
You're the sweet scent on an envelope
Or the photo in its book
But if you pin your hopes to his back my dear
I'm afraid the bubble will burst
I'm afraid that the bubble just might burst
The bubble will burst
The bubble will burst
The bubble will burst
The bubble will burst
The bubble will burst
The bubble will burst
The bubble will burst
The bubble will burst
The bubble will burst
The bubble will burst
The bubble will burst
The bubble will burst
And he's half in love with Elizabeth
And he's half in love with you
And he's half in love with Elizabeth
And he's half in love with you
the unkindest cut of all @ 2:36 PM
Sunday, November 01, 2009
still hooked on cellophane
k, feeling damn jaded now, dont know why.
i am lifesux89.
hahahahah ok.
jess if you read this, wholesome will never work for me. it goes against the very nature of what i am. (k sound so serrrrioussssss)
i wish i could read norwegian wood now.
Pearl Jam - Last KissOh, where oh where can my baby be?
The Lord took her away from me
She's gone to heaven, so I got to be good
So I can see my baby when I leave this world.
We were out on a date in my daddy's car
We hadn't driven very far
There in the road, up straight ahead
A car was stalled, the engine was dead
I couldn't stop, so I swerved to the right
I'll never forget the sound that night
The screamin' tires, the bustin' glass
The painful scream that I heard last.
Oh, where oh where can my baby be?
The Lord took her away from me
She's gone to heaven, so I got to be good
So I can see my baby when I leave this world.
When I woke up, the rain was pourin' down
There were people standing all around
Something warm rollin' through my eyes
But somehow I found my baby that night
I lifted her head, she looked at me and said
"Hold me darling just a little while."
I held her close, I kissed her our last kiss
I found the love that I knew I would miss
But now she's gone, even though I hold her tight
I lost my love, my life that night.
Oh, where oh where can my baby be?
The Lord took her away from me
She's gone to heaven, so I got to be good
So I can see my baby when I leave this world.
Oooh~ ooooh~
the unkindest cut of all @ 2:16 AM
Monday, August 03, 2009
this place that was no place
I phoned Midori.
"I have to talk to you" I said. "I have a million things to talk about. All I want in this world is you. I want to see you and talk. I want the two of us to begin everything from the beginning."
Midori responded with a long, long silence - the silence of all the misty rain in the world falling on all the new-mown lawns of the world. Forehead pressed against the glass, I shut my eyes and waited. At last, Midori's quiet voice broke the silence: "Where are you now?"
Where was I now?
Gripping the receiver, i raised my head and turned to see what lay beyond the phone box. Where was I now? I had no idea. No idea at all. Where was this place? All that flashed into my eyes were the countless shapes of people walking by to nowhere. Again and again I called out for Midori from the dead centre of this place that was no place.
Haruki Murakami - Norwegian Wood
the unkindest cut of all @ 12:05 AM
Saturday, August 01, 2009
post (ok, midst) oweek blues
i neeeeeeeeed myyyyyyyyy sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep!
and i need talking crap 101 (as strange as it sounds)!
the unkindest cut of all @ 1:41 AM