- Waldo Taft: Lucky thing you knowing the judge.
- Doris Duke: Oh, I know a lot of people.
- Waldo Taft: He seemed awfully happy to see you.
- Doris Duke: Ah, well, yes. We had a little moment in the coatroom of the Phillips Club about 20 years ago.
- Waldo Taft: I don't find that funny.
- Doris Duke: You would if you'd been there.
- Waldo Taft: Vice President Bush wants to honor you at his next fundraiser. I think you should consider it.
- Doris Duke: Oh, that's sweet. Just tell him my dance card is full, thanks.
- Doris Duke: [on the intercom] Come on, baby. Get back here. Ben, where are you? I'm missing you.
- Ben: [to Bernard] Good evening, Sir.
- Doris Duke: [to Bernard] She's one of those Nurse Ratched types, you know. The Nazis in the white sneakers.
- Doris Duke: Lafferty, your outfit. Well you look like a God damn undertaker. I mean, do you think you can lighten up a little bit.
- Bernard Lafferty: Of course. I could do that.
- Doris Duke: [singing] I don't need a million dollars to make my dreams come true, / Baby, all I need is you. / I don't need a fortune teller to tell my troubles to,
- Doris Duke, Bernard Lafferty: [singing] Baby, all I need is you.
- Doris Duke: I assume you have credentials. Elizabeth Taylor, Peggy Lee. What? Do you have a thing for entertainers, Mr. Rafferty?
- Bernard Lafferty: Lafferty. I beg your pardon, Miss Duke. It's Lafferty with an L.
- Doris Duke: It says you haven't worked for six months.
- Bernard Lafferty: I had a, a wee health problem.
- Doris Duke: Drugs or alcohol?
- Bernard Lafferty: Erm...
- Doris Duke: I assume it's under control.
- Bernard Lafferty: I assure you it's all in the past now.
- Doris Duke: Right.
- Bernard Lafferty: Good evening, Miss Duke. Ma'am.
- Doris Duke: Who the hell are you?
- Bernard Lafferty: I'm here about the job, dear. From the agency. These are my references.
- Doris Duke: Get me a sherry.
- Bernard Lafferty: Yes, ma'am.
- Doris Duke: What do you want from me? From me.
- Bernard Lafferty: Miss Duke?
- Doris Duke: What do you want? I mean, you don't fuck me, do you?
- Bernard Lafferty: No, I don't.
- Doris Duke: You don't steal from me. Do you steal from me?
- Bernard Lafferty: No, I don't.
- Doris Duke: Well then what do you want from me?
- Bernard Lafferty: I just want to take care of you.
- Doris Duke: How do you like living in my world so far, Bernard?
- Bernard Lafferty: I like it very much.
- Doris Duke: Who wouldn't?
- Doris Duke: [singing] I'm right at the gates of heaven and I can pass right through.
- Doris Duke, Bernard Lafferty: [singing] Baby, all I need is you.
- Bernard Lafferty: Brava!
- Patrolman: Who's your friend?
- Doris Duke: Oh, that's the Sultan of Brunei.
- Patrolman: Welcome to New Jersey.
- Bernard Lafferty: Thanks.
- Waldo Taft: [about Bernard] He's a bad influence, Doris.
- Doris Duke: I like him.
- Waldo Taft: Doris, I've seen you figure people out in ten seconds. You are a brilliant judge of character. Why can't you see this guy is up to something?
- Waldo Taft: I'm writing you a check for $200,000.
- Bernard Lafferty: $200,000?
- Waldo Taft: Mm-hm. That's right. On condition you go away and stay away.
- Bernard Lafferty: I don't understand.
- Waldo Taft: Miss Duke hired you to be her butler, not her drinking buddy.
- Bernard Lafferty: Did... did she ask you to pay me off? Because Miss Duke would not be very happy if I walked out on her. Loyalty is very important to her.
- Waldo Taft: I agree, loyalty is a valuable commodity. Let's make it $500,000.
- Bernard Lafferty: Do you think that's enough?
- Waldo Taft: Give you a little breathing space.
- Bernard Lafferty: [rejecting the check] I am not that easy. Good evening, sir.
- Bernard Lafferty: Welcome home, Miss Duke.
- Doris Duke: Thank you, Lafferty. I am so glad to be back. Oh, my goodness, look at you. Look at your hair.
- Doris Duke: Look, your present. Voila. For you.
- Bernard Lafferty: What?
- Doris Duke: Here.
- Bernard Lafferty: That's for me?
- Doris Duke: That's for you. Try it on.
- Bernard Lafferty: No, it isn't.
- Doris Duke: Come on. Don't be simple. Put your arm in.
- Bernard Lafferty: It's a caftan, isn't it?
- Doris Duke: Yes, it is. An antique caftan. Oh, it's perfect. How brilliant am I? That's gorgeous. Perfect.
- Bernard Lafferty: Oh, thank you. It's just beautiful. It's hand embroided isn't it?
- Doris Duke: It certainly is.
- Bernard Lafferty: I can't believe it. It's the most beautiful present I ever had.
- Doris Duke: Uh-huh.
- Bernard Lafferty: It is. I feel like, I feel like Lawrence of Arabia.
- Waldo Taft: For all I knew you might have been locked in the attic like Baby Jane.
- Doris Duke: That's Blanche. Baby Jane had the keys.
- Doris Duke: I sometimes wear bed socks when I sleep. I've done so since I was a little girl, and if I should be wearing my bed socks when I fall of the twig, I would like you to please remove them from my feet before the coroner gets there. I don't want to look like a complete idiot.
- Bernard Lafferty: Yes, sure.
- Doris Duke: And no fancy speeches. No press. And I would like you to dress me in something casual. Life is a journey, after all, and I refuse to go into that box wearing an evening gown or something equally stupid.
- Bernard Lafferty: Yes, sure.
- Doris Duke: Make it a natural fiber, not man-made. Silk might be a good idea. I want to demonstrate my solidarity with nature.
- Bernard Lafferty: Of course.
- Doris Duke: I could come back as a tree, or a bird or a bug, or... who knows? Will you do that for me, Lafferty?
- Bernard Lafferty: Yes.
- Doris Duke: Promise?
- Bernard Lafferty: I promise.
- Doris Duke: I must have lost my mind to believe a fucker like you.