Working Motherhood.

Gosh, I have left this blog idle for the longest time ever. Lucky guess on the hiatus?

Motherhood.

"Working motherhood", if there is ever such a term.

In conjunction with Mother's Day on this very morning, I thought it's about time that I should probably write something here. That, and I don't think summarizing it all up on Instagram (more active there, perhaps that's another to be factored in consideration for the hiatus too) would do justice to what I go through, day in and day out.

Of late I have been getting emails or comments (on Insta in particular) that they miss my blog (not that mine is a wow). Sorry guys, trust that I think about it but "working motherhood" just takes over my life in entirety. I don't have the time at all. Je suis desole!

So where do I start?

Perhaps my daily routine, my "working motherhood" routine.

And before I begin, let me explain "working motherhood" in my very own dictionary.

(Action packed) Office hours 9-7 (most of the time, sometimes 830pm) + Mom 24/7 + No maid + 2 storeys house + in Setia Alam.

Remember that math up.

I wake up about 530 or 6 in the am, to pack the kids' school bags, iron their school outfits, iron our working clothes (thank god Hashley irons his himself as I'm not a iron queen, trust me on this), clean the kitchen (cause Hashley cooks his meals before his sleep), tidy up the house (you know this is an everyday, inevitable situation given two very active and creative minded toddlers), sometimes whilst doing all of this I get the clothes washed (by the washing machine of course) and hang them afters. After all of this, I take my shower, perform my prayers, get ready (concealers what not - every mom's best friend) and wake the big boss up.

Leave the house at 7ish - an hour's drive to the office on a normal traffic kinda day, sometimes up to 2 hours if there are reckless drivers or nosy Malaysians on the road (most of the time, the latter), reach office, get the kids showered at school. AT school IN working clothes. Hug kiss send them off to their classes and off we go to our own offices.

Then comes work and it's just busy, busy, busy. Which is a good thing cause I'd rather be busy a hundred times than not doing anything at all.

Come 6ish or 7, I'd frantically get things done, pack up and leave. Okay no, not really. Most of the time Hashley got the kids covered already by 6 cause I'm still stuck and most of the time, I had to bring my work back home because I can't afford to stay back at the office till late. Too creepy pun ada but most of all, it's not fair for the kids. They need my time too.

When I actually lay off work, we grab our dinner, nearby or tapau and eat at home. I felt awful for not being able to cook day in and day out but I think I'm over that feeling. Think they understand, kan guys? And when I get home, the whole cycle second/night shift begins. Juggle home + unpack kids' clothes + feed the kids dinner + eat dinner + clean up the kitchen + put Niyaz to sleep + shower .. come on guys, the list goes on. By the time I take my shower, I'd be knackered to the tee.

In between all of the above, I must give credits to Hashley for being ever helpful/hands on with the kids, albeit his own way lah. I may not agree with the way he does things sometimes but the extra hand is commendable. Thank you B.

Now that I've sum it all up, what do you guys think? How to blog like this? Hectic right?

I know, to each his own.

Some may think that this is nothing compared to what they're going through and I can rightly say this about other people too.

Again and I will a repeat hundred times if I have to, to each his own.

Truly, working motherhood took over my life.

And now I lay down my reasons why I will not let go of both.

Working:

1. Drives me sane.
2. It keeps me going knowing that I am able to engage in intellectual discourse/discussions.
3. An avid believer of personal growth.
4. I have my own dreams that I want to achieve in becoming successful.
5. I don't think Hashley can handle a wife who does talks only about bags and shoes or what clothes to wear .
6. To be an example to Khaisah that she needs to be successful, that to become a woman, she need not be dependent on someone, let alone a man and that it is vital for her own personal development.
7. And ultimately, my only form of escapism during the day. I kid you not.

Motherhood:

1. No doubt that it is the world's toughest job, but it is the MOST rewarding job ever to be able to come back to two pairs of adorbs fat cheeks that love you unconditionally, completely, non judgmental, irrespective of your imperfections. Who accepts you for who you are and who you aren't (until they're big enough to disagree, I'll take whatever that I can get at this mo). 
2. It's the best thing that Allah can ever give to me, the best thing that I can ever have and the best thing that I will forever have.
3. I only have those two reasons and I will keep telling myself of these two if at all I am going nuts over this whole cyclical life of mine. Lol.

