Review

I'm hesitant about putting any film straight into pole position on my 'worst ever' list: I've seen a lot of execrable garbage in my time and it's hard to recall all of it. Let's just say that I'm confident that 'Beg!' would comfortably make it into my top three of terrible films, and would be a very strong contender for the title of Ultimate Crapfest.

I rather stupidly bought Beg! knowing nothing about the plot; having watched it over the course of three very painful evenings, I'm none the wiser, the story being an utterly incomprehensible mess. In fact, I'm seriously impressed that others here have even attempted to try and summarise the film, because I was totally lost from unfathomable start to completely confusing finish.

That a movie this bad even exists is hard for me to accept; that it hails from the UK makes me want to weep. Director Robert Golden clearly draws his inspiration from the weird and wonderful world of Jeunet and Caro, the dark horror of Argento, and even the gory absurdity of early Peter Jackson, but fails in every way to replicate their sense of style. Golden's interpretation is a gaudy, grimy concoction of ugly characters, awkward camera angles, art-house pretensions, terrible dialogue, and slapdash editing that is painful to behold.

Usually I try to find something positive to say about even the worst examples of cinema, but on this occasion I cannot; everyone involved should be deeply ashamed of the abomination they have helped to create and Beg! for forgiveness.