So ladies, my advise is ... get a maid. Hahaha. 

Sometimes my strength - mentally, emotionally and physically is beyond me and I know that stemmed from and for this. The love I have for my children. That and always keep your head up high. Motherhood isn't something that is easy. It doesn't come with a manual. Thousand of books may be handy in explaining the rights and wrongs to motherhood but rest assured that dealing with children is something so unique, no less. It takes a lot of trials and errors but we will learn from it. We learn from the mistakes that we so fear in committing but what is motherhood without it? I may not be exemplary on this but I want you to know that I try, every single day to strive in becoming a better person, a better mom for these two precious human beings. I have letten go of people judging me for the things that I didn't do because I know for sure that I have done a lot more than they know. Let's not presuppose and prejudge others on this as again, to each his own. 

To my kids, if ever you read this in prolly 10 years time, thank you for coming into my life. Thank you for bringing out the worst and best in me.You are the best thing that has ever happened to me in my life and I can only pray for your successes and well being from today until the end of lifetime.

With that, Happy Mother's Day to all mommas. May yalls be blessed with abundance of love, happiness and lots and lots of patience. Haha!

Fun Trip to the Zoo.

We felt that it was about time that we take Khaisah to the zoo, given that she could identify all the different animals already. 

So one fine weekend (when I was about 7 months preggers), we headed to Zoo Negara for a lil fun learning trip :)

 

 

 

 

 

 

When we went, the zoo was having constructions - perhaps more like upgrading itself so it was a lil bit messy. But in my view, was pretty alright. I was under the impression that the zoo is very much outdated but I was wrong. It was not fantastic but it wasn't so bad after all. We thoroughly enjoyed ourselves. I think the zoo would be in so much better shape if each animal is "adopted" by a corporation instead of just the tigers being adopted by Maybank, for example. Should really take the Singapore Zoo as a benchmark, in my humble opinion.

Anyways, hope to take her to the Bird or Butterfly Park next. Gotta get her to be in touch with nature more, not gluing her eyes on the iPad. 

iPad, we'll deal with you later. Ok bye.

Tok Baba.

Just recently it was my late Pa's birthday. I remember so vividly how he used to sit on his favourite chair, reading newspaper and drinking hot tea in the morning. I would come down from my room, sit across him and eat my breakfast.

It feels like it was just yesterday that I had my last hug from him. But no, it has been 15 years, thus far. How I've missed him dearly, how we have all been missing him terribly.

He was the best father I could ever ask for. He was fun, loving, cool (taking me to concerts and in fact took us to meet Micheal Jackson (!!)), yet so garang at the same time. He was always buying us clothes from various (luxurious) brands (he has a thing for these items so no surprises his daughters follow suit - if only we have that much of money to actually "follow suit" LOL). 

In a lot of ways, I am very much like him, so my mom says. He was such an inspiration, in all sense of the word. If only my children had the chance to meet this amazing man. Can imagine the love he'll shower my kids, only Allah knows I guess.

You would have been 60 years old this year, Pa. Happy birthday. May Allah place you with the pious and in the highest level of Jannah. May He too, shower you with endless amount of Rahmah, always. With abundance of love, from all of us - Mama, us kids, your grandchildren, nephews, nieces and the whole lot of us.

 

 

Pictures were taken during last year's Ramadhan when we took Khaisah to "meet" Tok Baba for the first time. 

Al fatihah.

10 Must Haves.

Before anything, happy new year guys!

I know it might sound so unlike me to talk about fashion as I am not a fashionista (or any other whatever 'sta's there is out there) but I too, as a woman, have a profound love for fashion, albeit a lil subdued there. 

I have received comments and emails before this from you loyal friends who have been so kind to still pop by, moreover read my almost static, dormant blog, to write a skosh on the things I wear, particularly my outfit to weddings. 

However, I would think outfit to weddings deserves a post on its own but for now, let's just share on the things I have to have (cause I'm not one to impose on anybody) in my closet.

1. Good white shirt. Many of it.

Be it work wear shirt for office or boyfriend shirt for casual. I don't need to explain the reason for this. It's like oxygen, like air. You gotta have this.

2. White baby tee.

But long enough to cover my butt. This is wardrobe staple too and come in handy in so many ways.

3. Denim jeans.

Regardless of the many hues to it, a girl must have a good, sturdy pair of denim jeans. (I prefer skinnies cause skinnies work well for me)

4. Black skinnies.

For obvious reasons cause black is basic. I can wear them with absolutely anything! Printed top, plain top, white shirt (see?), white tee (see, again?), short dresses (not knee length please). 

5. Stripes and Polka Dots.

This, MANY will vouch for me. In ALL colours for me, thank you! Hehe. You should all know that I am a HUGE fan of (horizontal) stripes and dots, I could buy 10 of them and never get bored of it. 

So into it, it is SUPER obvious. Hahaha.

6. Watch.

I never leave home without my watch, except if I am going to the wet market. I have a collection of watches that suit almost every occasion but safe to say, I would love to get myself a rose gold watch, a white one and perhaps a royal blue and a fuchsia one in the future. That's my internal monologue speaking out loud, girls. Hehe.

7. Black tote. 

A girl must have a black tote. Preferably with gold trimmings. This is mad love for me.

8. Colours.

Now, obviously I need some colour to add a twist to outfit. I usually throw a pop of colour into the outfit that I am wearing. Like if I am wearing black and white and it's a casual day out, I'd bring out my fuchsia or orange coloured handbags to match to it. If it was an office affair, I would bring out more earthy colours to the outfit, or perhaps dark blue or burgundy red to add colour.

But my personal rule of thumb for colours is : no more than 3 - 4 colours at one time. Even if it's a colour blocking mode on, it's never more than 3 - 4. Some people carry them well, but I am not a fan. But then again, that's your preference :)

9. Dresses!

How can I forget? Hehe. For me, it's maxi dresses cause I stopped wearing anything that is short (in my humble, personal pursuit of going the muslimah route, soon, soon hehe) Preferably those in basic colours so I can play around with different cardigans and jackets. 

10. Last but never the least, flats.

I am a flats wearer, not much of a heels person though I love looking at them! We'll talk about heels one fine day, shall we? So black and gold flats, beige/nude flats, silver flats, red flats, dark blue flats, fuchsia flats are my essential flats - in whatever forms be it sandals, espadrilles, ballerinas etc. (Oh, I have been eyeing for quite a number from Ezra on Zalora. They have a lot that I like so yeah, they shall become mine some day, real soon hehe)

Just in case you're wondering where I got my pretty red pants from, they're from The Colortree KL which can be found on Instagram.

There you go. My 10 must haves. Forgive me for not posting up photos for each point lest I could do a full swing post, that's cause I don't have enough time to search for them in my many thousand of photos in my phone. But what I have shared are the ones that are more recent, so hope you like it.

I hope to share with you girls (I'm assuming my readers are all girls here haha) on my outfits, traditional and others, to weddings/functions and office wear yea.

Take care lovelies!

Birth Guru.

Remember when I said I was doing the lamaze breathing technique throughout my labour? Yes, I did just that and nothing else. If it wasn't because of the lamaze breathings, I don't think I could sustain as long as I did. Swear in the name of Allah, it helped me A LOT and for that, I have to thank Sherry Bayles, via a video shared by my best friend's sister, on Laugh and Learn on Child Birth by Sherry Bayles. She's the GURU OF CHILD BIRTH, no kidding!

That video taught me the A-Z of pregnancy and labour , with breathing techniques and method of pushing and everything you need to know about medical assistance etc. If you have the money, do purchase the video, especially for those who would like to try for natural birth. I watched this video during my first pregnancy and watched it again this time to refresh my memory.

I would so love to share them all with you but don't think that's possible cause the file's too big.

No longer have to do the 'Hehe's',
Me x

Her First LRT Ride.

I apologise if I seem to bore you with many of Khaisah's firsts up on the blog (bear in mind now that I have Niyaz too so watch out for that in the near future, insya Allah). I use this blog as a medium for me to share my momentos with my kids and dear friends and families and most of all, sometimes I feel like this blog is like my life journal.

Anyway, we decided to take Khaisah for her first LRT ride to KLCC for dinner. Little did we know she didn't like it - saying she was scared. Perhaps we took her on a wrong time, it was at night though. Just need to try once more but during the day and see if she reacts differently.

Next round tak mau scared k? Hehe. I shall leave you with her rabbit teeth face :D

The Birth of Zahir Niyaz - Part Two.

Date: Thursday, 21st November 2013.

It was 630 am when the midwife came to check my temperature, blood pressure, contractions and my dilation. But I prevented her from doing a VE cause I simply don't like it when the midwife does that cause it's a lot more uncomfortable and definitely painful. She tried to coax me out of it, saying that the doctor will tell her off for not doing her "job" but I insisted that I only wanted my gynae to do it. And so she relented.

At 745 am, my "knight in my shining armour" gynae showed up. Boy, I was relieved as hell cause I literally waited for him since 9 pm (10 hours!) He VE-ed me and asked the nurse for the catheter (I think) to break my water bag and whilst he was doing that, I asked,

"Doctor, are you going to induce me?"

"No, I'm not going to induce you. You're 8cm dilated."

"Whattttttt?" (My ONLY reaction to that statement)

"I'm surprised you could withstand the pain, not asking for any medical relief. I don't think epidural is possible (past 5cm) and perhaps the only medical assistance available for you is enthonox (gas). Well done! You're going into labour in an hour or two."

The midwives quickly prepared me for labour and 15 minutes later, I was already in labour room, 8cm dilated. Breathing ridiculously and religiously harder. Every half an hour, the midwife will be checking up on me, trying to "induce" me to use the gas but I refused because the lamaze breathing requires me to breathe out the pain during contractions but the gas requires to the exact opposite - which is to suck it all in, hoping the gas will make me "forget" that I was in pain. Such a fallacy, that gas! To one extent I got so annoyed with the midwife that I sternly said "No" and that was when she stopped. Good god, finally! Of course I didn't spare my husband from the occasional killer stares, finger pointing and threats from me hahaha. Sorry B!

4 hours later, my dilation remained stagnant. At 12pm, I was still at 8cm. My gynae then sent the anaesthetist to get me the epidural (apparently I was told that I might get burnt out from pushing later as I have been tolerating the pain since the night before) but I insisted to proceed WITHOUT the epidural. My internal monologue was saying, "Ah c'mon, it's already 8cm, how long more can this go on cause I just need 2 freaking cm left to dilate? What if the dilation becomes a success and the epidural did not kick in on time?" So yeah, NO was the answer and I kept on breathing. Little did I know that the reason why the anaesthetist came was to prepare me from emergency c-section, if need be.

At about 1pm, the gynae checked on me and informed that he had to do stretching of the cervix. Sound so easy peasy isn't it? I didn't quite understand what that was because the video on Laugh and Learn on Childbirth didn't teach me that. So I was rather clueless of what was going on down there but I just listened to the doctor. I was told to push so the doctor could "dilate" the cervix for me using his fingers. I swear it was NOT not painful at all. The moment that "little procedure" ended, my dilation progressed normally. Then he mentioned that my baby's head was not facing the optimum i.e. not facing down but instead facing to the right, which hence require the baby to be delivered with the assistance of vacuum extraction. Here I am, the layman, thinking that the vacuum will only latch on to the cervix, not knowing that it will be inserted inside! Allahuakbar, the pain, was the worst and most painful thing I have ever experienced! At that juncture, I was pleading in tears, asking my gynae to stop because it was so, so painful. After a few more pushes, I heard the baby's cry. I could only whisper, "Allahuakbar, sakitnya…" as I lost my voice due to intense pushing.

The pain from the labour was throbbing that the whole post birth of stitching, jabbing and what not didn't matter and were painless. All I know is I can already see and hold my son. Praise to Allah SWT, Alhamdulillah, I am a mother of two now. Born at 37 weeks and 2 days, on Thursday, 21st November 2013, 3 weeks earlier from the EDD.

I couldn't have done it without my husband's support through and through. Thank you B for everything, but please next time, if you want to have another baby, do give me an advanced notice. Hahaha.

The Birth of Zahir Niyaz - Part One.

Date: Monday, 18th November 2013.

Diarrhoea. 5 times that day so I decided to give my gynae a visit. Asked the doctor whether I was having a premature sign of labour cause I remember so vividly that diarrhoea was "the" signal that I was going for labour when I was carrying Khaisah. 

Gynae said, "Oh it's just normal diarrhoea that's inducing braxton hicks contractions (re: false contraction). So you shouldn't worry, the diarrhoea should subside by the end of the day. Baby's still not engaged."

With a sigh of relief, I exited the gynae's clinic. Oh by the way, I was 36 weeks and 6 days on this date. 

Date: Tuesday, 19th November 2013.

Apparently still going to the loo. What the heck, I thought. It's just diarrhoea. Can't be "cleansing of the bowels" yet. I was still working and driving around with a big belly, mind you and today, I was on my 37th week of pregnancy. 

Date: Wednesday, 20th November 2013.

Still getting diarrhoea with stronger contractions. It can't be (cleansing), I thought. That morning at work (yes, I was still working), I felt something was amiss with my body. Body felt achy, legs felt as if they were 10 times heavier, I was getting what I thought as "menstrual cramps" and the numerous visit to the ladies which weren't that far felt so laborious and tiring! So I decided to head back to mom's during lunch to get some rest. Had my lunch, rested a lil while watching tv and for all you know, it was already time to get back to work. 

Tried to get up and descend the stairs but I couldn't. The pain was just so intense! Decided to take the half day off. Slept for 2 hours that noon and when I woke up, the contractions were just getting crazier and crazier. But I was so relaxed I thought it was one of those strong braxton hicks contractions and left my thought at that. Took my shower, waited for my husband to come home from work and Khaisah from the school and had my dinner. 

It was then time to go back to my place but I was immovable. It was so gruelling to move from the dining table to the door. Mom insisted that I stay at her place cause she somehow or rather felt that I was going to deliver real soon but the confident me said, "No lah ma, I'm okay. But to be safe, okay, I'll go back to my place to take my three-quarter packed hospital bag and some other stuff and I'll be back here." Mom agreed. So Hashley and I left, leaving Khaisah at mom's. 

It was on our way back to Setia Alam that I started to time my contractions. It was 5 minutes apart and 5 minutes apart sure is an active sign of labour. Guess what I did? 

I called one of my best girls, Farissa, who's a doctor and confidently asked, "Sha, I'm having 5 minutes apart contractions, you rasa I sempat tak nak go home and take my stuff? Tak beranak kan?" 

Sha said (not verbatimly), "Hey, tak jam ke nak balik Setia Alam? 5 minutes apart contraction is a sign of labour and since this is your second pregnancy, labour maybe cepat. You should be at the hospital!"

Boy was I confident or what! 

HAHA. 

My husband immediately made a u-turn and headed straight to the hospital. He was stuttering (panic la tu hehe) to get the nurse to wheel me to the maternity ward (I was walking step. by. step. by the way haha) The midwife did the CTG scan for 30 minutes - contractions every 3 - 4 minutes) also VE-ed me and found that I was merely 1 cm dilated. She spoke to my gynae and guess what, I was to be admitted. Gynae said he'll meet me in the morning. It was 9 p.m. at that time. 

HAHA.

With no clothes, no hospital bag, nothing, nada. Husband in shorts and tee, I was in a loose tee and maxi skirt. That was it. You know hospitals are crazy cold, what more at night! Called our parents and informed only very close friends that I was admitted. Parents in law came in to accompany me whilst my husband went back home to fetch all the stuff that I had packed. That night, the contractions were just getting more and more intense, I could only rely on the Lamaze breathing technique and my husband's help to massage my back (my gosh, the back pain was a motheerrrrrr …!) Technically, I didn't get proper sleep that night. 

**Okay, I shall continue Part 2 in another post lest I will bore you with this already-lengthy post. Stay tuned, alright :)

Zahir Niyaz bin Hashley.

Salam all,

Introducing our new bundle of joy who came into this world on 21st November 2013, alhamdulillah. A lot to be updated, but for now, this will give you a slight hint of what I have been up to ;)

Thank you all for the well wishes, prayers and love given to us. We 4 truly appreciate it <3 Birthing story will be up in due course hehe.

Love and light,
Me

Khaisah's Movie Experiences.

 

We took Khaisah for her first movie ever during raya, in between open houses, at Pavilion. She has been asking for us to take her watch "big murfs" - big because she saw the ad on a billboard and murfs is smurf (she can't pronounce it correctly just as yet lol). What my husband and I discovered was that we were wrong when thought she wouldn't sit still. She was concentrating throughout all the adverts and when the movie began, Hashley asked her,

"Khaisah, best tak?"

Guess what was her reply?

"Daddy, sssshhh" (with fingers pressed onto lips)

LOL. 

Her daddy was told to shut up hahaha.

Well she survived 30 minutes watching the show though before she knocked out. So so cute. But good try for a first timer, well done Khaisah! :)

At the end of the day, mummy and daddy yang end up watching the movie -__- lol!

And this was taken recently when we brought her to watch a cartoon which was unfamiliar to her - Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs 2 at Setia City Mall. It was a 3D movie. 

30 minutes after movie started. 

"Mummy, where's murfs?"

"That's a different movie, Khaisah"

30 minutes later.

"Mummy, where's murfs?"

"Oh not this movie Khaisah. We can watch Smurf at another time okay?"

Silence.

5 minutes later.

"Mummy, tak nak watch ni. Nak go home" (tears rolling down her cheeks)

LOL. Sian baby mummy tak suka this cartoon :( But to be fair, it was a bit serious pun this cartoon.

So we went home after an hour of watching the movie. The end.

And I Turned 28, Alhamdulillah.

Alhamdulillah, another year has passed. I turned 28 on the 6th September which coincidentally falls on the day of my birth day, a Friday. I have much to be thankful for and much more to look forward to, I can only pray for the best and receive blessings from Allah SWT in the years to come, insya Allah.

This year, I decided to take leave on my birthday and do whatever it is that I felt like doing. I had manicure, pedicure, massage, waxing, wash and blow my hair in mind but time was pressing so I only managed to get do waxing, threading and wash and blow. I was actually rushing for Yuna's concert at Istana Budaya that night. In between the "pamperings" I had to go to the office to drop off some stuff up for sale as the office was organising a bazaar. My colleague was such a darling she helped me sell my stuff and proceeds from the sale went to charity. Glad I could contribute something.

Bday lunch with the parentals at Tram Car, PJ.

Us at Yuna's concert.

Stellar performance by Yuna. I must admit she's a legend in the making.

Photo exhibition on sale.

 
The very next day, family treated me for a sumptuous lunch at Hard Rock Cafe - apparently I crave for the 32 bucks worth of hot fudge brownie (I'm salivating here as I type lol) every time that I am pregnant. And fyi, HRC has a sentimental value to me. It brings back memories whenever I'm there as it was once a place where I grew up having family dinners and lunches when my late father was still around.

The last time I was there was 2 years ago when I was carrying Khaisah. I hope to make it a more frequent thing (okay maybe not so frequent considering the price of the food now has hiked up) to relive the fond memories I have with my late Pa. And the food never once failed me. Imagine me eating 3 pieces of fat juicy fajitas all by myself. So, so good I tell you. Yums!

 

 

 

 

After lunch, my husband treated us (me and lil missy) for a night stay at Impiana Hotel KLCC. Told (more like pressing him) I wanted a break/holiday and so he brought me here.

 

Checked in. Relaxed on the comfy bed for a bit whilst Hubs was busy entertaining Khaisah in the bath tub haha. We had tea with Hashley's uncle and aunty that evening and off we went to KLCC for a stroll (more like me window shopping for potential year end bags haha) and dinner.

 

We spent the rest of the Sunday after checking out, at home just relaxing. One of the most relaxing weekends and birthday I have had in a long time. Thanks Hashley for the birthday treat. You know I love you always, even when I don't say it, even when I'm angry lol <3

Aidilfitri 2013.

Think imma post on photos only and I tell ya, it's gonna be a long post on photos.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Banyak kan? Okay covered raya with friends and family already. Another one would be with the office. Haha!